Good evening at the 2nd off April, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a changing yet dreary day in The Netherlands. 

*

This week, I made this necklace at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, The Netherlands. And it will be for sale in their gift shop. I'm a bit more creative lately. At times, I got really inspired. I also designed tulip postcards. Also for sale in their gift shop 

They found my tulips very pretty. It's available to be send for everyone interested. My grandma is the biggest fan, she purchased the entire set. And the previous jewelry set has been sold. It's getting somewhere, people think I make pretty items. Inspiration is sacred. 

Aside from creativity, (With their materials, let's be honest, I could never afford that myself. And I personally don't profit from it, the upbring is entirely for their small gift shop) I'm a bit down in spirit, a bit more unstable and sensitive. I'm happy creativity flows, so it can breathe a little. But it's not easy. This time is not easy. I'm over-thinking and overly sensitive. It can be a bit hyper in my mind. Life is beautifull, but things are insanely painfull, and sometimes I try to figure out mankind, but it usually hurts and I still don't have a clue. Mankind is cruel. Difficult... I wish for a better climate in it, but it feels impossible. I'm so gratefull for Leviaan. They keep me standing while I would break from it otherwise. Leviaan is the care home organisation I live in. It hurts big time, always having people against me, and the world being so cruel. It feels lonesome. Inspiration feels gratefull. Or so to say, I feel gratefull for inspiration. The card set's name is Zaandijk Beltaine, but I think they won't accept, and I did not make it the official name. Tulips at the month off may, with the sun in Taurus and the moon in Scorpio and the Beltaine energy in the air off floral Zaandijk feels magic. Almost given from the gods. The fairies out and the garden off our place being so beautifull, covered in flowers with the cherry blossoms out. It's god given. It looks magical, and it makes me feel gratefull to be alive. People might think it's a bit out off place, ancient magic and typical Dutch floral beauty, but I think it connects perfectly when it's out in the month when it's supposed to blossom. It's spectaculair. Everything else goes backwards and is impossible nowadays, but the gardens bloom lovely. Nature is inspiring, and gives strength. It doesn't withhold answers, sometimes it's what I overthink myself, what comes to me, and it becomes how I personally see things and how I think about things. I'm a bit phillosophicall. It triggers both and makes me come to interesting conclusions at the same time. It might be a little bit strange, weird little me... Overthinking is difficult. To keep a bit off track off life, I like to keep things simple in life. Simple, yet meaningfull... Everything else is already complicated. It's easily a bit too much with everything going on in my head. And it hurts... litterally. I always have headaches from overthinking. It's why I'm in here. Life is difficult to figure out. I wish I could find a clue. But probably, it's impossible, and that's why I'm in here. Due to an over-active mind. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good afternoon at the 16th off February, 2026.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is cold and grey in The Netherlands. 

*

I already set up my Easter Branch, and other Easter decorations, very cute, very deliberate early. I was pretty early with my Easter Branch, it has all kinds off decorations from previous year onto it, and it's in an old vase. 

It's snowing outside at times. It's still February, but we got an early Easter. 

I'm in a phase off over-reactive acting, I'm not myself, I'm hyper-energetic, doing all sorts off things, over-shopping, spending too much money. It's not good for me. I already foresee it's going to go wrong with me one day, and I should take it easy instead. Take it more calmly, simply not over-do things. I'm off minded and I believe I'm delusional. I'm acting weird. I can't sleep well at night, this morning was for 02.00 AM awake, and 05.00 AM showering. It's like that, -Like that. I know more psychiatric patients got this. My head is crowded, too full to read novells or write poetry. I try to cook simple yet healthy receipes to set off my mind, like apple sauce and tomato soup. I do a lot, but it's not much off a set off. It's over-reactive and strange. Like with this, it's hard and close to obsessive. Not preferable. I got a strange tense. I have to take it more easy. Like a stressed chicken. 

I'm already proud I got my Easter decorations on, it's early, but last year I did not do so at all. Out off some sort off grump. Maybe I do feel a bit guilty about that. Luckily the Elders still like what I cook, Often I cook for my friend, the retired zookeeper, he says my food is delicious. The tomato soup got approved off, luckily I'm not so far off I don't know what I'm doing in the kitchen anymore. But cooking every day would be too much to handle. I'm lucky to live in a care home. It's done for me three times a week. And they make delicious foods. Life is tough, but it's manageable. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good morning at the 4th off February, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's dark and cold outside. 

*

I'm in a period where I'm not doing well. My mental state is pretty lame at the moment, I suspect I'm severe delusional at the moment. It's not really going well. I had to take emergency medication for two times now. I think I'm spied upon in the computer all the time, but what the hell are they looking for in my system? And one off these spies is familiair.... honesty, my docuents are pretty lame, and behind - I can't afford a good windows version for several years, so it's a bit crap they're after when they are after something artistic I've made. Not really sane. It's a bit off a household computer. It's not off importance in my opinion for the far wide world what's on. But the rats in the attic ('Geouwehoer op zolder.' Zoals dat in het Nederlands heet.) better stay away, or something in me is not right. The idea makes me unstable.  I'm a mental patient, I think I have vermin in the computer. It's good enough for a ton off delusions and haunting scenario's my mind makes about it. But what the hell is after sick old me? To be honest, I think it even can't do damage if they're after this old crap. 

Thoughts... Thoughts... I'm over-thinking on it, and on heavy medication for it. More emergency medication since it's not handy to me. It's asking too much off me to handle something does that. I should get a clue on how to keep them out, but it's difficult. They are NOT welcome. 

Either that, or I could use a good amount off help. It's at that state off being. I'm not doing well from it. but I would not expect them to be after me. It looks delusional. How to stay sane despite this? And Who the Hell cares about my documents? I suspect them to be after my documents, but they won't find anything in there. Let me tell them that ahead. Most off it is creative content and old. It's stupid to be after that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 29th off January, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cold and cloudy outside. 

*

I'm Hekate's apprentice, She knew what to do with me, Love and motherhood godesses are a diffrent kind. I'm not like most women, I'm diffrent, I have been following a dark path and got many scars. I'm not much off a love goddess. I would call upon Venus, and it feels like I have to get to know it a bit better. It's not like it's easy with me. 

When it's Valentine's day, I rather would work in the kitchen to set my mind off off things, and make world's best creamy mustard soup, quark taarten or perfect cookies, and not feel it that much. When you work, you do not feel it so much. It's not a big deal to work a kitchen for 28 people, create magic with food or enchant the crowd at fantasy events, but to have a boyfriend? Oh, help- That's not my department. I'm stupid when it comes to that. I'm NOT easy. 

It's always been my wish to bake my love a batch off Valentine's cookies. I have been over-posting an image off home made love cookies around some time, but it never came to it. 'De liefde van de man gaat door de maag.' Like they say, Or at least the lonely hearts club at de Boed has a treat. I'm desperately stupid when it comes to seduction. Not that I'm unatractive- I have rumors on my ass that I'm too ugly for love, but let's be honest, it just never worked a certain way. Pluto in Capricorn era made me work my ass off for a certain standard off wealth. I still don't look like a Venus' follower. I barely do make-up, I'm wretched and sarcastic. Recently Hekate found a way to show me she was my protection godess, with dreams and insights. I rather believe in natural beauty, and keeping your skin healthy and your face naturally pretty. But it's not the standards. I'm a magician rather than a lover. I feel so strange sometimes when it comes to love. I'm not a talent for it. But it ain't so bad, I did not waste my life. I dedicated it to working on myself, exploring my talents and developing a set off skills that came in very handy. It's NOT wasted on self-pity, doubt and sadness. I'm just not fit as a lover. I believe in things we can controll rather than love. -MEN, forget about it,- but the world is saved!  Something along those lines. It's not too bad being a spinster, truly, I can live. I would not enlower myself for lust or love, and I don't take bad sides or standards for an answer. I respect myself enough for that. It's fun being still single as a pagan, we do what people should do instead off mocking. But yes, Hekate knows what to do with me, Venus is a diffrent story. I still don't feel completely at ease when calling upon her. I just don't know what to serve the Lonely Heartsclub this year. Last year it was Mr. Ed's potato cake. Delicious for what it was. But sugar bakings are not allowed anymore. And we don't do soup for lunch anymore. It's a bit dry this year. It's a bit baling. Something delicious to heal our lonely hearts. Most people at de Boed don't have someone in their lives. But a treat would make it less sour. This year they don't even have valentine's cookies from store with our coffee. It's just fruit they allow. It's the health and sugar policy. Maybe I should adapt to it, since baking has become expensive, as forbidden as love between a jew and a muslim at de Boed, and looked upon ungratefull. It's like Forbidden Love. It's impossible to make it happen. 

But I'm thinking about what to do that day instead off being sour. How to keep my head up without a treat. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good morning at the 21st off January, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's dark and cold outside. 

*

I had visions about fashion Gothic being the total It-style off the 30's. Why can't it be? Wasn't it to be found one off the prettiest styles off recently? Why can't we, Fantasy alternatives, ever be totally It? It has been like this since ages. We are totally peeved and looked down upon by the fashion industry, but some time ago the trend was totally fashion Gothic. I adored it. I would love that to come back, I'm always hiding I'm alternative to the audience, I finally could come out for it when everyone started wearing Dr. Martens in public. It was so cool. So beautifull. Even I dared to be more out in the open. There's a hole in my heart, and a stone in my stomach it's not more widely accepted. But the whole fashion loving town was taking part off it, when Versace and Chanel started to make work off it. I think I finally would have gotten away with it with my old peers at school. It always has been forbidden for me to be a public alternative by them. I don't see them anymore, but you can probably imagine. It's like I'm secretly a werewolf or so, they where not allowed to know. Nowadays I'm far more public with it, on Facebook, but we broke all contact. They're kinda short minded people. But deep inside I hope fashion Gothic made them think it a bit diffrently, or maybe they started following a fashion trend, something as simple as that. It's not a feeling or a philosophy with them. 

It's such a stone in my heart, coming to think it can never be accepted by the main crowd. I don't look alternative here, but hey, we're at a mental institute with old people with mental issues, and it's not appropriate. I look dull and boring on a daily base. I had a time where I tried to look like a Wolf Witch Warrior, and showing you're pagan can be done in many ways. I'm still pagan, still a witch. But secretly. This place is old fashioned, conservative and Christian. And it makes me look like a shabby old tramp not to get in trouble with them, there's also something against looking too expensive. To people from the past, it might seem a bit aso even to look like this. But it's my way to adapt to the surrounding. I'm always in situations where it's not appropriate to be a heathen in public. This country still has rules about that. Nowadays I do my utmost best to be off taste to old people. At leat they're nice to me. But you get it: I better don't be over the top. But it's not too bad since they have good taste in music. I love listening to their music. After breaking up with Vana Events, it did not feel too bad. But it's a stone in my heart. I'm a witch on Facebook, but not in their face, I would get in trouble with it and they would hate me for it. 

My kind off spirituality has never been publicly accepted, not as much as some time ago when it was everywhere, and it started to be a little more accepted, but sometimes this country almost do it for it, and it's stuck up again against pagans like me. I'm lucky to have my mom to discuss things with, and I read books about subjects. But still, despite the fight for equality and justice, we're still seen as obscene by the establishment. I hate it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 3th off January, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

Wet snow is falling outside the window. It's still dark. 

*

I'm out off coffee. That shall teach me to hamster. I have been hamstering an amount a few years ago- but it was all spoiled and it ended thrown away during a time where coffee is something to win a prize for. I think it would be totally acceptable if people would do house games and one off the prices is a pack off Douwe Egberts coffee. Expensive as it is. 

It's 02.30 midnight, I can't sleep that well. I watched a movie last night, and even over something simple as Love Actually, my mind is over-acting and prickly. I barely watch movies, but it's a pitch dark winter, so I'm going to. Maybe I should get used to movies instead off acting so whimpish. It's healthy to take media in. It's unhealthy to be an austrich. But it's a bit off a challenge for a mental patient. Today is a free Saturday, so I got all the time to watch Netflix. Though I should not over-do it. But still, if I wish to stay ahead, I should watch all the classics. I have started to watch classic romantic comedies. From the era where actresses where actually a tad too perfect. I totally see why women did have such a low self-esteem in the days. But still, nothing but therapy from a romantic comedy to soothe the mind. 

But each to their own, I'm a bit mentally prickled from actually doing something aside from watching the news. Usually, if I can set myself to it at all, I watch the evening news, and otherwise the TV is out. Often it's all I can take. The news is not recommended, but I do watch, to be informed about what happens in the world, and about what they want you to know. It informs about governmental cuts and the duration off wars. So I can make a mental sketch off whether it's gonna cost and what is gonna cost. It's one reason to watch the news. Bad harvests and war make groceries more expensive. It's interesting enough to keep me watching, if I can. Usually my mind is too full to take media in. But it's important enough to tune in at times. If something doesn't want you to watch the news, you should not trust it. My intuition tells me I should watch every now and then. Like, it was on the news energy prices are increasing- it's important to know. Especially during wartime, the people should stay informed. The situation is desperate, and the news gives more off an insight. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good morning at the 22th off December, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a cold and dark morning in The Netherlands. 

*

I worry a lot, I shouldn't, but it happens. I worry about starving fellow clients who eat bad, and about my mom who cooks cheap and unhealthy. I should not mention everything, that can be shamefull for them, but I worry about their health. It's on the poor side in my part off the world. I myself eat healthy, but I'm also hungry often, from eating moderate. More moderate than what it used to. If I eat in moderation, fruit, vegetables, brown bread and healthy meals are still possible. Just like tea and milk. So I can feed myself. It's the holiday month, so I have a little extra with my coffee or tea when people are generous, but usually I don't. And If I have it's picture worthit. I get by, but I worry about others. If they can pass healthy. I decided I want to eat healthy during this crisis, despite everything being expensive. I save on other things. I'm sober with stuff, I don't even buy books anymore. There was a time when I spend money on novells aside to food. And it's not due to lack off money I saved on them, it's due to lack off motivation to read I don't buy those anymore. I had a thing for Japanese literature, usually containing cats. It's a bit basic how I live. But if times are expensive and uncertain, that's how we do. Still, at the moment I'm reading one off them, I have been hoarding quite a few. And there's still Japanese books I wish to read, despite the fog in my head. I got quite a pile. So it's not completely dry how I live. At the moment I read this book: 

 It does not has an English translation, sometimes Japanese books are only translated in Dutch. It's really feelgood. But I haven't added a new book to the 'to read' pile in a while. Still, it's piling. But that's the only thing my money went to this year. Healthy foods, and books. I have been behaving so poor, it's almost unbearable if I was an ordinairy person, but I had to tolerate poverty ever since early youth. It's been a bit harsh, but not undoable. I have been poor ever since I was 16. What can I say? Unemployed and mentally ill. Strange enough, I can cope with this crisis. 

But I should shove this weblog back on topic: I worry. Other people are not me, and I wonder how families are to be fed if this continues. One day, this will end. I'm certain. One day in the future, it's done with poverty on food and we can sigh in relief. I'm kinda certain about it, but it's difficult. The next year, will still be extreme. I'm doing hard from it. I can feel so guilty when someone is doing worse than I do. But I keep on continueing my standard, I still got to eat. I have to feed on healthy foods. I can't ditch it in my opinion because someone has low standards. They would not for me, so why would I for them? 

Last thing I wish to share, a picture off my dessert from last night: 

 

It's been low fat peach fruit yoghurt with fruit salad on top. It's been delicious, yes, I still eat dessert. I prefer healthy dessert, but I still eat it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 15th off December, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a dark and stormy morning. 

*

De Boed has new coffee cups 

The old ones where more plain, these have fancy ridges and come from IKEA. I think they're so fancy, they could come from Paris. But maybe that's how I look at them. My mom also has these, but they did not copy her on purpose, at least that's what I think. I feel like a whole lot off something at our community centre when having coffee out off these. 😊 And yes, we always have it with a piece off fruit, since we're not allowed sugar holding products anymore with our hot drinks. (It's a new law for health care institutes in The Netherlands.) 

And I try to cope with the haze. The immense haze off these times, poverty and the war. I try to deal with it, but it's so hard, sometimes nothing works against it. It's really impossible to fight the moodyness that comes with it. And sometimes I feel Saturn in Taurus is not going to do well for crisis. It comes after Saturn in Aries. And we're about to deal with it in two and a half years after Pisces. It's astrology, and Taurus always means sobriety. Like we have seen the previous years with Uranus in Taurus, which was almost out off it's mind. It indicates sobriety and strictness. My advice? Hold up your pants a bit stricter, be after bargains a little better, and safe it on money a little louder. If you still can. I should not joke about it. It's serious business. And this country better doesn't hop to new trends, since I'm almost certain most ordinairy people can not afford. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Good morning at the 10th off December, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a dark and stormy night outside in The Netherlands. 

*

How to fight the blues, the worst poverty, the hunger, the ratchetness and the vulgairity? Simply by doing house chores and stay basic clean. Be a homemaker and keep the place tidy enough to keep it sane and very comfortable, and keep yourself clean up to a basic despite most people are poor. 

You might think I joke, but these basics can prevent the situation to become worse, and keep us healthy and comfortable in our own home during these expensive times. It doesn't has to be expensive to stay tidy, as long as you do it. It doesn't matter if the floorwash is cheap, as long as you weekly mop the floor with it. Just like brushing teeth: It has to happen. We're at that stupid point where ordinairy people stopped doing it. And start to look like street filth to me. I don't care if you think I'm unemancipated, at least I can stand this war appropriate and we can't say that about you to begin with. I think this would be less painfull if we could keep our dignity despite being poor. That's my opinion. 

I'm not a fashionista and I have never been, but I think I look better than the gross majority out there nowadays. Clean is a must. I don't care if they keep me for old fashioned, at least I can pass. I have never been a make-up princess from the past, but at least my face is clean and my clothes are tidy enough. And my hands are clean and groomed. That's how we do it during a war. I hope this ungrooming phenomenon among young people is a war phenomenon, and not something that will be continued. Offcourse I feel with those who can't afford a clean outlook, they have no choice. but those who choose to, should re-think themselves. Utmost basics in cleanliness should even be taught at schools in a time where people are hopelessly filthy. It has to do with health and hygiene. It's a basic in health care. But I'm preaching like an ass, so I should beware. 

I think I better end this weblog with a picture off my last night's dessert: 

Low- fat forest fruit yoghurt with fresh raspberries on top. It was delicious. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 8th off December, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's stormy and dark outside at night, it's even so nasty, internet fails sometimes. 

*

Yesterday, I decorated a christmas tree at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, at the second floor. It's kinda simple, and the tree was almost good for thrash when they found it last year. But offcourse, it's an organisation that has learned to flip it's pennies- so the tree was saved, and this year, bulbes and pine tree cones where bought for it. Last year, they borrowed mine for it. But decorating was still fun 

I got complimented on how well I did this. It's affordably cheap, and I know it's going to be liked by everyone who sees it. My own Christmas tree looks like this: 

It's been 5 euro's only for a tree. Done with previous year's decorations and a straw pot. It's cute for what it is. It's nothing too expensive for days like this. but still it does well for the home ambience. My interior decoration for Christmas is kinda kept sober this year. Moderation, since I think that's appropriate. And it's a real tree. It has a loot and it needs water every often. I should respect that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading!  

Good morning at the 25th off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's cloudy and grey in The Netherlands, and it's cold. 

*

I wrapped a gift for my stepdad 

His Birthday will be at the last day off December, and I thought a small gift would be nice, though I'm not likely to be there, so short after Christmas. I might ask my mom to give it to him at his birthday. 

It's an epoxy keychain, capital H for his first name. We make these at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. With Epoxy raisin and molds. We add decorations to it, and they make cute gifts. de Boed's handmade gifts make perfect gifts in expensive times. They're not expensive with their prices, and items can be cute. 

He's not likely to see it on here, I posted a picture off the wrapped gift on my facebook, making people guess. 

Last picture, A picture off my dessert last night: 

Low fat strawberry yoghurt, with a pile off fresh raspberries. Really delicious. Despite food being expensive, I decided to still eat healthy foods to keep my body in good health. So Yes, fresh raspberries. And they're delicious. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 21st off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is still dark with mild rain outside in The Netherlands. I expect a cold, grey and dreary day. 

*

My mom thinks I'm innocent and totally not dangerous for posting pictures off food and made tables. I'm perfectly allowed to do so from her home. She thinks nobody is actually interested, so it can't do harm to picture made tables and what we eat there, or what I eat here. I always think made tables and cute dining ware are so nice to put on a picture. It's usually internet worthy. It shows we're not dining at the end off civilization when we make a table and serve food on it neatly with the ware as decoration. It's really cute. 

And mom is with me. She thinks it's so innocent what I do, she let me. Our fancy pastry plates at my parental home come from grandma. I think it doesn't matter if you got your tableware for free, a bit old, second hand or cheap. As long as it looks a certain way. It makes such a lovely impression, it's always the right tone. And I believe everyone can do it. It's not fun if it's expensive. And it's how we show Moscow and the world we still eat, despite everything.  

Expensive looks can be faked, you won't believe how far you can come with an eye for the right details, an ordinairy priced shop like ACTION'S, and a certain will to roll with it. You might even start to look better than the old fashioned rich. I think it's how Europe keeps a face during this war. I took part in it. At least, the part off Europe that wants to look clean and groomed despite it's crisis. We started to do things fancy old fashioned, and a bit plain. It doesn't has to be expensive or overkill to look good enough. It's how we keep a face. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good morning at the 18th off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's rainy and dark outside in The Netherlands, but what do you think? It's Autumn and it's almost 6 AM. 

*

De Boed has some cute, handmade cards. They're only one euro each, and they're worthit their money during this crisis. I think this year will be for handmade Christmas cards. They used to be made by an elder fellow client who passed away this year. Her well made cards are perfect as greetings and wishes. Compared to bookstores, these are more affordable and more heartfelt. I think they're perfect for this Christmas. I got some holiday stamps from previous years, donated by mom. It helps to cut the costs on Christmas cards. But they should still be totally part off the holiday tradition. In my opinion, they always belonged there. I cut out on who to send them to, so I need 5 only this year. It's not much that will be spend to it. And it's worthit. During this expensive season, I think I do well to it. I might post pictures off them, each are special handmade, in this weblog later on. Maybe you'll like it. and that's the power off this weblog: The receiver doesn't see it ahead, but the reading fans do. 

Edit: I went out to purchase some, but my critical eye found them too bad off quality, and not made by the elder fellow client. What they had was junk, so I refused. I think it will come down to purchasing a set this year. I hope that won't be a problem. I found what de Boed had too stupid. 

I always got this feeling I'm about to die early, that's due to medication headaches. It's really difficult. When I'm this difficult in my skin, I'm absolutely not open for a relationship, I'm simply too sick from mental issues. I see things too trouble. So I have to give no for an answer to everyone. I think it can't be solved, so I won't like to give false hopes to people. It's too hard, too uneasy, and I got psychotic on love, so I can't handle it. No is for our both safety. It feels better to be single with such a troubled head. I'm at a point where I believe most world religions would forgive me to have stayed single my entire life for being sick. Given I'm still a virgin. I think they would hold a hand above my head for it. I'm sorry, I just can't be married or a mom. 

I'm still delusional, I still got aches, I'm still tired very easily. 

Last picture off this blogpost: 

I went out walking in a forest this weekend, a good hike in the Castricum dunes. I ended with Chocolate milk and lunch in Johanna's hof, the local dune restaurant. I needed to get my mind clear. It was really a good thing to stretch my leggs. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

  

Good afternoon at the 14th off November, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's dreary and rainy outside. 

*

I would like to share some images off my foods off the previous days, some where really good. Like the bowl off vla with a doll up off whipped cream at my parental home after dinner, and my attemps at oven baked carrots in diffrent shades, and my dessert. Low fat peach yoghurt with pommegranate seeds. All too delicious. I should clean the kitchen today, but I'm almost dying out off headache. I'm about to see General Practice about it. It's really wrecking to be as stressed as I am. Maybe I'll clean my kitchen this afternoon. I would do good about it. Being schizo and on meds almost kills me. My head hurts incredibly, I could move planets, stars, whole galaxies, space ships with this feeling off incredible pain... I have never felt it this bad before. Just too much, and always late in the evening when I go to bed. It's impossible to sleep with it. General Practice and mental health should know what to do with it.    

I think my carrots can almost pass for Christmas. They where delicious. I'm dizzy from headache, unstable on my feet. I hope something can help for it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 12th off November, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today the sky was grey, and the place looked gloomy. It's that dementor atmosphere everywhere... 

*

This was in the box off chocolates for mom's 67th birthday: Windmills and tulips, a perfect gift from old Zaandijk. Her birthday was cozy, and the food was good. I also had these jigsaws:

Ot and Sien are a Dutch classic. I had won these at bingo, my mom loves Ot and Sien and jigsaws. It was perfect for her. Dutch culture is perfect for fancy gifts. My mom always loves them. And I got to say: They're doable, not too expensive and heartfelt. It goes in well with the family. During this era, you could even call it somewhat chique. 

Allright, that's  about it for now, - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 4th off November, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's gloomy and stormy outside in The Netherlands today and this night. It's haunted, like ususall. 

*

Imagine, what would happen if the Ukraine war would take place for two more years? Are you capable to withhold if this crisis continues, and the prices only increase? Think off it, think serious. It might be wrong, but it's something to think off. Do you have everything to withhold the tide? If not, what can you do? 

And then again, it's not the planetairy transits this might depend on. People expect the upcoming planetairy transits to cause a miracle, but I doubt. Please, use your common sense, and try your best to know you can do it. The god off war has never been soft on people. Please take care, please keep in mind this might take some more from us. 

This upcoming year might be crisis and war. We never know for certain, but we should not let go off our endurance to withhold this. Please don't treat it like it's nothing. That's not responsible, and it's not sensible. Take care. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Good morning at the 2nd off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cloudy and dark outside, the sky is still invisible. 

*

Yesterday I had great dessert, I had a bowl off skinny forest fruit yoghurt topped with rubies. 😉 

It's actually pomegranate seeds, but they look like rubbies if you make them decorations for desserts. It was pretty good, actually. It's my idea off luxury: eating fresh fruits and vegetables during this time, and to keep my health good with it. It was on a discount, so it wasn't as pricey as rubbies. 😋 I'm proud to still eat dessert on my small income. Low fat fruit yoghurt, sometimes topped with fruits. It's a good idea, actually. And it's not expensive, except for the fruit topping. But for good health, I think it's worthit. 

Life goes by this Autumn. I'm fighting ghosts from the past. It trigges delusions and psychosis. Just too bad. I talk about it with care takers. It's fighting the past. It's impossible, since only the now takes place here and now. We should live in the now. But the past can be such an echoput. Especially for us, mental types. We constantly got overhwelmed by situations from the past, and they trigger. I feel like being kept prison in Azkaban, where dementors keep you caught on bad memories. It's no suprise to me prisoners lost their mind there. It's also the ambience, it's constantly negativity, as if it's actually crowded with dementors, in Zaandijk at Gortershof, invisible for muggles. It also rains a lot here and the sky is so grey. 

What I do to fight it: Ambience and foods. A little more cozyness, well-cooked meals and music. Music from the past. I'm a homebody with a soft witch style in my home. I like it, despite others might think it's a bit weird, shabby chique and old fashioned. But it's my personal thing. It's how witches keep the negativity off dementors out. I hope people don't dismay me for it, I like to show some off it on my internet. It can't keep me from still being a bit negative and moody from time to time. Appearently, the classic British way is not the answer for everything. I still feel the moodyness. Though it's helpfull and more fun than Dutch in my opinion. 'You're fighting ballroomclouds.' But sometimes, the ballroomclouds are so strong, especially during these years. And chocolate is also not the answer for everything. It just softens sharp edges. (Usually I eat it moderately, but I had voices in my head making me order it. It was good, but it's no solution to darkness) 

Care takers think I'm crazy for refering to myself 'Like Ginny Weasley.' at times, but I like to think myself as country oriented and cheap but still fancy, like her. Having to do witch chores and try to keep my head up despite it all. If I refer to Harry Potter, they don't like. If you don't get the reference, you might think I'm crazy for it. But I feel like a poor county witch daughter when doing it this way. Maybe I should make them read Harry Potter, or stop it. It's just that it doesn't matter, it makes me do house chores and try to keep it cozy and in order despite it all. Everything that misses, is mince pies for Christmas, 😉 but that makes me more poor and restricted than Ginny. Still, seeing her mildly as a role model works to straighten my back. 

I hope for a miracle to happen for my bad mood, it's a bit difficult. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

     

Good evening at the 16th off October, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

This is the gift for my birthday brother tomorrow 

I hope they don't find me cheap, it's been pricey for a HEMA gift. And I hope they don't find me a tauck. I also had one for my other brother's birthday in June. It's a bit silly, a bit childish, a bit cheap- But I got a gift for them. That's already a whole lot off something for this year. And like I said, it's not wrapped in an old newspaper. It's in real wrapping paper. 

I hope we can find a little cheer in our heart for it. I feel so depressed and so gloomy, as if Dementors from Harry Potter are haunting the streets off this old place, unseen by muggles like me. We used to have a soft spot for these kind off silly gifts. I feel as if I'm barely in the mood for it. It used to cheer us up, but this rotten situation in the world enlowers my personal mood. There's mood enlowers, there's mood enhancers. I hope we never grow too old or too serious for presents like these. But I feel I'm doing difficult. 

And something to end my blog with for this evening, a picture off my dessert 😏 I hope there comes a day where these sort off things will truly cheer me up again. 

It's a bowl off low fat forest fruit yoghurt, topped with blueberries. This is what I would call a mood enhancer, and it's good for our body. Just the plain sight off it used to cheer me up. I just don't know what my problem is tonight. Or I do know, but I'm doing hard with it. I'm severely cranky, on top off delusions. I hope it vanishes by tomorrow. I have to attend a birthday. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 5th off October, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a stormy weekend in The Netherlands. It's still windy and rainy. 

*

'It enhances your heart...' Dáár knapt een mannenhart van op... But I never had the chance to actually share it with the right guy. I make the best coffee and soup in town, That's what I claim all the time. I'm the coffee lady, and sometimes I sell pretty good soup to my friend, the retired zookeeper. He asks me all the time. When I'm about to make vegetable soup, and today was for a good portion off cauliflower oven dish with a bowl off low fat strawberry yoghurt. 

I think it helps, he's underfed and low on vitamins. So he can use my food. But it's never for Mr. Right. Still, it's making me happy to improve his health a bit. But having no man is a bit off a miss. It hurts a bit to have a hole in my heart. I'm at that age, but a man is not preferable, and neither is having kids. Economics are too bad. My health sucks, I think I'm about to die all the time. Every morning I wake up after an evening struggling with headaches is a gift. The cramps hurt an incredible lot. It's rotten. Every day, every year is a gift in my opinion. But I struggle and it hurts. But to cook heart enhancing foods keeps me alive, in a wide sense off the word. And help my neighbour. It sets my mind off off things, and we eat. 

'I make the best in town.' I brawl a bit, but it's a joke and they got it. Maybe they even agree. I'm a bit cranky, a bit moody. It's that war-feeling, Autumn and the gloom off this old town. Food keeps me up. I don't mean over-eating, I don't have money for that, but I can cook a well cooked meal, and I enjoy. Despite it's every day food. The World used to be more rich, I wish I would not compare to the old situation all the time, the situation from 5 years ago, when we seemed rich and invincible. But I have to keep up. Though I must admit, sometimes it's even a bit soothing to dwell in that crankyness, I did not know I was capable to feel an emotion like that. So gloomy, so desolate, dealing with bad economics and the weather. And meanwhile I take pictures off my every day food and post them on my Facebook. I like to think I mock Russia that way a bit. They want us to be poor and starve, but I still have healthy foods on my table. 'Look, Moscow, I. still. eat!' Despite prices. It's not luxurious, but compared to the old situation, this is luxury off the day.  And I'm a sick nobody without a job. But I eat healthy food. 

I think Russia should hate me for it. This is what they're after. But I got wartime food. I'm not wealthy. And it's basic. Every 90's dad could tell you this is utmost basic, but it's kinda good. Come to think off it, to have a man and extra mouths to feed would be too much. But selling a mundane portion to a skinny old grandpa does it with this. I sell portions for 5 euro's each. I always say he 'owes up for the minced meat.' In an oven dish, or for soup balls. I make my own soup balls. And this way I can afford beef mince. Prices are expensive for us, on the lower scale off income. But I manage to come round. I try not to be expensive, and a bit giving. Tonight's portion was big, and he got a dessert with it. It enhances a heart. That's what I do if I feel well on a Sunday. 

But this world and being poor, that's why I never got married. And offcourse, my own impossible self. It's a calculation, but I think it's fate. Just like Jupiter in Libra in the Fourth house on the horoscope off the Kingdom off the Netherlands, I'm blessed with the home and doing home work, but I'm not fit for anything outside this place. Mars makes a square in Capricorn, and Venus opposes it in Aries. It's not preferable for work, or wealthy elegance, and forget it with love and romance. But it's the comfort off a home. And I got that. The blessing off a Dutch home. I'm sincerely lucky with it, but love is not in it for me. (I tried to read the Dutch horoscope. It's kinda interesting.) And it's both fortune and faith. I hope that doesn't sound too vague to you. To work with this horoscope chart makes me understand things a bit better. Horoscopes aren't complete gibberish to me. It's what keeps my mind buisy. 

So, that's what's on: The gloom, foods, selling them and the horoscope. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

  

Good evening at the 27th off September, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Outside the Autumn winds blow. It's gloomy and a bit depressing outside. 

*

I honesty have no clue if this happens, but it's on my mind: I may seem a bit expensive or impossible during crisis, but if they start to compare after crisis, I think they'll laugh or call me a scam. I do and eat things that are not supposed to be expensive, or still somewhat affordable if you saved your pennies ahead to this monkey crisis. If you did so and you compare, it's still possible. But for those without my insights- it may seem a little too much. I think I make people jealouse. It's been half my intention, but now I feel guilty. When they see me eat stuff they can't afford anymore. It's a bit sad. But I think after this crisis, it will be pulled straight, and I'm the laugh off the world again with my affordable old fashioned stuff and style off living. Like I used to be. Well, affordable? It's supposed to be. It was, some time ago. 

What old timer drinks their plain coffee with milk from a glass mug? And eat cheap vegetables like me? Or just slices off brown bread with toppings? People are jealouse, but after this crisis, I'm probably a bit too old fashioned, or arrange a birthday with old fashioned pastries one euro each? The old fashioned way is the way nowadays for me. Even if it makes me a bit off a plain Jane. But I'm on governmental wages, and I can get by this way. I hope they won't mock me after crisis for being a bit strange. If my dad would not have been such a babyboomer, I think I would not have accepted this style off nostalgia. But I don't mind this old stuff and a bit off a rigid home cleaning routine. I feel like a cozy, Vintage Belle in my cute doll closet. I wonder what my passed dad would have said about it. All the stuff from his youth brought back during a wartime. But honest, it's not a thing I mind. If we have to deal with it for a while due to lack off innovations due to money. I'm perfectly fine. I seasoned it with timeless shabby chique, and it's cozy. It can pass for a while. 

But still, it's a sport. To spot things fitting this style off living. But life is possible. Cuba has been dealing with the '50's ever since it's been '50's, and most poor countries don't improve that easily. Maybe that's our fate. But it's possible. Though not willingly. If you do timeless shabby chique and a bit off effort, you can maintain a sense off wealth, despite economics and prices. I don't want to make people jealouse, it's having a bit off an eye for style that makes it. Not the expensive stuff. It can perfectly be from ACTION's or second hand. Or a bit older. It has such a soul. It's beautifull in my eyes. Like a timeless ghetto home can have. A bit Old World, a bit off American New England, A bit classic British, A bit classic, blessed with a radio and feel good music, and we call this a crisis for the world outside. As the Autumn winds blow by, it perfectly works when I sit here with my cup off tea. Really soulfull. 

It's never been too expensive, that just has never been possible. But it's something I love and feel. And I mentioned well- ment soul stuff doesn't cost that much and always fits. No matter what. A bush off plain long stern roses for example, always does as a gift. And simply to make fresh coffee taste perfect warms the heart best- really minding how you make it. It makes a diffrence. And if expensive has never been possible- then how about tidy enough? It still gives a good feeling off luxury. They call this a ghetto. And it's a crisis. But I refuse to enlower standards. And that might give me a bit off a snobby feeling, while it's just classic junk and how you do it. I hope they don't mock me too much after this is done. Or start to compare. I might become the laugh off the internet for it. But it's been my way off taking on this crisis, and the idea off looking poor always has been against my pride. So I choose this real classic way off doing it. It's an inexpensive way off looking chique still. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.