Good evening at the 7th off September, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today is the last nice day off the year according to most. The last sunny day before the rain and fall season truly hits. 

*

Yesterday was for a day at ARTIS Zoo, (The Amsterdam Zoo) completely paid for by Leviaan. I loved it. The animals where so captivating, the park was beautifull, and the weather was a delight. And for me it was completely free. Usually we don't go on trips like this, it's been mugging for five years by us before they finally agreed. But the day was fabulous, a dream day from a fairytale. Zoo animals are so beautifull and special, They're from another world, worlds we don't get to see every day. Only in nature documentairies. My family loves those. If they don't know what to watch, it's nature documentairies, and I'm for real. It's just that I got to see wildlife for real yesterday. Really nice and special for a common Saturday.

I feel well, I feel good in my skin and I try to do my best in life. Just my plain best on a household level. Nothing too big, nothing too difficult, and I function. It's just that it's a bit spare on money, but I try to owe up for that by doing my best with it. You can say it's a cheap everything cleaner, but it matters if the floor and the toilet are cleaned with it to begin with, or the dishes are done to begin with with cheap dishwash. And you'll see, it cleans just as good. It's just your mindset towards it. We can fight over it, but if it works, it works. I got complimented a lot on my tidy home lately. It's my way to set my mind off off things. It's the most usefull thing we can do nowadays: To clean. I don't withhold power, but mán, does my home smell like lemons? I don't know if I do well with it, but it's a small act off rebellion. Against lazy slouches, against lazy youth, against filthy pigs. I don't know, it's working in my mind. And they almost accuse me off witchcraft instead off seeking the sane and do so themselves. It's that feeling off brushing your teeth every day in the morning and the evening and simply knowing it makes you superior to those lazy slouches, despite lack off education, intelligence, money or style. At least I'm every day clean. I can say I don't accept it when a person is filthy. I'm not just waging a war with the Russians. But I think I do it perfectly. Filthy, sweaty pigs are not my type off people anymore. I think I beat most off 'those.' people when I'm clean on myself and my home. Most off those know it alls don't know how to use a mop and a toothbrush. It's my way to deal with a lot. If you have more than seven reasons to do something, you should do it if everything falls into place with it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

 

 

Basisbehoeften die we moeten blijven vervullen.

 Goedemorgen aan iedereen die leest. 

Ik zal de essentie van mijn blog van gisteren herhalen, maar dan in het Nederlands zodat meer mensen het begrijpen: 

We leven in oorlog en zware crisis, maar we moeten niet vergeten dat we mensen zijn met basis behoeften, en dat die vóór moeten gaan. Ik heb het niet over seks, maar over eten, hygiëne en warme kleding. 

Ik zie nog te veel om me heen dat mensen verslonzen en zichzelf verwaarlozen uit zware armoede. Maar dat moeten we dus niet gaan doen. We kunnen beter uitgaan en evenementen skippen dan dat we onszelf gaan verwaarlozen. Dat moeten we niet doen. Het is duur, maar jezelf verzorgen moet. 

We hebben die spullen nodig, dus dan moet je bezuinigen op andere luxe. De gewone spullen, zoals serviesgoed, kleding en meubels zijn in Nederland van hoogstaande kwaliteit genoeg om er lang mee toe te kunnen. Als het goed is kun je daar een paar jaar mee toe, waardoor het minder kost. Je moet het alleen wel schoon houden. Het huismerk van de supermarkt aan schoonmaakproducten volstaat. Ook dat is door de EU regels gekomen, en is in Nederland op de markt. Dus het is goed genoeg om het huis schoon mee te houden. Iedere week kleding wassen, het toilet verschonen en geregeld de afwas doen en stofzuigen en de vloer dweilen zijn echte musts en de grote basis van de hygiene. Ook tijdens een zware crisis! 

En we moeten eten, het mag niet duur, maar ik wil voedzaam eten. Dus ik eet verse groenten. Later kan ik met andere eet-snobs gaan opscheppen dat ik 'tijdens de oorlog.' verse groenten en fruit at. Want buiten dat kent de Zaanstreek eigenlijk geen luxe. Ik eet dus goede groenten, aardappelen en vlees. Of iets anders wat binnen mijn bereik ligt, en wat tamelijk gezond is. Ons lijf heeft het nodig. Net als brood en gezonde melk. We zijn dieren met een skelet en botten, en die hebben melk nodig om ons gezond te houden. Ik eet meestal het brood van 99 cent, duurder lukt niet, maar ik eet brood. Ik denk dat heel Zaanstad dat goedkope brood eet. En ik eet vers fruit. Ook omdat ik dat nodig heb, en als ik er aan kan komen, verse eieren. Omdat mijn lichaam moet functioneren. Het is duur, maar te ongezond eten zie ik niet zitten. En al helemaal niet tijdens een crisis. Ik wil dit overleven! Dus ja, gewoon gezond eten. Voor prijzen die ik ervoor durf neer te tellen. Het is geen hyper, overdreven bijzonder eten. maar gewoon de lekkere, eenvoudige boeren keuken die ik probeer te maken. Om de juiste voedingsstoffen binnen te krijgen. Want dat is belangrijk. Meer dan dat kan ik ook qua mentale gezondheid soms niet opbrengen, maar meestal is wat ik maak eenvoudig en gezond. 

We hoeven geen it-girls te zijn tegenwoordig, maar verzorgd is zeker een must. Het maakt niet uit of je oude kleding niet meer hip is, als het maar schoon en gewassen is. En je lijf en je haar moet je ook schoon houden. Net als je nagels knippen en vijlen en je wenkbrauwen epileren als je een vrouw bent. Lippenstift is geen vereiste, een nagelknipper wel. Net als vijlen. En handzeep. Nagellak hoeft niet, als je handen maar hygiënisch zijn. We hoeven niet eens onze wenkbrauwen in te tekenen, als ze maar niet verslonst zijn. Een wenkbrauw razor kan ook, als je moeilijk te epileren wenkbrauwen hebt, maar zorg voor nette wenkbrauwen! Je word er een vrouw van. En als je Gilette scheermesjes nodig hebt, dan moet dat ook maar even. (Iedereen weet dat die mannen scheermesjes beter werken dan de vrouwen variant, en dat Gilette Blue de beste zijn.) Het is een must have voor iedere zomer. 

Als je geen kapsel kunt veroorloven, kun je de kapper vragen of er ook puntjes geknipt kunnen worden. Je haar bijpunten. Voor de hygiene zou je dat echt voor jezelf over moeten hebben. Iets van één of twee keer in het jaar. Je hoeft echt geen kapsel, maar wel gezond geknipt haar. Voor gezond haar is wassen, conditioner, borstelen en gezond knippen echt een vereiste. 

Om gaatjes niet dicht te laten groeien, kun je beter simpele basic oorbellen gaan dragen. Oorbel gaatjes groeien na een tijdje dicht als je er niks in doet, en daar ga je spijt van krijgen. Ik kan je aanraden om goedkoop oorbellen te zoeken, en ze heel subtiel te dragen. 

Wat ik hier boven beschreven heb, is simpelweg de basis van onze menselijke waardigheid. En als je het niet doet verdien je een trap onder je hol. Juist in deze tijd is het belangrijk om er een beetje knap bij te zitten. Investeer in spullen die lang mee gaan, ook qua stijl, maar hou het wel schoon, en durf daar geld aan uit te geven. Het huismerk van de supermarkt is goed genoeg voor schoonmaak producten. 

We zijn mensen, GEEN vieze varkens. En jezelf waardig houden, is de oorlog winnen. 

Dank je wel voor het lezen! 

  

 

Good morning at the 20th off October, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's still too dark outside to see the weather for today. 

*

There's a picture I don't like to keep from you, it's the pavement in a park nearby my mom's home, covered in Fall leaves, which gives such an Autumnal feeling to the picture. 

I think this really makes a nice image. I made quite a long walk yesterday, about 10 kilometres and 1500 calories off, according to my step counter app on my smartphone. It felt good, doing such a long walk. There was a time and place when I still lived here, Around 18, when I used to do them every Sunday with our old dog. I was a bit out off my mind sometimes when walking the dunes, as how they're known internationally, but I enjoyed forest walks. People might have thought I was a bit old fashioned, since it's seen as something for old people to go around walking the dunes and loving nature and the surrounding every weekend. It was at the height off my Fantasy interest, where I loved imagining all kinds off things in the local forest. The Castricum dunes lend themselves perfectly well for that. Usually old people do forest walks on Sunday morning, but I'm somewhat off a weird witch, loving being out there aswell. It's a nice forest. 

I never told anyone, except my family. They would not have understood. But I miss it. The long forest walks on Sunday morning. Even without the imagining. I love the forest. And our old dog was certainly my friend. It's just that during my hard period, I stopped them. After to have to live somewhere else, it stopped entirely. Walking the forest was good for my condition. And I believe I slimmed down after starting that. If smartphones where more common back then, I would have pictured more off it. But I was doing hard, so it ended. 

Maybe when I'm here, I can re- start them. forest walks are incredibly good for our health. Japanese call it Shinrin Yoku. Forest bathing. It's good for mind, body and spirit to walk forests. Franscesc Miralles and Héctor Garcia have a great work about it: Shinrin Yoku 

 

  

I don't know if this is also in English, but it describes the scientific and psychological side to an ancient Japanese wisdom. And it's feelgood mental health. It's good to be out in the forest at least once a month according to this. Maybe I should visit my family once a month, and pick up on that again. It would be so good for me. It's something to think about for me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

 

    

Good afternoon at the 12th off July, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's raining cats and dogs outside, it's nasty weather, but at least it's not too hot. 

*

What if I happen to have been wrong with the peace prediction all the time? And peace in Ukraine will be upon us sooner than 2028? It's a bit doubtfull. You can say I'm a charlatan if I don't got that right. I think this war won't last forever. I think it might be sooner peace than main 'common' prognosis. though. So that makes me a bit off an optimist. I can't help it, we might be at peace again next year. But count me an idiot if that's not the case. It's a bit doubtfull. It's such a cheerfull foresight, I almost don't dare to believe it. But who am I to be trusted with it? I'm not a renowed paragnost. I just learned to trust the 'worst case.' scenario's. But 2025 is a 'perfect case scenario.'

I got visions for a time after the war in the short term. So this won't last forever, still I don't know when it's about to happen. I'm too vague to pinpoint on. So don't trust me. 😩 

Still, the issues this country has to face if the war ends in the short term... it's not mild. I think the year to the ending off the war is the only vision I will make public, and after this it's done with public shared visions. It's not good for me. All the doubt and uncertainty, since mainly it doesn't let itself being pinpoint to a date, or a year. I heard that's with most others who have this. But it stresses me out to come off unreliable with it. Just like the trouble I got with 'the other world.' If I dare to do so again, but to predict the war on the (removed) Vana Events forum,  was a bad idea. It's best to keep things for myself. It's too big for me to get involved in public predicting, I feel it's too stressfull. So, no to public predicting after this anymore. I don't take it well. 😩 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

    

Good morning at the 23th off May, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's promising to become a nice day today when it comes to temperature. 

* 

Why am I to be listned to when it comes to crisis advice? It might be a bit out off the air to some. 

Well, I have always been poor, but I could get by perfectly due to the help off the surrounding and with the lessons from my parents. It started as a teen, where I was unemployed and could never find a job due to the mundial bank-crisis and the extreme high standards and pressure off that era. And it works through here. It's as if I have 'studied' somehow my entire life for this crisis and I can't explain. Let's put my experience to use, instead off sitting it out like some cowardly chicken. 😉 

I'm not the best person in the world for tips off true sobriety. I love a cozy life with nice items and decorations, so I'm frugal up to a certain point. But I know how to overcome a crisis with normal sobriety. 

It requires to cook at home, to keep the home and items clean, to save out on items by conserving them all the time, not to wear a lot off make-up, make use off what you got, and a keen eye for good bargains. All off it being put in a creative way, you can even make it bearable and fun. 

The home you live in, for example, should be a cozy one if you are going to spend a lot off time in there. I didn't decorate with the latest trends, but with a timeless eye for items that could fit a 1920's-1930's-1960's home. And a modern light yet timeless twist adjusted to it. Since I'm a mental patient who doesn't go to places often, I need a cozy home to keep it fun in life for myself. If the home is cozy, that's step one. If you spend a lot off time at home due to frugalness, be sure it's worthit and decorated to your very liking and it's not too bad spending time in there. I could have shared this tip before Corona. It's not such a crime to be at home when you love your home. Not like, but really love how it looks inside. It makes many a crisis, mundial or personal, so much more doable. 

I've always took a lot off inspiration from the 1930's-1950's when it comes to books, movies and style. Not in my clothes, but for the stories I love and the movies I loved. It's a tip for this crisis. It's not expensive to follow that style. At least in my youth it was. If you keep out off the extreme right, there's nothing wrong with it. Disney has a lot off movies following that classic style recently. I love it, though I don't have Disney+, but I watch them at my mom's every often. It's the classics, but in a modern way so it's comfy. 

If you want a 'comfort.' tip: Death on the Nile, and Murder at the Orient express on Disney+. I love their take on the Agatha Christie classic. I have read Murder at the Orient express long ago, it's also a good book if you seek something to read. I do hard reading due to mental problems, but even I can appreciate the recent film. 

These are just some things I have to offer for good advice. I'm going to show a lot off my true soul if I talk about personal poverty, crisis tips and the old fashioned style I love. Things I often keep a bit vague for the audience. But maybe people got something onto it these days. The real me, the one with the damaged soul. The woman who can think 'crisis survival.' in an elegant way. I have to conceal a lot. Instead off calling Vana assholes all the time and whine, we're gonna talk something serious with this. And I hope you think I'm the right person to listen to. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

  

Good evening at the 18th off April, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was mostly cloudy. 

*

This morning was for not swimming, since I had an in between bleeding. Something that can happen to some females. I missed out on swimming, and I did not like. I love to swim every week. 

I did not miss out on the Thursday music afternoon. I love to sing along with the music care taker that comes every week to make music with us. They play guitar, and we sing along with widely known songs from printed lyrics they hand out to us. 

I think it's healthy to sing out loud every often for most people. To sing out loud is very healthy. Some people should do so more often. It can be healthy for your heart and your soul. People here sing old songs a lot. I love it. It makes people more loose when they sing more. Less tied to their obligations. It's a whole lot off fun in my opinion. 

 

 

Tonight was for 'Spaghetti Rossi.' with home made tomato sauce from fresh tomatoes from the market. It was a try out from the Pasta Bible. It was pretty healthy, and wholesome. I had an orange for dessert. When I have to prepare my own food, I prefer to eat healthy, so it seems. 

It's exhausting to prepare my own food every night. I have to get used to it again. I think I will take it easy this weekend. Not too heavy, not too difficult. Sometimes we have to take count people can't handle much, actually. Same counts for me. I can do a lot off things, and I have a lot off plans. But I have little energy due to medication. So, I have to take it easy when it's too much for me. I have to take count off my bad health and my low energy level. I don't have too much obligations, so I think it's no big deal doing so. As far as that goes, my only obligation is to keep the kitchen clean. If they don't want me to do so immediately, I can. I don't have much obligations, And still life is tiresome. But weekends don't have to be hard when it comes to food. I think I will be capable to handle it. 

 Sometimes I make it hard on myself, by wishing to keep this home tidy. I got complimented on the clean floor by a lot off people. 'The secret is to vacuum and mop every week.' I tell them. A lot off people don't mop. But it's an absolute must for a groomed floor. When it comes to that, I'm glad with my household help who reminds me every week. I mop my floor myself. While she vacuums. If this home wasn't messy, it would almost be spic and span. It's something to be proud off. Maybe I'm concealing something with this behaviour, but I think by the end off this difficult time, I can either be proud off myself, or look back a bit annoyed for me walking in line so well. For now, I think I can be proud. What am I to proove? I have no idea, but for now I just think I'm tired. Very tired from an attempts in good housekeeping. I don't know if it's for a form off pride, or just for myself. All I know is that I just try. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 10th off April, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's still dark outside, it's 05.42 AM, but it's kinda chilly this morning. 

*

I'm going to do one off the things I enjoy most: I'm going to visit a street market. I painted my nails black and put my hair in a ponytail, and I paid attention to my clothes. I'm wearing cute light grey boots for example. Markets are a perfect spot for food bargains. I love that. And it's crowded in a cozy way. I know what I'm going for, basic salad vegetables. Cucumber, tomatoes and lettuce. I'm going to boil eggs with it tonight and put a basic dressing over it and then I have a basic salad, but with picture perfect market vegetables. Easy as pie, but it's supposed to be delicious and remember what I said about bragging about perfect fresh vegetables in simple dishes: This is going to be an example off it. I'm a fresh food loving girl. I love the health benefits off it. You wouldn't say it since I'm obese, but that's not fair and it's medication in my case. But I love good (Real) foods with perfect health benefits. 

I would like to grow at least 90 years old. I can't explain why that is, but I have the ambition to grow perfectly old for a Dutch woman. Maybe I'm living in the wrong area, since this industrial factory place is known for it's many cancer deaths. But maybe I can escape that fate and do grow a bit old. I'm only 31. But the idea off growing very old is a dream off mine. Maybe I regret later on. 'To grow old seems wonderfull, but to be old...' like the old people say. Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by old people, in a vintage town. And I would like to become old myself. And maybe life will be good when I'm in my golden years. But that's for later on. Let's purchase some market vegetables first. 😉 

My coffee machine is pruttling, I even sprayed some rose scent behind my ears. I'm typing you this while my nailpolish dries. Maybe I'll upload a picture off my meal later on. The morning is promising today. 💖   

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading 

        

Good evening at the 28th off November, 2023 -2.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's still raining outside the home. It's cold, dark and stormy. 

*

How am I doing these weeks? 

I believe I'm fine, up on my feet and it's going by allright. I like to be on my feet and do things that are in my range off possibilities instead off sitting on my ass all day and do nothing and just earn governmental wage. 

It means being (mildly) on a diet, cleaning the home, helping de Boed doing the dishes after dinner, keeping myself clean and fresh, being after healthy foods... (Fresh fruits at the local market.) baking a bit, doing excercise every once a week, (Swimming) but I'm planning on to do more. Simply to lose weight. It's strange how wishing to be 'off duty.' gets me to clean and clean myself a bit better. Like a vintage home maker would. It's not how you can be off service to the country, but to set my mind off off the world, it works. I used to be a filthy pig some time ago, nowadays I even groom my eyebrows regulairly. 

I don't follow the evening news as often anymore, since it's all Israel-Palestina, which doesn't hit the nail if you wish to stay informed about the crisis and the war in Ukraine. Sometimes I read the local news paper they have in the morning, with my coffee at de Boed to stay mildly informed. 'Noord-Hollands dagblad, regio Zaanstreek.' Almost everyone reads it. It's better to stay informed about the world during these days. Not to is just plain stupid in my opinion. 

I have to beware not to overwork myself. Often straight after chores after dinner, I put on PJ's and I'm in bed untill medication, then sit on the couch untill I feel tired enough again to go to sleep. It's not boring. I still feel homey, cozy and nice in my own home. It's cozy and nice to be in during rain. I have a nice home. Keeping it clean even lives up to the feeling off cozyness and pride these days. It's no punishment to lay in bed all evening. Especially since I'm out off bed early in the morning. Cozy comfort is so nice. You could wake me up for it. And then put me back to sleep in it again. 😉 I'm somehow keeping an hibernation during these evenings. Not too bad for a buisy bee like me. I'm so tired every day. Maybe that's how it should be. I'm a psychiatric patient, and the way it goes, life is enough. 

That's how it's been these days: Take care off the basics, and then sleep. It may not sound like it's much, but it's progress compared to some time ago. It was even worse than this. I have been doing just too bad the previous years, and due to be capable to set myself to things, despite it being in a cheap way, but finally it's there, it's progress to me. The home is finally doing well thanks to me. It's finally getting somewhere. It just took a crisis and a war to trigger me there. Does that make me mad? Well, a little hard headed, maybe. But the bathroom, the kitchen and the living room floor are all clean each week. It's gratefull work to myself not to neglect myself anymore. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

Good afternoon at the 8th off April, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is the perfect sunny day in Spring, which really makes you wish for Easter to take place. 

*

I'm situated at my parental home for the Easter weekend. 

Warning: This is going to be a medical blog. 

Thursday was for visiting a doctor. My prolactin has been way up the ceiling, and we had a long conversation about how and why, and I had a care taker with me to listen and support me during that chat. It has been quite something, it could be very well the result off medication, but he wanted to investigate more on me. So I'm about to have more medical examinations these days. 

Yesterday was for having another bloodtest at the hospital to see if not only the prolactin was too high. I'm still expecting the results from that test. I have the luck the bakery near the hospital sells great sausage croissants, and they have good coffee at the hospital. Let's keep on seeing it positive, despite having to have had to get up at 6.00 AM in the morning. Yesterday I was out at 5.00 AM even. It's not so bad, I have been practicing with getting out and up very early these days. I had to undergo the bloodtest all by myself. I'm lucky I can think practicall enough to save myself in such circumstances. Despite I decided to go to the hospital by taxi. (Safer, and easier.) 

It's waiting for the results off that test. They are going to discuss them by phone, since they said they are too buisy for an appointment.  

They even talked about me having to undergo MRI if needed. Simply to examine the area off my brain that's responsible for these hormones. (It's a spot in your brain where they can see if it's truly wrong.) 

I expect a medical circus surrounding it, but I will keep you informed. 

I have even more bad news. Caretakers decided I have to eat more healthy, since I'm so tired often and feel so wobbly. I believed I could get away with just peanutbutter sandwiches in the morning for this being a crisis and I wanted to save out on food, and then bake from the rest off my week budget, but that was not a good idea. Health care told I had to eat a more healthy breakfast and eat more fruit. I don't have the budget to bake anymore since I started that. I hate it, but I have to and the tiredness and the wobbly feeling faded by eating more healthy in the morning. They told me I had to think off myself first instead off the people I bake for. I have to spend my weekends diffrently now I don't bake anymore. It's not so bad, it had become a bit boring and I feel more energetic. Pluto in Aquarius probably demands us to think and act more selfish. We are not alone in this world, but health is health. I eat quark, granola, blueberries and honey for breakfast now. It tastes wonderfull and feels wonderfull compared to a peanutbutter sandwich. I'm sorry to say. I had to quit baking, but I'm going to do good myself. I'm somehow thinking: 'Do you really have no money to bake? Are there really no ways to still bake?' I have to answer the question, and come with an answer and a solution. Or simply accept. Sometimes we are not as locked up in circumstances as we think. And I have to empty my shelves. I have packages which I really should use up before they expire. Only a complete brick would take 'it's impossible.' for an acceptable answer. Sometimes we can solve more than we think, but it's something to overthink for now. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 28th off December, 2022.

Good evening everyone, 

Today is rainy and stormy end-off-the-year weather in the Netherlands. 

*

I came home from my Christmas holiday at my parental home this monday evening. 

I took a few days off rest, but this morning was for preparing chicken curry soup at de Boed for their soup lunch. Some people thought it to be a bit too spicy, while others loved it. It's not been an allrounder, but for the fans it was pretty good. (I know if you wish to hand out free soup for everyone, you'd better keep it moderate. But I wished to practice a bit with my receipe for Chicken curry soup.) People who loved it really loved it, and had a good soup for their lunch. 

It's a bit off a pity my helping hand has gone off. I had a helping hand in soup making who cut the vegetables, but there has been a violent incident with him and now he's gone off to an other daycare. I really miss having someone helping me cutting all the veggies and the meat. On the other hand, it's more peacefull at de Boed now and there's something to say not to be cursed and sworn at early morning during soup making. 

After soup making I took an afternoon off rest and laid on my bed all the time untill dinner. It's been that kind off weather. I wish to make a last Christmas style baking this week, and bake de Boed some cupcakes since I have a lot off eggs left this week. It's just that I can't set myself to it this week. But it's a pity to let those eggs being wasted. Though everyone is still full off their Christmas dinner. It's a last Christmas style / New Year's eve gift. But I'm just too tired to do it. Last year, we had a lot off Christmas cookies at de Boed, but this year they don't. I don't know if de Boed plays it sober this year. All I know is we didn't have much Christmas at our coffee break. I had more Christmas style bakings on my planning, but I got sick short before Christmas. So all I have done is a large banana bundt cake. This weekend probably will be all about 'Oliebollen.' en 'Appelflappen.' At de Boed. (Traditional Dutch New Year's eve treats.) so I suppose they won't allow me to bake. I'm so tired this week, I should allow myself some rest. But it's a big waste off eggs. 

I have advise for this year: Try to have fun despite it all. Do things that make your heart beat faster. If you keep it between lines off sanity, nothing is wrong with a little excitement every now and then. I'm telling you this because I could use it myself. To have more fun instead off being locked up inside, being stuck at one place most off the time. In my case, my disease holds me back and the place off Zaandijk to be a bit far off off things. If I had the chance, I would have done more exciting things last year. But life held me back, and instead off being out, I baked a lot and made people's weekends with it. It's also fun, but I just wished I had done more other things last year. I probably keep at one place, baking all the time for people here since it's safe and sane, and people love it and it can be exciting if everything works out fine, but I probably kept myself a bit too safe from the world. I could also try new and cool things inside my home (Because I need healthcare and can't be off just like that.) But it's a good idea to use the year to your advantage and take a step, do something cool, and be more outgoing than you usually would and enjoy life. That's my tip for 2023. It doesn't has to cost the world, you can have fun without spending the headprice. As long as it makes your heart beat faster. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

      

Good evening at the 25th off July, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

The sky was cloudy changing with intense periods off sun. The temperature was high today. 

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Due to summer heath, I do better going through life washed. I feel dirty and sweaty in the evening and I shower volunteerly, where I usually slack on days with an acceptable (I don't like summer heath) temperature. I love being washed almost every evening and I used up an entire bottle off showergel last week over two weeks. Usually it takes more time for them to run out since I often don't even feel dirty after a day. Summer is perfect for being clean. ( I told in other blogs how basic every day care was an issue for me and other psychiatric patients with heavy medication.) 

Today was for home cooking my meal since I didn't feel like eating at de Boed. I had paprika wraps with mexican inspired filling. A bean mix, minced meat, corn, zuchinni and paprika. Brought to taste with paprika powder and pepper and salt. I adjusted garlic sauce to give it more taste (It wasn't all perfectly healthy. But I'm not on a diet) and I had an apple for dessert, and a large bottle off fruitjuice. (I watched my vegetable intake, though. And I had something healthy for dessert.)  Tomorrow I'll eat that again since I have a leftover. 

de Boed had red cabbage from the freezer sided with boiled potatoes swimming in gravy and a hamburger for dinner. I didn't feel like it and decided to make my own dinner this evening. After a while most people have had it with it, but sometimes we can't choose what we eat if we're dependent. I had the luck the grocery van drove today and I heard someone suggesting I'd cook myself after complaining about dinner. So I thought to myself: 'Why not?' My dinner was good tonight and I could eat without the usuall fights around me. (Mental people often break out in fights. Especially during dinner time things can leap up.) It's been a relief to escape from that nasty atmosphere. 

So tonight I'm clean and well fed. It's been no coffee service this morning since the lady I replaced did it for the last time this morning. (She found another day activity to fill in her days.) If all goes well, I will replace her the entire month off August. I love Monday morning coffee service as it gives such fullfillment to serve people coffee on Monday morning. I'm lucky de Boed's kitchen / coffee counter has airco in summer. I'm also lucky for that when making soup. 

Cooking gave my life fullfillment this evening. It was a good idea to do so. I definetely have the idea I should do so more often. To brighten up days for myself, I should do that. I even think I'll be less depressed in general if I would pick that up. By the way, who would enjoy life having depressing meals all the time? No one does. I think I did well for saving myself this evening. It calls for more times after this. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Another video I'd like to share with you.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today the weather was terrible. I feel a bit wobbly on the inside with scary thoughts again about a lot off things. But I have a nice Psych2go video I'd like to share with you this evening. 

It's interesting material since no motivation occurs very often in psychiatric patients, including me. I can have days without motivation and lack off being willing to do things. It happens a lot and it's good to be aware off it, maybe you'd recognize some off it in yourself and it's good to be alert so you can seek help from a professional when you need it. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for watching. 

Good evening at the 1st off April, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Yesterday evening there was snow, and it covered this country for an entire morning untill afternoon. Suddenly in the evening when it was all gone, the sky broke through in a beautifull clear blue with barely any clouds. I suppose we have nice weather again tomorrow. It was just a weird sight, snow at the end off March and the beginning off April. April fool's day supplied by the weather gods. 

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I feel incredibly tired all the time these days, it's just that I can't seem to sleep untill I've watched a certain amount off YT video's on several subjects. It doesn't matter what subjects as long as they're distracting. Otherwise I can't sleep. I like to share some off them with you in their own posts. As they deserve that on my blog. 

I'm death tired but I can't sleep untill I've watched YouTube video's. I can't nap during daytime, or sleep in the evening without it. My mind needs it. It's the opposite off people who can't sleep with screens before bedtime. I need mine. I'm just so exhausted, like always. I'm so tired from sleeping little and not being capable to sleep after morning medication so it seems. Medication makes tired, but seems to block a healthy sleeping pattern. I hate it as my sleep is more important to me than finding the love off my life somehow. Love is not important in my life, sleep definetly and desperately is. It's too hard to move myself around when I'm so tired all the time. 

I have been swimming with the Leviaan swimming group this thursday and been singing with the music acternoon afterward. It was a day that felt great and rewarding and I barely had those days anymore. It released the right kind off hormones in my brain to make me even feel that day today. After one day in between. They say I can sing pretty well, so they love me as their leadsinger each week. I do so with joy. So it's no big deal for me. I haven't felt so happy about a day in a long time. I must mention my depressive symptoms are getting less and less these weeks. It's because I have decided I wanted to go out and give life a chance again and have fun again instead off locking myself inside all the time. I had a habbit off keeping myself away from life because I couldn't set myself to things and I had a huge lack off motivation to do anything. It could have been medication I finally got rid off that caused this. I'm more likely to try again with the world nowadays and see if I can have that quality off life again I kept myself from -for years now-. It has been incredibly hard for me. I have the feeling I didn't deserve that. Doing so much harm to myself feels unfair, especially if you take my life and circumstances in consideration. Then it's so unfair to do bad to myself. I should give life a chance again, also because my nurse agrees with me on that. And because off the advice she gave me. I hope I can do it. I have been trying again with life this week and it worked out well for me. So it's promising. I need fresh air and experiences to live. 

Allright, that's about it.- Thank you for reading.    

A video I like to share with you this morning

 Good morning everyone, 

I have a motivational video from YouTube channel Psych2go to share with you to motivate you this morning and to give a little hope: 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for the attention. 

Good night at the 9th off January, 2022.

 Good night everyone, 

I don't know who reads this blog at such a time, but if you do- great you do so. 

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The night is cold and rainy. I have slept a few hours before getting out off bed. I wasn't doing well after holding up some memories from 10 years ago. 10 years ago, I was at the peek off my strength- trying to get a career and I was good at what I was doing. If I wouldn't have become wrecked- I would have been a completely diffrent person. It ended all in tragedy after becoming delusional about Vana Events. I could have had it all by now. I'm still the loser everyone has always seen in me. I was thinking fullfilled with pride how I was at traineeship at the civil registration office more than 10 years ago, and then about Alkmaar and then something painfull - a panic attack-  hit me and I couldn't sleep anymore. 

I could have been so much diffrent than I am today if I could only have handled things back then. It was too much and things went shipwreck for me. Life's not fair most off the time for me. I barely feel sore over that anymore. It's just that this evening when I was in my bed it hit me. I have failed. It has been too much. Vana has been a drop in a full bucket and it wasn't good for me what they have caused. I have been down with anger for so long. No matter how much off a buddhist I want to be- forgiveness is still impossible for me at that point. They can play the role off victim, but that's not true. I suppose they haven't suffered the way I have done all those lame years. I have been using hurtfull words out off anger and pain. Not because I'm a bully. They have done more hurt to me than I probably have ever done to them and that is the truth. 

Something frightfull hit me this night and I couldn't take being in bed anymore. What do obese women wear at night? 

I'm wearing a purple longsleeve, and a matching purple pyjama pants 'till over my knees with panther print. Nothing naughty here as I can hear some off you thinking. But it's all innocent yet everyday fancy. 

I'm drinking home grown grape juice which tastes perfect. People in this country can grow grapes just fine / by the vine, due to it becomming warmer in this country. It's one off the best things to eat and drink fresh fruit and veggies from your own garden. It's healthy and if you love fruit and vegetables, also perfect for your tastebuds. Mom's husband grows grapes in his old backyard. His daughter lives there now and they harvest them every year. The fruit juice came out perfect and I'm afraid I'll drink the entire bottle. I'm afraid I'm at the last cup off the entire bottle, but I'll keep it at that otherwise I'm a bit off a gluton. They have a lot off bottles, but one is just fine / vine. *Cheers!* 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.     

Good afternoon at the 2nd off January, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's cloudy and stormy outside. It's not much diffrent from usuall, except that there is a lot off wind. 

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I think it's a pity for food to be sober during the winter months, at least that's what it's traditionally. The months after christmas, when everyone wants to be back on track, is sober and spare. I think we could use some cookie spices these months to fight the winter blues. (Just to mention an example) It's just that people want to fit into their ski suits and want to loose christmas kilo's these months so it's not as rich and decadent anymore. Maybe I should think les egoistic when it comes to this. The earth needs a rest after the outstanding christmas months, our pantries need to be refilled and kilo's have to go away after a few christmas dinners and the outstanding new year's eve snacks. I give people their right when it comes to this. But for depression, it's not such a good thing. Or maybe it is. If you can set yourself to loose 20 kilogram when you have to, that might help when you're depressed. But most off the time depressed people don't care at all. When I'm depressed as a doorknob, I can't set myself to diet in January either. I haven't done so in 4 years and look what that made me. Just when it was essential to watch weight- I was on medication switch, a broken heart and the anticonception pill in a terrible home situation. So watching my weight? Not so much. I just couldn't set myself to it. 

I had a care taker saying I should get started when I feel ready for it. Not when I feel other people's pressure. It's a good advice. 

What I did with those apple turnovers- I shared one with that care taker giving me advice, and he took one for a fellow client he had to visit next and another one for the other care taker being off service during new year's eve. I gave away three and ate the rest off them myself. I was a bit selfish with it, but I also felt it was too little to share with de Boed. And they where good. I think that was due to the star anise in my cookie spices. I love star anise combined with apples or pears. I have eaten most myself, It felt good being capable to share some off them, though. Sometimes it's as easy as sharing food and a cup off coffee or tea with someone to make me a happy person. 

 Allright, that's about it for now- I can't set myself to write you more about now so thank you for reading. 

  

Mourning feels like it's over - as far as that goes.

 Good evening everyone, 

The sky is clear, the evening is cold. It's time for some silly story untold. 

*

I had a long period off time, starting around 2018, where I was in mourning over things that happened in life and life in general. I somehow feel a bit better now. I don't know why. Probably something inside has caught up on me living a peacefull life in a safe home without a lot off trouble and finally understood it was done with all nastyness from behind years. It took me 4 years. 4 long years off getting over with that grief. I mourned and felt sad in general. 

It's clearing up inside my head when it comes to sad feelings. I have grown about 30 kilograms these years from both medication and loving to eat. Combined with depression (Food soothes.) it worked lame on my figure. 

I'm becomming vain again, or more to say: aware that I would like my face to be groomed and my body to be clean. It doesn't require make-up at all, but a face that's no longer at half point seven before I go out the door, and cleanliness is next to godliness- I believe in it again. I wish for something I don't have to be ashamed off and can show up with in public. Depression made me ignore hygiene but I wish to look and feel clean and taken care off again. I'm not going to make it a lifestyle to be unwashed. 

Today I helped with the dessert at dinner time at de Boed. They are no longer allowed to give us anything but yoghurt and fruit for dessert. It's up to them how to fill that in. I helped the person who made dessert by preparing applepie filling without sugar but sweetened with honey. It was a good dessert combined with yoghurt and as far as this goes, it requests more creativity from staff to make fruit and yoghurt a good match than 'vla.' or pre packed ice cream cones.. We had someone giving us Greek yoghurt with honey and walnuts for dessert- A beloved classic. I was a bit weary off the idea, but now I'm rather fond off the way people fill it in. Healthy yet tasty, I'm pro now. Today I baked them apples brought to taste with spices and honey in the oven and let them serve it with yoghurt for sunday dessert. (No sugar adjusted.) The entire building smelled amazing and it was a good idea. 

I have plans for a next 'level up.' But that probably requires expensive fruits I can make some sort off mosaic from. I've seen that idea somewhere: A woman cutting two shades off dragonfruit, mango and kiwi in almost cut teal like shards and dolling up tarts with it as if it where a mosaic. We could do something alike with our desserts. But as far as expensive goes- I just can think off 'peaches.' But I suppose they're out off season in October. 

Maybe baked plums out off the oven, or fruits brought to a point where they reveal juices to mix with the yoghurt when adjusted to a bowl would be a good idea. Stewed pears would be magical, but they're eaten here as a part off the main dish at times. I wonder if I'm allowed granola or muesli and build up a see through cup with layers off fruit, yoghurt and muesli for the idea off a parfait. So far, fresh peaches with a squeeze off honey would be perfect and to my personal taste. But I have to work with what's on hand now. I have the feeling yoghurt with fruit does well to everyone on diffrent levels, and is much better than ice cream cones all the time.  

Allright, that's about it- Thank you for reading.     

Good evening at the 16th off September, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has been a nice day for pre autumn. There have been clouds but there has been more sunshine than on an average summer day this year. 

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Wednesday Soup was for an excellent and rich Minnestrone containing cannelini beans and lentils. It was an incredible soup which was more vegetables than broth when someone got it served. It was one off my best ideas for this week. Eat more veggies! Beat Corona! (Just like I did)  Become a healthier version off yourself! I believe in it. It was almost a celebration to eat, if you love vegetables as much as I do. It had 

The rest off the Wednesday was for baking chocolate cookies at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, for a gathering off three organisations (Leviaan, the Social Neighbourhood Team and the Salvation Army) who held a meeting at the first floor. Clients where not invited, but they requested me to bake them cookies and I decided on to bake chocolate cookies which where amazing. I had a buisy day yesterday but it was a good day and it was fullfilling to work for de Boed instead off an average day where I do hard to get by. 

Today was for swimming. I took part in Thursday Swimming and decided to swim with the swim group.   

Tuesday was a bad day with mental drains and breakdowns where I had to sit on my place all day, and just have coffee and flip a few old cookbooks on the look for inspiration. 

Something is wrong with my blogger as it doesn't upload everything I wrote today but maybe that will be for tomorrow. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 25th off August, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's cold and cloudy today. There has been no rain, and it's the perfect weather for soup. A large pot off fresh made soup. 

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Today was for excellent Morroccan Harrira. A filled Morroccan soup with lentils and chickpeas, amongside a ton off fresh vegetables and spices. It was one big succes at de Boed today for Wednesday Soup. It was one off my bigger successes when it comes to soup making. Strictly seen it wasn't vegetarian since I used a few chicken broth cubes alongside the vegetable broth but it was nevertless one off my best soups.  

It's the perfect weather for excellent cooking today. Life starts it's old routine after school holidays, and it's best to make the best off it instead off feeling there is nothing to look forward to. Officially, summer is at it's end and Fall starts next month. It's kind off this period off change you should seek comfort or challenge in what the season offers in food and receipes. Hmm. I'm probably talking nonsense. Fall is the big cullinairy season. Still I think you should eat plenty off vitamins this season to keep from getting sick during the cold. Especially with a pandemic at it's end, it's important to stay fit. It's also one off the best seasons to eat a ton off mandarins and oranges as they come at their best in stores. It's also a good period to eat berries, like raspberries, blueberries and blackberries as they're at their best now in the west off Europe. 

It's said that if you 'eat with the season,' you get in all nutritients you need during that season each year and it's not a bad idea since it's also an affordable way to eat. I hear you thinking while reading about the berries 'It's an excellent season to eat muffins.' It's a way to get in your dose off fresh berries, I believe I'm going to be guilty on this one, but take note you also get in a lot off damaging carbs and fats that way. I shouldn't complain about that, I'm guilty when it comes to berry muffins. It's not something I should officially recommend as a healthy food to the audience, though. But I understand your point. Berry desserts are just too good. 

I feel tired but content today. It's been a while since I felt that way. I feel less scared from crime, but it's still no good atmosphere at de Boed. I wish you could see inside my head to see the diffrence. I feel better at this day and a bit 'refreshed.' But I can't say what caused that. I still don't dwell in overly positive energy, but somehow I'm not scared anymore and I can't explain why. I still have a long way to go from here untill I feel better, though. 

Allright, that's about it for now- Thank you for reading.    

An attemps to be positive today

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's rainy outside. There are big rainfalls today and it looks depressing. It feels as if autumn is already here without it to have ever been summer this year. 

*

I wish to say something positive on this weblog after my rant yesterday. What positivity is there to be found in days like these? I decided on to go to the Zaandam market tomorrow in the city's centre. I wish to buy a few plums and other fresh fruits and continue my journey to healthy eating. Good fruits are in season and I can recommend everyone to eat them for their health. It's also a nice day tomorrow for fresh tomato soup, I don't know what kind off day tomorrow will be,- but fresh tomato soup my style is a perfect idea, aside to some baked fruits like written in my new Jamie Oliver book. Sometimes joy is to be found in such simple plans. It doesn't always take a lot to put a smile on your face again. Tomorrow it will be Saturday and I can reccomend most off my readers to visit a good local market and try fresh fruits and vegetables for their next meal. It gives a nice fill in for a day like that -markets aren't forbidden due to Corona laws, and they are probably everywhere in a lot off city's and villages- 

Dutch markets for foods and other common supplies are cozy and nice to go to. I loved visiting the local market off Zaandam every Thursday when I still lived near and had time for that. My advise to people who are capble to: Get yourself out on the street and try it. Who knows what bargain awaits you.  

Positivity, I should write something positive on this weblog. I feel a bit better to have eaten more fruits, nuts and green tea this week. Or is that just my imagination? Maybe I feel better by skipping de Boed every often and allowing myself to sleep a little more- either way, it benefits health and it does well for my mood. What positivity is in today? We could also be glad there is rain as it does well for vegetation. I'm glad the plants won't dry out this way and are capable to grow more. It's probably going to be perfect for apples and pears this year. And as they say: An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But I'm not certain if that is true. Sometimes thinking positive is giving a positive twist to something that's seen as negative. Tomorrow is a good day for buying plums, or apricots. Or peaches if I find them good looking. I just don't know if I can get people positive by the promise off good apples this year when they dwell in the negative. Sometimes people aren't open for such ideas and rather need the idea there will be a new game published for a device they can play all winter. But that's not my cup off tea. I'm not much off a games person, I don't even play candy crush saga as I think it's a waste off time and it's dangerous for people to get addicted to such games. 

I rather think off making applepies, or apples out off the oven. It's one off the most easy desserts: cut baking apples into pieces, place in a greased oven dish (Don't forget to remove centres) spice (With cinnamon, kardemon, star anise, ground cloves and nutmeg) and sugar them to your taste and then place in a preheated 180 degrees celsius oven for about half an hour. It's perfect with yoghurt or quark if you want to keep it healthy. It was one off my favourite desserts previous year when we had to stay in all the time due to Corona. To make them even better, you can adjust a few dices off butter before baking. It's applepie filling at it's best and the butter doesn't make it healthy, but -yum-.  I made it a lot when we had to stay at home all the time. I can recommend a squeeze off honey or lemon juice extra if you have that on hand, but you can see for yourselves. 

Apple season probably will be a good one this year. It's a waste not to eat fresh Dutch apples when you can have them affordable in your local stores. Looking forward to apples makes me feel positive. Fruits are a good fill in off time. As I might say so. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.