Good afternoon at the 12th off July, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's bright and sunny in The Netherlands. It's a small heathwave. 

*

It's been a while, but I had an idea in my head off a beautifull bundt cake, banana, decadent and tasty like sin. It's almost sin to bake them nowadays with these prices. In our idea off the Wild West it's waste if it's not utmost good. But honest, I made one. Like before the crisis, like before everything got too expensive. 

I believe this bundt cake mold by Nordic Ware is called The Crown. And I love it. I felt 'It's not like I purchased a new hat when buying it.' It's been unused for a while, and it almost became a waste. But I made it work, and it came out even and perfect. I will share it at de Boed, a small community centre specialised in mentally sick people, tomorrow at our noon coffee. And it has fresh nuts and coconut in it, and spices. But I got the spices from mom. It's my own invented receipe. And it's dusted with icing sugar. It's a fairytale. I believe the constellations where perfect for it to come to be, but that might sound a bit supersticious. It's just that I felt like dusting off my baking stuff today, and it worked out well. It's promising for tomorrow. 

Allright. That's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good morning at the 3th off February, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is really cold and freezing outside in the Netherlands. 

*

I think, during a time like this, there is space for praise in the Netherlands. Praise for the quality off our foods and items. Fresh fruits and vegetables, aside to meat and potatoes are one off the best options for dinner nowadays if you season well. It's perfect farmland quality, and it's nutricious and keeps us going and healthy all day. It's really outstanding what comes from Dutch fields, and what we see as 'ordinairy.' Aside to the cheese they produce. It's one off the best in the world and we can be proud off all off it. We should be. The nation could do much worse when it comes to that, and food could be litterally shooting through the roof. We all really could be a little more gratefull for perfect Dutch foods. It keeps us healthy and strong. 

And then again, coffee with a pastry I made yesterday served to us at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk: 

The decorations off the current Boed are very cozy, and a little high in their head. It looks very posh and fancy. Almost as if they got it from a county government building or so, or a company that wants to impress. But we're really at Leviaan Zaanstad for these. I love it, they remind me off my time as a trainee at the government about 15 years ago. But I don't know if that could be the intention. If that's a good idea. It's all very fancy decorated there, but who are they to impress? They're a care organisation. They don't make amends or law decrees. It's funny how this style follows me. It's beautifull, but it feels demandive. As if I really have to step it up for my care. But that can't be the intention. It's fun for a while, and offcourse it's very fancy, but should we want it there? 

Yesterday evening, I got a little high in my head myself and polished my nails with the Pearlfection luminous pearl polish by Catrice. It's limited edition for this month.

 It's a lavender mother off pearl with a pearl shine and it really looks like I could be that employee from civil registration that gets you married today. It's just that it's a bit overkill here. Most women don't have such nailpolish. But yeah, yesterday that old diva feeling followed me again. That killing forum diva feeling where I got a bit high in my head from all the fans it caused me to have been famous at such a young and important time and space off life. And we use Mother off Pearl for that. Almost Sailor Moon, but in real life. It was really glamourous. Nowadays I feel everything but glamourous. You'd say people better accept me for who I am, and don't judge me for it. It's a crisis, and I'm not rich. I'm a fat mental patient with a block. This whole Mother off Pearl attack seemed like perfect inspiration. I'm wearing it with soft pastel sweaters, to tone down the diva effect on me. This with a cute sweater makes pretty, but not obscene diva. I felt I should 'tone it down.' Not to cause heart attack among my elder fans at de Boed. So well-behaved pastel sweaters it is. That makes me look cute instead off snatchy. We would not want to overwhelm there. That could give the wrong idea. But maybe I should let go off that and just wear those sweaters and be a bit 'old glam.', whatever that means for me. 

The care taker who impressed me left Leviaan. He's no longer an issue. It's not a bad thing to look too seductive anymore. (Except if you want to avoid the wrong general attention. That's more my jig.) Elegant nailpolish is agreed upon. Maybe they even like it. And I should not worry too much. Often I worry a bit about what they think off me, and our unwritten rules are tight. Less is always more with them. So I'm daring today. 

It's really something. Most off the time I think it's such a waste. But yesterday I felt like doing these. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

A golden age for alternatives and rock

 Good evening everyone, 

The 2030's will be a golden age for rock and alternatives, including the Fantasy subculture. 

I see Faun winning an Edison award for best album, 

I see rock becomming just as much an official classic music style like opera 

I see fantasy items you would before only find at events being sold in common home deco stores 

I see some Fantasy novels becomming official literature. 

It's something that starts, probably, when Uranus is in Cancer, and the war and the crisis are done.Fantasy  Gothic becomes THE It-style for fashionista's that decade. 

It's such reccomendation for what they have done. And the world can't deny it anymore: This is official culture. And the Fantasy Gothic Rock people are the artists. Mind my words, it's going to happen, it will be a period off bloom for them. 

It's just that during the 2040's the hype is over. And people will lean towards orange and green. Really, it's going to feel insane how much reccommendation the scene will get during the 2030's. It's incredible. 

If I would have been in school during that era, I would have dared to speak up about my interest to people. While I kept quiet during my younger years, afraid to be beaten up or bullied, or left out by them. I never told them Elfia saved my soul. But during the 2030's, I think ordinairy people, where 'alternative.' and 'subculture.' lies very sensitive, can openly brag about such things. I never had the guts to. 

It's sad how it's now the other way around, and real life keeps me from the mental havock from events. The scene doesn't work for me. So I prefer to stay away from them, and live in relatively peace. I can miss being demonized like a hole in the head. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 18th off May, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

This entire afternoon was sunny, but just now it started to rain. 

*

I have some sort off wild theory, that peace can come upon us after this Christmas, but that's the most early date for peace to break out, according to my visions, and then the world will be saved, and the Netherlands doesn't has to owe up for so much money anymore. After this Christmas, most early point possible. But then I'm a sheer bright optimist. 😒

It's due to something that has been in the news recently, but I can't conceal you what or why yet. I think it's too vague at this point, and I'm such a big trouble maker if it doesn't come true, and this theory is somewhat out off the air. But other than my visions, I have nothing that can be off help during a real crisis like this. I'm not usefull. I can't save the world. All I can have is a big mouth. 😒

Peace can be this year, if not, this was just a theory. It's something vague, something out off the air. It's not there yet, so I won't reveal. 

Though I can reveal to you that Essence make-up is this war's top seller for make-up. No Chanel, no Dior, no big fashion names, just cheap ass Essence make-up, and plain black longsleeves and jeans jackets are THE 'it' items, just like those saggy 90's jeans with wide leggs and a high waste which make asses look fat. I have vague thories about peace, but I know some fashion trends that defy this era, simply because it defies a war era because it's streetbrick-cheap. Later on, they are going to wonder 'what's wrong with this fashion.' If they don't realize it's been war.

Best selling Lipgloss, 

   Best selling eyeliner off the moment. I haven't figured out the liner on myself yet, that classic style is pretty hard to adjust for a common person. Most off the time, I see most women with just mascara. Why predicting trends? It's because it's so cheap! And unusual for styles to fall back on previous era's. But it's because it's war it's been like this. Cheap, already invented, humble, ageless- name it, it's this era, and it's because it's deep rotten crisis and war. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good evening at the 13th off May, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's been sunny outside with a thunderstorm at the end off the day. 

*

FASHION WITCHES 

I'm going to make a statement. Let's take the idea off a witch, a rockchick, a rebel, one with a big posture, and give her thick black liner and a posture she could wrestle a man with, and make her an ICON. 

The idea off Barbie-Gothic? Let's make her a true witch! One who looks like she can bite Putin's head off instead off the moraly correct fashion trends we're in nowadays. Let's not be ugly and abused anymore after this. Back with the volume lashes, back with the details. 

Not to brag, and make the fashion Fantasy-style detailed. Because the witch is real, and she can truly use her powers and her impression against Putin. Let's not look like biten dogs, let's be tigresses against Russia. Let's be / look not to mess with, 

It should rock, it should look venomous, and let's be too witty to be captivated by other's jealousy. 'But I'm not jealouse at all, Bitch, please, You're jealouse at me!'  

Let's be rockchick witches with a witty sense off humor against Putin. Out off the window with well-behaved and civilized! Let's be unruly with it. But in a cool manner. An alternative 'I can take on your shit' manner. 'I have survived and beware me.' Manner. The demon herself, but re-nuild up by god from the ashes off poverty, to give her some dignity again. Fashion, a lifestyle, a way to cope- let's be true Fashion Witches, rockchicks and wits! And we should make the impression like Putin has to fear us. And don't always be the noble kin they keep us for. Let's be a bit crooked, wrong and vulgair. But done tastefully, like an intelligent and witty vampire. Like stated, out off the window with overly-civilized out off poverty and fear! Let's put on black lip-liner around a nude lipstick, and bite Putin's neck!

Allright, statement made - 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 1st off May, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was warm and sunny in the Netherlands for a day in May. 

*

Today, my hobby went a direction with my creativity. I had yoghurt and time on hands, and though I promised not to do so, I baked. I prepared a natural quark cake from package in a Nordic Ware loaf pan. 

In the 75th anniversary loaf pan, that one I got on a discount with points, some time ago before the Ukraine war. My creativity went on with it, and it came out perfectly. Though it's plain quark cake without raisins or other adjustments. They had the luck I had 200 grams off plain yoghurt left, and some fresh eggs. And offcourse, that Nordic Ware loaf pan, ordinairy mortals are not likely to purchase during this crisis. It's darn expensive. 

It's a bit against my principles, but I haven't kept to them today. It's just that my creativity got me, and wanted that loaf pan, on that pretty cake plate. It's perfect for Beltaine tomorrow. Sometimes it calls to be celebrated. Though I haven't prepared an altair for it, it's just that it sometimes creeps up in me and it wants to be celebrated somehow. I think this is done with left overs and it's nothing too fancy, it's all been skills and just 'what I had on the shelves.' But there, a small gesture to the fairies and the gods tomorrow. (As if they haven't made me do it.😉) Like I said, like previous year, Beltaine wants to be celebrated. And this year, it's a bit small and humble, but it feels as if it's somehow there. It's perfect for this crisis. It did not demand too much, but it's beautifull this way. Though my lack off attempts this year, in my heart I'm still a pagan. And I can feel when this is asked by the gods. So, a small sacrifice for tomorrow. 

I'm not going to explain this to my fellow clients. I just hope they enjoy their cake. They don't know the concept off modern pagan, let alone witch. (In this conservative town, it's still feared.) But I keep a good attitude towards them, so they know I'm a good and giving person. And sometimes I make small remarks and jokes. But I know and feel I better keep it to myself to them. 

In beautifull, old fashioned Zaandijk, surrounded by green buildings and flowers, Beltaine asks to be celebrated in all modesty, in the sweetest way possible. So with a nice home made cake. And that's how I answer 'the call.' that's within me this year. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 24th off January, 2024.

 

Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's clear and very windy outside in the Netherlands. 

*

Mind this face, this is minimal make-up nowadays, and I would like to declare it 'crisis fashion.' I saw this style off make-up in a clear vision, off a video where all decades off the 21st century where lined up in the most populair items off those decades. It focused on our decades since it was very diffrent from the average blonde pretty stuff I saw. It said this was THE make-up off 2027 and on, untill 2032. It's classic eyeliner-flick, mini mascara, classic red lipstick, a warm tint off foundation, thick and groomed eyebrows and that's about it. And the cool blonde hairshade. No light blonde, it fell out off tune since the Belle off this era wore a natural shade. No excessive eyeshadow or liner artworks like before and after. Just, classic, modest and minimal, since we're in a crisis and a war. It means the war will still be on during 2027. I have the idea we're (The European Union) going to fight if it lasts untill after 2025. When planets are transferred to Aries. 

I think Utillity work-wear is going to be it for the next crisis and war decade for women. I've drawn the woman with my own shade off eyes. (Blue-green) 

The lipstick was furthermore remarkable, since it was one which only costed 7 euro's each. Compared to what other make-up can cost, it was sure something to beware off. It's a bright red one which probably still has to make it on the market. And it was not off good quality. 

Since I saw minimal make-up and this hairtone in fashion everywhere, I got this vision stuck in my head. Maybe I should mind you about it. 

I think I'm not going to grow old enough to watch the future video about this era. But it also makes me know it won't last forever, and some day in the future we will see a fashion change. But we're only at the beginning off this sober one. Women beware, people beware. We're going to be deep into this shit. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Some old Christmas songs to get 'In the mood.' For Christmas

Good afternoon everyone, 

This afternoon it's cold, rainy and windy. It's a Sunday in November with nasty weather outside. Which means not much to do for most people. 

*

Would you like to get in the Christmas mood already? A little music to listen to:   

It's easy listening, it's comforting, it's relaxing and perfect to already get in the mood for Christmas this year, the good old Crooners off the 1950's. Those beloved Christmas classics we can't stand to listen to anymore after New Year's eve. But fot now, this CD is a good idea. Sit down, have yourself something warm to drink and listen. 

This weblog is pro Christmas and pro good old Christmas cozyness. Despite being pagan, I love the feeling off Christmas. The sparkle, the old fashionedness, the family feeling- all warm and nice to me. So get in the spirit with me and listen to some sweet old fashioned Christmas comfort music 💖 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

The river dragon

 

Sometimes I feel different from people, not like the others. I’m unusual, someone who barely fits among people. 

I feel like a dragon in human form. A river dragon like described in Asian mythology: Wise, free, magical, on the hunt for treasures and adventures, helpful, giving, an old soul and polite, but don’t mess with me! 

I’m free from any man, free from social morals and I feel I’m free from duties most people seem to have. An outlaw, still wealthy in a poor time, Into beauty my style, art, the romantic, the mystic, otherworldly but not pretty and petite. I feel like an electric storm rather than a fairy. 

I’m short tempered and I don’t let myself being bound by the wrong. I have never met the right people. Therefore I feel strange from most people. Still  I feel close to the beautiful aspects off nature, like flowers, stars, the moon, and I’m somewhat spiritual. I live in a romantic looking apartment situated near a beautiful, old fashioned garden. I share in my wealth, and I feel and have always felt somewhat different than other people. I do well, above and below the usuall. I don’t feel human, 

I feel like I’m an old river dragon in human form. 

Alright, that’s about it- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good afternoon at the 10th off May, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is grey and cold outside, and there's a promise off rain in the air. Farmers in the Netherlands have been complaining that this year's soil is too wet. 

*

How have I been doing? 

I'm not doing bad. The previous weeks where actually pretty good. The weather was good for a few days, and I have been to the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, to the Vermeer exhibition. I have been quite enjoying myself. I had a care taker from Leviaan with me. I have been seeing VOC-art and I loved being in the museum. It's been a magical day. I had a good King's day, with good foods. And a few other good days this entire period ever since the end off April. I don't know what it is, but sun in Taurus has been doing good to me this year. I have been enjoyig the Gortershof garden and all the beautifull flowers that where out this spring. I love flowers and surrounding myself with them. The soil hasn't been too wet for pretty flowers and the cherryblossoms at the Gortershof garden. The garden has been gorgeous this year. 

This period has also been a good period to give away stuff. Whenever I purchase a multipack off stuff, I always donate one package to the give away closet in the hall, ment for people who can use it. But previous week, I have been donating an entire box off laundry softner to the give away shop, situated at de Boed. I made sure it's been a softner without a strong smell, so everyone could use it. It's been appreciated. (I have been purchasing that package on a massive discount, otherwise it would have also been impossible for me)  

I have been making cake with cherries for the 5th off May celebration in the Netherlands. It was off perfect taste. And de Boed had one left for the Saturday after. I love it when they dress up a trolley with a plastic tarp which looked crotcheted with a white old fashioned crotchet pattern, and gorgeous, the coffee and tea equipment situated on top and then my cake (With the ridges) on one off my pretty glass plates with see-through ornaments on top as the show stopper it truly was that day. 

It's been vintage coffeeing for free for the mental. It's not possible to do it every week anymore, but the sight off that, and all the compliments for my cherry (From a can, not fresh) cake made my day. It's been decadent, chique almost vintage and classy, and my fellow clients didn't have to pay a dime for enjoying coffee with cake that saturday. There was a time when I had a baking for them almost every week, and in between weekends if I felt like it and I had time. But this massive economic crisis has made that impossible for me. I only still bake at occasions. 

Sunday has been for having coffee with an acquaintance, who I have been knowing for quite long. I invited her for coffee on Sunday. It's been a good weekend. Despite Sunday afternoon has been all rain. 

de Boed has a few broken vans. They had trouble transporting people to the location previous week. Let's keep it at that. And my Wednesday Soup has been cancelled a few times in a row. Other than that, I had little trouble with Mercury retrograding in Taurus. There has been no reason to think the superstition in the air from a few weeks ago would have been something bad for me. 

So I am doing allright, despite everything. I have been seeing my mental nurse this week, since I have been feeling a bit wobbly when it comes to mental stuff. But maybe it's due to being surrounded by a beautifull flower garden in May, everything lands on it's four leggs. And little damage was caused these weeks. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

  

Good afternoon at the 1st off April, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's cold, rainy, dreary, depressing and somber outside. Spring is nowhere in sight today. 

*

Watch this video before reading further. 

I think you should watch this and be warned about serious revolution, and my own biggest fear: A famin coming our way these years. I think the mundial crisis will deepen, commoners will do worse and revolution against the system will break out these years. I have to warn you since astrology has been more often right than wrong about world issues. If I sugarcoat, chances are I will pull at the shortest end if I do so, so be warned for an era similair to the French revolution. 

I'm seriously afraid off Europe being too short on food, or food getting too expensive for most people so we can't eat. I hate the idea, and it's enough to make me pale and feel sick. I felt this at de Boed's lunch I had to warn people about this, and health care staff saw me feeling awfull. I don't know how far my message will reach, but I simply had, had, had to warn you people again: Chances are we will be sucked out even more off our money, and people will be too poor for food and out off good food sources in the future. If this continues, polarisation will get the best off us and that will do no good for western society. I don't know who's head has to be off, but it's going to happen. And if polarisation will turn down to real violence, we have to beware. But there is a chance in the air it will happen with these transits, so it's a good one to inform you about for now. 

It's also Pluto's return for the United States. The United Stated where declared independant and an own country when Pluto was in Aquarius back then. That has been something good for the world I think. I'm pro America and the American dream off equality and justice. I think the United States has done the world good so far. I just don't know how a Pluto return will look for it. It can either empower, or turn it down depending on the circumstances. 

The modern adjustment off Pluto is improvement and development off technology and the internet. I don't know how that will turn out, but it could also be a bad development, since it also makes other fields off life spare and empty if a person is just focused on the computer and what's happening on the internet. It can make people such internet junkies. It's not to my liking. (I'm a bit old fashioned when it comes to that.) I'm pro internet, and what positive things you can do with it, but there's also a massive downside to it and I think we are going to see that more these next 20 years. 'Hey, man, are you shallow or just an Internet junkie?' That's what it comes down to. We need to keep on filling in our entire life, not just our life on the internet. We need to spend money on more items than just the latest computer and technology, for example. I think especially lonely men are sensitive for this one. 

I hope to have informed and warned you, and I don't know who I am to reach, but it's a necessity people should read.   

 Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 1st off April, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Yesterday evening there was snow, and it covered this country for an entire morning untill afternoon. Suddenly in the evening when it was all gone, the sky broke through in a beautifull clear blue with barely any clouds. I suppose we have nice weather again tomorrow. It was just a weird sight, snow at the end off March and the beginning off April. April fool's day supplied by the weather gods. 

*

I feel incredibly tired all the time these days, it's just that I can't seem to sleep untill I've watched a certain amount off YT video's on several subjects. It doesn't matter what subjects as long as they're distracting. Otherwise I can't sleep. I like to share some off them with you in their own posts. As they deserve that on my blog. 

I'm death tired but I can't sleep untill I've watched YouTube video's. I can't nap during daytime, or sleep in the evening without it. My mind needs it. It's the opposite off people who can't sleep with screens before bedtime. I need mine. I'm just so exhausted, like always. I'm so tired from sleeping little and not being capable to sleep after morning medication so it seems. Medication makes tired, but seems to block a healthy sleeping pattern. I hate it as my sleep is more important to me than finding the love off my life somehow. Love is not important in my life, sleep definetly and desperately is. It's too hard to move myself around when I'm so tired all the time. 

I have been swimming with the Leviaan swimming group this thursday and been singing with the music acternoon afterward. It was a day that felt great and rewarding and I barely had those days anymore. It released the right kind off hormones in my brain to make me even feel that day today. After one day in between. They say I can sing pretty well, so they love me as their leadsinger each week. I do so with joy. So it's no big deal for me. I haven't felt so happy about a day in a long time. I must mention my depressive symptoms are getting less and less these weeks. It's because I have decided I wanted to go out and give life a chance again and have fun again instead off locking myself inside all the time. I had a habbit off keeping myself away from life because I couldn't set myself to things and I had a huge lack off motivation to do anything. It could have been medication I finally got rid off that caused this. I'm more likely to try again with the world nowadays and see if I can have that quality off life again I kept myself from -for years now-. It has been incredibly hard for me. I have the feeling I didn't deserve that. Doing so much harm to myself feels unfair, especially if you take my life and circumstances in consideration. Then it's so unfair to do bad to myself. I should give life a chance again, also because my nurse agrees with me on that. And because off the advice she gave me. I hope I can do it. I have been trying again with life this week and it worked out well for me. So it's promising. I need fresh air and experiences to live. 

Allright, that's about it.- Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 29th off March, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today started cloudy, but it ended up sunny for this moment. There was a promising off hail storms and even wet snow for this week- but as far as that goes, I see nothing. (I decided to keep up with the weather forecast, though they're not always accurate) But this isn't the end off the week yet. 

*

Today was for re-trying my new baking mold. At the first try, a cake didn't come out completely but I refused to give up on it so I dusted it a bit better with flour and then rolled with it. The shape off this mold makes my cake a bit more square and firm compared to the previous one. 

It's my proven receipe for quark cake with dried prunes and golden raisins. Topped with icing sugar. I didn't flour my mold that good. Haha. Tomorrow it will be handed out to de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk to go with their afternoon coffee moment. It's good to give in my opinion, and to bake. I feel a bit better about life in general when I can bake. 

Today is for a day off. I needed a day off from de Boed to bake, do some dishes and sleep in a bit. I felt a bit tired from going to de Boed all the time and I needed some space, so I took it. Tomorrow will be for soup making and handing out my cake. I can even say I've done some dishes today as I'm usually more lazy when it comes to washing up and let it leaping up err, quite big. But aside to baking came the urge to do them. I'm probably thankfull to myself as I've put everything in my cupboards when it's all dry. (I'm not good at the household. I'm lazy when it comes to that.)

I do better than I did a few weeks ago. I'm in the last week off medicine change and so far, I'm climbing up a bit from feeling terrible. I had an attack yesterday, it was the second one in two weeks. My mind breaks an cringes over certain subjects I'm probably frightned off without wishing it to be, but I came over it twice and I can say the new medication makes me feel good. Although it probably doesn't cover everything. I was one hell off scared as my mind broke down and the feeling off being under a Witch's attack hurt me massively. (I'm interested in the subject off Paganism and Wicca, so I know what it truly contains. It's just that it always is as if there is some jealouse witch after me trying to break me down with dark magic. It's jealousy, or not wishing to accept my interest in their subject as people are 'like that.' I can't say it any other way than how I experience it.) 

It came after reading a book about wicca in the kitchen and practicing magic in the kitchen by Lisa Chamberlain. Both wicca and kitchen magic have my interest so I bought this book some time ago. I know the pagan community can be a rathouse when it comes to treating other people, but I wanted to read that book for myself, though something started to cringe in me after I finished it. As if I was under someone's nasty attack. You'd probably understand I don't trust pagans very much anymore, let alone the scene who visits events. They have treated me with more disrespect than I have ever treated them, and I'm serious about this. I think I should be weary with the subject, as it triggers 'something.' nasty in me. 

Though I wish to read more from Lisa Chamberlain. A renowed author from wiccan books. It's a bit double sided, though I don't want to have this 'under attack' feeling for entire evenings after finishing her works. It's not good. Probably something personal, but I felt so bad after finishing that book, I should be on my guard. It's nasty to say I should be on my guard for a religion that claims to be peacefull, but there have happened a lot off things towards me from them and it didn't feel always nice to try with them. I think it's not just been me. But foribiding me to read something on the subject goes a bit far in my opinion. Treating me with respect is probably asked for too much from some. And who knows I have always been a nice witch without anyone taking count off that possibility. I was interested, otherwise I would have never entered their events and their information and I still use semi-gemstones, candles and incense and most off all: My intuition. 

But most refused to accept me and be nice to me in return after fighting with Vana Events. But Vana is no saint either and I believe mutual respect is a key ingredient for every good understanding with people. I rather feel the need to let everything go and go my own way, instead off trying again and again and stepping on some sensitive toes again. I don't like them that much. Let's keep it at that. I'm glad I will never go there again as it didn't feel good anymore. Vana should watch their own behaviour more and look into their own direction more before pointing things out to me. It's not easy for some, but I believe it will do better for this entire situation if they would stick their hands in their own bossoms more before going after me. But I don't have to accept their bullshit. I'm free to go if they're not to my liking anymore. 

 

 Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

A video and a song I'd like to share today.

 Good evening everyone, 

This afternoon I'm about to share another Psych2go video to support mental awareness, and another cute, classic Dutch song which pops up in my head sometimes. 

This video is about a state off mental issue I'm in constantly. The survival mode. It doesn't seem like I'm going to get out off it soon. It's due to what I've been through the previous years and I could recognize so many things in this video in myself. It's probably one off the biggest mental issues off the 21st century, mental overload. It could be handy for my readers to see if they are in survival mode aswell. If so- seek the right help. 

*

This is the classic version off 'duivies, duivies.' A song about pigeons and I'm having it often in my head these months. It's cute, it's classic, it's worthit to know if you're Dutch as the author is a Dutch legend and I'm thinking off how to translate this song in English, sometimes words popping up in me to illustrate the matter. I love it. Small Annie M.G Schmidt songs are among my current favourites. I'll let you know when I came up with the perfect translation for it. Maybe I should take my time for it one evening behind my computer. Who knows. It's worthit listening anyway. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading, watching and listening. 

Good evening at the 11th off February, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was changing weather all the time with clouds being replaced by puddles off sunshine outside. It's cold, but this month has it's charm as it seems to have some beautifull moments off sunshine. It's about time the sun showed up. 

*

I go through life unemployed ever since last week. 

I have no job at the attelier for people with a disorder anymore since it felt like a bit too much these months. I never had any energy to do it so I quit. I'm lucky to live like I do since I can still keep up and have my life. At first I felt a bit down about being jobless, but it's something not to be concerned with too much anymore, appearently as it goes a bit better compared to the day after I quit. I barely have energy so it was a bit too hard to do it. I live on small governmental wages in a tiny flat and I should let go off being ambitious as it never seems to work out for me, but I'm fine. Maybe it was good to let go off my job as it felt like a burden on my shoulders. Energy, or lack thereoff, is my main concern and I still have de Boed around the corner to have social contacts, coffee and creativity. It's hard to live, but I still get by. 

Today was for baking de Boed a plus size applecrumble tart with dried prunes, almonds and golden raisins. According to my self-taught out selection off ingredients. Amongside apples, offcourse. And it has almond chives in it's crumble topping. It's for their Saturday afternoon coffee moment and I will dust it with icing sugar to finish it off tomorrow. I can play coffee lady tomorrow by serving people coffee from behind the coffee desk. It's fun to do so. I could ask de Boed if I can be a volunteer for serving coffee more often each week aside to my home made treats. 

I decided if a job or daycare for mental people crosses my path and it's within my range off acceptable, I will take it. I don't like to go through life completely unemployed. Serving coffee each week is a nice begining. Life is hard when you run as low on energy as I do. As far as that goes, showing up at de Boed in the morning is a good start and set myself to things. I do hard on that. It's a mental issue called anthedonia, I heard off it before and it hits me quite some times. You want to do something but something inside you refuses to do it and it blocks everything. It's hard. Mental issues are hard to deal with. But this week had a positive side. 

I felt proud off myself for doing well in life. I do good in life when it comes to having my house in order, I eat every day, I groom myself a bit and I bake for people and I love comforting and cheering them up with it. Though it's something small, I felt compete and happy with myself yesterday. I'm almost 30 and I might be mental, but at least I'm not a bad person. I need my space to live and air in my lungs and I can't take on much, but I don't do bad. August 5th I will be 30 years off age. I do my best to cope with a mental disease, and in that proces, I'm not a bad person. 

I'm battling it, still. Previous night was another awfull night off bad sleep and feeling too buisy with thoughts to get to rest. I finally slept around 3.30 and woke up around 11.00 A.M. I had my coffee and spend the rest off the day cleaning the kitchen, baking, and then cleaning the kitchen again while I had help with the rest off my tiny flat. This year they might change my medication to something that isn't fattening. It might help me to loose excess weight and look acceptable again. I hope it will do that and get my mind calm again. I keep on being awake and I'm probably 'used.' to medication that's supposed to keep you calm and get you to sleep. My system would do hard getting used to quiting it and that makes me an addict. I'm not proud off it. I still have this medication for a few years now. Mental medication is quite difficult. There's a chance for me having to get taken in at the mental hospital for changing medication when it gets out off hand. I still decided to do an act off self-love and buy myself a bush off roses. It's allready bloomed but it looked amazing. 

 For a short moment off time, I was mesmerized and in love with the beauty off these soft pink roses. Can something ever look too classy? Barely in my opinion. My house is a bit off a mess, but these roses had their right and time to be in here for a short moment off time. It's important to do these acts off self-appreciation every often.  

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 4th off February, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was stormy and grey outside. It's average weather. But who cares? The sun shines inside today. 

*

Today was for Friday house cleaning, with my regulair help in the household. She's quite a personality. 

It was also my second attempt in baking quark cake from scratch since I had so much ingredients left over from the first try. I love how it turned out. It's especially for the manager off de Boed since she didn't get to try the first, and I love how the effect on fellow people at de Boed will probably work out. I believe they will love to have it with their coffee. I'm going to play London Tea Shop again tomorrow. 

Today I poked a few stabs in the cake to let the glaze run into that, as it wouldn't be wasted as much as it would have been if I'd just decorate the cake with it. I have no picture off it, as you might get bored by an overdrop off pictures off lemon quark cake on this weblog.

Kwark Cake - Rutger van den Broek  

I have this link to the receipe, however. (In Dutch only) I thought it'd be nice to rate this receipe with 5 stars the other day to give it the credit it deserved. Splendid lemon cake with glaze never gets boring or out off style. No matter how hard they try. (I'd read in a woman's magazine once it's a bit boring these days and you can't come up with that anymore. One should bake sculpted cake instead and impress people with sculpted works off art when it comes to cake. But that's a bit above my level. As far as I'm concerned, lemon cake still does it.) 

Other than baking, I'm listening to 80's music this evening. My favourite mainly. It's uplifting, and cheering me up this evening. I'm retro tonight. And I love it. I think I'd still understand the world if we would live in that era, and my family would still be alive (But not know me, as I'm from '92) 

I have to try making a fruitcake out off the quark receipe, however, and I have to try the yoghurt variety instead off quark, and orange instead off lemon. I have energy tonight. Often I'm low on energy and a bit depressed, but things are getting a bit better this evening. I should live by the day instead off procastinating this will last. Mainly I should be carefull with things like this. I shouldn't inform all the energy vampires out there about being high in energy today.       

I have no clue what causes being on a tolerable level off energy today. The depression that hunts me often is no more so it seems. I hope this feeling will last. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 24th off January, 2022. (1)

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's cold and cloudy and it's still January but there is light at the end off the tunnel. Restrictions will be softened untill almost none anymore. Such a relief for this entire country. 

*

First off all I would like to share some pictures off the nice present I gave myself to cope with Blue Monday. The 15th off January, it's Dutch National Tulip day so to soften the edges off something sharp, I purchased myself some tulips and I have a lot off pictures off them. I loved how they grew and how beautifull they became in my vase. 

Warning: Picture drop off the same subject. I have a lot off pictures and this weblog is the perfect place to put all my attemps in photography on. 

 

I somewhat love taking pictures off flowers in nice vases. They lend themselves well for photography. I had 7 in the main vase, and then sacrificed 3 on my small altair for the good gods, to show gratefullness about the previous year. I happen to have a small altair in my home. The flowers have already bloomed and are thrown away but They kept me mentally alive previous week. 

I have even better news I'm going to share with you in my next weblog for today. These pictures where taken during diffrent days and show diffrent stages off growth off tulips. Photographing them was fun. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Severe interest in someone who is never around.

 Good evening everyone. 

The day ended bright and beautifull. I suppose it's going to be a clear night with a visible moon tonight. 

*

I happen to have an almost romantic interest in people who only excist in my mind. Is that normal? I have had this strange visions about a guy I don't know but who I think I once saw during new year's eve. The matter has faded away, but at times I still think at it. It's not normal. I happen to have an interest in someone I saw once on the street outside but never saw them again- It's not normal either, but in my head I keep on fantasizing sometimes to a point where it becomes part off my mental health issues. I don't like most common people I meet in real life. I barely have romantic interests in them, unless they pop up in my mind. I don't even infatuate on celebrities. I believe that is part off being on medication- loss off interest in that field in people. But why do I over-act on non excisting men? Just in my fantasy, on places no one ever enters. I believe I should either get over with it, or get a way to deal with it. If I ever get to meet them again and they turn out to actually dislike me- I'm likely to start to feel a bit uneasy around them. I feel like becomming something a bit scary. An ungroomed fat obsessed fan with thick glasses and a mental disease like sometimes known from movies. It's not something cool. I'm fully aware I'm going to end up like that, untouched and all drained and to have become weird by things like this. 'Move along, you hold up the crowd.' What am I to do about this? I know that once I'm set off like this, I'm likely to hang on to this for  a long time while actually wishing I could let go but I'm not mentally capable to do so. That's right, I'm mental and never capable to let go off things recently happened in the field off romance. 

Most things, even on a level off friendship or family, are too easy for me to let go off. Something's a bit out off balance, but what else is new? Is that love interest in danger? I don't think so as I believe he is rather based on people I think I might have met. He doesn't excist. I shouldn't get nervous feelings from him to begin with. As far as it goes, I believe this person might hate me if he would excist and actually knows me but that's because off my choice in life. I won't say anything more about him. Except that he's a cute, very pale blonde geek with glasses and an australian dessert hat. Who is born a chinese zodiac Snake and he is lean build. He's too certain off himself to be scared off me, And he's charming. I don't believe I have ever seen him for real in my life. I doubt I would have fallen for him if I'd ever meet him for real. Usually that doesn't happen. I call it 'Severe interest in someone.' It sounds like a disease that way and that is, after all, something that IS truly real. 

On a positive level, today was the first time I ever had lemon meringue pie. I never tasted it and it was very sweet. It was to my liking but it tasted diffrent than what I thought it would be like. It's nice but it's not my favourite. I had it with a cappucino at a terrace with wooden picknick benches with a nice overvieuw at de Zaan in Wormerveer. (I know most people can't pronounce that if they're not Dutch.) It did well on me to have fresh air, a great sight and nice coffee with a treat somewhere. 

Snakes and Monkeys (My chinese zodiac) aren't compatitable. It's not a good idea to dwell on a snake. If he would have been a dragon, that would have been more off a match but he's just annoying. Cute but annoying. But I keep an appropriate distance from the entire scene he's part off according to himself. He doesn't has me hooked enough on him to take action but I hope I made myself clear about it by now. Vana has treated me wrong and thins they can shower me in 'silent treatment.' because off being stuck up with their stupid ego and pride. Meanwhile on the other side off the fight, I started to feel a bit better about life and got up somehow today. I shouldn't cheer too early as this is sensitive. If the man descripted above might excist- don't mention that to me, I won't do anything with it. No matter if he is a secret prince from Sweden with a nice house somewhere at a lakeside. But somehow I bet it won't be necessairy to mention that to uncle Mark. 

If there is a prince from Sweden with a house at a lakeside reading this by accident who isn't attached to Vana Events, - You can look up my contact information in my profile. In return, I'm not all that, but who cares. I have little hopes this might happen for real, What I have to offer is not good enough for most people. but a girl can dream. Many a sour old event hag would point at me and say 'whore.' But I suppose their filthy dreadheads haven't met their match either. Or otherwise she lacks a sense off humor on this, which I find even more alarming. (I'm not going to take this back, but as far as the rules off silent treatment go- they're not suppose to say anything about it to me.) 

Fighting isn't something that should attract a Swedish prince. But I believe it's not read by any off them. 

I have inspiration for a comedy called 'Prountoupaloup.' Starring Johnny Depp as a dreaded pagan who lost a fake police car with metal signs on it a few years ago at a parking lot in a big city they barely know, starring someone playing mentally diseased me being floaty and mental all the time and all the other characters around at one off my previous adresses. 'NATASHA! Where is my car?!' Resembling the Flinstones 'WILMA, where is my car?' (I don't know if that is in the Flinstones, but you got it.) As far as people don't know: I called the city office and they towed away that car. Pagans are weird enough to be off Johnny Depp's interest I hope, and Disney can produce the thing in my imagination, but I believe 'Prountoupaloup.' is not the best title to give to that. Though it's funny as it is. They're never going to get that car back. I have posted video's about it on my YouTube channel and they're a bit stupid (van gisteren) if they haven't found out about that by now. But some dark and weird evening somewhere in 2018 is perfect inspiration for a comedy / drama. As you might know by now, I don't take Vana Events serious after so many years off having to live up to their infantile biggotry. I prefer to make fun off them. Respect them like gods? I don't think so. A towed away car somehow feels like victory to me. What is the clue to that comedy? Know thine enemy, know what you put them up with. And read up on local laws about vehicles before you dump them on the parking lot in front off the hospital. It's sometimes THAT simple to avoid a parking fine. But as Vana has been good at underestimating me, I have been up to date about city office law forms and procedures. I'm mad but I'm pretty sharp on some things. There I would like to keep my inspiration for 'Prountoupaloup.'  

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

     

 

A point off clarity

Good evening everyone, 

Today it's rainy and cloudy. Not much off a day for midsummer. It's a pity for those who think off that day as important. It's the start off summer today. 

*

Sometimes it's all resolving around a certain point off clearness. A wish, a spell, a star- It's sometimes as bright and clear as it is in all it's simplicity and it lacks creativity, I'm sorry to say, but it's a thing that's available for everyone, no matter how rich or poor. A star. The point where the wish becomes real, the spell is bound and starts to work, and the star is a point to be seen at night. It's simplicity at it's finest, but therefore also one off the mose effective things in the world. The point where an idea becomes in motion and starts to become valid for people. It's a point off my own philosophy, I like this point. It's beautifull and strong. It's where everything else we consider important, or noble, or otherwise 'high.' is left out and all that matters is that point. It's not necessairily a sexual point. It's not ment for that metaphore, it's merely for wishes and dreams. The point where it all comes to be. 

It's as easy and simple and therefore as bright and pure as said before. It doesn't take a lot off nonsense, it just -is-. 

Wishes and dreams are often set in motion and aren't surrounded by a point off clarity in real life. But that might be too vague for most people. The point off clarity is where it all comes togheter and 'Happens.' I like the philosophy off that point. 

Allright, that's about it for now- Thank you for reading.   

Mid-summer shield 2021.

 

Today I wanted to do something for mid-summer. Today is the longest day and the shortest night. I decided on to make a mid-summershield on de Boed and mine has buttons on it. Ancient people used to make them around these days. I can't remember for what purpose to be honest, but I made one by accident before and I liked the idea to do something like that again for this year's midsummer, despite mine being rectangulair instead off being round-shaped. 

Allright, that's about it for now- Thank you for reading. 

Edit: I found you're suppose to make it look like a sunwheel to be working with the essence off the sun. Mine is rectangulair this year, but to be honest- Anything is possible in modern days. I don't know if the gods accept rectangulair mid-summer shields. But I cheered up a care taker who said she felt sunny by my painting on this rainy and gloomy day.