Good afternoon at the 9th off July, 2019

Good afternoon everyone.

I turn out not to weigh 180 killograms, like I thought, but 165 after to have weight myself at the FACT, (mental health care providing service.) It's about 15 kilograms less than I believed. I'm still way too fat. But I just can't set myself to truly loosing weight this year, I don't know what's with that. I haven't been on A new year's diet like I usually do for about A month after the hollidays. (Often that makes me loose about 5 to 7 kilograms, at one time even 10 in one month. I get enough off it in february, and usually the diet train doesn't hear from me for about one year after that. At one time I started to diet (science approved, according to A Dutch online programe provided by good science and supported by the government even. I got that reccomended by A hospital and I must say, it truly works if you stick yourself to it.) straight after the hollidays instead off starting in january.)

something tells me it's useless this year to even start A weight loss routine however. I think I'll try again this september. So what's there left to do for now? Simply not to care and planning to prepare A non-bake white chocolate cheesecake with A speculaas bottom. As seen on pinterest.

I am, however, A stately member off the depression train for this year so it seems. I'm busy working on A lot off issues from the past, I'm in serious therapy with A lot off things these months. good food helps me to keep it togheter in my head. Just like some need smoking or even worse (Which I don't support.) to keep them a bit more sane, I need food. Especially sweet foods. And prepairing sweet snacks makes me A bit Zen in my head, as cooking and baking are my favourite hobbies. I haven't done it as often as usuall lately. I eat my meals at 'de Boed.' because I'm also very lazy lately. I can't set myself to anything so it seems. 

I'm so depri I even got rid off being in love with 'Lars.' though I sometimes still think off him and get warm feelings, I believe my heavy process off working on everything and taking care off myself / putting myself first are more important for now. I believe 'Lars.' was some kind off A delusion. Remember people,  It's not healthy to cling on some cute stranger you've only seen once and imagining things around him. No matter how romantic that somehow feels. I'm lucky 'Lars.' hasn't read any off this and hasn't send A restraining order at me for all off this nonsense. I'm not stalking, I'm just very romantically imagining things about that man and decided to seek for him by placing it online, It sounds insane. If I was A man and I would find out about some lunatic having the hots for me this way, I'd keep my appropriate distance from them. And pretend they don't excist.

But somehow it's over and I feel more light in my mind when it comes to love. I need to get used to it being over. Though I feel depressed about so many other things, it's such A burden.

That's it for today, thank you for reading this personal weblog.

XXX-
Maaike.