Good evening everyone,
It's moldy, hot and humid... but maybe I'm just overheated after some green tea.
*
I learned a tough lesson from the past: I can't change the world, and I can't change politics. My voice is a waste. I can't speek openly and freely among real life people on here, and little information comes in. We're just in a mental health organisation, which provides us homes and which is supposed to take good care off us, -which could be better.- But I'm not death myself. I'm alive. I eat, because I can cook, and I'm clean because I can wash myself. Fellow clients do harder. They do bad at self-care. Staff should take that upon them better, but they change staff members all the time. And a lot off fellow clients are so weak, they die all the time. It's difficult. Lack off care, smoking, badly fed, unhygienic homes. Self-care and discipline are life safers in here, but mental health clients are often so bad at it. The public sees us as tramps. And look down upon us. It has a bad reputation. Like, the lowest you can have in modern society.
I'm a young woman, I do basic care, but bare basic. That's due to insights in future guidelines about how this should be done, but most fellow clients don't have those. They die. Or grow slumber. I have an opinion? The world does not care. I'm very vivid in my interests compared to the rest off them. Most off them don't like broad minded interests. They can't compete, it's impossible. I wish for a more broad minded companion, someone to discuss books, foods or other subjects with. Most off them even have never swimmed in the North Sea. If I ask them, they answer a bit whimsical. 'Have you ever swimmed in the North Sea?' And usually it's no, because they are afraid off jellyfish. I come from an area off the county where swimming in the sea is more common. And usually it's not jellyfish that's the issue. But they already see it as somehthing unhinged to have swimmed in the sea. I used to do more beach walks in my youth, also with my family. But I'm too weak nowadays. And the beach is too far off. It's a bit the level what it's on. But us, mental patients, we are terribly weak and we can't handle much. Discussions are out off the picture, simply to keep the air clear, and the moods about me a bit more positive. I'm a coward, but this is Leviaan, not the parliament. People come here to seek rest. They do know I'm very broad minded and widely interested in the world, and that's all they know.
For cases like this, there is the internet, but I often feel it's useless what I do. Nobody cares, I feel unseen and I make such a fool out off myself on places where people are kept under the thumb. I think it hasn't helped very much, I just got in here, in the mental nursery home. Where I should not lose it. But I can't help it. Sometimes I see the news, think off previous people and think: 'Karma is a Bitch!' Laugh to myself about it, and go on. Some things are better not be taken with a limb off salt. I don't know how it has worked out to those people, but honest, I don't want to be after everyone's ass after what they have done to me. I can't, I won't. I someone dies it's their problem. I probably don't even know about it if it has already happened. But here I am, owed up for, paid for, clean and healthy, and even pretty (Without make-up) according to beauty standards. I can't care about back then, because even my health doesn't allow me to go back to that place. I got mental attacks for over-thinking about it. So, no. It's more calm when I let it be. Better for my health. So, I don't know anything. Nothing, but that prices for groceries are expensive, and that I still love that one blonde bird on the nest that's not mine. It's such a handsome bird, but they did not allow me to own it. To get close was even impossible. Vana Events kept on shoving me Faust in the face. But honest, even if the cute bird dies, I can't care. I can only care for the close surrounding. Politics are a bit out off my mind.
Allright, that's about it for now- thank you for reading.
