Good evening at the 7th off September, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today is the last nice day off the year according to most. The last sunny day before the rain and fall season truly hits. 

*

Yesterday was for a day at ARTIS Zoo, (The Amsterdam Zoo) completely paid for by Leviaan. I loved it. The animals where so captivating, the park was beautifull, and the weather was a delight. And for me it was completely free. Usually we don't go on trips like this, it's been mugging for five years by us before they finally agreed. But the day was fabulous, a dream day from a fairytale. Zoo animals are so beautifull and special, They're from another world, worlds we don't get to see every day. Only in nature documentairies. My family loves those. If they don't know what to watch, it's nature documentairies, and I'm for real. It's just that I got to see wildlife for real yesterday. Really nice and special for a common Saturday.

I feel well, I feel good in my skin and I try to do my best in life. Just my plain best on a household level. Nothing too big, nothing too difficult, and I function. It's just that it's a bit spare on money, but I try to owe up for that by doing my best with it. You can say it's a cheap everything cleaner, but it matters if the floor and the toilet are cleaned with it to begin with, or the dishes are done to begin with with cheap dishwash. And you'll see, it cleans just as good. It's just your mindset towards it. We can fight over it, but if it works, it works. I got complimented a lot on my tidy home lately. It's my way to set my mind off off things. It's the most usefull thing we can do nowadays: To clean. I don't withhold power, but mán, does my home smell like lemons? I don't know if I do well with it, but it's a small act off rebellion. Against lazy slouches, against lazy youth, against filthy pigs. I don't know, it's working in my mind. And they almost accuse me off witchcraft instead off seeking the sane and do so themselves. It's that feeling off brushing your teeth every day in the morning and the evening and simply knowing it makes you superior to those lazy slouches, despite lack off education, intelligence, money or style. At least I'm every day clean. I can say I don't accept it when a person is filthy. I'm not just waging a war with the Russians. But I think I do it perfectly. Filthy, sweaty pigs are not my type off people anymore. I think I beat most off 'those.' people when I'm clean on myself and my home. Most off those know it alls don't know how to use a mop and a toothbrush. It's my way to deal with a lot. If you have more than seven reasons to do something, you should do it if everything falls into place with it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

 

 

Good evening at the 23th off August, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

We're in a cooler period in between warm periods, It's breathable but depressingly grey. 

*

Shabby, clean, a little less giving- buisy with trying to do cheap groceries and the household, I'm trying to handle and fight inflation and my feelings about the war this way. It's for the kitchen honour off a war. But not really. Most Dutch say we're not in an actuall crisis, everything is just darn expensive. Still it works against my good moods. I keep on thinking about all the poor families without food on the table. Very sad. But I can't do anything for them. I need my pennies myself. Sometimes I donate a small amount off money to charity. But not that often. I'm like many a Dutch, sober these days. Honest, I'm not that diffrent from average people in my head. Especially when it has to be more cheap. I'm nothing more or less than most people. Just a simple yet fat girl from the poor part off the country. It's such a discovery how I'm like the rest off them when I have to live cheap. 

What I do to try to keep it togheter- to be a little more clean. I got complimented all the time by care staff how my small flat is more clean and tidy. It's a crisis reaction. I feel so good about it when I cleaned something and it's all fresh and smells like lemons. I'm an average clean jerk nowadays. I think I can ditch people over being ungroomed an unhygienic. It's below my cleanline standard nowadays. It may sound a little bit arrogant, but I'm at that point. Cheap, clean, and a little old fashioned. I'm in line with this country. With crisis, actually. 

Strange enough I feel less wobbly and more 'on my feet.' when I do that. More sober, more grounded. But also more cranky in an ordinairy way. Fighting the crisis and waging this war my way makes me feel moody. It's also this place, it's vulgair and there's always things going on here. But I handle and deal with it as much as I can. Perfect life is for a princess, I feel too common for that. But man, do I feel good about managing it this way? I would feel proud to have handled it like this, even if we lose this entire Ukraine war, and Gaza falls entirely. It may sound egocentric, but kitchen honour during a war is not so bad, it's better than none. To feel usefull, healthy and fed, and not bankrupt. Oh, and it's not in conflict with the law and institutes off power can't fight me over it. So it's not dangerous. It's a good thing nowadays. It's just that they don't see me as very serious with this. I'm not off might, I outshine that, and they mention. It's not really edgy or fashionable, the calliby cat and Brussle sprout honour off a war. But it's better than doing nothing at all and just be stressed. It feels as if I put my tensions to use, and make people happy with it. It's fullfilling. Spoiled princesses live in a palace, I clean dishes and mind my money. But do I feel it's worthit? 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

To end this weblog, a picture off tonight's dessert. Low fat strawberry yoghurt with fresh raspberries on top. I ate the entire package off raspberries with this. Just very nice. 

 

Good evening at the 14th off June, 2025, 2.

 good evening everyone, 

I got all windows open wide, so it can cool down at home after a hot day. 

*

I have no clue how bad the impact off this crisis is, if people suffer a lot, and what will happen if it really continues for 5 next years. It's possible, since the country ia already suffering from 5 years off crisis. I think it might take a little too long for people to accept. I hope the economical crisis will get off, and supermarket prices won't be so expensive anymore. Inflation should be off. But honest, I think it might take a while. Longer than we are willing to take. And maybe emergensy lights are not much off a bad idea. I got some for when they want the energy off during winter. I think the government is going to force us a few winters without energy at night. From 21.00 untill 05.00 AM, no energy. It's going to be hell to pay. Emergency lights on batteries and books for entertainment are a requirement during such winters. I suggest you to buy emergency lights for when you need them. On batteries. 

I think the end off the situation won't be determined by Uranus in Gemini next year. It might end during that period, but I don't expect a miracle during the exact transit, though I expect it to end during that period. The end off the economic crisis might be the other end off the story. 

I got an idea they think off me being buisy in the kitchen or cleaning is already intimidating to them. I think they're horendous. Except if they are really lazy slouches who do nothing all day, then peeling potatoes and baking meat well might allready seem like too much, just like baking tray cake. I think that's a bit weird. Or maybe they're really easily on their guard, thinking I got a bitch attitude for doing so. I think it's strange. Maybe they should do more themselves. Some men are really easy to annoy, thinking we, women, should litterally do nothing and just be pretty. But that's not what I'm made off. I rather do a bit off work. I'm not a mindless doll. Household should not feel intimidating. And women's classic heroistic tasks should not be seen with jealousy. It insists you're a really wee man. If people would only be less jealouse... Or peel those potatoes themselves... but that's my opinion. If only my generation was raised to survive to begin with. But that's how I think it is. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 14th off June, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was muddy, grey and warm in The Netherlands. Really the edge off a swamp. 

*

Today was for baking a tray cake, taste chocolate - cherry, from jar. I haven't been around begging for ingredients this week, I purchased all except the eggs. I got them for free from a rich friend. I made it to honour Father's day. my dad passed away in 2012, and most fellow clients don't have a father anymore. They're old folks. But in honour to father's energy, I felt like baking. It came out perfectly. 

They already think I'm better than HEMA's when it comes to the apple one. I hope they like this one just as good or better.  Maybe people can use a little mood enhancer at Father's day, given it's a bit sensitive. I made this without following the instructions on the back, I rather felt like baking it like a pro instead off dumping everything in all at once. I did so by creaming butter, then eggs one by one, then the cake mix and the milk in stages, ended with the milk. You get more off a volume in cakes if you do so. I hope they will make something out off the way they serve this tomorrow. I will picture it. I hope it's picture worthit. I hope it's not too dense. Or sticky. That's a bit the trick with chocolate cherry tray cake during summer heath. I hope people will like it. 

Edit: 

This is what it looked like on our pastry plates, and they kept complimenting me on it. I love it. it's one off my favourite tastes now. It's delicious. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 28th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a dreary day which ended sunny. 

*

I've prepared our Ascension day Tray cake with half my ingredients donated. It looks very delicious. If I do say so myself. It's almost tempting. 

If you bake it more professional instead off following instructions on the package, you can get more airy cake and more amount off cake out off a box. And offcourse not using the cardboard mold they include, but your own if it's bigger. It's unemployed cake at it's finest, but it looks so temptingly good, it's promising. I hope it will blow away the worse dreary Ascension day blues for me and my fellow clients tomorrow. 

de Boed starts providing evening meals again. A good care cooking company started to do buisness with them. they're better than my potatoes, veggies and meat. Really good quality for affordable pricing, so I will start to eat there again soon. It's like the Universe has mercy for me with those meals for that price. And it reliefs me off dishwashing. It's really dreamy meals. Are we, unlucky mental patients, lucky for once? I do think so. I can't picture those meals, I think it's not fine with them. It's really three star restaurant quality they serve. Almost unbelievable. But then you should see it. It's really a miracle. They will start after vocation time. When all care takers are back. 

Allright, that's about it for now. 

Thank you for reading. 

 Edit: This is how my applecrumble traycake got served, I took pictures: 

Good evening at the 27th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

We're in a heavy rainstorm. It rains and storms against my windows and I got my curtains closed. 

*

Around Easter I was blogging about a sore in my side muscle, I found out after a massage with lavender massage oil, it got all out. We have a beauty specialist at Leviaan, and she massaged me and the sore from the stretched muscle came out. I think it might have been the holy grail in curing my sore. 💖 It's been lavender massage oil and a good back massage that worked. 

I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet. It's really hard to stay on the ground. But life is still fun these days. Today was for dance Bingo at de Boed. I even had Bingo at one point and won a dessert bowl with oranges on it. Really cute. I think it would make a nice sight with a scoop off ice cream in it. Something not too pricey yet good like vanilla from a good brand. (I'm sorry I'm that cheap. You could almost see and feel on my food pictures I'm unemployed.) And then one scoop placed elegant in the centre. The bowl is decorated nicely enough to make it an impression when it's that simple. If I would have money again, I would make it more off a celebration. But I think the war and the crisis are over by then. It's Ascension weekend upcoming weekend, It's almost asking for it. But maybe fruit yoghurt looks good in it, either. It's a cute bowl. 

 

I do eat low fat fruit yoghurt for my health. Dance bingo was really fun, despite my numbers did not had to be danced to. They where all left out off dancing for points, so I had a little luck. I have the luck I have to do that for a job every week. Bingo or music quizzes, and usually I win something. It's really a party every week. 

I listen to 80's pop a lot in my free time. It's so much better than modern music. I love these golden oldies. Even if one day it becomes old junk again I would still hang on to it. I blame my father to it, and it being on the golden oldies radio stations all the time they have on here. But these are older people, and they still love it. I would not know what's on modern stations or in the hit charts, honestly. Usually we stick to 70's 80's 90's stations. And yes, I also listen to that stuff at home. I may be a little weird for someone my own age. But there's not much good music out there nowadays. I might be a bit silly in it. 

At Ascension day, on a Thursday, I will serve home made apple crumble tray cake, and have a morning coffee service, despite it being on a holiday. They asked me for it and I said yes. I don't mind doing my plight on a holiday. I almost feel a little important when doing so. It's almost dutyfull. And not to brag, they love my coffee. I come to almost believe I got The best coffee in town when I'm at coffee service. It's really honourable. The old Leviaan cowboys can't be more gratefull than for me serving coffee on Ascension day, aside to the cake. Otherwise it would just be boring, it's forecasted to become grey and cold. And just a little more harsh than a common day. 

It's going to be my version off unemployed apple tray cake, with more than half off the ingredients donated, in a 1 euro oven dish. I saved points with gorcery shopping some time ago, and then got two Pyrex oven dishes for one euro each. Even my raisins come from a donation, just like the apples. All I have to add is cream butter and milk. In this case it can be real cream butter. By measuring raisins, I do longer with a package. I hope my spirit won't be damaged from all off this freeloading. But life is expensive. So it's my unemployed apple pastry. Served on de Boed's cute pastry plates, with their whipped cream. All I have to do is the work to bake it. That's how I manage my luxury nowadays, or at least my bakings. With lots off donations. It's a bit... cheating. But at least I don't cheat on a man, and critics don't owe up for my groceries, so they have no right to speak. But home made apple pastry enhances hearts. Especially on cold Ascension days. When people don't have a penny too much. I hope the Universe forgives me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.        

Good evening at the 23th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a fresh and changing day in The Netherlands. 

*

I don't know how the world gets by during this economic recession. I don't have a vision to that. It's a bit unclear. I don't know if they're rich or poor. In The Netherlands, it seems to get by well. People live less luxurious and cuttings need to be made, but there's no life threatening danger with most in my opinion. Maybe it's a bit bad doctors do less due to costs. Doctors, lists, hospitals- all a shame due to costs and time it takes to be helped. Other than that, I think this country gets by. Just a little poorer. Just a little less snobby. But is this a crisis? I think most can take it. 

Offcourse the war should stop, preferably as soon as possible. And prices should be acceptable again. But I think they're getting by allright. I actually have no real clue to it. It's not like the masses die from it. We just have to use our minds and common sense. Maybe it's worse than I think. I should not take too much conclusions out off what I see. People die, but they're old and sick. It's not like they die from starvation or cold. They're dressed and they have a roof above their head. That counts for most. It's not slant luxurious, but is that an issue? I just mention they're a little less groomed. They could use a wash, but isn't that a trend movement? I just don't know if it's out off crisis. I wish someone would do research about this era. In the future, when times are normal again. Fashion is more humble, but I think the country gets by. 

I think a girl should be capable to withhold a crisis. It's important. If you're a young adult woman, you should have savings and security. The world is too cruel to let it depend on someone else. Women should start savings, get stability with their finances and start a life where they can keep on living even when things get nasty. A woman, at, say, 25, should be already capable to do so. I'm certain about that. Men are not dependable, and something could happen where you could stand alone. So a buffer is not a bad idea. And ways to stay somewhat independent. Since men are not likely to be a safe option. And the option to say No when something or someone doesn't feel right. Financial independency helps with that. 

It's good to have the capability to still stand on your own two feet when everything goes wrong, and not go through life mindless. That's my opinion. I hope someone has something to it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good evening at the 14th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's windy and sunny outside in The Netherlands. A promise off summer fullfills the air. 

*

Life is getting by, it's not too bad these days. I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet, but when don't I? I don't feel depressed, just a little moody. But at least I'm capable to feel it. It's best to feel and experience your moods. Not to keep them tied up. Psychiatric patients do a little hard with that due to medications. It's really hard to feel our moods most off the time. It's difficult, but these days at least I feel moods. Am cranky, and live them. Feeling moods in my case also comes with a big heart for nostalgia, the surrounding, the old fashioned in Zaandijk and farmstyle life. It's such love and tranquility with this old place. It's love for where I live I feel often. I love it. It's part off me. I belong among this old fashioned stuff. It's really a great feeling. The feeling off love for the surrounding, and belonging somewhere. Actually, it's quite luxurious, not many people I think have this. Usually, this retired feeling is my main feeling. The love for where I live and the old, I try to deal with the crankyness, 

How do they call it? Patriotism, it's dangerous to use the term. Since it's associated and claimed by the extreme right in politics. This enhanced (Enchanted? You'd almost call it that.) feeling off home and belonging is better than love most off the time. It's more safe, either. It's so beautifull and lovely and authentic where I live. It's hard to compare, you can compare it to Hawaii or Venice. It's that touristic and typicall for Dutch. And time by time, I grow to love it more and more. It's so sweet. There's no place like home at the moment to me. It's to swoon over. There's no one my age who has this and who fully understands. I have my own home and I love the place where it's situated. It's more luxurious than winning the lottery. Buying a villa and having to start anew somewhere. That's superficial luxury. But I think this is more meaningfull and real. 

I'm fine with not having kids or a relationship, if life keeps on being this meaningfull. A man can be such a wrong choice, this place has never been a wrong choice. It's the positive off feeling moods. I'm so thankfull for this beauty in my surrounding, and the understanding people I live with. It can pass for a fairytale. It's the surrounding, and it's real life. It's a timeless legend. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 5th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny yet cold in The Netherlands. 

*

It could also be possible, peace will be upon us in July, and the worst case scenario won't come true. The worst case is when we have to shut down the energy in this country, and we have to surrender to Russia as Europe. In 2028. It's really worst case, it could also be peace in July, Then we'll be less doomed. Since it's loss off face if we have to give in to Russia forced. It's a possibility. It's a disaster if I just hope for the best. Lights and traffic lights, aside to the railroad at night- all will be shut down to save the country energy in the future if it continues like this, and by then we still can't afford. It's really hopeless. We can do so with pride, or really lose our dignity as Europe, and countries will look down upon us. Our high position could have never been lower if we lose our dignity to Russia. And they waltz over us. It's worst off the worst case. Our whole status will be ruined by not surrendering in time. It's not how or if we win, but how we lose. With or without our faces still on. 

I've also seen they will shut the lights to big touristic spots, like the Eiffel tower or Brandenburger Tor if they can't afford the energy for it anymore, and they'll be as poor as a rat when that happens. And that is in the darkest off years, in 2027. Short before forced surrendering. Please, if you have any pride left, lose with pride. Or The Wargirl really will be the '20's muse off the decade. This might happen if it lasts too long. It's the downfall off society. We have no choice. We can safe what's left by surrendering in time. 

And the worst off the worst, when everyone in Western Europe is forced to shut their energy from 21.00 untill 05.00 AM for three winters long. To safe energy. It's been all in my visions. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 4th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a cold and cloudy day in Spring in The Netherlands. 

*

I don't use a sixth sense here, but somehow my common sense tells me the situation in the world won't change soon. It's really pulvering teeth while gritting what you have left off them. But don't pinch-point me at it. 

Today was a calm Sunday with little going on, except baking an easy cake. With a cake mix and eggs donated to me. All I had to add was cream butter, a fancy serving plate and milk. Tomorrow, at our Liberation Day, we will have a slice off cake with our afternoon coffee. 

I hope people can appreciate this version, usually it's with added fruits or dried fruits to it, but this year that was a little too pricey. And this is done with donated stuff and devotion. I really took my time preparing it. It wasn't done with everything added all at once, like the instructions might sugest. I did more like a French professional, eggs one by one adjusted to it. And milk at last. I think we got a more airy cake than what you got if you dump everything in your batter bowl all at once. It looks more big. And I know people love these cakes when I lay a little heart in them and bake them that way. But, yeah, no additions other than basic cake ingredients. Even the fancy serving plate comes from a give away shop. It's half a work off charity. A quarter off it is love. I hope people can appreciate. 

I have mild sleeping issues recently, I got up during midnight, or very early. Simply to haunt the internet or my diary. I go back to bed when I get tired, but it's becoming a pattern, and it's hard to break. And that fighting with death at night... I have this issue where I think I'm about to die when I'm in bed. Really troublesome. It never happens, it's just that annoying feeling. I simply, silly wake up the next day. I think my body is still going strong, so I won't die. It's just... really difficult. It's frightfull. 

The life off a home maker is still nice with me. Doing basic chores, making sure the home is nice, Though I don't have a husband. But I feel comfortable and almost safe at home when I do it like that. I can be annoying and flip, but at least I have this place. Be as sick and annoying as I please in the safety off this small care home. Well, at least it's a clean home. Or at least I try to. It's messy, but clean enough and cozy. Perfect for me. While NATO planes fly over, (On the other side off the country, but they do fly there.) and police helicopters seek for scum around this area, this place is clean and comforting. Sometimes it's so important and it's all we need. 💖 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 20th off April, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a lovely Easter day in Spring. Beautifull and nice. 

*

I promised to post a picture off my Easter tulips. Here they are, they're a bit wreched, a bit crooked, but everything goes well if you know how to photograph. 

Easter wasn't too bad. I have been enjoying it outside nearby our koi-carp pond. With the neighbourhood cat to keep me company. Sacha the cat is really my friend. She is a tortoise shell and said to bring luck according to the Japanese. She lives in a home nearby. It wasn't too bad due to the sun and petting Sacha. 

I have been worrying, over-thinking. 'All those small things people aren't concerned with anymore... I still do these. But aren't they stupid for not doing so? why don't they still do these?' 'Why the hell do you think they don't do them anymore?' Something replies back in me. They're too buisy at their job or with their friends, at life. I've had that feeling for a long time. 'Why don't they do so anymore?' But I think people are too buisy, their minds too caught up with other things. But sometimes I feel what I do should also be done, still. But they say I should not over-worry. It's a flaw in me. It's why I'm in psychiatric health. See. Two days off bad medication intake and I start it again. This morning went well, by the way. My failed career at school started by wanting to change the world. And it failed at worrying. I worry about things nobody seem to do anymore. Them lazy slouches probably have a clearer mind. That's why they're no mental patients. 

I constantly think 'oh, someone should do this or that, or it should go with a little more care or diffrent.' I might be a little obnoxious. I can't do it myself to begin with. I think I have too much heart or a diffrent mindset that does not make sense. Something from an era where people still cared. Some place, somewhere, some time, long ago. But that can't be. I'm a bit annoying with it. The opposite off love is not hate, it is indiffrence. I see it constantly happening. That's why things go bad in my opinion. Because they don't care anymore. And the crisis makes it worse. They where not concerned to begin with, and now everything has to go cheap or be skipped due to money. Will the world still be allright after this? I know it will keep on turning, but will it still be allright? And will things withstand? I probably got nothing better to do than to worry about these things. Especially when I'm badly medicated I'm like this. They say I should not be concerned. Since it's bad for my health. 

I can take deep breaths and sneeze again, it's only a pinch point off sore in my side for the moment. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 17th off April, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

*

Today was for General Practice. Appearently, they think I cramped or stretched a chest muscle. It's not really dangerous, it's just that it can last for a few weeks. I prefer my own home and my own bed when it comes to that. So, I stay at home this Easter. And I have to keep that spot warm. I have to find something for that. 

When it comes to Easter, I decided to purchase yellow tulips for the occasion. They're on my dressoir in an antique vase from the family. I bought them on the way home from General Practice. And I decided to eat nice meals and do a pastry this Easter. A coffee with a fellow client with an en Vogue pistachio pastry. I've read up somewhere pistachio is the trend for this Easter. 

My plates are one hell out off fashion, but I serve good foods on them. And to be honest, I don't like the current Easter trends. My shirt is a bit Easter Fashion. But leave it at that, I think the current fashion in dining is a bit rough in it's lines. I think it was cheap to develop. It's not refined, where I prefer more cozy details. But if you'd want dining plates like that, from, say, Pip studio in The Netherlands, you'd pay the head price. I can see why that's not actually fashion. But it comes off as if current Easter dining trends look a bit cheap compared to previous ones. But maybe that's this year. I feel I should fall back on the timeless and the classics not to fall out off style. Or my own feeling off style,  (Classic is out off style this year. But it was so pretty when it began these previous years.)

I miss the days where every farmstyle Belle could flaunt with her Pip Studio dish ware. Even my cousin had it. (I was too young and too poor for a set.) But that's really back in the days. I have to accept there's a time where I come off a bit old fashioned with what I got. Naw, I can't flaunt with the dishware, but at least I can flaunt with what's on top off it, at least that still stands. 

 I hope my tulips will bloom, They're still in the green knob at the moment. They deserve a picture on here when they stand all nice. 

Honestly, I made Easter less dry, but what is more off a dry Easter than one where laughing hurts like hell? Naw, that can't pass for a dark point in a crisis, where I have to keep myself in all the time not to hurt myself from laughing about my own jokes. I'm like the Brits, when it's bad, make sure you can laugh about it. Really, vreeting myself an incident was not the intention last week. They say this can lasts for a few weeks. I have to accept. Hopefully it will be over by next month. But let's simply await that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 11th off April, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's a beautifull and sunny day outside in Spring, in The Netherlands. 

*

I'm not doing that bad. I mean, I talk to mycelf and I'm distant with fellow clients, but I'm not doing bad since Spring is the most beautifull off seasons in Zaandijk. It's gorgeous with all the flowers out. It lends itself perfectly for some sweet walks and photography. People on my Facebook love it, and so does my mom. This whole season is too beautifull, and I'm sensitive for the beauty off Mother Nature. The pink blossoms soothe my mood. And so do the tulips, the daffodils and the beautifull gems in the gras I can't name. An example?

These are some off my images. It's so beautifull. It's my idea off heaven. At least what I've read about heaven. Usually I spam my facebook with these. The elderly ladies love it. I took pictures off our Japanese Cherry Blossoms from the shared balcony at the first floor off my flat. It was really a good idea. The trees look perfect from that perspective. It's an ode to Easter, almost. At least this surrounding makes Easter less dry. Just like the May month- It's all dwelling in beauty for the eye to see. It's the high point off the year in this place. At least they don't take away the flowers. Everything is very expensive, but flowers outside are so durable, they keep coming back each year, so the government hasn't cut costs on them so far. I might be a simple soul to enjoy these. I just love them. Simple, senile, or a bit sensitive. I love it. I barely dare to show up at de Zaanse Schans, crowded with tourists as I expect it, otherwise it just screams 'Picture me.' Life outside is perfect nowadays. Walks, photography, sitting on outside benches, all sorts off things that are seen as hyper old fashioned, are great at the moment. It's beautifull. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 7th off April. 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright, and almost too sunny in The Netherlands. 

*

This morning was for baking appeltaart. From a 66 cent baking mix with donated spices, donated raisins and an donated egg. I measured the ingredients sober and well. Not to spoil too much. 

Spices are from the Toko, and the Elstar apples where on a discount. I adjusted two hands off roughly chopped walnuts to it. It's two tablespoons off cinnamon, one tablespoon off kardamom, one teaspoons off grounded cloves, half a teaspoon off nutmeg, and two teaspoons of star anise. Mom already donated these spices during this winter, I was sober with them. It will be for tomorrow evening's afternoon coffee at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. I hope they'll use the nice green decorated plates. It's how we can have appeltaart for relatively cheap. My appeltaart is usually a bit spiced. I wished to prepare it this winter, but I had no energy for it. But here it is. 

At the moment, I sit in my living room with a pilch off water in front off me. We have to drink, otherwise we would die. I think I do well, despite less luxury, despite harsh circumstances, despite those nasty headaches all the time. I think I do well. I feel I still love life. It's a thing I do: I love life. Life is beautifull. It's not necessairily fun, but it's beautifull and I believe in sweet old Karma to take care off me. And the world. That's what it does nowadays. It's what I believe. It's what I see. 

I can't even go to the shop to buy flowers, but this year I will try to clean my dressoir and take pride in more cleanliness. My head hurts too much for it, and I feel too weak. It's not much off a year for Easter to begin with. (Though that may sound like a lame excuse.) I made space this morning I'm not likely to fill. Luckily I don't have kids. Or a spouse that would expect me to do elsewise. At least this home is not empty. It's sweetly decorated and full enough not to be empty. And no Easter decorations is not a miss. I think I'm not the only one in this flat building who does nothing for Easter. I think I'd better be glad I can show up alive at an Easter feast this year if it continues like this. Let's make that washed, with a dash off a scent, and they better be gratefull this big old star appeared there alive and well. Haha. (Please read that sarcastically. I don't like to display arrogance.) Someday, somehow I'll make more out off Easter. But let's not promise. 

Tomorrow will be for cleaning the toilet, and doing laundry. We need basic hygiene and clean clothes. Also during this time off being. Even a weak mental patient who is easily tired can do that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Edit: This is a slice off Dutch applepie with our coffee this evening. People complimented me on it a lot. It was really nice for an ordinairy day like this, with little to happen. Sometimes people need a kind pick-me-up. It worked tonight. 

Thank you for reading! 

Good evening at the 4th off April, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright and sunny in The Netherlands. 

*

You know what, they should have written down in Twilight how Edward Cullen raised his kid, because that's really difficult. Everyone thinks they can pop out kids nowadays, but honest, a death horse can do it- But it's really difficult to raise them well. I might repeat this joke in the future. Having kids is no joke. 

It's beautifull weather, it's scorching already for my skintype. It's a very sunny day in spring. I barely feel like home cooking anymore. By the end off the day, I'm always so tired it's usually pizza or take away. I eat lunch and breakfast every day, but dinner is such an issue for a single, mental person on heavy medication, I lack energy and I can't really rock it like the olden days. I don't starve, but it's such an issue. I have no energy for better. I do my best, but I'm so tired and drained from the day. 

I think the world will be solved in the future, but it's not near soon. Maybe I'm a slant old optimist. Thinking there will be peace and a normal president for the United States, but in the somewhat distant future. Honest, 2027 will be the worst year for all off this, but there will be peace again one day. I don't know if everyone who wants to, can still read my blogs. Since it's all so expensive by then. It's just that it's not the end off the Earth, that would be shocking. I'm convinced, but who am I to fool? Maybe you should all see for yourselves. I just should remember not to act like an optimist weirdo. People think I'm crazy if I would do so. 

And really, Americans can't have Dutch coffee on a large scale anymore in the nearby future due to import taxes. Or our cheese, or our flowers. It's bad for them. Everyone knows nothing comes near Dutch coffee off good quality. The world is not as connected as it used to be nowadays. It's a loss for everyone. The World was an understanding, a real power statement for everyone, everyone was connected, and if you wanted to, you could belong. Even if in a diffrent time, you would have been the biggest nobody on the planet. Nowadays The World is not capable to hold up it's pants anymore due to costs and war. I think The World is not as connected as it used to be to The Internet, so I don't know who reads, and if people can still read. Who would have thought we still had to fight out a war, dressed and dolled up in 90's fashion? At least that's my idea, young people have no money for dressing up, and above a certain age or rich all fights stuff out in 90's fashion. I miss the idea off a connected 'The World.' before it all came down. Broad mindedness is not usuall anymore. It's a miss. I wish you would see what I see, and it's not the standard for the future. But then you have to be a really good seer. And I better don't claim that anymore. But for the next 5 to 7 years, we're stuck in it. It's also in my beliefs. Somewhere in between my ears. It's not how I would like to raise children and young people, in this narrow mindedness. It's difficult. I'm a globalist who believes in equal rights. That used to be a cool thing, now I better shut up. 

These are dangerous times. And something I see as justice is far off. Nowadays, it's really local, close by, our own lawn- all those things that don't require internet, or import or export. I post pictures off stuff my neighbours would like to see. Fancy and old as they are. Like flowers, or old Zaan houses. I think I do well to it, under these extremes, I make myself a well-behaved kid. Floral beauty, timeless and under any circumstances agreeable. I have people to take count off, I better don't go overboard. And they like me and my style. At least what I think is timeless, nice and agreeable. To misbehave is such a thing for rats. Or maybe people with less off an understanding with their neighbours. That's why I might look a bit frumpy on Facebook. It keeps me going. And I can afford. I don't know how I would have been among my own age, or just care takers. I think it means I care about my neighbours and fellow clients. It's a dark world, but at least I try not to offend them. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

   

Good evening at the 29th off March, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a lovely day in spring, not too cold, clouds changing with sunshine. 

*

Yesterday was for baking an Easter rabbit. I purchased it's mold a few years ago, before everything became so expensive, and it came off good use this Friday. It's for this Sunday afternoon coffee moment at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, specialised in people with a mental handicap. 

It came out nice, I don't have the guts to cut it's ears appropriate, I did an attempt, but I'm afraid I might ruin it. It's plain pound cake, even the sugar is common white sugar, but it's baked in a rabbit mold. The eggs came from a friend, she has chickens she donates eggs from for baking every often. It's plain pound cake, but I did my utmost best to it. beating the eggs in one by one and flour changing with milk for example as it's last step. It's done with care. It's not like everything was dumped all at once in the batter bowl. I hope my audience can taste it tomorrow. This is my Easter 2025 cake. It contains a pinch off salt, and real vanilla extract. 

I would say good quality vanilla extract is almost worth fighting for. Or, so to say, owe up for in these expensive times. It's a necessity, and worthit the splurge, even in these times. I'm almost out off it, I think about purchasing a new bottle. For real. It's pricey, but like I said, incredibly worthit. 

Today, I came to get my new glasses at the opticien, I needed them, my old ones where 5 years old. That's pretty old for glasses, and actually you need to change every 3 years. I couldn't avoid the spending. My sight went too bad for it. I got two for the price off one. 

Allright, that's about it for now, - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 13th off March, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a dreary and cloudy day in the Netherlands. 

*

This afternoon was for statement baking. I baked my own thought out banana cake, in the Nordic Ware Heritage bundt pan, full size. 

It's a full size Peace statement. Pro peace in Ukraine. Nordic Ware is not official statement, I never heard they are, but I almost declare their Heritage bundt pan the statement pan. It's just not up to me to do so. Just like Banana cake not being official 'statement cake.' 

We have something good with our coffees this weekend at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. And this morning, I rocked coffee service with red lipstick on. First statement this morning. I got people complimenting me on it. They understand red lipstick, no matter how old they are. It really should make it headlines, front page somewhere, this nice statement cake off mine. I just think, or rather suspect, I'm too unimportant to the world. As far as that still excists. The world is a shady place nowadays, and it's not as freely connected anymore as it was. I think it doesn't matter if I bake. But to some people this is the world this weekend, and they are going to enjoy it with their afternoon coffee. I got enough for both Saturday and Sunday. It's a perfect statement. Just not for the headlines, or Time magazine, and fellow clients barely wish to understand. It's just the perfect statement cake in my opinion. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 12th off March, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a cold yet nice day in the Netherlands. 

*

I have been photographing my meals and my coffees all the time, and been posting it on Facebook. People might think I'm crazy and annoying, but it's my way to show gratitude to food. It's darn expensive as it already is. I think during this time and day off age, a picture on the internet shows the right kind off appreciation. I'm gratefull I still have it, and out off gratitude my food deserves nice tableware. Even if it's something simple. I think it's a bit foreign to treat food like that. In the Netherlands, we barely did so anymore. I would say it's southern European, but English are also masters in fancy tableware and making it look polished in serving. Nowadays, food doesn't deserve any less than such appreciation. That's my opinion. Serving it nice, despite it's moderation I try. Not shoving it thoughlessly in anymore, and gulp like a pig on it. It's really more class if we value nicely. And yeah, take a picture off it and somewhat flaunt if I do so. I hope it doesn't sound too strange or crazy. I just got a voice in my head saying we should treat food with the right amount off respect, expensive as it is. And yes, I feel like I've dined like royalty. Despite smaller portions and smaller amounts. If you have the opportunity, or the dishware to do so, maybe it's a good idea for you. I try to picture it really tastefull. It's just that I've done so all the time, and my Facebook audience might get a bit annoyed. I hope not. 

It's a really mindfull way to treat food. We should not treat it respectless anymore. But that's how I see it. 

 This is one example off doing this. We see one Kaiser bun with molten cheese and ham, and a large glass off milk served on my nice breakfast plate. 

On here we see Brussle sprouts with boiled potatoes and a home made meatball. I cook like this, it deserves gratitude and praise. And it's on a nice pink dining plate. i also try to picture beautifully. 

 

And here we have my afternoon coffee at de Boed, with one Easter cookie. See, I'm that rigid, I'm even gratefull for this and post it on Facebook. I picture almost all my food. Coffee and cookies are expensive. Especially for people with a low income. But we got it handed for free each day here. It deserves gratitude and praise. I hope I don't come off too desperate. Or too rigid. But it's how I feel about it. Food is something to be gratefull for. Even a bit more during this day and age. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 28th off February, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was grey and rainy in The Netherlands. 

*

Every often, when I feel poor, I send a postcard to grandma, I do the laundry, and then do my nails. I don't know why, I feel a little more rich when doing so, though my postcards nowadays are donated by mom, including the poststamps, laundry wash comes from the storage room, and my nailpolish is cheap. But it's a certain way off maintaining which requires small luxury. It does when I feel broke. It causes good moods, among myself, grandma and care staff, and it gives more off a clue when I feel low on money. it works. I'm not Buddha, teaching others how to solve things a certain way, nor a preacher telling you what to believe. But it's a tip and maybe you got something onto it when you feel poor. A feeling most off us can't escape these days. But maybe you feel better by performing these small acts. Though I have to be honest, mom donated the postcards and the poststamps. And the laundry wash did not came in cheap, but I've been hoarding it. And washing with it feels luxurious and my laundry is done and smells nice. And yes, cheap nailpolish, but 'on the shelves.' In fancy colours and with shines in them. Mainly by Essence or Catrice. You feel a little more fancy when you've done so. 

What also gives that certain feeling nowadays, and what keeps me truly happy, is to perfectly bake a basic, plain pound cake and share it at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk ment for mental patients. It's nothing more fancy than just simple cake, but you should see how happy it makes people. A slice off fresh cake with their plain coffee on a Sunday afternoon. They're so gratefull. It's not much for a hobbyist like me, who is used to much more decadent bakings, but I still got this. And it's a bit off appropriate pride to bake 'em perfect every time nowadays. Simply to keep up spirits and not get cranky. As someone who always has been poor in my youth, I know what it's like to live with little. And we should not let it get the best off us. It's less than my old way off baking, but at least we have it and it still makes them happy and gratefull. I think I'm going to remind that about them. How little it took for them to be gratefull. A slice off fresh made cake, a cup off fresh brewed coffee, to sing a nice song for them- and I make their day with it. To me it's as if these nice people are happy with almost nothing. And it works for me. Maybe since they're older. If they where my age or younger, I think they would be more spoiled. But these people are so gratefull, I love it. There's a certain Japanese wisdom about being kind. I believe in it when it comes to this. I'm not perfect at being kind all the time, but I try. It's hard to stay kind nowadays, and it's impossible to keep on seeing the good in people. I failed at that, but I did not fail in my attempt at local kindness. I grid my teeth, and I keep on trying. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

  

Good evening at the 27th off February, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

This evening it's raining outside. It's been cold. But doable if you had to be inside all day. 

*

Maybe the 'O' - word was a bit too much on the previous weblog. I imagine steady camping boys who are not off my interest falling out off a pine cone tree on Corsica when reading that. And really, I'm not after that effect. Not with the camping boys. And honest, there's interesting men, and there's camping boys. But you know it, you got them reading it. I'm not really attractive either, but, you know, it's the wrong kind off attention from the wrong audience. I think I should keep my words tame on here to keep a nice image, and to keep the wrong male gaze out. It's a statement and personal life blog, we're not after that sort off attention. I want my neighbours to be capable to watch without feeling ashamed, and my neighbours are over their 70's. Or do I? Then I should really tame it down. It's a lame excuse. I just don't want le them camping boys to 'feel it.' due to that word.   

Today was for being sick at home after coffee service. I felt really sick after it, and stayed in for the entire afternoon. I got visited by a care taker who was really nice company and helped me through. Making me watch Spirit on Netflix. It was a nice film. Really worthit the watch, and the feeling faded somewhat throughout the evening. I have no fever, and they're not after determing what my problem is. So I'm actually a bit gloomy in for no official reason. But it's no big problem. Latest gadget from the care office: Armpit thermometers. I think I don't want to know how gross that thing actually is. They used to have ear thermometers with plastic caps, so it's been quite hygienic. They put it in my ear to measure if I had a fever. I wonder what happened to it, they should bring it back. I think that armpit thing is too gross. 

So, I ended up staying in watching a film. It's no punishment in my cute tiny home. That's the luck I got with this. I promised tomorrow I will attend for coffee at de Boed again. But being in and taking it easy has priority if it 'has to be and feel like this.' 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.