Good morning everyone,
This morning promises to become sunny.
*
Recently I purchased the key chain for my youngest brothers' birthday, a capital T, made by the handcraft team at de Boed in Zaandijk.
Good morning everyone,
Tonight it's mildly warm and clear outside.
*
This is a bush of hand made flowers from de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. It's brown flowers. Usually flowers only brown when they're death, but I found these where so pretty, and very cool for their kind. de Boed comes up with very unusual and original flowers, but it's so awesome for them to be capable to make these, and I let all off them make into a bush, combined with some 'green.' 7,50 euro's- an amount you used to pay at an average flower shop for such a bush. I think it will end up at mom's birthday. Mom has her birthday at November, but I got these allready. They're made from bended pipe cleaners in all colours off the rainbow. de Boed is very creative and outstanding with these. I also got her a keychain, a capital Epoxy Raisin B. Made at de Boed, community centre for people from Leviaan in Zaandijk. 2,50 euro's a keychain and it has most capitals.
The keychains are very pretty, but soon in October, my brother has his birthday, and after November, my entire family got one. I usually wrap these keychains. But then I have to find new gifts. 😏 They where acceptable for their price. I wrapped with old wrapping paper I had on stock allready all the time.
I have the sad news that I'm going to save out on mom's box off chocolates for her birthday. Not very fancy, but I found chocolates too expensive. It's these flowers instead. It's not November yet, but translated from Dutch the proverb says: 'I can already see the rainshower hanging.' (Above a box off chocolates.) So I'm saving it out. I hope she can take it well, she is always so fond off her chocolates. Her chocolates where handmade from a real local chocolate shop. So it became impossibly priced these years. It's fake flowers in the shade off chocolate. I hope she can take that.
de Boed is a perfect soutce for affordable gifts, especially when economics don't work with, and everything is impossibly priced. Our handcrafted gifts are still budget friendly. And I'm proud it's made perfect by the handcraft team. It's such an outcome for gifts and greeting cards. 1 euro a handmade card, 3,75 euro's for my handmade necklaces, and 1,50 euro's for a bracelet. I picked up on jewelry making again. I found new materials this week, and the possibility to create earrings.
They wheren't scurvey with the materials this time, and they where proud off what I made off it. These butterfly earrings will be 3,50 euro's a pair. They found them extremely pretty and worthit the big price. The materials where so pretty. I work with their materials, but I don't gain any financial profit out off it myself, except being creatively active at a daycare centre. It's a bit sad. I have barely money to eat this week, but my creativity roars due to their new materials. I can live, but thanks to others. It's a bit off comfort in dark days to be capable to be so nicely creative. It's just a pity people don't buy these. It's actually piling a bit up in our shop. I hope we find costumers for my jewelry.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good evening everyone,
It's moldy, hot and humid... but maybe I'm just overheated after some green tea.
*
I learned a tough lesson from the past: I can't change the world, and I can't change politics. My voice is a waste. I can't speek openly and freely among real life people on here, and little information comes in. We're just in a mental health organisation, which provides us homes and which is supposed to take good care off us, -which could be better.- But I'm not death myself. I'm alive. I eat, because I can cook, and I'm clean because I can wash myself. Fellow clients do harder. They do bad at self-care. Staff should take that upon them better, but they change staff members all the time. And a lot off fellow clients are so weak, they die all the time. It's difficult. Lack off care, smoking, badly fed, unhygienic homes. Self-care and discipline are life safers in here, but mental health clients are often so bad at it. The public sees us as tramps. And look down upon us. It has a bad reputation. Like, the lowest you can have in modern society.
I'm a young woman, I do basic care, but bare basic. That's due to insights in future guidelines about how this should be done, but most fellow clients don't have those. They die. Or grow slumber. I have an opinion? The world does not care. I'm very vivid in my interests compared to the rest off them. Most off them don't like broad minded interests. They can't compete, it's impossible. I wish for a more broad minded companion, someone to discuss books, foods or other subjects with. Most off them even have never swimmed in the North Sea. If I ask them, they answer a bit whimsical. 'Have you ever swimmed in the North Sea?' And usually it's no, because they are afraid off jellyfish. I come from an area off the county where swimming in the sea is more common. And usually it's not jellyfish that's the issue. But they already see it as somehthing unhinged to have swimmed in the sea. I used to do more beach walks in my youth, also with my family. But I'm too weak nowadays. And the beach is too far off. It's a bit the level what it's on. But us, mental patients, we are terribly weak and we can't handle much. Discussions are out off the picture, simply to keep the air clear, and the moods about me a bit more positive. I'm a coward, but this is Leviaan, not the parliament. People come here to seek rest. They do know I'm very broad minded and widely interested in the world, and that's all they know.
For cases like this, there is the internet, but I often feel it's useless what I do. Nobody cares, I feel unseen and I make such a fool out off myself on places where people are kept under the thumb. I think it hasn't helped very much, I just got in here, in the mental nursery home. Where I should not lose it. But I can't help it. Sometimes I see the news, think off previous people and think: 'Karma is a Bitch!' Laugh to myself about it, and go on. Some things are better not be taken with a limb off salt. I don't know how it has worked out to those people, but honest, I don't want to be after everyone's ass after what they have done to me. I can't, I won't. I someone dies it's their problem. I probably don't even know about it if it has already happened. But here I am, owed up for, paid for, clean and healthy, and even pretty (Without make-up) according to beauty standards. I can't care about back then, because even my health doesn't allow me to go back to that place. I got mental attacks for over-thinking about it. So, no. It's more calm when I let it be. Better for my health. So, I don't know anything. Nothing, but that prices for groceries are expensive, and that I still love that one blonde bird on the nest that's not mine. It's such a handsome bird, but they did not allow me to own it. To get close was even impossible. Vana Events kept on shoving me Faust in the face. But honest, even if the cute bird dies, I can't care. I can only care for the close surrounding. Politics are a bit out off my mind.
Allright, that's about it for now- thank you for reading.
Good afternoon everyone,
Today it's muddy and sunny.
*
It's a matter off surviving. The upcoming next period, and it's extreme prices, and mainly: The almost characteristic flow and energy off this country. It's very negative. I get by, still. I get by, I live, I dress myself, I clean, I eat food, I drink water. I'm alive. But it's hard.
My beauty standards and rituals have turned down to basic, on the level off middle eastern. Simply natural but groomed to acceptable. Clean and washed, but undyed. And no make-up, but still- good skin, a smooth face and home plucked eyebrows, and I hope I don't smell bad. I spray perfume behind my ears, still. I still got it on a birthday discount, I do a whole year with a bottle. I think I can still pass for the approval off elders. That's mainly why I'm tidy and clean. Since I'm in a care home with mainly an elder audience. I refuse to let myself go out off poverty or protest. It's how I've always done it. And it works for me. I still eat healthy and I'm still clean. It's not for being cool, not for statement, not because I can't afford- but for my sweet old fellow clients. And offcourse, care staff. I can't let myself go like some stupid street idiot. I still brush my teeth, dress tidy and wash. I feel it's better. It's how I do. I don't do make-up, but I still make the best out off myself. It's still possible. Despite not buying the latest trends in clothes. I look a bit cheap, being all natural and a bit fizzy. Beauty based on the mediteranean, and thank god I got the eyebrows for it. Otherwise my face would be ugly and bald. And undyed hair- It looks stupid, but I have to deal with it, still, I'm naturally a cool blonde close to brown, and not grey yet. My main concern is to keep it fresh.
Being sober is not looked down upon by elders, being badly dressed is. I can't behave like street scum, it's also against my personal norms. Compared to them we're almost posh, compared to rich people, we're almost trash. It's such extreme others in the outside world. And fellow clients from a younger generation are usually poor, and badly dressed out off poverty and bad hygiene. I feel with them. But I'm against populair behaviour off being unwashed. Being washed in this place is almost sacred, since they all wish they where capable to be more clean. It's a basic human need. I'm against the current trend. I'm against people being filthy and unwashed.
Somehow, I think after this crisis is done, I think we will be displayed to immense greed again, and people being clean and arrogant with something they better owed up a cheaper substitute for during crisis, for hygiene sake. There's nothing wrong with that, to stink it like a horse out off it's mouth is worse. I got the luck I'm still capable to be acceptable clean. I don't like the unwashed trend among young and hip and happening people. I'm almost stuck up proud off how I'm doing it. It's my opinion.
So, yeah, that's how I'm doing. I'm not going to FAUN, it's over-prickling for my senses, so I'm trying to sell my ticket. It's not happening, I wonder if it will sell at all. Over-prickling, bad energy in the air since they can all drink my blood, and I can't keep up with being an evening out. So I canceled. Haters gonna hate.
Still, with a bit off make-up when I'm out, I do nude lipstick then. And a mascara look, nothing too strong, something that suits me. It's natural enough to be cheap. And only when I go out, otherwise it's no make-up, and just a good face oil and face wash. I don't believe in plamour. I believe in natural glamour. And simply deal with what nature gave you. But clean. It's how to deal with crisis in my opinion. I can still be out on the streets with it, I'm good enough. I can deal with it. Life is not over. But let's hope peace will be here soon, so others can live aswell.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good morning everyone,
It's cold and rainy outside on this dark, stormy night.
*
de Boed has something new, beautifull, tropicall flowers made by the handcraft team from raglan cleaners. Bold coloured raglan cleaners, folded into pretty, pretty flowers. And they're real works off art, not half as expensive as the flower shop.
Have you ever seen a minth coloured flower like that? I purchased two off these bushes as gifts, for my mother and my grandmother. Boed gifts are still affordable. All the other shops are as good as impossible, but the handcraft team is still a place to go for greeting cards and beautifull gifts. Silly and frumpy as they might appear to normal people, or under better economical circumstances. I always love to give and be a bit generous, but it's been made impossible by the current costs off everything. So I put on the hat off Iet Petite, and be generous with their hand made items on birthdays and occacions. And the upbring is for them. So it's usually worthit every euro. And not too expensive. These flowers where 3,50 euro's a bush. Modern flower shops are almost sucking blood for standard bushes off flowers, so these are a perfect alternative, as long as they're there. I should cut it, before I start to sound like a commercial, but I'm happy with these. They're beautifull!
Also, I do my fine share in filling their gift shop with items I made myself. This week was for a necklace with beautifull green beads
There are so much nice people who are fan off my works. Sometimes I do sell an item, though the tree rack is still a bit full. It makes me proud to see them hanging in the shop's window. On a tree- shaped rack, it's on the branches. It's really lovely. It's something totally cool to be actually sold there.
I had remarkable delusions about people being a fan off the long green beads I work with recently, and them being totally sold out somewhere, so they can use them themselves to make items. I had a market stand with beads piled like fruits on my mind. I've never seen anything like it. But I can't figure out, so I think I'm a bit over-acting on these fans. But it would be cool. A market stand with beads sold like that, is never seen before. Usually these come in tiny sachets or pots. It's not like they would scoop them like candy like that. But it's what I came to think. I'm glad these beads come for free at de Boed's creativity room. I just can't owe up for work I made myself. But it's the creative process that matters here. That's why it can be sold for cheap. It's such a beautifull concept.
Allright, that's about it for now -
Thank you for reading.
To: Aubridge Coppers and The History Team
Dear Aubrey,
Most people in your videos have offspring who signed them up for a resemblance in your history videos about the 21st century, I don't. But I enjoy the show, I have seen your videos in my dreams, I would like to assign work to it.
I have several food video's and pictures on my facebook and my blog is full off stories for Vintage Belle and The War Era. I think I won't live long enough or be capable to sign up for them in this life, or let anyone else do it for me. So I write you ahead. It's important. I know the cause off the war, and I'm a poor Vintage Belle myself. I would like to be in The Very Best You Can Have, aside to all off the side video's you make about the war. I have numerous off material, fit for it. It would do such justice if you would add silly wee me to it. I'm a big fan already, and I'm proud you do justice to the cause. Finally.
This century is a race I probably won't outrun. But I'd like to say, I adjusted my two cents to the cause. I would like you to do right to all these wrongs. Please, feel free to search through my Facebook and my blog, and use whatever can be off use. It has such big meaning to me, It has my blessing.
Yours sincerely,
Maaike de Vries.
Good evening everyone,
It's beautifull and sunny outside.
*
Today at creative activities, I made this bracelet. It turned out pretty, and it will be for sale at de Boed's shop. The entire profit will go to de Boed. I don't earn from it myself. It's done with their materials.
It's pretty cool to see them for sale at de Boed's shop, though not much is sold. I think most people don't even have money for those. And a lot off people can't find their way to our giftshop. It's kinda hidden. It would be awesome if we'd actually have more clients with money, or costumers who get by to begin with.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
This is a picture off a bracelet I made recently, it worked out pretty cool.
And this is what it looks like when they hang your jewelry on a rack in a small store. It's really awesome.
I also finished this pretty little bracelet, it's for sale at de Boed's shop. All upbring will be for them.
I just wanted to flaunt a bit with these. My inspiration to make jewelry softly came back.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good morning everyone,
It's gloomy and dark tonight.
*
Mensen hebben het te veel over 'Van goede huize.' komen, en scheppen op over afkomst die ze helemaal niet hebben, of doen alsof ze belangrijk zijn en gaan op hun strepen staan met gegoede manieren die niet van hun voorouders komen, maar uit hun eigen kop, waarin ze zichzelf wel heel erg belangrijk wanen.
Maar laat me je dit vertellen: Er is niks mis met van gewone maar gedegen huize komen, en opgevoed zijn door wat gewone mensen. Vooral als je wat aan je opvoeding hebt, en de gewone mensen echt om je geven, en je handige dingen geleerd hebben. 'Van goede huize.' En er dan arrogant of nep bij zitten, met alleen het recht op een grote mond, is eigenlijk een beetje vulgair. 'Wat dat dan ook inhoud?'
Je mag best trots zijn op je voorouders, je ouders of je komaf, als je het maar een beetje normaal houd, en niet overdrijft, en je hoeft je ook niet te schamen als men gewoon was in jouw familie. Nergens voor nodig om ergens dik over te doen.
Ik kan me beroepen op gegoede voorouders, en een gewone boeren huize met een dorpse achtergrond. Dat is wat het is, niet meer dan dat. Ze waren vroeger gegoed, maar toen ik geboren werd waren het gewone mensen. En er is niks mis mee. Mensen zouden dankbaar moeten zijn voor normale dingen, dat het er is. Want zelfs het normale is niet vanzelfsprekend. En het heeft me met liefde opgevoed. Dat kan ook niet iedereen zeggen. 'Van gegoede huize.' word zo eigenlijk wel heel gewoon. Of iets om mee op te scheppen. Een stok om mee te slaan. En dat is niet altijd terecht.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good evening everyone,
It's been a changing yet dreary day in The Netherlands.
*
This week, I made this necklace at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, The Netherlands. And it will be for sale in their gift shop. I'm a bit more creative lately. At times, I got really inspired. I also designed tulip postcards. Also for sale in their gift shop
They found my tulips very pretty. It's available to be send for everyone interested. My grandma is the biggest fan, she purchased the entire set. And the previous jewelry set has been sold. It's getting somewhere, people think I make pretty items. Inspiration is sacred.
Aside from creativity, (With their materials, let's be honest, I could never afford that myself. And I personally don't profit from it, the upbring is entirely for their small gift shop) I'm a bit down in spirit, a bit more unstable and sensitive. I'm happy creativity flows, so it can breathe a little. But it's not easy. This time is not easy. I'm over-thinking and overly sensitive. It can be a bit hyper in my mind. Life is beautifull, but things are insanely painfull, and sometimes I try to figure out mankind, but it usually hurts and I still don't have a clue. Mankind is cruel. Difficult... I wish for a better climate in it, but it feels impossible. I'm so gratefull for Leviaan. They keep me standing while I would break from it otherwise. Leviaan is the care home organisation I live in. It hurts big time, always having people against me, and the world being so cruel. It feels lonesome. Inspiration feels gratefull. Or so to say, I feel gratefull for inspiration. The card set's name is Zaandijk Beltaine, but I think they won't accept, and I did not make it the official name. Tulips at the month off may, with the sun in Taurus and the moon in Scorpio and the Beltaine energy in the air off floral Zaandijk feels magic. Almost given from the gods. The fairies out and the garden off our place being so beautifull, covered in flowers with the cherry blossoms out. It's god given. It looks magical, and it makes me feel gratefull to be alive. People might think it's a bit out off place, ancient magic and typical Dutch floral beauty, but I think it connects perfectly when it's out in the month when it's supposed to blossom. It's spectaculair. Everything else goes backwards and is impossible nowadays, but the gardens bloom lovely. Nature is inspiring, and gives strength. It doesn't withhold answers, sometimes it's what I overthink myself, what comes to me, and it becomes how I personally see things and how I think about things. I'm a bit phillosophicall. It triggers both and makes me come to interesting conclusions at the same time. It might be a little bit strange, weird little me... Overthinking is difficult. To keep a bit off track off life, I like to keep things simple in life. Simple, yet meaningfull... Everything else is already complicated. It's easily a bit too much with everything going on in my head. And it hurts... litterally. I always have headaches from overthinking. It's why I'm in here. Life is difficult to figure out. I wish I could find a clue. But probably, it's impossible, and that's why I'm in here. Due to an over-active mind.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
I handcrafted these myself, a necklace and a bracelet, from random inspiration, just out off nowhere, just the memory off making jewelry, and the inspiration off the materials they had made me do it. It's been ages since I made jewelry. These are for sale at de Boed's shop.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good evening everyone,
Today was changing, mostly rain and grey.
*
Somewhere in May, I have an aunt celebrating her birthday, she is off old age. I made them make a capital N key chain for her birthday:
It's made by de Boed's handcraft team. It's the first letter off her name, and I wrapped it:
It's done with old wrapping paper, and I'm still not good at wrapping, but it's done with love. I'm about to give this with a bush off pink roses. At least, that's the intention. If I'm not fit enough, I will send it by post. Often I feel unstable, so the trip to go there can be quite irresponsible. Still, I wish to go. I haven't been there in years. I hope she appreciates.
Lately, I haven't got much to mention. Life goes by, I'm still alive.
Allright, that's about it for now, thank you for reading!
Good morning everyone,
It's rainy and cloudy outside tonight.
*
I did not feel like sleeping, I could not catch sleep anymore, and I giftwrapped my brother's birthday present. The crocodile plushie from two posts ago.
It's not done tidy, but like I said, I'm not good at it, but still it's fun to giftwrap presents and hand them like that. It's a bit unpersonal to just push stuff in someone's hands and claim it's a birthday gift. I think it's better when they're wrapped. It's just that my brother's birthday is actually in June, so I'm early with this. I wish to adjust a handmade capital keychain from de Boed to it. Though I also think they're not manly, so they might not fit for a man. So it's a matter off doubt about it. And maybe I just let it, since I think my brothers won't be charmed off it.
This country has elections all the time, how are they about to govern the country to begin with when power is elected again and again all the time? I think you can't work out long term plans when the government does not function, and the people off control always end two years before it's going to happen. In the end, nothing is actually done about problems. It's something that's on my mind. It happens all the time in this country lately. It's always elections, and nothing is done about real problems. And meanwhile the people are stuck with it. It's problematic, but it's not solved. Something to think off.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good morning everyone,
Today is a bright morning in spring.
*
I purchased an Easter gift for my family, and I wrapped it. It's a handmade wooden charm from de Boed, and it's 1,50 euro's only. Coffee service did not take place today, due to lack off staff. Still I fixed them a kettle off coffee and bought their gift. The kettle is for the creativity participation where they handcraft items, that was open. But public coffee time could not take place.
And this is how I wrapped it, it's kinda messy, but it's cute. It's how I wrap, I'm not good at it, but I still do it this way. It's always straight from the heart. I think the elders bale most from coffee time not taking place. For them it's most difficult, just like for the fellow clients. They always crave those coffee moments. I hope it won't happen again, but there are so many sick people, it's impossible to be certain.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good morning everyone,
This morning is mild for late winter when it comes to weather.
*
Yesterday I purchased my oldest brother's birthday present, he's only two years younger than me, and he has his birthday in June. I felt it was a good idea, given it was on a discount, so it was 7 euro's only. Not that I don't value my brother, it's just that during this time and day, I found it acceptable for a birthday gift. I still have birthday wrapping paper on the shelves, so it will be well-ment and straight from the heart.
It's a fat crocodile dragon plushie. It's very big and stuffy, and I think it's a funny present. Some time ago, I went a bit overboard in my opinion wrapping paper shopping, you could only order four rolls. But now that comes in handy, since I still have it for Mr. crocodile. I'm a bit sober with gifts, a bit frugal in my opinion. But I hope they forgive me that.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good afternoon everyone,
Today is cold and grey in The Netherlands.
*
I already set up my Easter Branch, and other Easter decorations, very cute, very deliberate early. I was pretty early with my Easter Branch, it has all kinds off decorations from previous year onto it, and it's in an old vase.
It's snowing outside at times. It's still February, but we got an early Easter.
I'm in a phase off over-reactive acting, I'm not myself, I'm hyper-energetic, doing all sorts off things, over-shopping, spending too much money. It's not good for me. I already foresee it's going to go wrong with me one day, and I should take it easy instead. Take it more calmly, simply not over-do things. I'm off minded and I believe I'm delusional. I'm acting weird. I can't sleep well at night, this morning was for 02.00 AM awake, and 05.00 AM showering. It's like that, -Like that. I know more psychiatric patients got this. My head is crowded, too full to read novells or write poetry. I try to cook simple yet healthy receipes to set off my mind, like apple sauce and tomato soup. I do a lot, but it's not much off a set off. It's over-reactive and strange. Like with this, it's hard and close to obsessive. Not preferable. I got a strange tense. I have to take it more easy. Like a stressed chicken.
I'm already proud I got my Easter decorations on, it's early, but last year I did not do so at all. Out off some sort off grump. Maybe I do feel a bit guilty about that. Luckily the Elders still like what I cook, Often I cook for my friend, the retired zookeeper, he says my food is delicious. The tomato soup got approved off, luckily I'm not so far off I don't know what I'm doing in the kitchen anymore. But cooking every day would be too much to handle. I'm lucky to live in a care home. It's done for me three times a week. And they make delicious foods. Life is tough, but it's manageable.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good morning everyone,
Today it's freezing cold with snow on the streets.
*
It's monsters! It's irresistable, fuzzy, cozy, fluffy green and purple HEMA hug-monsters!
That's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good evening everyone,
Today was grey and gloomy in general.
*
Not much off a man in sight... No one really watches.... it's always been the same... But hence, this year my mom will be my Valentine. I purchased a handmade gift from de Boed for her, I haven't visited in a long time, and soon I'm about to visit.
This cute heart was handmade by the handcraft team at de Boed, a small community centre in The Netherlands, specialized in psychiatric patients. It's small, it was 1,50 euro's only, but it's heartfelt. I think it's one off the best items in it's price class.
I wrapped it with wrapping paper from my storage room. It's been in there for quite long. And offcourse it's a mess, since I'm bad at wrapping, but it's always done with love. and hence, I did not even have heart- themed or valentine themed wrapping paper. But maybe for a mom, this is suitable. I think mom will like it, (or heart it😉) De Boed's gift shop is perfect for a small budget. It's Iet Petite's Valentines day. But I got a small, deep brown suspicion it's appreciated.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good morning everyone,
It's dark and cold outside.
*
I'm in a period where I'm not doing well. My mental state is pretty lame at the moment, I suspect I'm severe delusional at the moment. It's not really going well. I had to take emergency medication for two times now. I think I'm spied upon in the computer all the time, but what the hell are they looking for in my system? And one off these spies is familiair.... honesty, my docuents are pretty lame, and behind - I can't afford a good windows version for several years, so it's a bit crap they're after when they are after something artistic I've made. Not really sane. It's a bit off a household computer. It's not off importance in my opinion for the far wide world what's on. But the rats in the attic ('Geouwehoer op zolder.' Zoals dat in het Nederlands heet.) better stay away, or something in me is not right. The idea makes me unstable. I'm a mental patient, I think I have vermin in the computer. It's good enough for a ton off delusions and haunting scenario's my mind makes about it. But what the hell is after sick old me? To be honest, I think it even can't do damage if they're after this old crap.
Thoughts... Thoughts... I'm over-thinking on it, and on heavy medication for it. More emergency medication since it's not handy to me. It's asking too much off me to handle something does that. I should get a clue on how to keep them out, but it's difficult. They are NOT welcome.
Either that, or I could use a good amount off help. It's at that state off being. I'm not doing well from it. but I would not expect them to be after me. It looks delusional. How to stay sane despite this? And Who the Hell cares about my documents? I suspect them to be after my documents, but they won't find anything in there. Let me tell them that ahead. Most off it is creative content and old. It's stupid to be after that.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good morning everyone,
It's cold and cloudy outside.
*
I'm Hekate's apprentice, She knew what to do with me, Love and motherhood godesses are a diffrent kind. I'm not like most women, I'm diffrent, I have been following a dark path and got many scars. I'm not much off a love goddess. I would call upon Venus, and it feels like I have to get to know it a bit better. It's not like it's easy with me.
When it's Valentine's day, I rather would work in the kitchen to set my mind off off things, and make world's best creamy mustard soup, quark taarten or perfect cookies, and not feel it that much. When you work, you do not feel it so much. It's not a big deal to work a kitchen for 28 people, create magic with food or enchant the crowd at fantasy events, but to have a boyfriend? Oh, help- That's not my department. I'm stupid when it comes to that. I'm NOT easy.
It's always been my wish to bake my love a batch off Valentine's cookies. I have been over-posting an image off home made love cookies around some time, but it never came to it. 'De liefde van de man gaat door de maag.' Like they say, Or at least the lonely hearts club at de Boed has a treat. I'm desperately stupid when it comes to seduction. Not that I'm unatractive- I have rumors on my ass that I'm too ugly for love, but let's be honest, it just never worked a certain way. Pluto in Capricorn era made me work my ass off for a certain standard off wealth. I still don't look like a Venus' follower. I barely do make-up, I'm wretched and sarcastic. Recently Hekate found a way to show me she was my protection godess, with dreams and insights. I rather believe in natural beauty, and keeping your skin healthy and your face naturally pretty. But it's not the standards. I'm a magician rather than a lover. I feel so strange sometimes when it comes to love. I'm not a talent for it. But it ain't so bad, I did not waste my life. I dedicated it to working on myself, exploring my talents and developing a set off skills that came in very handy. It's NOT wasted on self-pity, doubt and sadness. I'm just not fit as a lover. I believe in things we can controll rather than love. -MEN, forget about it,- but the world is saved! Something along those lines. It's not too bad being a spinster, truly, I can live. I would not enlower myself for lust or love, and I don't take bad sides or standards for an answer. I respect myself enough for that. It's fun being still single as a pagan, we do what people should do instead off mocking. But yes, Hekate knows what to do with me, Venus is a diffrent story. I still don't feel completely at ease when calling upon her. I just don't know what to serve the Lonely Heartsclub this year. Last year it was Mr. Ed's potato cake. Delicious for what it was. But sugar bakings are not allowed anymore. And we don't do soup for lunch anymore. It's a bit dry this year. It's a bit baling. Something delicious to heal our lonely hearts. Most people at de Boed don't have someone in their lives. But a treat would make it less sour. This year they don't even have valentine's cookies from store with our coffee. It's just fruit they allow. It's the health and sugar policy. Maybe I should adapt to it, since baking has become expensive, as forbidden as love between a jew and a muslim at de Boed, and looked upon ungratefull. It's like Forbidden Love. It's impossible to make it happen.
But I'm thinking about what to do that day instead off being sour. How to keep my head up without a treat.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good evening everyone,
*
I will hereby confirm I will attend at the Faun concert at the Amsterdam Forest upcoming 24th off July, Yes, I will be there. At Faun. It looked too tempting, and sometimes I got voices off Niel Mitra and Oliver Sa Tyr inviting me personally there. I obeyed, so I ordered a ticket, and I will be there. I was doing the dishes at de Boed, like always, and it was as if Niel Mitra popped up to invite me personally to the concert, and then, the next day at dinner in my own home, Oliver Sa Tyr asked me to come. It started talking to me, so I purchased a ticket. Yes, I will go somewhere for the first time in such a long time.
A question, what would you do if you got your heart broken by a captain from a ship, and you so would not know what to do with yourself afterwards? Given things have already been on since school, but by then no one was allowed to know. It's a memory from some time ago, I started talking to him on Facebook, but he rejected. While I found myself pretty brave for confessing. It's been painfull, and I'm so stupid in getting over with things. I overtalked it with mental health care staff. It worked to get rid off painfull edges. I could have picked one off my friends, that would have made me much easier, but I found that guy a bit more interesting and sexy. But I'm stupid for the way I have done it. I have been overthinking him a lot, overthinking, like, I think we got more in common than you realise, but I never had the chance to open up about who I really am. It's been a phillosophicall matter over a love matter almost, just, discussing subjects, politics, style, music, why are you not religious? And you are sooo handsome, why aren't we a thing? But that's for not being honest about being pagan at school. Things got so complicated, but seem so impossible now. He pops up in my mind sometimes, and sometimes I think I have a 'green man.' with his image after me, seeing him in other people. It's lightly annoying but it follows me while it got shut down. Open up and talk about myself has never been possible. I got delusional about the matter, it's annoying. But that's what I do- when things go wrong, it keeps on spinning in my mind. And I'm an overthinker. I don't really know his personality, it just seems pretty lame by now. I have been hiding myself ever since forever at school, and started to open up and transform into a better person during the years afterward. I just soo wish I could tell him. But I think I might get accused of stalking when I try again. 'I'm not desperate, but you are on my mind. I think I got a soft spot for you, you are inspiring.' It's more personal and important than just a flirt. The Green Man doesn't make it easy.
Today I got a bit air from the subject, and I started to paint tulips at participation, instead off hazes off waterpaint, trying to get to a certain point. And my tulips will be sold on cards, at de Boed's shop. I got a total hit with it. Maybe from talking about it with care staff, and a cleared mind about the past. I got a breakthrough, and miracles did happen as we speak. I'm going to be printed on postcards. My past does not hurt so much anymore. I got air, and I draw flowers. Zaandijk Beltaine. Spring in Zaandijk lends itself perfectly for Beltaine with all it's beautifull flowers. Dutch tulips, daffodils and blossoms are perfect for it. I got a small park, being in total bloom during the may month, when the sun is in Taurus and the full moon is in Scorpio, and it was inspiring for this art project, it was almost as if there was magic in the air here. If it's a set, It's name should be 'Zaandijk Beltaine.' But I think I should tame it a little bit down for the common audience. So it's better off as 'Tulips.' I felt like a little Zaandijk Benzaiten (The Japanese godess off beauty, inspiration and art.) When creating them. There was totally magic in the air when painting them. They will be printed and sold for 1 euro's each in our shop. 'Get usefull!' 'Word zinnig!' Well, today I totally was.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good evening everyone,
How not to get desperate? Life gives you lemons, love won't befall you, you might be a bit behind- What to do with yourself when it's like that?
Get yourself moving! Up and onward, and even more over the top. Like Nigella Lawson says. It's important not to be at home all the time, but to go out and do fun stuff. Cinema's, Sports, walks, forest walks, -energy- to keep from being broken.
I got Schizophrenia, and I'm always broken hearted from the past. But what am I to do? To die in here? Women in my position should not let themselves be held back, life is too short for that. Do fun stuff, move onward, let the music move you and be passionate.
I'm off bad health, and I can't pass the genes. I'm unhealthy and it's difficult. But we should move onward. Wear cool outfits. Dance a Peacock Boogie and be witches, no matter where we come from. I'm a blend off genes and backgrounds, it all comes down to Dutch, sobriety and farmlands mainly, but people would heir mental diseases and a bad body from me if I would have children. I don't allow myself to have them. But do I have a soul? A soul that needs to be fed, with style, going out, Like poetry, Like magic, music, energy off the gods. I don't care if I'm a blend, I think I'm interesting the way I am. I feel like iron on an anvil, being beaten and shaped by heavy hammers off life all the time. I got my scars, doesn't make me less off a person. I'm a survivor with bad mental health, a backpack and a bad history and a negative reputation. I'm as good as a veteran. Mental health institute veteran with battle scars. But I'm not an addict, still the fellow clients sometimes adress me that way, and they loved my cooking for them. I'm 33, but they say I served dignit. If that means something, Usually I'm too innocent for that kind off mental health. Sometimes it's a suprise I did not die. I'm not death. It's a miracle I'm alive. As good as it gets. To let myself not die, I like to spice it up a bit, with style. Like 'We deserve it.' 'I deserve it.' Or 'I'm worthit.' Like L'oreal once said. I don't like L'oreal, due to animal testing, but it's totally the clue. We should be ourselves, move onward and go out! It works!
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good morning everyone,
It's dark and cold outside.
*
I had visions about fashion Gothic being the total It-style off the 30's. Why can't it be? Wasn't it to be found one off the prettiest styles off recently? Why can't we, Fantasy alternatives, ever be totally It? It has been like this since ages. We are totally peeved and looked down upon by the fashion industry, but some time ago the trend was totally fashion Gothic. I adored it. I would love that to come back, I'm always hiding I'm alternative to the audience, I finally could come out for it when everyone started wearing Dr. Martens in public. It was so cool. So beautifull. Even I dared to be more out in the open. There's a hole in my heart, and a stone in my stomach it's not more widely accepted. But the whole fashion loving town was taking part off it, when Versace and Chanel started to make work off it. I think I finally would have gotten away with it with my old peers at school. It always has been forbidden for me to be a public alternative by them. I don't see them anymore, but you can probably imagine. It's like I'm secretly a werewolf or so, they where not allowed to know. Nowadays I'm far more public with it, on Facebook, but we broke all contact. They're kinda short minded people. But deep inside I hope fashion Gothic made them think it a bit diffrently, or maybe they started following a fashion trend, something as simple as that. It's not a feeling or a philosophy with them.
It's such a stone in my heart, coming to think it can never be accepted by the main crowd. I don't look alternative here, but hey, we're at a mental institute with old people with mental issues, and it's not appropriate. I look dull and boring on a daily base. I had a time where I tried to look like a Wolf Witch Warrior, and showing you're pagan can be done in many ways. I'm still pagan, still a witch. But secretly. This place is old fashioned, conservative and Christian. And it makes me look like a shabby old tramp not to get in trouble with them, there's also something against looking too expensive. To people from the past, it might seem a bit aso even to look like this. But it's my way to adapt to the surrounding. I'm always in situations where it's not appropriate to be a heathen in public. This country still has rules about that. Nowadays I do my utmost best to be off taste to old people. At leat they're nice to me. But you get it: I better don't be over the top. But it's not too bad since they have good taste in music. I love listening to their music. After breaking up with Vana Events, it did not feel too bad. But it's a stone in my heart. I'm a witch on Facebook, but not in their face, I would get in trouble with it and they would hate me for it.
My kind off spirituality has never been publicly accepted, not as much as some time ago when it was everywhere, and it started to be a little more accepted, but sometimes this country almost do it for it, and it's stuck up again against pagans like me. I'm lucky to have my mom to discuss things with, and I read books about subjects. But still, despite the fight for equality and justice, we're still seen as obscene by the establishment. I hate it.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
good morning everyone,
Outside it's cloudy and dark, it's cold.
*
This year, I feel like Iet Petite with presents. Small, heartfelt gifts- usually personally wrapped, often in old wrapping paper. It's less pricey than big gifts. But it's also a refined, heartfelt art. Instead off 'the biggest box on the shelve...' it's 'A small, well-picked box' or something handmade from de Boed's giftshop. We can't be too expensive anymore, and big gifts have been bingo prices. If you wrap them heartfelt, it's not such a thing they where free. I would not rob someone from expensive gifts, I just think I thought I had less budget for it last year, so we had to take it a bit creative. I believe I got away with it, my mom loved her gifts, so it hasn't been much off an issue, it's just that it's not my usuall style. I had to think it a bit more throughly. I think I did well, I had luck I saw bingo prices fit for it. (And the capability to win them, offcourse.) Maybe I feel guilty, but at least it's not as impersonal as a giftcard, though I think my brothers would not spit on a Nintendo giftcard. It's just that it has not been in my price range. To let Iet Petite go after this crisis is done, and everyone can go expensive again- would be a bit harsh, it's still heartfelt pick-me-ups. But maybe the pick-me-ups can take place on common visits, while bigger gifts can be done at birthdays. I used to be very giving, I loved giving gifts to my brothers and mother. It was always well-received. Nowadays, it's a bit less, and what's for their birthday is on the cheap side. Or so to say, as good as free. I hope they don't mind. I try to give with my heart instead off something cool and edgy. But this way, I manage to still give.
My greeting cards are handmade by de Boed, and one euro each only. The old women have been creative with it, and it works out for me these days. It's never something bad, it's always really cozy to get a handmade card. But I used to do prints from bookstores. The only cards I have been expensive with last year, where Christmas cards. all the others came from stock or from de Boed, but I think it's not much off a concern, it's just that I hope the receivers don't mind. And grandma gets free cards, from a mouth and foot painting organisation, my mom is a member, and she gives me these cards and my post stamps for free, and I usually send them to grandma.
We have had these cards for ages, and no one ever did something with it, untill I saw something for grandma in it nowadays. (A few years back) It doesn't cost a penny extra, and the floral prints are perfect for an old grandmother. And the annual birthday card among them is also very welcome, and I hope well-received. But yeah, I barely spend money on cards. And it's such a pick-me-up for my grandma each time. She loves it. And it's just, that this year cards where not among the parcel mom received from Removos. The perfect flower cards where not in, but mom is not witty enough to call after that. It's a bit off a pity, so I have to do with what I still got. I wish for these cards to still be send to us, so I got cards for grandma all year. It might be strange, but I just think to myself: 'What if I was 92, and had someone doing it for me?' Grandmas love those sort off things. So it's important to keep on doing them. And without those free cards (And post stamps!) from mom, I would not be capable to send them. Just too expensive.
This year, it's alphabet keychains for people. It's also a bit on the cheap side. Or so to say, what used to be cheap, I think nowadays it's normal for gifts. I hope people don't mind. Handmade letter keychains, and I try to make it more special by wrapping them. I hope people don't mind it's a bit frumpy. But they're old, so I don't think it's too bad in their opinion. I got a birthday greeting from a Boed card this week, to an aunt. One off those handmade old lady cards. I think I get to be known as a cheap old frump, but family is too important to not have it for. So yeah, a bit off creative thinking. And working with what I got, since shops are too distant and expensive to get by each time. Still, my family deserves their gifts. I just hope it's not looked down upon too much. Maybe by people in the outside world. I hope it's not a bad thing.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good evening everyone,
Today is for snowstorms in The Netherlands.
*
Sometimes, something stares at you and you gotta have it, or elsewise you just know it will be gone. I got that with a present for my family, it was short before Christmas, and I felt Christmas wasn't the time for it, it looked more like a Spring time present, so I shove it to Mother's day. It's a hand clayed and painted serving tray with ducklings.
It looked so cute, and I found it reasonably priced for a gift. It was so cute... and if something stares at me like this, it's for the fam. I wrapped it, and to tease mom, I send a message with it, but she doesn't read this weblog.
I got very bad wrapping skills, but still- it's 'creatively' wrapped. The wrapping paper was just a bit old, from the storage room. But still fit for the job. I also wrapped grandma's capital G keychain
Did I already mention I got bad wrapping skills? I just hope they like these. Hand-made and well ment by de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. Grandma's birthday is at the end off this month. For Mother's day, I'm a bit too in time, but it's in time.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
Good morning everyone,
Wet snow is falling outside the window. It's still dark.
*
I'm out off coffee. That shall teach me to hamster. I have been hamstering an amount a few years ago- but it was all spoiled and it ended thrown away during a time where coffee is something to win a prize for. I think it would be totally acceptable if people would do house games and one off the prices is a pack off Douwe Egberts coffee. Expensive as it is.
It's 02.30 midnight, I can't sleep that well. I watched a movie last night, and even over something simple as Love Actually, my mind is over-acting and prickly. I barely watch movies, but it's a pitch dark winter, so I'm going to. Maybe I should get used to movies instead off acting so whimpish. It's healthy to take media in. It's unhealthy to be an austrich. But it's a bit off a challenge for a mental patient. Today is a free Saturday, so I got all the time to watch Netflix. Though I should not over-do it. But still, if I wish to stay ahead, I should watch all the classics. I have started to watch classic romantic comedies. From the era where actresses where actually a tad too perfect. I totally see why women did have such a low self-esteem in the days. But still, nothing but therapy from a romantic comedy to soothe the mind.
But each to their own, I'm a bit mentally prickled from actually doing something aside from watching the news. Usually, if I can set myself to it at all, I watch the evening news, and otherwise the TV is out. Often it's all I can take. The news is not recommended, but I do watch, to be informed about what happens in the world, and about what they want you to know. It informs about governmental cuts and the duration off wars. So I can make a mental sketch off whether it's gonna cost and what is gonna cost. It's one reason to watch the news. Bad harvests and war make groceries more expensive. It's interesting enough to keep me watching, if I can. Usually my mind is too full to take media in. But it's important enough to tune in at times. If something doesn't want you to watch the news, you should not trust it. My intuition tells me I should watch every now and then. Like, it was on the news energy prices are increasing- it's important to know. Especially during wartime, the people should stay informed. The situation is desperate, and the news gives more off an insight.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
