Good evening at the 1st off April, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Yesterday evening there was snow, and it covered this country for an entire morning untill afternoon. Suddenly in the evening when it was all gone, the sky broke through in a beautifull clear blue with barely any clouds. I suppose we have nice weather again tomorrow. It was just a weird sight, snow at the end off March and the beginning off April. April fool's day supplied by the weather gods. 

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I feel incredibly tired all the time these days, it's just that I can't seem to sleep untill I've watched a certain amount off YT video's on several subjects. It doesn't matter what subjects as long as they're distracting. Otherwise I can't sleep. I like to share some off them with you in their own posts. As they deserve that on my blog. 

I'm death tired but I can't sleep untill I've watched YouTube video's. I can't nap during daytime, or sleep in the evening without it. My mind needs it. It's the opposite off people who can't sleep with screens before bedtime. I need mine. I'm just so exhausted, like always. I'm so tired from sleeping little and not being capable to sleep after morning medication so it seems. Medication makes tired, but seems to block a healthy sleeping pattern. I hate it as my sleep is more important to me than finding the love off my life somehow. Love is not important in my life, sleep definetly and desperately is. It's too hard to move myself around when I'm so tired all the time. 

I have been swimming with the Leviaan swimming group this thursday and been singing with the music acternoon afterward. It was a day that felt great and rewarding and I barely had those days anymore. It released the right kind off hormones in my brain to make me even feel that day today. After one day in between. They say I can sing pretty well, so they love me as their leadsinger each week. I do so with joy. So it's no big deal for me. I haven't felt so happy about a day in a long time. I must mention my depressive symptoms are getting less and less these weeks. It's because I have decided I wanted to go out and give life a chance again and have fun again instead off locking myself inside all the time. I had a habbit off keeping myself away from life because I couldn't set myself to things and I had a huge lack off motivation to do anything. It could have been medication I finally got rid off that caused this. I'm more likely to try again with the world nowadays and see if I can have that quality off life again I kept myself from -for years now-. It has been incredibly hard for me. I have the feeling I didn't deserve that. Doing so much harm to myself feels unfair, especially if you take my life and circumstances in consideration. Then it's so unfair to do bad to myself. I should give life a chance again, also because my nurse agrees with me on that. And because off the advice she gave me. I hope I can do it. I have been trying again with life this week and it worked out well for me. So it's promising. I need fresh air and experiences to live. 

Allright, that's about it.- Thank you for reading.