Good evening at the 28th off January, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

*

I will hereby confirm I will attend at the Faun concert at the Amsterdam Forest upcoming 24th off July, Yes, I will be there. At Faun. It looked too tempting, and sometimes I got voices off Niel Mitra and Oliver Sa Tyr inviting me personally there. I obeyed, so I ordered a ticket, and I will be there. I was doing the dishes at de Boed, like always, and it was as if Niel Mitra popped up to invite me personally to the concert, and then, the next day at dinner in my own home, Oliver Sa Tyr asked me to come. It started talking to me, so I purchased a ticket. Yes, I will go somewhere for the first time in such a long time. 

A question, what would you do if you got your heart broken by a captain from a ship, and you so would not know what to do with yourself afterwards? Given things have already been on since school, but by then no one was allowed to know. It's a memory from some time ago, I started talking to him on Facebook, but he rejected. While I found myself pretty brave for confessing. It's been painfull, and I'm so stupid in getting over with things. I overtalked it with mental health care staff. It worked to get rid off painfull edges. I could have picked one off my friends, that would have made me much easier, but I found that guy a bit more interesting and sexy. But I'm stupid for the way I have done it. I have been overthinking him a lot, overthinking, like, I think we got more in common than you realise, but I never had the chance to open up about who I really am. It's been a phillosophicall matter over a love matter almost, just, discussing subjects, politics, style, music, why are you not religious? And you are sooo handsome, why aren't we a thing? But that's for not being honest  about being pagan at school. Things got so complicated, but seem so impossible now. He pops up in my mind sometimes, and sometimes I think I have a 'green man.' with his image after me, seeing him in other people. It's lightly annoying but it follows me while it got shut down. Open up and talk about myself has never been possible. I got delusional about the matter, it's annoying. But that's what I do- when things go wrong, it keeps on spinning in my mind. And I'm an overthinker. I don't really know his personality, it just seems pretty lame by now. I have been hiding myself ever since forever at school, and started to open up and transform into a better person during the years afterward. I just soo wish I could tell him. But I think I might get accused of stalking when I try again. 'I'm not desperate, but you are on my mind. I think I got a soft spot for you, you are inspiring.' It's more personal and important than just a flirt. The Green Man doesn't make it easy. 

Today I got a bit air from the subject, and I started to paint tulips at participation, instead off hazes off waterpaint, trying to get to a certain point. And my tulips will be sold on cards, at de Boed's shop. I got a total hit with it. Maybe from talking about it with care staff, and a cleared mind about the past. I got a breakthrough, and miracles did happen as we speak. I'm going to be printed on postcards. My past does not hurt so much anymore. I got air, and I draw flowers. Zaandijk Beltaine. Spring in Zaandijk lends itself perfectly for Beltaine with all it's beautifull flowers. Dutch tulips, daffodils and blossoms are perfect for it. I got a small park, being in total bloom during the may month, when the sun is in Taurus and the full moon is in Scorpio, and it was inspiring for this art project, it was almost as if there was magic in the air here. If it's a set, It's name should be 'Zaandijk Beltaine.' But I think I should tame it a little bit down for the common audience. So it's better off as 'Tulips.' I felt like a little Zaandijk Benzaiten (The Japanese godess off beauty, inspiration and art.) When creating them. There was totally magic in the air when painting them. They will be printed and sold for 1 euro's each in our shop. 'Get usefull!' 'Word zinnig!' Well, today I totally was. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

How not to get desperate

 Good evening everyone, 

How not to get desperate? Life gives you lemons, love won't befall you, you might be a bit behind- What to do with yourself when it's like that? 

Get yourself moving! Up and onward, and even more over the top. Like Nigella Lawson says. It's important not to be at home all the time, but to go out and do fun stuff. Cinema's, Sports, walks, forest walks, -energy- to keep from being broken. 

I got Schizophrenia, and I'm always broken hearted from the past. But what am I to do? To die in here? Women in my position should not let themselves be held back, life is too short for that. Do fun stuff, move onward, let the music move you and be passionate. 

I'm off bad health, and I can't pass the genes. I'm unhealthy and it's difficult. But we should move onward. Wear cool outfits. Dance a Peacock Boogie and be witches, no matter where we come from. I'm a blend off genes and backgrounds, it all comes down to Dutch, sobriety and farmlands mainly, but people would heir mental diseases and a bad body from me if I would have children. I don't allow myself to have them. But do I have a soul? A soul that needs to be fed, with style, going out, Like poetry, Like magic, music, energy off the gods. I don't care if I'm a blend, I think I'm interesting the way I am. I feel like iron on an anvil, being beaten and shaped by heavy hammers off life all the time. I got my scars, doesn't make me less off a person. I'm a survivor with bad mental health, a backpack and a bad history and a negative reputation. I'm as good as a veteran. Mental health institute veteran with battle scars. But I'm not an addict, still the fellow clients sometimes adress me that way, and they loved my cooking for them. I'm 33, but they say I served dignit. If that means something, Usually I'm too innocent for that kind off mental health. Sometimes it's a suprise I did not die. I'm not death. It's a miracle I'm alive. As good as it gets. To let myself not die, I like to spice it up a bit, with style. Like 'We deserve it.' 'I deserve it.' Or 'I'm worthit.' Like L'oreal once said. I don't like L'oreal, due to animal testing, but it's totally the clue. We should be ourselves, move onward and go out! It works!

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good morning at the 3th off September, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is windy, grey and stormy in The Netherlands. Autumnal weather has hit us. 

*

Life ebs and flows, usually it's a bit more eb than flow. I walk around town a lot, to do a bit more physicall excercise. It's not much, but every step is one. But I got issues with my head if I overdo. They say I should take it more easily, not overwork myself from walking. It's a bit silly, but I have to take it and accept. When I take walks around this charming area, I take a lot off pictures and I post them on Facebook. I have a lot 'Spotted during my morning walk.' Pictures from this area. I love it. It's often blooming plants, or the antique houses or a nice sight. Over the river Zaan for example. It's a dreamy fairytale when you live here and you are into that antique style. It's really pretty and fancy. Moving around is better than just sitting in one place they say. 

It's just that I'm not a mental patient over nothing. I got issues if I walk too much. So I'm told to do so every other day instead off every day. Today is not much off a problem, it's all rain and wind outside. So let's stay in and take it more easy this morning. 

The best about photographing a nice surrounding, is that it's free. It doesn't cost any extra except effort. And if you wish to do it nicely, a good eye for photography, and a bit off know- how with camera angles. I got complimented by friends, family and neighbours on my work. 

This was yesterday, for example. I should not act like I'm an entrepeneur on this, I'm just an unemployed hobbyist with little to do and a will to take nice pictures on morning walks. It's better than to do just nothing. Fruit trees spring their apples during this season. It's really lovely. 

They say where there's a will, there's a way. I don't believe in being on your ass all the time when you have a wage. Even if you're chronically sick, you should not play the victim and give life a try. I could not work a job, but it doesn't mean I should sit at home, complaining and smoking myself an accident all the time. Life is too beautifull for that. I woe over not having a job, I'm not completely worthless. That's how I feel. Sick is sick, but some deserve a kick under their ass for being lazy and stupid. I think effort is the new chique. We don't have money, but what's more chique than a little effort for things? A little affordable elegance. To show you are not completely lame and drained empty from being low on money. People who do so have never been chronically sick or truly poor. Just by this economic crisis. If you have always been poor and sick, you are still willing to put effort to life if you have a fighting spirit. Otherwise you're not just as poor as a streetbrick, but also as dumb as a streetbrick in my opinion. 

Most people might hate me over this, lame as mankind can be. But I feel I'm taught up a bit diffrent than them. Being lazy is not chique. Being so easy it looks stupid is neither. I think they can't follow me in this. It's how life works during this crisis, if you want something, you should put effort to it. That's what I think. It's never been easy for me, It's just that during this economical crisis, life still works for me. And it's doable, it's not impossible. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

And a picture off a low calorie dessert to end this weblog with for now, low fat peach yoghurt with fresh sweet strawberries from the yearly market. It was delicious. 

 

Good evening at the 14th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's windy and sunny outside in The Netherlands. A promise off summer fullfills the air. 

*

Life is getting by, it's not too bad these days. I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet, but when don't I? I don't feel depressed, just a little moody. But at least I'm capable to feel it. It's best to feel and experience your moods. Not to keep them tied up. Psychiatric patients do a little hard with that due to medications. It's really hard to feel our moods most off the time. It's difficult, but these days at least I feel moods. Am cranky, and live them. Feeling moods in my case also comes with a big heart for nostalgia, the surrounding, the old fashioned in Zaandijk and farmstyle life. It's such love and tranquility with this old place. It's love for where I live I feel often. I love it. It's part off me. I belong among this old fashioned stuff. It's really a great feeling. The feeling off love for the surrounding, and belonging somewhere. Actually, it's quite luxurious, not many people I think have this. Usually, this retired feeling is my main feeling. The love for where I live and the old, I try to deal with the crankyness, 

How do they call it? Patriotism, it's dangerous to use the term. Since it's associated and claimed by the extreme right in politics. This enhanced (Enchanted? You'd almost call it that.) feeling off home and belonging is better than love most off the time. It's more safe, either. It's so beautifull and lovely and authentic where I live. It's hard to compare, you can compare it to Hawaii or Venice. It's that touristic and typicall for Dutch. And time by time, I grow to love it more and more. It's so sweet. There's no place like home at the moment to me. It's to swoon over. There's no one my age who has this and who fully understands. I have my own home and I love the place where it's situated. It's more luxurious than winning the lottery. Buying a villa and having to start anew somewhere. That's superficial luxury. But I think this is more meaningfull and real. 

I'm fine with not having kids or a relationship, if life keeps on being this meaningfull. A man can be such a wrong choice, this place has never been a wrong choice. It's the positive off feeling moods. I'm so thankfull for this beauty in my surrounding, and the understanding people I live with. It can pass for a fairytale. It's the surrounding, and it's real life. It's a timeless legend. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good morning at the 26th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a fresh night tonight in The Netherlands. 

*

It's 4 AM, I've slept, I'm sitting here in the living room, writing this to you, as good as pain free. But let's not outcall the gods. I decided to stay home this Kingsday, and do it in moderation. I don't feel much for celebrating Kingsday this year, but I'm willing to eat an orange Tompouce pastry for The King at de Boed today. I might come off as an old crank. It's just a way off perceiving things this year. I think The King is a spoiled man, who actually doesn't deserve this during a crisis like this. But then I would steal away a beloved party from The People. That's the other side off the story and we can't do that either. People love Kingsday. It's just that The King could do less spoiled in times like this, but that's my opinion.  I painted my nails orange, though. Simply not to fall out off tune with other people today. 

But my pain has faded and I'm doing almost fine. I can sleep on my side. But let's not sigh too early in relief, let's take it slowly so I can be utmost certain. I think it would be outcalling the gods if I would visit mom. I sighed a bit too early last week, and I started to feel it directly afterward. So I had to call it off. Really, I had to skip Easter from pain. I wish to visit at Mother's day, but that's way ahead. 

These days are for spending a lot off time at home. I'm unemployed, but to keep myself buisy, I do home work like cleaning. Keeping my tables tidy, doing dishes at least once a day, keep the laundry up to date, and yesterday evening was for cleaning my grill. Really, household jobs can be vulnerable. I got help with laundry folding, cleaning the bed sheets and vacuum cleaning, but I mop the floor myself each week. And I clean the toilet. This home is still on the messy side, but at least it's getting somewhere clean. I open curtains and windows each day for fresh air. It's been hard to get me at that point. I was a real slouch with a messy home. But as I'm getting older and this whole crisis thing continues, I'm getting more and more tidy. I think them lazy slouches are a bit jealouse, but most people are proud off me. They'd declare me a lunatic if I would call it wealth, but it sure is luxury to have a clean grill. 😉 

Isn't it a fundament off most religions worldwide, to be clean? Cleanliness is next to godliness. Christianity, Islamic, Jewish, Buddhistic, all swear by clean houses off prayer. I think it's much better than filthy messes to burn incense in. It's just that it stays more in the home and the near surrouding than to go in the outside world when it's this fresh and clean in my home. That's what I mentioned. Maybe that's a more safe option than to seek it too far off, or merely, it's all I can handle at the moment. And this home is the place I can be found most off the time. So why seeking it in the outer world? Maybe the Universe is more common sensed than I think. It's more in the home or the close surrounding when I burn incense now. But why would I need something far off to work? To stay home is safe. It works for me at the moment. 

These are pictures I blogged about some time ago, from fruit blossoms and chickens nearby. It's just that the link failed when trying to share these. Today it works. I went out short before Easter and pictured these. My close surrounding can be so beautifull and pittoresque. It's really lovely. It's national heritage. Simply to be here is no punishment. It's beautifull. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 22nd off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's fresh and cloudy outside tonight. 

*

I can't catch sleep. Something in me stays wide awake, and makes it impossible to sleep tonight. My second day off Easter went by pretty well. I feel with the death off the Pope. He was someone who felt with the poor and the weak and stood up for them. And who reformed the church or tried to. A loss for the world I guess. 

But my Easter went by pretty well. I prepared extra good foods and ate so good. I pictured everything. I don't know if it's appropriate to post all off that on here. I don't know if it will make people jealouse off it. Or snobby, or below this standard. I have no clue to what people might think off it. That's the charm off this weblog, but it could also go wrong. Maybe my dinners.... 

Dessert: 

white chocolate mousse for two days. It's been really great to eat all off this. It was delicious. It's how Easter meals should be. I only have to find out how to cook steak more perfectly. It's a way to go to practice with it. My skills on cooking perfect steak. It's really a challenge. And offcourse I had Kaiser buns for breakfast and cinnamon buns for lunch. It's been really good. 

This perfect food is not something I do every day. It's this year's Easter for this turn. de Boed had some Easter treats for us. 

Really nice off them. I have been vreeting this weekend. I still have to do the dishes. I'm out off energy for it for tonight. And I had this: 

Chocolate Easter eggs with a Pistachio pastry for two days. It's been Easter best and I have been enjoying it. I have been arranging it perfectly, I'm almost proud off myself. Some points off improvement, but most things where perfect. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 20th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Merry Easter to all. 

It's cold and cloudy outside in The Netherlands. 

*

I'm typing you this while my nails dry. I don't look that Easter best, I'm a bit slouchy this year, but at least my nails look almost a statement pink. For fancy and almost tidy occasions, I think this shade rocks it. Otherwise I think it's a little bit loud on people. I should not tell them what to do, but it's how I feel about it. But Easter actually feels like the perfect occasion for such a shade on my nails. It's not too loud or too heavy today. 

Yesterday I felt like shaking up them lazy slouches by tidying up my living room table, and serve myself tea with a pistachio pastry and Easter eggs really cute. And show the world. Really fancy, really nice, during a vintage era like this, this is almost pride. You could say. And the lazy slouches had a hard time dealing with it and gossiping about it loud and stupid. I think some women in the fantasy scene are really stupid and lazy when it comes to these sort off things. Slouching it like pigs. During a war in this style, that is not appropriate. I might be a little insane, but it's how I try to keep spirits up. Unemancipated? Might be. honourable? Yes. That's more off the thing. I think we're about to lose the war, but can we at least keep spirits up or try to? Or am I the only one who does that? The foods on my table are simple but good, my table is clean and I still feel well and not depressed. Maybe due to household duties to keep me strong. And the whole style I try to put up with it. But just for myself. Most men have never proven themselves worthit. So I put on all off this just for silly old me to have a comfortable living in this world during this time and day off being. 

Why am I awake at night? I feel I'm fighting death again. When I put myself to sleep, my head is wreched and I feel I'm almost dying. I can't catch sleep due to it. It's not my side that hurts, it's really my head that plays games with me. I'm a sucker who forgets her pills in the morning. I take them around noon from forgetting them for two days in a row. That's almost asking for it. Health care thought it would be a good idea for me to take controll off my own medication intake. But I have told them ahead I would mess with it and be forgetfull. But that's why my head is toiling a bit and doing hard with me. I have told them I'm an idiot with it, but where they to listen? Nah-ah. 

Chocolate is really expensive these days. but I think I do well for ignoring that, and not buying it that much. This Easter it's just one bag off plain dark, milk and white chocolate eggs during Easter itself. I don't crave 300 flavors and even more Easter rabbits for this year. Simply not purchasing, just like Christmas cookies. You could almost feel I'm unemployed on my pictures about it. Barely any sweetness for me during these holidays. Though I found out Pistachio in a pastry tastes great. 

   

It's something to give lazy slouches a headache with. And to enjoy Easter with, offcourse. A clean, lucky and almost organized home maker can still show this off to the world. It's my humble idea off pride nowadays. I should not over-act on it, though. That's almost seeking for trouble. And this picture does not show I'm unemployed. On other hand, I think this is good enough. (That deserves it, at least.) If I tidy up tomorrow morning, I'm all steady for a lonesome Easter 2025. I don't even have my family in my surrounding this year, but at least my care home does it for me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 19th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's sunny and cold in The Netherlands. 

*

It's something for the headlines off the news, I've slept through for a whole night! It's really an appropriate morning, and the sore in my chest is reduced. It's still there, and it's still bothering me, but it's acceptable and something I can live with for now. Only if I breathe in real deep or sneeze it's still there. Still enough being felt to stay at home for it. It's not done, but I could sleep on my side tonight. 

I'm baking off two cinnamon buns for breakfast. It's not Easter yet, but they where calling my name from the freezer. At least to eat goes well. In moderation, since I can't call the amounts for Easter foods scrumptious. It was one hell off pricey, but I got little amount for it. Still I think it's going to taste well. But really, these amounts are hell to pay if you have a family. I'm glad I don't have one. Still, Easter. I think many a picky care taker would not call me out for eating too much with these scandalous sober amounts. 

But yeah, I've slept untill 8 this morning. Being in bed wasn't so hurtfull 💖 Maybe next week I will hand out the Easter chocolates to mom if the curing proces goes this well. I'm not like Miss Piggy, getting up from a surgery table all at once yelling 'I'm cured!' Naw, this sore is quite serious. But this place is so beautifull, it's almost a crime to go home from here during Easter. It's authentc, covered in flowers, and incredibly, timelessly springy beautifull this year with the cherry blossoms all out. It's a dream this Easter. So, I don't mind to stay. I'm photographing all the beauty this year. It's like the 1930's and 40's, where everyone had to live it sober, while the farmers and the village folks still had a little luxury with everything in bloom. It's timeless and lovely. Yesterday I pictured fruit blossoms and chickens nearby. I love it, and more will follow. So my Easter isn't all ruined. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading   

  

Good evening at the 11th off April, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's a beautifull and sunny day outside in Spring, in The Netherlands. 

*

I'm not doing that bad. I mean, I talk to mycelf and I'm distant with fellow clients, but I'm not doing bad since Spring is the most beautifull off seasons in Zaandijk. It's gorgeous with all the flowers out. It lends itself perfectly for some sweet walks and photography. People on my Facebook love it, and so does my mom. This whole season is too beautifull, and I'm sensitive for the beauty off Mother Nature. The pink blossoms soothe my mood. And so do the tulips, the daffodils and the beautifull gems in the gras I can't name. An example?

These are some off my images. It's so beautifull. It's my idea off heaven. At least what I've read about heaven. Usually I spam my facebook with these. The elderly ladies love it. I took pictures off our Japanese Cherry Blossoms from the shared balcony at the first floor off my flat. It was really a good idea. The trees look perfect from that perspective. It's an ode to Easter, almost. At least this surrounding makes Easter less dry. Just like the May month- It's all dwelling in beauty for the eye to see. It's the high point off the year in this place. At least they don't take away the flowers. Everything is very expensive, but flowers outside are so durable, they keep coming back each year, so the government hasn't cut costs on them so far. I might be a simple soul to enjoy these. I just love them. Simple, senile, or a bit sensitive. I love it. I barely dare to show up at de Zaanse Schans, crowded with tourists as I expect it, otherwise it just screams 'Picture me.' Life outside is perfect nowadays. Walks, photography, sitting on outside benches, all sorts off things that are seen as hyper old fashioned, are great at the moment. It's beautifull. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 28th off February, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was grey and rainy in The Netherlands. 

*

Every often, when I feel poor, I send a postcard to grandma, I do the laundry, and then do my nails. I don't know why, I feel a little more rich when doing so, though my postcards nowadays are donated by mom, including the poststamps, laundry wash comes from the storage room, and my nailpolish is cheap. But it's a certain way off maintaining which requires small luxury. It does when I feel broke. It causes good moods, among myself, grandma and care staff, and it gives more off a clue when I feel low on money. it works. I'm not Buddha, teaching others how to solve things a certain way, nor a preacher telling you what to believe. But it's a tip and maybe you got something onto it when you feel poor. A feeling most off us can't escape these days. But maybe you feel better by performing these small acts. Though I have to be honest, mom donated the postcards and the poststamps. And the laundry wash did not came in cheap, but I've been hoarding it. And washing with it feels luxurious and my laundry is done and smells nice. And yes, cheap nailpolish, but 'on the shelves.' In fancy colours and with shines in them. Mainly by Essence or Catrice. You feel a little more fancy when you've done so. 

What also gives that certain feeling nowadays, and what keeps me truly happy, is to perfectly bake a basic, plain pound cake and share it at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk ment for mental patients. It's nothing more fancy than just simple cake, but you should see how happy it makes people. A slice off fresh cake with their plain coffee on a Sunday afternoon. They're so gratefull. It's not much for a hobbyist like me, who is used to much more decadent bakings, but I still got this. And it's a bit off appropriate pride to bake 'em perfect every time nowadays. Simply to keep up spirits and not get cranky. As someone who always has been poor in my youth, I know what it's like to live with little. And we should not let it get the best off us. It's less than my old way off baking, but at least we have it and it still makes them happy and gratefull. I think I'm going to remind that about them. How little it took for them to be gratefull. A slice off fresh made cake, a cup off fresh brewed coffee, to sing a nice song for them- and I make their day with it. To me it's as if these nice people are happy with almost nothing. And it works for me. Maybe since they're older. If they where my age or younger, I think they would be more spoiled. But these people are so gratefull, I love it. There's a certain Japanese wisdom about being kind. I believe in it when it comes to this. I'm not perfect at being kind all the time, but I try. It's hard to stay kind nowadays, and it's impossible to keep on seeing the good in people. I failed at that, but I did not fail in my attempt at local kindness. I grid my teeth, and I keep on trying. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

  

Good morning at the 20th off October, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's still too dark outside to see the weather for today. 

*

There's a picture I don't like to keep from you, it's the pavement in a park nearby my mom's home, covered in Fall leaves, which gives such an Autumnal feeling to the picture. 

I think this really makes a nice image. I made quite a long walk yesterday, about 10 kilometres and 1500 calories off, according to my step counter app on my smartphone. It felt good, doing such a long walk. There was a time and place when I still lived here, Around 18, when I used to do them every Sunday with our old dog. I was a bit out off my mind sometimes when walking the dunes, as how they're known internationally, but I enjoyed forest walks. People might have thought I was a bit old fashioned, since it's seen as something for old people to go around walking the dunes and loving nature and the surrounding every weekend. It was at the height off my Fantasy interest, where I loved imagining all kinds off things in the local forest. The Castricum dunes lend themselves perfectly well for that. Usually old people do forest walks on Sunday morning, but I'm somewhat off a weird witch, loving being out there aswell. It's a nice forest. 

I never told anyone, except my family. They would not have understood. But I miss it. The long forest walks on Sunday morning. Even without the imagining. I love the forest. And our old dog was certainly my friend. It's just that during my hard period, I stopped them. After to have to live somewhere else, it stopped entirely. Walking the forest was good for my condition. And I believe I slimmed down after starting that. If smartphones where more common back then, I would have pictured more off it. But I was doing hard, so it ended. 

Maybe when I'm here, I can re- start them. forest walks are incredibly good for our health. Japanese call it Shinrin Yoku. Forest bathing. It's good for mind, body and spirit to walk forests. Franscesc Miralles and Héctor Garcia have a great work about it: Shinrin Yoku 

 

  

I don't know if this is also in English, but it describes the scientific and psychological side to an ancient Japanese wisdom. And it's feelgood mental health. It's good to be out in the forest at least once a month according to this. Maybe I should visit my family once a month, and pick up on that again. It would be so good for me. It's something to think about for me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

 

    

Good morning at the 19th off October, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's still too dark outside at almost 07.00 AM to see the weather. 

*

Yesterday evening I washed my hair and body with the brand Naif, which my mom won at the lottery for a price, I just think it dries the skin and the hair too much. It claims to be 'good for the planet.' And harm free for skin, but my sensitive skin doesn't take these products well. It makes my skin tight and makes my hair lose it's bouncyness. You can also wash your face with it, but I'm glad I had my face oil with me, so it kept my skin from being bouncy. These sets go for 50 euro a set in stores, so it's important for the audience to know how they feel on their skin. They claim the world, but they aren't that good for our human skin. I got a sensitive skin, and it's not feeling well on mine. So I'm not a fan. 😒 I'm a fan off every brand that claims to be good for the planet, and has no harmfull ingredients in their products, I'm into trying them. But this stuff just doesn't work on me. 😒

I went to my family for a visit. My brother has turned 29, and I got him a cute present. A tortoise stuffed animal. It was a large, funny one and he liked it. 

We're still big kids in our hearts when it comes to presents. He got a pastry for me yesterday. A nice Speculaas vlaai. With a cup off coffee 

It just screamed 'picture!' at me. 😏 

I just have been making tea, and it's infusing at this moment. Maybe I'm in it for a walk outside today, simply to stretch my leggs. And the surrounding where my family lives is beautifull. Yesterday has been quite nice. 

I can't set myself to more than this, but maybe because it's this early in the morning 😅 

Allrigh, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good evening at the 17th off October, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a cloudy day in Autumn. 

*

I'm typing this while my nails are drying. I have a weekend ahead off family visiting. I don't know if it's this time off era, but I feel like such a craving for green. Just like someone can feel like eating nasi, or a certain potato chips, I feel like wearing nice green tones. So my nails are 'inner Peas' by Essence. Green as my current camouflage colour? Almost. But it's nice. It's the colour off the heart-chakra, the planet Uranus in Taurus and it feels safe and comfortable wearing it. It's not a bad colour, and the neighbours don't mind. 

Uranus in Taurus requires conventional, traditional ways to get what you need out off a situation. And nice greens compliment that. 

I got some more pictures from my phone from Zaandijk, my home town. I hope you don't mind me posting them. 

 

Last one is a really nice overvieuw on the river Zaan, if you walk up to the rowing club, and look back, you get a really nice overvieuw over the windmills and de Zaanse Schans. I had the luck the weather was working with when I photographed. It looks romantic that way. Almost from a children's book or a movie, or a fairytale. Almost like Wind in the Willows. Upcoming Monday, I will photograph at de Zaanse Schans. I might take several pictures spread over several days, if one day on it's own is too much. Having to walk to get more sleep ain't so bad, after all. These subjects are timeless, they can't be taken away. De Zaan, the Windmills, the old fashioned culture off the Netherlands. It's in our heart. And it should remain. And it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, they are free for the eye to see. 

This morning was for coffee service. I have been serving coffee at de Boed as my volunteer job. I make good coffee, compliments all over again. It's good we still have it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good afternoon at the 4th off October, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is nice and sunny for a day in fall. 

*

I will be serving coffee this afternoon with this on my lips. It's Essence Crystal Clear lipgloss, as clear and scentless as water. But it's innocent. It's not a kissing potion, doesn't belong in a Vampire Witch's boudoir, and it's probably just what I need to look groomed at serving coffee today. I got a skinny mascara on my lashes, and my eyebrows are neatly plucked. My cousin and the neighbours have nothing to complain about. 

And it's all clear skin on me. I'm not after someone, I'm just there to serve people the best coffee in the whole wide surrounding this afternoon. And I got a 90's nude on my nails that doesn't look like poison either, I look simple yet nice enough, and that's what we aim for. 

 

I got this on my eyelashes. And some clear eyebrow gel from Essence. 

Essence lash brow gel mascara. I swear, I eat these. But that's due to thick eyebrows like mine. It needs to be groomed and held in place. 

 'Are you trying to potion me, or poison me?' Well, not today. Today it's just an attempt to refined delicacy. Maybe I should be glad for strict unwritten rules on what's allowed and what not. They also occure to less interesting men and women. Let's be gratefull instead off seeing it as a burden. And it depends on where you are and who you ask, but in this place, my face is enough like this today. 

I hear people laughing about me for not wearing much make-up, I'm probably the talk off town at some places. A woman my age should be indulging in make-up according to the unwritten rules for millenials. But that's just not 'me.' I prefer to keep it sane and decent. Like always. I rather believe in 'to guild the lily.' Instead off re-painting the entire flower. But that's my opinion. And clear lipgloss keeps me from biting a neck.   

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.     

Good evening at the 1st off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today the weather is cloudy and somewhat fresh. 

*

Today was for being a tourist in own country, and visiting Utrecht. A city reachable by train for me. Walking around, coffeeing, lunch- Good things you can do when visiting a place with an antique city centre. It's the good life. I love to do so once in a while. Not just Utrecht, but multiple cool places in The Netherlands with greet sight-seeing possibilities where antique never gets old. 

I used to do so more frequently, but being unstable and feeling sick got in the way. But some things never get boring. I had bright red statement lipstick on. Maybe a bit too bold and bright, but it was fiery red lipstick. And skinny mascara. Also, I wore nice clothes. I was really a lady visiting some place. I can be proud off myself making something out off myself today. Instead off feeling lame and letting it pass. The only thing about me, compared to a few years ago, is that I grew so fat. I grew from medication and lazyness. Though today wasn't much skinny, I ended it with a New York Pizza with a pint off Ben & Jerry's. Actually, this is my favourite activity. Visiting other places. Having fun while sightseeing and coffeeing there. I'm glad I didn't let the day get by wasted. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 17th off May, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cloudy and it's forecasted to go to rain all day. 

*

This Pentecost weekend, I will go to my parental home and spend the weekend with mom. I think I'm going to love it, since I haven't been there for a while. 

My lying about the banana cake worked, yesterday people loved it, and care takers fell for the lie. It's not my habit to lie, so I said I'm not about to bake for a while for them, and I gave up the prices as a reason. Actually that's true, since it's a god's grant from me to bake for them these days with these murdurous prices, but actually I think they take it way too strict with the rules for my baking these days. And they're not very nice in my opinion, so it's done for now. I think I'm not going to regret this for a while. 

I'm not completely done baking, I will prepare my own birthday cake this year, but that's for something private and care takers have nothing to do with that. But it will be for August, and it's a while away. And I will prepare my own birthday treats for them. But it won't be tomorrow for that to take place. So I think I get away with it. 

It feels wrong to have lied, but it's been the only reason for the cake to have been allowed. Otherwise we could forget about it. But my concious is playing up for it. Usually I believe in honesty, but this just had to go this way. I just hope they don't read my weblog. 

And I signed up an old wooden coat rack for bulky waste this morning. It's been wasting around in my bedroom for a while. It's about time for it to be thrown out. I filled in the web form at the government website, and it will be done at the 7th off June.  

Beside to all off this, I finished collecting the cooking bible series: 

I got all 33 books complete for now, due to vacation money from Leviaan. I think I can be proud off myself for to have collected all off these. Though it wasn't easy and it had to be delayed this year due to money. But I'm fullfilling this. (These are very good cookbooks with a certain kind off status in the Netherlands. And they're quite expensive.) It's kinda something to have the entire series complete at this point. But I think I can be proud at myself for it. Everyone their own hobby, and I don't smoke, drink expensive booze or have kids. So I can afford this. Each to their own. And this is what I like. 

Collecting cookbooks is cool. This is the only series I collect at this moment. All the others I have ditched due to the crisis, but I started this before the crisis, so I want to finish it, despite everything. Everyone needs something they're a bit nuts over in their life. I got this and Nordic Ware. Other than that I don't have hobbies or strange collections. And I don't go out or to fun places most off the time. Life would be too dry without these. I can't wait to make use off these. And prepare perfect dishes. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

 

  

Good evening at the 14th off May, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny and warm in the Netherlands. 

*

Today was for Statement Baking. My beloved and famous receipe for Banana cake, prepared in the Heritage Bundt mold by Nordic Ware, the ordinairy size: 

It came out perfect tonight. It will be handed to de Boed on Thursday for music afternoon. I'm so proud I came round with the groceries for this. It's been a massive amount, but I could do it. Just perfect how it turned out! It's ment as a statement for peace, against war in Ukraine. I think the Nordic Ware Heritage Bundt is perfect for that statement. It's just dusted with icing sugar. 

And I found The Very Best off The Dubliners for less than 8 euro's. It's perfect music for tonight. My home is filled with cheer. Irish pub folk, the best off the best, and it's perfect for tonight. It's sooo good, it's almost too good. I can't help but thinking that. 

Perfect Banana cake, and perfect music. I don't know, somehow, somewhere, the life off an old spinster is still good. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 16th off April, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was mostly rainy and cold. 

*

I quit the deal with mom, not because I could not handle it, but because I have enough money to make it without her help. I can come round without her. I'm still thinking on moderately taking it sober, but simply not rock bottom, like first. If I use my mind, I can live comfortable. How? Since I have always lived sober, and now I have small savings. I should not cheer too early, and see what's within my range off possibilities. But I used my head, and now I'm allowed to profit from it. Even though this is a crisis, I believe I can handle it for now. Though I can not 'vreet on lobster.' like I wanted to do after the crisis, and only during Christmas. But it's comfortable enough to save myself. 

So I quit the deal with mom, and saved myself from a very sober and plain life. Like stated in her demands before she allowed me it. 

The hard and sober mindset I'm used to, saved my ass. There's nothing wrong with being Dutch during a crisis. It saves my life. And I always loved the plain old fashioned style that's in fashion nowadays. There's nothing wrong with it these days. Sometimes life seems to smile at me a bit, and these hard years seemed to have had purpose. I can deal with it, even without a man. It's even preferable without a man. 

But it's not over yet. But so far, so good. As far as that goes, I decided to complete the cooking bible series and continue cookbook collecting. Other than that, I prefer to take on it pretty normal. 'You never know what lies ahead off you.' Hasn't done wrong for me so far. 

Note: It doesn't mean I let anyone borrow, or that I will donate more than the average. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 3th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy with here and there a ray off sunshine. 

*

News off the day: I got published with a send in letter to the weekend edition to the local newspaper. With my name and town. 

It's in Dutch, it's a small letter where I recomend the people to use a good old cookbook from the old days they might have on their ceiling, or which can be found at a second hand shop, to teach all those still at their parents living young adults to cook well. I think people in their 20's, still living with their parents, should be taught how to cook well. That's what it comes down to. Even if it has to be with the help off an old cookbook. (People probably already own, their grandparents might own, or which can be found easily and cheap second hand.) And the newspaper thought it was worthit publishing. 💖 My opinion probably matters. And all care takers who read agree with me. And say I can be proud off myself. Though this causes nerves with me. I don't know if I should do it again if it causes such nerve wrecks. I don't expect to be recognized tomorrow in the local supermarket. But still, it's a bit much. It's been published in Noord-Hollands dagblad, editie Zaanstreek. I covered my name in this picture. 

I'm not really good at this whole 'Being famous.' thing. It's a bit too much  for me at times. I like to keep relatively anonimity in my own Noord-Holland. Where I can walk the streets without trouble. 

The appeltaart was a succes this Sunday. Though I told my fellow clients not to expect bakings from me anymore as frequent as I used to. I think they accepted. But the applepie went in with them perfectly. It tasted as perfect as it did at home, with my parents. Since I used my all-time favourite receipe for it. Almost as if I shared something intimate and personal with them. But it's how it's at it's best in my opinion. How I've been taught by my late dad to make it. But I think we all needed that spirit enhancer today. It made a boring Sunday that much better. It comes from the vintage cookbook I recommended in the newspaper. 😉  I just gave my own twist to it. So, being able to cook well really matters. I simply hope my public letter is agreed upon by people. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 2nd off November, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's windy and cold, with here and there a rainshower. There is a storm predicted for today with an alarm code. 

*

I think I will be a bit frightned today due to the storm, but we have de Boed near where we can shelter when it's passing. It's not allright with me. I remember a storm we had in July, and that one was pretty scary. I hope this one will pass more mildly, but it's still something to be afraid off. 

I have been up from 05.00 AM on. I have this issue where I can't sleep anymore at a very early hour each morning. But it's not a bad thing since I do house chores like cleaning the bathroom or the kitchen at that time off the day. I have a more hygienic home, and a mind set off off things. And I'm glad I live on myself and don't annoy people with it at 05.00 AM. A man would probably not allow me to. I don't go intentionally out at 05.00 AM to do chores and clean, but when I can't sleep anymore, I do that to set off my mind in the morning. I love my home when it's this clean. And care staff compliments me on it a lot. Finally it's getting somewhere with me in psychiatric health. I also got complimented on how I look more hygienic. I have the urge to be more clean recently. I can't explain you where it comes from, but it helps so far. Not only clean, but pretty most off the time. I have my own style with it. reds, (Burgundy and bright reds) blacks, long golden blonde hair, dark nailpolish, cool beige coloured shoes (Boots!) and cool but fancy accessoires, it's dark chique at it's best. I love the trend. It's a Leo asking advice from a Scorpio on what to wear. It's a fancy November style these days. I'm a Leo with Scorpio as my moon sign, so it's not blasphemy to put it like that. I look sexy as hell with it. I have the feeling I can get any man on the terrain I set my mind on with this style, but I keep them at distance since that's not what I want. 

It's dark, seductive, sexy and chique. I want to be pretty these days. Pretty, mature and sexy. I have the feeling I'm somewhat off a heartbreaker these days. It's not my intention, but that's what a woman gets when her looks become vampy. It's like I wish to look like a vamp these days. I feel like a sexy rockstar with this on. A rockdiva. That's what I am these days. It's cool. But it's not overly Gothic. It's wearable and dark. Goths are wimps, rockdivas like me are power-women. And it doesn't lend on commercialism. It's not merchandise I wear, which doesn't make me an alternative geek. This is purely ment as a woman to take count with. A rebel, a bitch, an angel, sweet as an apple but not naive. Beauty with a mind off it's own. Stupid is something diffrent. That's what I crave for, and it's something completely diffrent than an ungroomed granny ghost. I'm both, a bitch and a sweetheart, and this reflects those two combined. It's what a man thinks he wants, but leaves him with a strong headache if he doesn't do it right. I got my jive back when it comes to looks. I feel like I'm out off depression when it comes to that. A beauty that kicks ass. That's my style off preference. 

I love Autumn since it allows people to add a certain kind off rock to their outfits. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.