Good morning at the 26th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a fresh night tonight in The Netherlands. 

*

It's 4 AM, I've slept, I'm sitting here in the living room, writing this to you, as good as pain free. But let's not outcall the gods. I decided to stay home this Kingsday, and do it in moderation. I don't feel much for celebrating Kingsday this year, but I'm willing to eat an orange Tompouce pastry for The King at de Boed today. I might come off as an old crank. It's just a way off perceiving things this year. I think The King is a spoiled man, who actually doesn't deserve this during a crisis like this. But then I would steal away a beloved party from The People. That's the other side off the story and we can't do that either. People love Kingsday. It's just that The King could do less spoiled in times like this, but that's my opinion.  I painted my nails orange, though. Simply not to fall out off tune with other people today. 

But my pain has faded and I'm doing almost fine. I can sleep on my side. But let's not sigh too early in relief, let's take it slowly so I can be utmost certain. I think it would be outcalling the gods if I would visit mom. I sighed a bit too early last week, and I started to feel it directly afterward. So I had to call it off. Really, I had to skip Easter from pain. I wish to visit at Mother's day, but that's way ahead. 

These days are for spending a lot off time at home. I'm unemployed, but to keep myself buisy, I do home work like cleaning. Keeping my tables tidy, doing dishes at least once a day, keep the laundry up to date, and yesterday evening was for cleaning my grill. Really, household jobs can be vulnerable. I got help with laundry folding, cleaning the bed sheets and vacuum cleaning, but I mop the floor myself each week. And I clean the toilet. This home is still on the messy side, but at least it's getting somewhere clean. I open curtains and windows each day for fresh air. It's been hard to get me at that point. I was a real slouch with a messy home. But as I'm getting older and this whole crisis thing continues, I'm getting more and more tidy. I think them lazy slouches are a bit jealouse, but most people are proud off me. They'd declare me a lunatic if I would call it wealth, but it sure is luxury to have a clean grill. 😉 

Isn't it a fundament off most religions worldwide, to be clean? Cleanliness is next to godliness. Christianity, Islamic, Jewish, Buddhistic, all swear by clean houses off prayer. I think it's much better than filthy messes to burn incense in. It's just that it stays more in the home and the near surrouding than to go in the outside world when it's this fresh and clean in my home. That's what I mentioned. Maybe that's a more safe option than to seek it too far off, or merely, it's all I can handle at the moment. And this home is the place I can be found most off the time. So why seeking it in the outer world? Maybe the Universe is more common sensed than I think. It's more in the home or the close surrounding when I burn incense now. But why would I need something far off to work? To stay home is safe. It works for me at the moment. 

These are pictures I blogged about some time ago, from fruit blossoms and chickens nearby. It's just that the link failed when trying to share these. Today it works. I went out short before Easter and pictured these. My close surrounding can be so beautifull and pittoresque. It's really lovely. It's national heritage. Simply to be here is no punishment. It's beautifull. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 23th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cold and dark outside in The Netherlands. 

*

The sore was almost off yesterday, but I felt it came back really badly. I almost made the appointment for a weekend at mom's. I have to call off from pain again. It's 01.30 at night, and I got out off bed from a stomach ache, and the sore on my side makes it impossible to sleep on my side. 

He's victimizing me, and it takes too long. It places such a stamp on me and my life and it's a heavy burden while I'm the innocent party in here. He has had that slut for several years, but he outcalls me ugly and scum all the time. He doesn't let me go in it, I'm not granted a second or even a seventh chance with any other man. It's just him and my feelings are not important. It's oppressive and humiliating and I feel so oppressed by Yoram again. I wish he made me free to choose someone else over him, like I was supposed to do all the time. He just doesn't let me while banging that slut. It's all me to blame, and they all call me ugly for no reason nowadays, while at first I was the prettiest girl in the world. I'm always the one to blame, to be kept low, while that gladjakker with his big dick gets away with everything. It's been unfair from the beginning on. I'm NOT the one to blame, It's NOT right. And I wish to continue my life in freedom and with equal rights to anyone. Not these rights to be scampted and dominated all the time by this giant dick off a man. And his prissy yet dominant followers. 

He should let me go, instead off sucking out my blood like a first class parasite. 

And people should realize and accept we are not a set, and it has never been there. People where so convinced we where 'the thing.' But in the end it wasn't, and I never wanted to. It was actually really scarry to be pressed in such a corner. They did not want to see the truth from my side. We are not a thing, and for my mental peace, we are better not since I never could stand the man. He's too stupid for me. Deal with it. They should finally move on and let me go. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good morning at the 22nd off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's fresh and cloudy outside tonight. 

*

I can't catch sleep. Something in me stays wide awake, and makes it impossible to sleep tonight. My second day off Easter went by pretty well. I feel with the death off the Pope. He was someone who felt with the poor and the weak and stood up for them. And who reformed the church or tried to. A loss for the world I guess. 

But my Easter went by pretty well. I prepared extra good foods and ate so good. I pictured everything. I don't know if it's appropriate to post all off that on here. I don't know if it will make people jealouse off it. Or snobby, or below this standard. I have no clue to what people might think off it. That's the charm off this weblog, but it could also go wrong. Maybe my dinners.... 

Dessert: 

white chocolate mousse for two days. It's been really great to eat all off this. It was delicious. It's how Easter meals should be. I only have to find out how to cook steak more perfectly. It's a way to go to practice with it. My skills on cooking perfect steak. It's really a challenge. And offcourse I had Kaiser buns for breakfast and cinnamon buns for lunch. It's been really good. 

This perfect food is not something I do every day. It's this year's Easter for this turn. de Boed had some Easter treats for us. 

Really nice off them. I have been vreeting this weekend. I still have to do the dishes. I'm out off energy for it for tonight. And I had this: 

Chocolate Easter eggs with a Pistachio pastry for two days. It's been Easter best and I have been enjoying it. I have been arranging it perfectly, I'm almost proud off myself. Some points off improvement, but most things where perfect. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 18th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cloudy and fresh outside in The Netherlands. It's still dark, though. 

*

I'm here in my living room, I just took painkillers and I try to empty a pilch off water. (By drinking it, offcourse.) I put on a warm vest and I'm sitting my sore out. Today is for tidying up, cleaning the kitchen, tidying the living room and clean the toilet. Household chores I piled up this week. It sincerely has to happen. I think I'm very proud off myself if my home is clean during Easter. 

I don't know who else has this, but due to this crisis, I prepare foods better than I usually did. More thoughtfull, with great care and more caution. Due to prices. If I grease and flower a cake pan for example, I make sure it's done utmost well and all cake comes out perfectly instead off bits being off after the proces off baking. I do my best better to it. And a little grease to that: I imagine to prepare it for my really hot crush. The tension off you know what (😉) makes me do my best a little bit better, and picture it very nicely for the internet to see on Facebook. 

So it's not just dry potatoes, vegetables and meat, but really tastefully made food from it, done with Ikigai care and love. When I'm capable to cook. If not, it's just take away and pizza. But honestly, I would not feel ashamed if Ed the dragonslayer would look at my Facebook, and see what I cook with him on my mind. So, that makes me do my best a bit better too, both prices and the idea off my very hot crush seeing it. He's so hot you won't believe it. 

I had him on my mind with the Easter groceries. It made me want to eat perfect foods. I think it works to take good care off myself and cook well for myself. I never confessed to him. I just don't know if my broccoli would be so good again if I would end up with a broken heart. But I'm not planning to confess he's the hottest man in the whole Zaanstreek. I should be very carefull with that. It's good not to have him in my close surrounding. It's a little key secret in cooking for the eye off the world to see: The thought off a little you know what when picturing it. It's grease for the mechanics in my head / my system that make me cook. Just like price increasement. And my idea off respect for food. 

In my head, I hear them lazy slouches complaining it always looks that good. But it's the only thing I do. I don't take more care off my looks, though I think I don't look dull, but making foods look sincerely good on the internet is all I do due to that crush. A common gal would spend tons on make-up and clothes, spend time in the bathroom and tempt him. (And get the guy) I make sure my foods look nice and picture them in a good-looking light for the world to see. 

I think Ed the dragonslayer would reject me if he would find out. That would make me so sore, I'm not likely to say it to him. I wish to keep on cooking this way. For my own sake. It's affordable and healthy. I better keep it at that. Before I start to swoon over the potatoes again. (Naw, it's usually the meat and the vegetables that steal the show.) And it's just that on a daily base, I can't afford expensive desserts, but I can flaunt a bit with the dishware. I got second hand bowls from a give away spot a few years ago. They look perfect. And it's always the cheapest Vanille Vla. But it's all I can afford. Ed the dragonslayer is no ordinairy man, I think I might do it all wrong. Maybe he wants to see better foods, or diffrent foods. But this is what I got at the moment. But he's inspiring. Motivating, and if a lazy slouch wishes to do what I do, she should pretend to cook for her man my way. I think I would not be capable to 'get the guy.' But I eat well at the moment. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good morning at the 16th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's warm and dark outside in The Netherlands. 

*

My side hurts so badly, I can barely breathe. It's 04.00 AM, I've slept a few hours. Health care said they can't do anything for me untill General Practice opens. I'm hurt so badly, really, I'm not used to over-eating on such a scale. Usually I'm really prude with food. If that's the cause. I'm hurt, I can barely breathe or laugh, or cough. Yesterday evening I was doing really hard finding a position to sleep. I have a Guardian Angel LadyBug on the internet. Everytime I post a sore, he cures me kinda fast. That's what he does, that's why I'm so open about it. I believe if I post something on the internet, someone cures it with magic, or something reads it which cures it kinda fast and easy. Or I should see General Practice first thing tomorrow, and use common sense, though the Guardian Angel often also works for me. If he's still among my readers. 

It's a sign I don't vreet. Being hurt from feeding on take away this weekend is a sign I don't do it that much. Not as much as common youth, usually I'm more well-thought with it. But I can't withstand it, appearently. It hurts really badly. And it holds on for several days. Usually it vanishes more easily than this. I'm not used to this. Really, to take a deep breath already hurts. I had to pile up several thoughts and emotions yesterday evening. Because relieving them would have hurt too much. We're almost three days further now, and I think to see a doctor is not a bad idea. Laughs already hurt. It's not preferable for me to have this issue. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 15th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's somewhat warm tonight. 

*

I'm out off bed with a stomach ache. I have to take it calmly for the next few hours. My body digests the foods from this weekend a bit slow. 

I'm doing a bit floaty. I have been following the news these days. The subjects are really interesting. People say you better don't follow the news, but I think I better do, to be informed about what's going on in the world nowadays a bit. It's better than knowing nothing. They can tell you anything if you don't watch. If you watch it like a great adventure, it's not as damaging than when you watch with your whole heart in. At least that's what works for me nowadays when I watch it. Contrairy I'm like 'Oh, my favourite soap starts at 8.' but that's my cynism. Sometimes I watch a TV show after it, sometimes I quit watching TV for that night, but then at least I know what's going on. It's better to be informed than to stick your head in the sand. At least I watch only once a day. I'm not a news junk, but just slightly informed. 

I think, this year it does not matter not to be festive with Easter. I will attend at my mom's, but I'm thinking off doing so only for one day. I don't feel like celebrating it this year. It's not really important if I do so or not. If I would have children, it would have been diffrent. But I'm an old spinster without, so I don't disrupt anyone for not celebrating. Just a matter off how I feel it this year. Photographing flowers is my ode to Spring for this year, I'm not Christian, usually Easter marks the beginning off Spring and celebrating Spring alltogheter for me. But this year I don't feel like it. I just don't know if my photography counts for the Easter gods. I've just been told that it's really good. So maybe it's not that bad at all to do this instead off celebrating Easter. I think it doesn't matter for the cause off Ukraine wheter I celebrate it or not at all. It's not important. But it's up to me. I haven't even eaten Easter chocolates. My mom ordered some from the local chocolate shop, I bought them for her, so I think my first Easter chocolate for this year will be at Easter itself. I haven't had a rabbit or an egg so far. I'm that much off an Easter Grinch this year. I think it should be integrit this year. But that's my opinion. I also don't feel for Kingsday this year. I'm probably a bit off a crank. I think the king is a spoiled rat during this time and day off being, during this crisis. And the royal arrogance doesn't speak to me this poor year. He doesn't deserve to be celebrated this year. I think it doesn't matter wheter I celebrate or not. It's not off importance. I just don't feel for the nation wide festivities. I'm not in a mood for parties and celebrations. It feels inappropriate this year. It just doesn't speak to me. 

What do I feel for? Small comfort. Healthy foods, comfort reading, such things. Not really big parties. Something with both feet on the ground. It doesn't matter, the world is not saved by it. It's just this soft attack off mine, to skip on festivities. But I hope they understand. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good morning at the 18th off March, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a cold, romantic night in the Netherlands. Nothing is on in my life with that, but cold nights in a warm home can be romantic. It's either that, or it's pretty hard to bear. I think this night isn't so bad, so let's call it romantic.

*

I have a voice in my head: 'You better come up with something nice to blog about. Something really nice to read.' I hear him saying, usually I'm a bit on the negative side. But I can't help it at this point. Life ain't all sunshine and roses for me at the moment. I'm not negative or positive, but rather a realist. Which makes me negative at the moment. Given this time and day off age. I rather see things from a realistic point off vieuw. It helps me to keep on going, to the right direction and to land on my feet and stay safe. It's the way to go when you're a lonesome girl in a big, mean world. So I might sound a bit negative at times. I doubt if I was a guy, I also had to explain myself. Men can be as shamefully sarcastic as they please without hesitation. Especially on the internet. I find them hilarious. I love to read a good sarcastic rant. But it's just a voice in my head. Maybe it's good advice, but you could also deny their point off vieuw and not take them serious. Like any critic. 

I could also deny Vana when they say what I do in the kitchen in private is unemancipated. In their opinion, it's a typicall gender role. I'm in denial. It's my hobby and my pride to cook. I call it Ikigai when I have a good day, and it ends up delicious or above average good. I'm not forced by people to bake. I find their allegations, especially towards me personal, horrendous. But I'm not forced to bake banana cake. It's no statement against emancipation, it's pride, just like most cool hobbies. I do so volunteerly with heart and soul. I just think Vana excists off lazy slouches who are afraid to cook well themselves. At a certain point, I even followed food trends and would call myself a foodie. I came up with cool, delicious things a few years ago when it still wasn't too pricey to experiment, and companies came out with good food ingredients and great receipes all the time, when being a foodie was a cool thing. And yes, I inherited a lot off talent from my dad. In my case, it's been my loving father who taught me the basics off cookery, not my mom. What I really hate, people who nag I should not cook. I think they're afraid to stick out their own hands in the kitchen, and rock it like Nigella Lawson like I try. It's not a matter off emancipation, it's a matter off love for cooking. 

It's also love for making the table, and make it look presentable, like Martha Stewart. I love nice tableware, and it's allowed to look a bit decadent and old fashioned. But sure, pretty. maybe a bit frumpy, but that's because not much people my age try to do so. It's just that I love how you can make great food look that way. Like an acte de prescence that gives it just that little extra. You could slouch it on any boring plate and eat, or you could situate it nicely on something romantic, and you can dine. I love that. I'm not unemancipated, it's just that the kitchen is my personal pride. A romantic hobby. And I'm not forced by anyone. It's all done volunteerly. I feel I don't want to give it up to anyone. It's something I love. I hate how household shops in the Netherlands like V&D and Blokker go bankrupt throughout the times, I loved to spot nice dishware there every often. It's just became too pricey to change all the time. Otherwise you could see better what I intend. Tableware can be boring, it can also be state off the art, or romantic like mine, to beat a dreary and depressing day. I might have changed tableware more often and be more off a stylist with it if it wasn't so expensive. Now I do with these. But hence, again a rant to confirm the narrow minded dining like me is not a bad idea. I think being boring in the kitchen and on the table and defending it like Vana is a bit narrow minded. It's not emancipation, it's their own stupidity and lazyness that makes them think this way. To me it's decadent pride. Especially during these times. Vana is just irreligious slouches who don't know any better. That's my opinion. I'm not forced to do this. It's just love for the subject. They better deal with it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

 

 

Good morning at the 15th off March, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

This night it's dark and cold outside in the Netherlands. 

*

I don't know what it is, and if you could call me a crank for it. It's just that I don't feel like Easter. To be honest with you, I just removed some left Christmas decorations I forgot to remove, and the bare sight off the home isn't so bad either for now. Though it might be a bit dry for almost Easter, where other people and public spaces dwell in Easter. 

It's not that I don't have Easter decorations, I have a few cute ones. Perfectly suitable for todays day and age. It's just that I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll have to wait and see. Otherwise I might Scrooge Easter this year. And just be there for the foods. My feeling is a bit too dark for cute and fluffy Easter. That might answer it. I don't have kids, so it's not too bad. If I was obliged to kids, it would have been problematic, but I don't even own a cat, I can be as annoying as I please. 

I've seen the news yesterday, it looks like they won't end the war soon. It's as if the Union will give it a whole new dimension soon. It's traumatic to watch. But I feel I should keep on being informed about this. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 13th off March, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's dark and cold outside tonight. Very cold. 

*

I do hard sleeping. Usually I sleep untill some point between 3 or 5 at night, and then get out off bed for an hour or sleep won't get me anymore. It's a bit disturbing. disruptive, it makes me blog when I can't sleep at night. I wonder who reads these. But it's not as if these are less off quality than daily blogs. I take my time for these just as well. It's almost a habit these days, just like waking up at 5 AM was my previous one. But I decided I could not keep up with that one, so out off bed with a break and then going back in it is now. Otherwise I would have lacked more sleep. 

I had a massive headache these days, but it's been fading. I think it has to do with the news. I allowed myself not to follow it, and be in bed and rest instead. I have done so for two days, and my headaches are fading. It's not good to stick your head in the sand. Not preferable during this war! But against these tensions, a little rest works. I still feel I'm shaking on my feet from that strange cold. I took two paracetamole before bed but I'm awake now, and I still feel it. I think I have a real fever. But let's sit out my nightly break first before going back to bed again. I feel so tired and shakey, really awfull. I believe I should call in sick from coffee service this morning. I'm feeling really nasty. You could call all sorts off awfull things out loud on the internet and in public, and calling it 'your nasty cold.' But let's not do so. I'm rather at the edge off dying instead off feeling like shouting out stupid things. You can offend little people when you're sick in bad with your nasty cold. That's to say, if you don't have acces to a computer. 

I take real pride in coffee service with red statement lipstick on, so it's a bit off a bummer to have to skip it. Last week was not for red lipstick, but this week surely would have been. In this place, they appreciate my red statement lips, though over done make-up is seen as inappropriate. Especially for coffee service, they like it. Mind that these are cranky old frumps, not used to much. But they get the red statement lips and they love my coffee. It's bad not being capable to do so this morning. But sick is sick, and I should not overwork myself. Let's go back to bed, and see if I can get some more sleep. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 10th off March, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

This period was a time where temperatures where getting kinda agreeable, just like weather circumstances. Also during night time. We're heading towards a colder period, but the weekend was really lovely. 

*

This weekend was not for baking. But previous week I made a quark tart. I think they had nothing to complain, I still bake frequently for them and they can do without for a weekend. It's not as if it's an obligation. So I think, so they would tell me themselves when I appologize for it. So agreed upon: It doesn't matter. 

Previous week I came up with a real nice method for quark tart with cherries and liquid from jar. The result was really delicious. 

And health care brought out their most fancy pastry plates for it. I even purchased the whipped cream for this. People enjoyed it. For this method, you have to let cherries from jar leak out, and you have to catch up the jar liquid. If the package requires water, (In this case about 300 ml) you use cherry liquid, and cherries can be stirred through at the end. So you'll have perfect cherry strawberry flavour. I think jar cherries are still kinda affordable. They're not expensive. I think it would make a perfect treat for my personal birthday, either. It's been really a good idea. This has been for Friday. It's just that the weekend went by a bit dry for them without baking. 

I watched all kinds off TV shows this weekend, and started to read a book. 'Before the coffee gets cold.' by Toshikazu Kawaguchi. It's a novell from Japan. And so far it's really good. 

I haven't finished it yet, but it's really next level when it comes to emotions, and emorional writing. I can see why this is populair. It's beautifull and I can recommend it if you're into a real good ghost story. 

Japanese novells really do it for me recently. Aside books with Japanese philosophies, these make good reads in my opinion. It's really fascinating, and well-written. Not like a manga, but more personal and emotional. With more realistic people. It's beautifull. 

That's how I keep buisy these days, novells, cd's, TV shows- it's less boring and dry than the previous 5 year or so where I could get nothing in and doing nothing was kinda standard. I felt the inspiration to take in media in moderation again. It's been a real big block to me the previous half a decade. Really difficult. But it's gone and these books make sweet entertainment. They're not too big or intimidating, and the style off writing is beautifull. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 3th off March, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a dark and cold night in The Netherlands. 

*

I feel I'm full with inspiration to cook daring things. It's a bit outstanding, since lately I felt like preparing potatoes, vegetables and meat all the time. My way, it's delicious, but it's the other end off edgy, it's as dull as the streetbricks in this country where you can stil cook anything. 

What would work: An affordable Albert Heijn. And people who are less stuck up with our Dutch culture and tradition. It's just that this way off eating is very affordable, you get everything in when it comes to nutritions, and it can count on mass appreciation when you show such a plate on the internet. And it's good if prepared well. So it has it's pro's. During crisis, it feeds the nation, so I should not look down on it. It's just that untill the crisis broke out, untill I had to eat at de Boed actually, I could call myself a foodie. With several creative cookbooks on the shelves. By renowed Dutch chefs who have put their heart and soul in it. I loved trying all sorts off food, and work with receipes from these books and the internet. When eating at de Boed, I could display my talent several times. I was allowed to cook foods in their professional health care institute kitchen several times, and I had an almost professional soup kitchen where I could play. The results where always perfect. Always very satisfied eaters, fancy old audiences who could appreciate, and ratchet fellow client men with their heart at my feet for my food. 

I don't seek an audience for my food work these days. Just playing around in the kitchen would be great, like we used to in the good old '10's. It's just that it's more expensive than ever. I had a thought where with Saturn, Aries could grid the stones in it's stomach for these expensive prices, while with Uranus some time ago he could enjoy great foods. (Saturn in Aries will be from 2025 untill 2028, The Uranus in Aries transit was from 2011 untill 2019) Neptune, the great inspirator, will be in it for a longer period. And maybe it's Neptune that gives me that inspiration. It's just that sad insight that with Saturn in Aries, the world can grid the stones in their stomach when it comes to food. Just a sincere thought. Saturn in Taurus will give us the tableware but no foods on it, and Saturn in Gemini will finally make us (all, also the low incomes.) eat again in moderation. It's really a sad insight. With these food prices. I don't litterally have to grid stones, I have to duck prices with potatoes, vegetables and meat. And I heard the prices even will be increased. Just like the energy costs. You could say I'm lucky for not litterally having to grid the stones in my stomach, I should be gratefull for it, and a care taker would rant I'd better be, since 'there are so many sad and sore people who can't eat to begin with' and so on. It just doesn't make the foodie in me happy. Untill 2019, I had diffrent acces to foods, with affordable  XLAlbert Heijns beyond the corner. Or if it would have been like this, I would have just been stretching my leggs to Aldi and Lidl. But those times are over. I live very far off from shops in this current town. I mainly order from the Picnic grocery app. It comes in very handy, and it's fruits and vegetables always look perfect. I hope it's fresh fruits I can grid instead off stones. But I'm too poor to be working my hobby as a foodie. I can just still eat good. Old fashioned way healthy, and have three meals a day. But I'd better forget it when it comes to big masterpieces in the kitchen. I think the New Moon in Aries doesn't give the right inspiration this time, as a warming up to the upcoming transits. Planets in Aries make me very creative in the kitchen. It causes inspiration to do so. It's not known for it, but it has that effect on me. Combined with the old Pluto in Capricorn, my food was a true work off art at that time. I call it my Ikigai, like how Japanese call such energy. It's a waste off money nowadays. Money we better be spare with. 

'Armoede houd een mens knap.' (Poverty keeps a person decent.) Like how an old neighbour used to say often before she died. Being this poor, I don't have to be concerned causing witchcraft in the kitchen, and lose my mind over an own-thought out receipe and become delusional about something, and it gets too good to be true when I do so. Messy kitchens, and health care that can't keep me under control when I do so. I can't control myself when I let it run out too freely. But then I would finally be practicing a hobby again. Most off the time, I'm not that free anymore with creative energy. I keep myself a bit caught up. To not make this flat messy. Since they would not like me to do that. There's a lot off reasons to be moderate at the moment. But I feel inspired to do things. Maybe I should practice my inspiration a bit diffrent, or follow a few parts instead off some idiotic things. Otherwise I might fall in love with an unknown man again I got delusional about. Delusions can be that lethal. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

  

Good morning at the 3th off February, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is really cold and freezing outside in the Netherlands. 

*

I think, during a time like this, there is space for praise in the Netherlands. Praise for the quality off our foods and items. Fresh fruits and vegetables, aside to meat and potatoes are one off the best options for dinner nowadays if you season well. It's perfect farmland quality, and it's nutricious and keeps us going and healthy all day. It's really outstanding what comes from Dutch fields, and what we see as 'ordinairy.' Aside to the cheese they produce. It's one off the best in the world and we can be proud off all off it. We should be. The nation could do much worse when it comes to that, and food could be litterally shooting through the roof. We all really could be a little more gratefull for perfect Dutch foods. It keeps us healthy and strong. 

And then again, coffee with a pastry I made yesterday served to us at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk: 

The decorations off the current Boed are very cozy, and a little high in their head. It looks very posh and fancy. Almost as if they got it from a county government building or so, or a company that wants to impress. But we're really at Leviaan Zaanstad for these. I love it, they remind me off my time as a trainee at the government about 15 years ago. But I don't know if that could be the intention. If that's a good idea. It's all very fancy decorated there, but who are they to impress? They're a care organisation. They don't make amends or law decrees. It's funny how this style follows me. It's beautifull, but it feels demandive. As if I really have to step it up for my care. But that can't be the intention. It's fun for a while, and offcourse it's very fancy, but should we want it there? 

Yesterday evening, I got a little high in my head myself and polished my nails with the Pearlfection luminous pearl polish by Catrice. It's limited edition for this month.

 It's a lavender mother off pearl with a pearl shine and it really looks like I could be that employee from civil registration that gets you married today. It's just that it's a bit overkill here. Most women don't have such nailpolish. But yeah, yesterday that old diva feeling followed me again. That killing forum diva feeling where I got a bit high in my head from all the fans it caused me to have been famous at such a young and important time and space off life. And we use Mother off Pearl for that. Almost Sailor Moon, but in real life. It was really glamourous. Nowadays I feel everything but glamourous. You'd say people better accept me for who I am, and don't judge me for it. It's a crisis, and I'm not rich. I'm a fat mental patient with a block. This whole Mother off Pearl attack seemed like perfect inspiration. I'm wearing it with soft pastel sweaters, to tone down the diva effect on me. This with a cute sweater makes pretty, but not obscene diva. I felt I should 'tone it down.' Not to cause heart attack among my elder fans at de Boed. So well-behaved pastel sweaters it is. That makes me look cute instead off snatchy. We would not want to overwhelm there. That could give the wrong idea. But maybe I should let go off that and just wear those sweaters and be a bit 'old glam.', whatever that means for me. 

The care taker who impressed me left Leviaan. He's no longer an issue. It's not a bad thing to look too seductive anymore. (Except if you want to avoid the wrong general attention. That's more my jig.) Elegant nailpolish is agreed upon. Maybe they even like it. And I should not worry too much. Often I worry a bit about what they think off me, and our unwritten rules are tight. Less is always more with them. So I'm daring today. 

It's really something. Most off the time I think it's such a waste. But yesterday I felt like doing these. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good morning at the 2nd off January, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's cold, cloudy and grey like the other ones these weeks. It's just that I can't see the weather yet, it's just what I feel is going to happen. 

*

It's around 04.00 AM, This morning will be for coffee service. I'm in my living room, when I feel like it, I go back to bed. 

I have been thinking. Maybe my facebook and weblog will be such thick cult later on, for it being absolutely boring, and nothing happening on there except the plain, dry and daily. It's a certain wisdom on it's own for youth to follow that. Especially youth who don't have much off an interesting life themselves. It's so sickly boring and dull, they can relate to it. It's not as jealouse making as I hoped it was. That's a bit sick. But ordinairy stuff still doesn't get people too jealouse. It's just a plain idyle, and meanwhile it's not threathening, it's so stupid it's funny. 

I thought I was making people jealouse, with coffee, food and chocolates and cookies with my coffee. Since it's that much off a crisis. It's just that no one mentions. So I think it's actually the opposit. Maybe it's too dry to generate jealousy. Who, except for a real desperate, gets jealouse at cauliflower? I know, a lot off people wish they had it. But I think it doesn't sicken them with sharp, poisonous jealousy. 

Naw, I think that doesn't truly hit it. I'm not jealouse making, I think I'm so dry and boring that it's cult-like funny. But you should be into that cult before enjoying it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 16th off November, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a grey and gloomy day covered in fallen leaves. 

*

Today was for trying at de Boed again, I had called in sick for two days. I felt a bit off. Today I had coffee moments and I baked for Sunday. It's been productive and usefull for a Saturday. I baked stuffed Speculaas, since Sinterklaas entered the Netherlands, and our 'Sinterklaasperiode.' Has officially started today. 

I will share this tomorrow afternoon. It's spiced cookie stuffed with almond paste, and decorated with almonds and eggwash. I smuggled with a package. It's an art to make this from scratch, but that's too expensive during this crisis. It requires fresh cookie spices and a special technique. It will be something for after the crisis. I think my fellow clients and care staff won't mind about it, though. It's perfect weather for this. All gloomy and dark. I couldn't cover my entire top with Speculaas dough, so I tried to fill in the gasp with almonds. haha, I hope that won't be an issue either. Usually the dough from those packages comes spare. I had to roll the bottom out with a rolling pin. I should try a smaller springform. (This is a square springform) but it was about 24 cm on the package, and this is about it. I think they don't mind, but it was a bit off a jigsaw to fill it in.  

I slept little, I start to become a little weary. I get up too early. Around 5.00 AM, and I can't sleep much longer. I start to feel it, also mentally. It happens too often for me to sleep so little. Mental patients need their sleep, and they need a lot off sleep. I have to get out at 8.00 AM for medication, officially. But that happens barely. I also got in quite late. Well I never worry, now that is a lie (- Under the Bridge, Red Hot Chilli Peppers.) I think I will get in early with an 'if necessairy.' extra medication. And my head hurts from voices, it's a bit buisy in my head. I should stop overthinking things. Finally put a dot after it, and end the tale. But it keeps on bugging me. I have been through a lot. It's difficult to forget. And the voices keep on creeping up. 

This is what I'm doing at this moment: I have tea, but this picture is not made on this day, but I have too many tea pot and tea glass pictures on my phone. So it's replacable. I'm having green tea, since it was on a discount and I ordered a stock off it. I love green tea. It's a healthy heart enhancer. And it's good for you when you drink it without sugar, on a regulair base.

My headache is getting too much, I end today's story here. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

   

Good morning at the 1st off October, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's dark and rainy outside. It's early in the morning, and it's a serious potential for a day in Autumn. 

*

In front off me is a pot off detox tea, it's almost 6 AM and it's very early. I could not catch sleep anymore. I always wake up early these days. But I suspect I have slept enough. 

I decided to try 90's clothes. The cool, modern 90's style that's in fashion everywhere. Because it's cool and still edgy, and the feeling off anarchy that comes from 90's grunge appeals to me. It's to my liking. 

What's also to my liking, is that to look young and fresh, make up is not required in modern times. Most women don't wear it on a daily base if they're young, and if you have a young face, like me, you get away with it claiming I'm 7 years younger than my age, and honestly, I do get away with it... 

This is what I look like when 'I feel like it.' And I'm glad I don't need that much make up to look like I can do. I need to pluck and moisturize. And keep clean. But honestly, I can pass for 25, and that generation doesn't wear much make up, so I can pass with it. I have my own beauty secrets, but too much make up has never been one off them. Actually, that would have worked kinda contra. So, I could reccomend to my readers to wear little to no make up on a daily base if they dare. and rather care for your natural beauty. It's in fashion nowadays. 

And yes, 90's grunge. Just too awesome. I'm a 90's kid, so rumor has it I should wear it these days. All off it makes me still look young and fresh. Life is as dull as you make it, so, yes to beauty treatments and cool clothes! Also if you have to live in here, like me. 

Allright, that's about it for now, it's about time to drink my tea. 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 6th off August, 2024.

 Good morning, everyone, 

Tomorrow is promising to become a nasty hot day for me. I don't like summer heath. 

*

Yesterday was my birthday. I have been preparing birthday treats for de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. And people loved it with their coffee. 

Duo quark-tarts with birthday sprinkles. Inside it's two flavours, a layer strawberry and a layer mango, with chunks off pineapple on the bottom. It was a perfect taste for them. 

For my birthday celebration on Saturday, I prepared Monchou cake. With cherries from can and tiny white chocolate hearts on top. 

It's been yummy and well-received by my family and people who had a slice off it.  My birthday table looked like this: 

Very romantic, very elegant for an afternoon coffee with family and friends for a 32th birthday celebration. I turned 32 yesterday. 

It's been energy consuming. Some people do this in one day, but I took my time to prepare, make, have it, and then clean the mess the day after. It's not possible for me, energy-wise, to do this at once. It may seem lousy, but medication and energy keep me from preparing birthdays last-minute and cleaning the very same day. Just too hard. 

Sometimes I dream off a whole Christmas celebration at my home, all luxurious, well-prepared and decorated with fancy Christmas kitchen ware and such. Dinner from an icon like Nigella Lawson or Donna Hay. But that's probably a bit too much. Given how much this small celabration took me. I think I'd rather stay gourmetting at mom's. But as far as this went- lovely.  

There are also people who do this every sunday with a much larger group off relatives, but I think I would not be capable to do that either. Just too much energy, too over-prickling. Every often is a much better idea for someone as low in their energy as me. Man, I can't even watch TV or cook like an ordinairy person. That's the good thing off protected living: Being annoying with your disease as much as needed, without being in the way off someone. But a small birthday celebration my style was possible. I kinda liked how it went. Without too much trouble. I really have to re-gain energy from it, but that's how lame and low my energy level is at the moment. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Good morning at the 1st off June, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's too dark to see the weather outside. It's the death off night, but I could not sleep anymore. I hope you read this in the morning, and not at midnight. 😉

*

I did some cool Nordic Ware purchases just a moment ago. The kind off luxury I hope they won't come after me for. It's about the Nordic Ware Rose Bundt pan, and the Nordic Ware Floral Heart. 

I feel like treasure hunting with these, since prices are enhighering up to more than 50 euro's for the standard bundt pans. I had these for a little less. I love Nordic Ware, and it's incredibly decadent, but 50 euro's is a whole lot off money. I better don't be too expensive on here, but I have no kids, no smoking, no drinking, no man, not much luxury other than this- It's my only fancy hobby at the moment. I even barely collect cookbooks anymore. I used to love to purchase the new editions off cool Dutch baking books. And I wasn't sober with it, but prices have become murderous. Just like for the ingredients they use in them. It's not really fair anymore. But to own Nordic Ware is sooo priceless, I think it's worthit the splurge. But that's for a crazy old spinster like me without a family to feed. 

I used to bake more often some time ago. Nowadays they'd better be glad I made them raisin cake occacionally. But I think my skills are getting resty from not getting the chance to shine. I used to be so proud off it... 😒 And these beauties deserve cake. We've just had the spring holidays, and the most recent time to officially use it, is Christmas. But I would love the decadent times to come back where we could use them almost every Sunday. 'It's so luxurious, something else is not appropriate.' Most would say nowadays. It's a bit bailing the times are not as luxurious as a lump off rosegold anymore. (Some time ago, some people swore by rosegold.) 

I really have to overthink if more than 50 euro's is worthit for bundt molds. Really, to love to bake doesn't come in handy this crisis. Compared to the 1930's crisis, where a home maker could still bake. But I'm not certain about that. I haven't lived during that era. But I believe baking was still common back then. But THIS murderous crisis, it's not the most favorable hobby to practice. 

No, it's just being fed, and the occacionally raisin cake and quark tarts for a birthday. It's not my previous standard in baking. I used to have a whole arsenal in nuts and cookie spices, for example, but all off that are gone. Maybe to own a bag off cinnamon is going to give the same kick as expensive Nordic Ware if it continues like this. Cinnamon, grounded cloves, piment, nutmeg, kardamom, star anise, allspice- but nowadays I can forget about it. Aside to wallnuts, almonds and hazelnuts. And an eventually pecan. It's been standard in my kitchen, all off these. But it's gone. 

I wonder if inflation really will stay at 21%. Something told me that's how high it will become. I feel like a 1930's treasure hunter when purchasing Nordic Ware. Instead off in London or the orient, I got it expensively from the internet. But at least I'm capable to still purchase them. For who knows how long, actually. 

I think I better go back to bed. It's only 04.25 AM, I think I better try to catch some sleep again. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

  

Good morning at the 19th off May, 2024, 2.

 Good morning everyone, 

The weather looks promising untill later on the day. It's going to be  perfect 'Just sit outside and have coffee on the terrace or at the backyard.' day, if you have acces to a backyard. Otherwise I can recomend the park or a bench outside. It's healthy for the Dutch to soak up some sunshine today.  

*

Best selling brands these days are house brands and B-brands, simply because they're cheap. Most big players on the market are not even sold to the common people. It's not in their budget. They will find a way not to go bankrupt, but the small boys make the big money these days. 

It's 6:11 in the morning, and I'm awake again. In my mom's living room with coffee. My period has ended. It was short, and it was little. But that's General Practice's concern. 

Cookies are not even baked anymore, it's just sand cookies people bake with their kids. Otherwise it's too expensive to even think off hobbyist cookie baking. 

I personally think off getting myself into French pastry making after this. French pastry is a delicate art on it's own when it comes to baking. I would like to learn flavours and techniques when the crisis is finally over and we can afford all off that again. Tarte au citron, Tarte au chocolate, Madeleines, almond cookies, Macrons, Tarte with pistachio and raspberries, and Franginpanne. It's such a honour to be capable to bake these. It's just that I can't afford them these days. It's flour, for example, if you really want to prepare a good French tartshell, is grounded and toasted almonds. Perfect home made Almond flour. But tell that to the Almonds, they're waaaaay too expensive these days. It's a baking ambition I have to improve myself in that field. I personally would like to adapt to a pistachio flavour in a Tarte, but that's my personal idea off something yummy. But it's just that I can't afford that for now. Maybe when I'm a nice old lady, tamed down in temper and all friendly to the world, I can go to the market for ingredients again and give it a try. It's a bit off practice I think. 

Just like good bread making, it's a baking art. Maybe these years, during the very crisis, I think I might get myself into baking fresh bread. It's a baking technique which requires money for whole wheats and grains if you want to prepare whole grain bread, or if you want to prepare white bread, just ordinairy flour. But that's not wholesome enough. I have to see how much they ask for wholesome grains for it. Otherwise it's just supermarket bread for me again. If baking bread would make it more affordable, I would do it. That's with it, actually. I just changed to cheap bread these days. Some people swear by home made bread, it's just that it's not common in the Netherlands. Supermarket bread here is off good quality and often cheap. People simply don't see the use to it. Though it has been a small food trend some time ago to bake it. Would I try or not try depends on prices. It's not necessairily an ambition to become good at it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

  

Good morning at the 10th off May, 2024 2.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is sunny and bright, but not too hot in the Netherlands. It's lovely. 💖

*

Last night, night service arrived at 2.30 AM, and gave me my emergency pill so I could sleep a few hours untill 07.30. I haven't slept much. I try to take it easy today, so no grocery shopping for me. It's not an utmost need, I just had the idea to go grocery shopping simply to have something to do today. At the usuall boring Ascension weekend. But today is zombie style keeping at rest all day. Simply to have coffee at de Boed's terrace this morning, and not being over-active. The medication is too much in the way for that, usally it works for 12 hours. So, I probably come to live around 14.30 P.M if it's right. A few steps back and taking my rest today can't be too bad. It's exhausting to be over-prickled about war and tensions. It takes up a lot off me. 

It's not preferable for a mentally sick person like me. Though my care takers say it's somethng we can't control, it's something that goes automatically. Simply to be concerned and to care. They say I should lay it beside me since we can't control this. But it's usually too difficult. I'm not the only one who probably feels traumatized, in a relatively safe country. I have the feeling it counts for a lot off people who feel with. But the real marks about this era are for later on, probably. I just think they will be depressing, shocking and idiot. How can a modern world fall to such despair? But appearently, it was possible. It's something to think about, if something is possible, it doesn't mean it should happen. But that's when you put that scentence in the negative. Negative scenario's are possible, but that doesn't mean they should happen for real. And somehow a lot came true these years. 

I wish I could keep my personal distance to it, but some things go automatically when you're concerned about things. I'm just a human, I'm informed about the world, I can't help it. I'm not a normal distant young person. Maybe normal people keep their distance better to it. I can't help thinking they're cold hearted, but it's what they do. I'm a bit out off the ordinairy when it comes to being normal. But to keep your personal distance to everything would be a blessing to me these days. Either that, or it simply being solved. But that's not in my hands. I wish I could take care takers' advice by heart. But it's sooo difficult. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good morning at the 10th off May, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

I can't see the weather yet, it's dark outside at this moment in the Netherlands. 

*

I opt for a new job application, namely coffee service at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. I have done so before, and it's a volunteer job which gives me a lot off fullfillment. What's more gratefull work than to serve people fresh coffee on Monday mornings? 

They asked me, because they need people for it and know I'm suitable to do so. We have to agree on certain terms, so it's not round yet. But I have my eyes on the Monday morning, for the sake off it being honourable, and Wednesday afternoon. It's on volunteer base, it's no serious, well-paid job, but it's better than being on my ass all the time, and it's good for me. If I can set myself to it, all fresh and fruity, I'm going to love it and feel better about myself. Being the almost new coffee lady at de Boed feels nice. And it gives those old folks the impression off me being less lazy. They mention 'I have a lot off free time.' sometimes, and they're right. But I hadn't had a job ever since I quit Wednesday Soup making. But it's starting to roll. Sometimes things come to our path. And I'm simply willing to take this. 

I should make more work off myself when starting that job. Wearing nicer clothes and putting mascara on my lashes and red statement-lipstick on my mouth. Usually, the slob in me reigns worse than ever these days. Wearing cheap and comfortable clothes, and no make-up. But I could take it more professional when I have a job with service aspects again. Being freshly washed on forehand, being more serious with my looks. 

Like I said, for mentall patients, our looks matter less most off the time. I could be more thoughtfull about my clothes, to be honest. But getting a new job might be the right kind off pressure. 

It's 01.46 at midnight. I'm stressed. The world, the Ukraine war, the price tags- all got the best off me somehow. So here I am, wide awake. To sleep seems to become an issue again as this war deepens. And the price tags increase. It's traumatic. 

I should call night service, and ask for an 'if necessairy.' emergency pill. When I got that, I usually sleep fast. It's just that it's making drowsy all day, and I wish to do some grocery shopping tomorrow. But I have to take that pill, so I can sleep. Without sleep, there will not be grocery shopping either. So it's kinda hard. Tomorrow I'm wasted on it, but I have no choice. But for now, it's the best option to sleep. That's how it's better going to be. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.