Good evening at the 1st off October, 2026.

 Good evening, everyone. 

Today was cloudy yet warm outside. 

*

It almost feels like robbing my fellow client: An artwork where they laid their soul in simply to calm their mind, sold as a greeting card for one euro only, like all our postcards. But it comes in handy. 

This greeting card will be for a cousin's birthday. It's diamond painted nicely, and I have the idea they got the nerves to actually sell new cards like this in common shops for 5 euro's each to begin with. It's almost charity what we pull up with. But I wanted to show you. De Boed and it's handmade card artists always give me the opportunity to keep on sending greeting cards. For the last coin in my wallet. Or in this case, a bin for occasions like this. I love how they keep up with these, handmade gifts. I'm not capable to give otherwise. I used to love gifts, now it's occasions only. Life can be sometimes so giving, even for a poor woman like me. And I have to accept what's given in such circumstances. That's how it is nowadays, and how it's often been. I suppose they look down on everything later on, 'cause that's how they are. But for nowadays time and space, it's so generous how the universe keeps poor old me alive. 

  

I also made a semolina walnut pudding this weekend, it came out off it's pudding mold perfectly, It tasted perfect for what it was. I was a bit low on money, so I'm glad this treat came out so well. I also made a bread pudding with almonds from my pantry, from cheap ass 99 cents bread left over, but it tasted like Italian christmas. 

I felt inspiration for bread pudding by resembling a song in my mind, and the idea I should not waste old bread. It tasted perfectly, and I made a girl from care staff taste a piece. She loved it. So yes, bread and butter pudding not to waste old bread. It was delicious. Despite being low on money, I made it through. And I made semolina walnut with a hint off extra sugar before, but it did not come out as perfect. 

I also have a picture off a perfect ending for ripe bananas, banana custard pudding. 

In the United States, they fill these with waffers and top it with whipped cream, but I did not have access to them. So just pudding with bananas. It was a treat. 

It's a blessing to still be capable to bake this way. I'm a bit moody. So I deserve this. 

Allright, that's about it for now, 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 25th off August, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was modest weather. Not too hot, not too cold. I think it was just right. 

*

Today was for wrapping gifts. For Christmas. I purchased my family some cute Holland gifts. We're not extreme right-winged, but my mom loves those Holland souvenirs, since I live in this touristic area. 

I wrapped them with paper from the give away closet I found there previous year. But compared to this year, the Christmas gifts are not completely free. I purchased them myself, but I found them affordable for what it was. 

Next Item I wrapped, was my brother's birthday gift. An Octopus mobile, with dangling fish, handmade at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. Combined with a handmade keychain letter T (His capital) it will be his birthday gift this year. Childish? Probably, affordable? Yes. I hope he aproves off it. But we all still got a soft spot for the stuffed animal category. I just don't have a picture. Care staff took a lot off effort making these gift items. They are nice. 

I have quite an original take on wrapping items, I'm totally not good at it. But it's always done with love. It's handmade and heartfelt. I hope he likes it. It's just that it's some time untill October. And some time untill Christmas. So these gifts have to wait in here with me for a while. Luckily they don't spoil. It's not food or drinks. The motivation behind being early with gifts, is that sometimes I see something in a shop and I just 'Got to have it.!!!' Before it's gone, especially for family gifts. Right before it's out or someone else got aways with it. So I also purchased my capital key chains a bit ridiculously in time, just before someone else could 'steal.' them from under my nose. Usually I'm not that sharp. I'm not as sharp as I used to be, or greedy- not at all. I just can't afford being greedy. It's just that this gift-for-family makes me almost fight over a bargain. (Between you and me, these where bargains. But it's all I can afford for for gifts nowadays.) I'm somehow proud to have gifts for Christmas this year to begin with, it promises to be an expensive Holiday season. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 14th off August, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's about 30 degrees celcius outside. It's hot. 

*

I don't know if it excists yet, but Vana's sick moral preaching can come to a high point, where people start to gossip I'm a pedophile. Which I'm not. Those moral preachers, ready to beat everyone who isn't like them, settled and succeeded with two children, are actually jealouse off me and the way I make things happen for myself and in the home. 

Actually I'm a bit hopeless. I like blonde, cute, geeky men. I'm sorry, they could accuse me off being a fascist, since you're supposed to be blonde. I'm tolerant, but my personal preference in men isn't. I accept all kinds off people, but for interest, only the cutest and the coolest and the fairest off them all. Natasha Marchall would call me a fascist for choosing blonde men over Faust, but that simply is what it is. I'm not a phedophile, I just think the moral preachers are self righteous assholes, over knitting patterns on winter sweaters. Being single for a lifetime, (I actually can't get the guy) and being a simple geek myself. I'm mentally handicapped and prude. And when it comes to the Fantasy scene, a little shy. It makes it so easy to start a filthy gossip about me. But I would not have it with a child. That's a rumor too much about me. Shame on them who claim that. 

Allright, back to your caves. 

That's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 12th off August, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's a warm summer night, guided by an eclipse. But it's not visible. 

*

I have signs that the Ukraine war will last for a while. It's no science, it can't be backed up by science, but I doubt this will be the year for it's end. I wish it was common sense to claim it's actuall end, but I would look like an ass if that goes wrong. I should not claim it, but I believed it was 2028. 

And no, no change in Dutch government could stop it earlier, it just keeps the country moving more decent than populists. Like what most people actually want. To be honest, I like the current prime minister. He looks young and tolerable. I hope this will last, it would be so bad for the country to change parliament time and time again. I hope it will stick for a while this time. A little peace off mind for the government would do it good. 

I feel not much can be done about crisis in the current time off Saturn in Aries, up untill 2028, and we just have to sit it out. I don't fear it. It is what it is, though people should brush their teeth and look after their appearances again, if we don't want to make a bad figure to the government like this. I have been poor for over 20 years without bad grooming. It's an insult- Be poor, don't groom. But that's my opinion. How do you come to think poverty means we should not groom and look ratchet? I avoided that for years, and nowadays I find it so stupid from other people. I mean, I have been on governmental wages and no income for ages, but ugly? Not off my concern. You can still look neat if you play it smart. It's my poor woman pride that hates people looking insanely ungroomed due to the economy. 

But nevertless, this crisis not something to fear if you can owe up. Not much will change, except prices for everything will increase and it's evil. It's threatening, and maybe that's what they're after. Life threatening to not being capable to owe up for health care and food. I think people already died from it. But I can't see it changing soon. The future for these two years is kinda unfortunate for the main population. I can't paint the picture more bright. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

And I would like to end this weblog with a picture off a small sailboat on the raft, nearby a local historical spot. It was such a lovely picture. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good morning at the 9th off July, 2.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning promises to become sunny. 

*

Recently I purchased the key chain for my youngest brothers' birthday, a capital T, made by the handcraft team at de Boed in Zaandijk. 

I already gift wrapped it, but it's for October. He will also get an octopus mobile, handmade at de Boed. It's a mobile with an octopus on top and fish hanging onto it. It will be pictured, and then I'll also wrap that. Wrapping paper from HEMA's. Party animals, with all kinds off pets with birthday party hats. Shown on the gift is a red cat. The octopus mobile was only 10 euro's. It's cool to be capable to still afford that. I just hope it doesn't do short to him and he likes it. I'm happy I can still afford birthday gifts. To others they may seem impossible these days. Aside to greeting cards. de Boed has them, handmade and 1 euro each only. it's not such a splurge with them. I'm thankfull. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 9th off July, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

Tonight it's mildly warm and clear outside. 

*

This is a bush of hand made flowers from de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. It's brown flowers. Usually flowers only brown when they're death, but I found these where so pretty, and very cool for their kind. de Boed comes up with very unusual and original flowers, but it's so awesome for them to be capable to make these, and I let all off them make into a bush, combined with some 'green.' 7,50 euro's- an amount you used to pay at an average flower shop for such a bush. I think it will end up at mom's birthday. Mom has her birthday at November, but I got these allready. They're made from bended pipe cleaners in all colours off the rainbow. de Boed is very creative and outstanding with these. I also got her a keychain, a capital Epoxy Raisin B. Made at de Boed, community centre for people from Leviaan in Zaandijk. 2,50 euro's a keychain and it has most capitals. 

  

The keychains are very pretty, but soon in October, my brother has his birthday, and after November, my entire family got one. I usually wrap these keychains. But then I have to find new gifts. 😏 They where acceptable for their price. I wrapped with old wrapping paper I had on stock allready all the time. 

I have the sad news that I'm going to save out on mom's box off chocolates for her birthday. Not very fancy, but I found chocolates too expensive. It's these flowers instead. It's not November yet, but translated from Dutch the proverb says: 'I can already see the rainshower hanging.' (Above a box off chocolates.) So I'm saving it out. I hope she can take it well, she is always so fond off her chocolates. Her chocolates where handmade from a real local chocolate shop. So it became impossibly priced these years. It's fake flowers in the shade off chocolate. I hope she can take that. 

de Boed is a perfect soutce for affordable gifts, especially when economics don't work with, and everything is impossibly priced. Our handcrafted gifts are still budget friendly. And I'm proud it's made perfect by the handcraft team. It's such an outcome for gifts and greeting cards. 1 euro a handmade card, 3,75 euro's for my handmade necklaces, and 1,50 euro's  for a bracelet. I picked up on jewelry making again. I found new materials this week, and the possibility to create earrings. 

    

They wheren't scurvey with the materials this time, and they where proud off what I made off it. These butterfly earrings will be 3,50 euro's a pair. They found them extremely pretty and worthit the big price. The materials where so pretty. I work with their materials, but I don't gain any financial profit out off it myself, except being creatively active at a daycare centre. It's a bit sad. I have barely money to eat this week, but my creativity roars due to their new materials. I can live, but thanks to others. It's a bit off comfort in dark days to be capable to be so nicely creative. It's just a pity people don't buy these. It's actually piling a bit up in our shop. I hope we find costumers for my jewelry. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.         

Good evening at the 6th off July, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's moldy, hot and humid... but maybe I'm just overheated after some green tea.

*

I learned a tough lesson from the past: I can't change the world, and I can't change politics. My voice is a waste. I can't speek openly and freely among real life people on here, and little information comes in. We're just in a mental health organisation, which provides us homes and which is supposed to take good care off us, -which could be better.- But I'm not death myself. I'm alive. I eat, because I can cook, and I'm clean because I can wash myself. Fellow clients do harder. They do bad at self-care. Staff should take that upon them better, but they change staff members all the time. And a lot off fellow clients are so weak, they die all the time. It's difficult. Lack off care, smoking, badly fed, unhygienic homes. Self-care and discipline are life safers in here, but mental health clients are often so bad at it. The public sees us as tramps. And look down upon us. It has a bad reputation. Like, the lowest you can have in modern society. 

I'm a young woman, I do basic care, but bare basic. That's due to insights in future guidelines about how this should be done, but most fellow clients don't have those. They die. Or grow slumber. I have an opinion? The world does not care. I'm very vivid in my interests compared to the rest off them. Most off them don't like broad minded interests. They can't compete, it's impossible. I wish for a more broad minded companion, someone to discuss books, foods or other subjects with. Most off them even have never swimmed in the North Sea. If I ask them, they answer a bit whimsical. 'Have you ever swimmed in the North Sea?' And usually it's no, because they are afraid off jellyfish. I come from an area off the county where swimming in the sea is more common. And usually it's not jellyfish that's the issue. But they already see it as somehthing unhinged to have swimmed in the sea. I used to do more beach walks in my youth, also with my family. But I'm too weak nowadays. And the beach is too far off. It's a bit the level what it's on. But us, mental patients, we are terribly weak and we can't handle much. Discussions are out off the picture, simply to keep the air clear, and the moods about me a bit more positive. I'm a coward, but this is Leviaan, not the parliament. People come here to seek rest. They do know I'm very broad minded and widely interested in the world, and that's all they know. 

For cases like this, there is the internet, but I often feel it's useless what I do. Nobody cares, I feel unseen and I make such a fool out off myself on places where people are kept under the thumb. I think it hasn't helped very much, I just got in here, in the mental nursery home. Where I should not lose it. But I can't help it. Sometimes I see the news, think off previous people and think: 'Karma is a Bitch!' Laugh to myself about it, and go on. Some things are better not be taken with a limb off salt. I don't know how it has worked out to those people, but honest, I don't want to be after everyone's ass after what they have done to me. I can't, I won't. I someone dies it's their problem. I probably don't even know about it if it has already happened. But here I am, owed up for, paid for, clean and healthy, and even pretty (Without make-up) according to beauty standards. I can't care about back then, because even my health doesn't allow me to go back to that place. I got mental attacks for over-thinking about it. So, no. It's more calm when I let it be. Better for my health. So, I don't know anything.  Nothing, but that prices for groceries are expensive, and that I still love that one blonde bird on the nest that's not mine. It's such a handsome bird, but they did not allow me to own it. To get close was even impossible. Vana Events kept on shoving me Faust in the face. But honest, even if the cute bird dies, I can't care. I can only care for the close surrounding. Politics are a bit out off my mind. 

Allright, that's about it for now- thank you for reading.