Good morning at the 19th off March, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's rainy and cloudy outside tonight. 

*

I did not feel like sleeping, I could not catch sleep anymore, and I giftwrapped my brother's birthday present. The crocodile plushie from two posts ago. 

It's not done tidy, but like I said, I'm not good at it, but still it's fun to giftwrap presents and hand them like that. It's a bit unpersonal to just push stuff in someone's hands and claim it's a birthday gift. I think it's better when they're wrapped. It's just that my brother's birthday is actually in June, so I'm early with this. I wish to adjust a handmade capital keychain from de Boed to it. Though I also think they're not manly, so they might not fit for a man. So it's a matter off doubt about it. And maybe I just let it, since I think my brothers won't be charmed off it. 

This country has elections all the time, how are they about to govern the country to begin with when power is elected again and again all the time? I think you can't work out long term plans when the government does not function, and the people off control always end two years before it's going to happen. In the end, nothing is actually done about problems. It's something that's on my mind. It happens all the time in this country lately. It's always elections, and nothing is done about real problems. And meanwhile the people are stuck with it. It's problematic, but it's not solved. Something to think off. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good morning at the 5th off March, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is a bright morning in spring. 

*

I purchased an Easter gift for my family, and I wrapped it. It's a handmade wooden charm from de Boed, and it's 1,50 euro's only. Coffee service did not take place today, due to lack off staff. Still I fixed them a kettle off coffee and bought their gift. The kettle is for the creativity participation where they handcraft items, that was open. But public coffee time could not take place. 

This is the rabbit charm, it's the back off a rabbit with a tail, and it's green and purple. It's perfect for Easter, next month. 

And this is how I wrapped it, it's kinda messy, but it's cute. It's how I wrap, I'm not good at it, but I still do it this way. It's always straight from the heart. I think the elders bale most from coffee time not taking place. For them it's most difficult, just like for the fellow clients. They always crave those coffee moments. I hope it won't happen again, but there are so many sick people, it's impossible to be certain. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 1st off March, 2026

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning is mild for late winter when it comes to weather. 

*

Yesterday I purchased my oldest brother's birthday present, he's only two years younger than me, and he has his birthday in June. I felt it was a good idea, given it was on a discount, so it was 7 euro's only. Not that I don't value my brother, it's just that during this time and day, I found it acceptable for a birthday gift. I still have birthday wrapping paper on the shelves, so it will be well-ment and straight from the heart. 

It's a fat crocodile dragon plushie. It's very big and stuffy, and I think it's a funny present. Some time ago, I went a bit overboard in my opinion wrapping paper shopping, you could only order four rolls. But now that comes in handy, since I still have it for Mr. crocodile. I'm a bit sober with gifts, a bit frugal in my opinion. But I hope they forgive me that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 16th off February, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's freezing cold with snow on the streets. 

*

It's monsters! It's irresistable, fuzzy, cozy, fluffy green and purple HEMA hug-monsters! 

I purchased them as gifts for my brothers, my brothers are only about two or three years younger than me,  about 30 and 31, so it might seem a bit stange to random strangers why I would do this. But we always have been sorta geeky. So it's not a bad thing to do funny, random stuff like this as gifts. I think these are sooo cute. 💖 Simply to give them away is a good idea. They come from HEMA's, and by the end off the week I will attend to my famiy and I will have some nice gifts for them. 

I have been feeling off these weeks, bad in my skin, delusional, bad sleep, I watch my food, but it's mainly normal food. I feel emotional and gloomy, and I'm often moody and a bit emotional. I keep on having delusions about being followed, It's winter and the snow makes me a bit frightned, about not being into reach for delivery services like PicNic for groceries. Fear is a deep emotion in me, we're kinda stuck in here when it snows. I have been up ever since 02.00 AM, I just showered, I could not catch sleep anymore. Worrying sucks. It shows on my skin. I'm growing old.... Time stands still and passes by, nothing moves with. I'm just growing old. I maintain to look young, but I feel older than I am. On the inside, I feel as old as the mountains, while on the outsde, I'm as young as a breeze. I should maintain youth on my face. It's a waste to look too old on my face. I like the idea off myself as an ageless vampire. Somewhere around 26, I stopped ageing and  I still look stunning. It's perfect.. It's not to complain about, you'd mistake me for a 26 year old if you'd see me. I'm proud I maintained such good health, I would like to stay that way, really pricking out eyes off people my age with this stunt. They live so unhealthy... I would be karma to their face if they'd see me, all young and pretty while passing by. It would be perfect. I may sound like a bitch, but I'd think that would be so funny. If I would maintain good sleep, and be certain medication grants me long live and vitality. If you want to know, I do all these things most people don't do volunteerly and usually dislike or hate. Like eating as good as all vegetables and fruits, little snacking, no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, no make-up, no sugar in coffee or tea, no high-processed drinks, those sort off things. It's just that I'm medical obese, but with bloodtest results to be proud off. And I adjusted the gym every once a week to it. I feel proud off living healthy. It's just mental issues, being mental a bit moody and bad in skin. And offcourse, that impossible plus-size. I hope the gym will work against it.                                                                                                                                                             

Allright,   

That's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 4th off February, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's dark and cold outside. 

*

I'm in a period where I'm not doing well. My mental state is pretty lame at the moment, I suspect I'm severe delusional at the moment. It's not really going well. I had to take emergency medication for two times now. I think I'm spied upon in the computer all the time, but what the hell are they looking for in my system? And one off these spies is familiair.... honesty, my docuents are pretty lame, and behind - I can't afford a good windows version for several years, so it's a bit crap they're after when they are after something artistic I've made. Not really sane. It's a bit off a household computer. It's not off importance in my opinion for the far wide world what's on. But the rats in the attic ('Geouwehoer op zolder.' Zoals dat in het Nederlands heet.) better stay away, or something in me is not right. The idea makes me unstable.  I'm a mental patient, I think I have vermin in the computer. It's good enough for a ton off delusions and haunting scenario's my mind makes about it. But what the hell is after sick old me? To be honest, I think it even can't do damage if they're after this old crap. 

Thoughts... Thoughts... I'm over-thinking on it, and on heavy medication for it. More emergency medication since it's not handy to me. It's asking too much off me to handle something does that. I should get a clue on how to keep them out, but it's difficult. They are NOT welcome. 

Either that, or I could use a good amount off help. It's at that state off being. I'm not doing well from it. but I would not expect them to be after me. It looks delusional. How to stay sane despite this? And Who the Hell cares about my documents? I suspect them to be after my documents, but they won't find anything in there. Let me tell them that ahead. Most off it is creative content and old. It's stupid to be after that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 29th off January, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cold and cloudy outside. 

*

I'm Hekate's apprentice, She knew what to do with me, Love and motherhood godesses are a diffrent kind. I'm not like most women, I'm diffrent, I have been following a dark path and got many scars. I'm not much off a love goddess. I would call upon Venus, and it feels like I have to get to know it a bit better. It's not like it's easy with me. 

When it's Valentine's day, I rather would work in the kitchen to set my mind off off things, and make world's best creamy mustard soup, quark taarten or perfect cookies, and not feel it that much. When you work, you do not feel it so much. It's not a big deal to work a kitchen for 28 people, create magic with food or enchant the crowd at fantasy events, but to have a boyfriend? Oh, help- That's not my department. I'm stupid when it comes to that. I'm NOT easy. 

It's always been my wish to bake my love a batch off Valentine's cookies. I have been over-posting an image off home made love cookies around some time, but it never came to it. 'De liefde van de man gaat door de maag.' Like they say, Or at least the lonely hearts club at de Boed has a treat. I'm desperately stupid when it comes to seduction. Not that I'm unatractive- I have rumors on my ass that I'm too ugly for love, but let's be honest, it just never worked a certain way. Pluto in Capricorn era made me work my ass off for a certain standard off wealth. I still don't look like a Venus' follower. I barely do make-up, I'm wretched and sarcastic. Recently Hekate found a way to show me she was my protection godess, with dreams and insights. I rather believe in natural beauty, and keeping your skin healthy and your face naturally pretty. But it's not the standards. I'm a magician rather than a lover. I feel so strange sometimes when it comes to love. I'm not a talent for it. But it ain't so bad, I did not waste my life. I dedicated it to working on myself, exploring my talents and developing a set off skills that came in very handy. It's NOT wasted on self-pity, doubt and sadness. I'm just not fit as a lover. I believe in things we can controll rather than love. -MEN, forget about it,- but the world is saved!  Something along those lines. It's not too bad being a spinster, truly, I can live. I would not enlower myself for lust or love, and I don't take bad sides or standards for an answer. I respect myself enough for that. It's fun being still single as a pagan, we do what people should do instead off mocking. But yes, Hekate knows what to do with me, Venus is a diffrent story. I still don't feel completely at ease when calling upon her. I just don't know what to serve the Lonely Heartsclub this year. Last year it was Mr. Ed's potato cake. Delicious for what it was. But sugar bakings are not allowed anymore. And we don't do soup for lunch anymore. It's a bit dry this year. It's a bit baling. Something delicious to heal our lonely hearts. Most people at de Boed don't have someone in their lives. But a treat would make it less sour. This year they don't even have valentine's cookies from store with our coffee. It's just fruit they allow. It's the health and sugar policy. Maybe I should adapt to it, since baking has become expensive, as forbidden as love between a jew and a muslim at de Boed, and looked upon ungratefull. It's like Forbidden Love. It's impossible to make it happen. 

But I'm thinking about what to do that day instead off being sour. How to keep my head up without a treat. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good morning at the 21st off January, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's dark and cold outside. 

*

I had visions about fashion Gothic being the total It-style off the 30's. Why can't it be? Wasn't it to be found one off the prettiest styles off recently? Why can't we, Fantasy alternatives, ever be totally It? It has been like this since ages. We are totally peeved and looked down upon by the fashion industry, but some time ago the trend was totally fashion Gothic. I adored it. I would love that to come back, I'm always hiding I'm alternative to the audience, I finally could come out for it when everyone started wearing Dr. Martens in public. It was so cool. So beautifull. Even I dared to be more out in the open. There's a hole in my heart, and a stone in my stomach it's not more widely accepted. But the whole fashion loving town was taking part off it, when Versace and Chanel started to make work off it. I think I finally would have gotten away with it with my old peers at school. It always has been forbidden for me to be a public alternative by them. I don't see them anymore, but you can probably imagine. It's like I'm secretly a werewolf or so, they where not allowed to know. Nowadays I'm far more public with it, on Facebook, but we broke all contact. They're kinda short minded people. But deep inside I hope fashion Gothic made them think it a bit diffrently, or maybe they started following a fashion trend, something as simple as that. It's not a feeling or a philosophy with them. 

It's such a stone in my heart, coming to think it can never be accepted by the main crowd. I don't look alternative here, but hey, we're at a mental institute with old people with mental issues, and it's not appropriate. I look dull and boring on a daily base. I had a time where I tried to look like a Wolf Witch Warrior, and showing you're pagan can be done in many ways. I'm still pagan, still a witch. But secretly. This place is old fashioned, conservative and Christian. And it makes me look like a shabby old tramp not to get in trouble with them, there's also something against looking too expensive. To people from the past, it might seem a bit aso even to look like this. But it's my way to adapt to the surrounding. I'm always in situations where it's not appropriate to be a heathen in public. This country still has rules about that. Nowadays I do my utmost best to be off taste to old people. At leat they're nice to me. But you get it: I better don't be over the top. But it's not too bad since they have good taste in music. I love listening to their music. After breaking up with Vana Events, it did not feel too bad. But it's a stone in my heart. I'm a witch on Facebook, but not in their face, I would get in trouble with it and they would hate me for it. 

My kind off spirituality has never been publicly accepted, not as much as some time ago when it was everywhere, and it started to be a little more accepted, but sometimes this country almost do it for it, and it's stuck up again against pagans like me. I'm lucky to have my mom to discuss things with, and I read books about subjects. But still, despite the fight for equality and justice, we're still seen as obscene by the establishment. I hate it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 13th off January, 2026.

 good morning everyone, 

Outside it's cloudy and dark, it's cold. 

*

This year, I feel like Iet Petite with presents. Small, heartfelt gifts- usually personally wrapped, often in old wrapping paper. It's less pricey than big gifts. But it's also a refined, heartfelt art. Instead off 'the biggest box on the shelve...' it's 'A small, well-picked box' or something handmade from de Boed's giftshop. We can't be too expensive anymore, and big gifts have been bingo prices. If you wrap them heartfelt, it's not such a thing they where free. I would not rob someone from expensive gifts, I just think I thought I had less budget for it last year, so we had to take it a bit creative. I believe I got away with it, my mom loved her gifts, so it hasn't been much off an issue, it's just that it's not my usuall style. I had to think it a bit more throughly. I think I did well, I had luck I saw bingo prices fit for it. (And the capability to win them, offcourse.) Maybe I feel guilty, but at least it's not as impersonal as a giftcard, though I think my brothers would not spit on a Nintendo giftcard. It's just that it has not been in my price range. To let Iet Petite go after this crisis is done, and everyone can go expensive again- would be a bit harsh, it's still heartfelt pick-me-ups. But maybe the pick-me-ups can take place on common visits, while bigger gifts can be done at birthdays. I used to be very giving, I loved giving gifts to my brothers and mother. It was always well-received. Nowadays, it's a bit less, and what's for their birthday is on the cheap side. Or so to say, as good as free. I hope they don't mind. I try to give with my heart instead off something cool and edgy. But this way, I manage to still give. 

My greeting cards are handmade by de Boed, and one euro each only. The old women have been creative with it, and it works out for me these days. It's never something bad, it's always really cozy to get a handmade card. But I used to do prints from bookstores. The only cards I have been expensive with last year, where Christmas cards. all the others came from stock or from de Boed, but I think it's not much off a concern, it's just that I hope the receivers don't mind. And grandma gets free cards, from a mouth and foot painting organisation, my mom is a member, and she gives me these cards and my post stamps for free, and I usually send them to grandma. 

We have had these cards for ages, and no one ever did something with it, untill I saw something for grandma in it nowadays. (A few years back) It doesn't cost a penny extra, and the floral prints are perfect for an old grandmother. And the annual birthday card among them is also very welcome, and I hope well-received. But yeah, I barely spend money on cards. And it's such a pick-me-up for my grandma each time. She loves it. And it's just, that this year cards where not among the parcel mom received from Removos. The perfect flower cards where not in, but mom is not witty enough to call after that. It's a bit off a pity, so I have to do with what I still got. I wish for these cards to still be send to us, so I got cards for grandma all year. It might be strange, but I just think to myself: 'What if  I was 92, and had someone doing it for me?' Grandmas love those sort off things. So it's important to keep on doing them. And without those free cards (And post stamps!) from mom, I would not be capable to send them. Just too expensive. 

This year, it's alphabet keychains for people. It's also a bit on the cheap side. Or so to say, what used to be cheap, I think nowadays it's normal for gifts. I hope people don't mind. Handmade letter keychains, and I try to make it more special by wrapping them. I hope people don't mind it's a bit frumpy. But they're old, so I don't think it's too bad in their opinion. I got a birthday greeting from a Boed card this week, to an aunt. One off those handmade old lady cards. I think I get to be known as a cheap old frump, but family is too important to not have it for. So yeah, a bit off creative thinking. And working with what I got, since shops are too distant and expensive to get by each time. Still, my family deserves their gifts. I just hope it's not looked down upon too much. Maybe by people in the outside world. I hope it's not a bad thing. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.           

Good morning at the 3th off January, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

Wet snow is falling outside the window. It's still dark. 

*

I'm out off coffee. That shall teach me to hamster. I have been hamstering an amount a few years ago- but it was all spoiled and it ended thrown away during a time where coffee is something to win a prize for. I think it would be totally acceptable if people would do house games and one off the prices is a pack off Douwe Egberts coffee. Expensive as it is. 

It's 02.30 midnight, I can't sleep that well. I watched a movie last night, and even over something simple as Love Actually, my mind is over-acting and prickly. I barely watch movies, but it's a pitch dark winter, so I'm going to. Maybe I should get used to movies instead off acting so whimpish. It's healthy to take media in. It's unhealthy to be an austrich. But it's a bit off a challenge for a mental patient. Today is a free Saturday, so I got all the time to watch Netflix. Though I should not over-do it. But still, if I wish to stay ahead, I should watch all the classics. I have started to watch classic romantic comedies. From the era where actresses where actually a tad too perfect. I totally see why women did have such a low self-esteem in the days. But still, nothing but therapy from a romantic comedy to soothe the mind. 

But each to their own, I'm a bit mentally prickled from actually doing something aside from watching the news. Usually, if I can set myself to it at all, I watch the evening news, and otherwise the TV is out. Often it's all I can take. The news is not recommended, but I do watch, to be informed about what happens in the world, and about what they want you to know. It informs about governmental cuts and the duration off wars. So I can make a mental sketch off whether it's gonna cost and what is gonna cost. It's one reason to watch the news. Bad harvests and war make groceries more expensive. It's interesting enough to keep me watching, if I can. Usually my mind is too full to take media in. But it's important enough to tune in at times. If something doesn't want you to watch the news, you should not trust it. My intuition tells me I should watch every now and then. Like, it was on the news energy prices are increasing- it's important to know. Especially during wartime, the people should stay informed. The situation is desperate, and the news gives more off an insight. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good morning at the 22th off December, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a cold and dark morning in The Netherlands. 

*

I worry a lot, I shouldn't, but it happens. I worry about starving fellow clients who eat bad, and about my mom who cooks cheap and unhealthy. I should not mention everything, that can be shamefull for them, but I worry about their health. It's on the poor side in my part off the world. I myself eat healthy, but I'm also hungry often, from eating moderate. More moderate than what it used to. If I eat in moderation, fruit, vegetables, brown bread and healthy meals are still possible. Just like tea and milk. So I can feed myself. It's the holiday month, so I have a little extra with my coffee or tea when people are generous, but usually I don't. And If I have it's picture worthit. I get by, but I worry about others. If they can pass healthy. I decided I want to eat healthy during this crisis, despite everything being expensive. I save on other things. I'm sober with stuff, I don't even buy books anymore. There was a time when I spend money on novells aside to food. And it's not due to lack off money I saved on them, it's due to lack off motivation to read I don't buy those anymore. I had a thing for Japanese literature, usually containing cats. It's a bit basic how I live. But if times are expensive and uncertain, that's how we do. Still, at the moment I'm reading one off them, I have been hoarding quite a few. And there's still Japanese books I wish to read, despite the fog in my head. I got quite a pile. So it's not completely dry how I live. At the moment I read this book: 

 It does not has an English translation, sometimes Japanese books are only translated in Dutch. It's really feelgood. But I haven't added a new book to the 'to read' pile in a while. Still, it's piling. But that's the only thing my money went to this year. Healthy foods, and books. I have been behaving so poor, it's almost unbearable if I was an ordinairy person, but I had to tolerate poverty ever since early youth. It's been a bit harsh, but not undoable. I have been poor ever since I was 16. What can I say? Unemployed and mentally ill. Strange enough, I can cope with this crisis. 

But I should shove this weblog back on topic: I worry. Other people are not me, and I wonder how families are to be fed if this continues. One day, this will end. I'm certain. One day in the future, it's done with poverty on food and we can sigh in relief. I'm kinda certain about it, but it's difficult. The next year, will still be extreme. I'm doing hard from it. I can feel so guilty when someone is doing worse than I do. But I keep on continueing my standard, I still got to eat. I have to feed on healthy foods. I can't ditch it in my opinion because someone has low standards. They would not for me, so why would I for them? 

Last thing I wish to share, a picture off my dessert from last night: 

 

It's been low fat peach fruit yoghurt with fruit salad on top. It's been delicious, yes, I still eat dessert. I prefer healthy dessert, but I still eat it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 15th off December, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a dark and stormy morning. 

*

De Boed has new coffee cups 

The old ones where more plain, these have fancy ridges and come from IKEA. I think they're so fancy, they could come from Paris. But maybe that's how I look at them. My mom also has these, but they did not copy her on purpose, at least that's what I think. I feel like a whole lot off something at our community centre when having coffee out off these. 😊 And yes, we always have it with a piece off fruit, since we're not allowed sugar holding products anymore with our hot drinks. (It's a new law for health care institutes in The Netherlands.) 

And I try to cope with the haze. The immense haze off these times, poverty and the war. I try to deal with it, but it's so hard, sometimes nothing works against it. It's really impossible to fight the moodyness that comes with it. And sometimes I feel Saturn in Taurus is not going to do well for crisis. It comes after Saturn in Aries. And we're about to deal with it in two and a half years after Pisces. It's astrology, and Taurus always means sobriety. Like we have seen the previous years with Uranus in Taurus, which was almost out off it's mind. It indicates sobriety and strictness. My advice? Hold up your pants a bit stricter, be after bargains a little better, and safe it on money a little louder. If you still can. I should not joke about it. It's serious business. And this country better doesn't hop to new trends, since I'm almost certain most ordinairy people can not afford. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Good morning at the 10th off December, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a dark and stormy night outside in The Netherlands. 

*

How to fight the blues, the worst poverty, the hunger, the ratchetness and the vulgairity? Simply by doing house chores and stay basic clean. Be a homemaker and keep the place tidy enough to keep it sane and very comfortable, and keep yourself clean up to a basic despite most people are poor. 

You might think I joke, but these basics can prevent the situation to become worse, and keep us healthy and comfortable in our own home during these expensive times. It doesn't has to be expensive to stay tidy, as long as you do it. It doesn't matter if the floorwash is cheap, as long as you weekly mop the floor with it. Just like brushing teeth: It has to happen. We're at that stupid point where ordinairy people stopped doing it. And start to look like street filth to me. I don't care if you think I'm unemancipated, at least I can stand this war appropriate and we can't say that about you to begin with. I think this would be less painfull if we could keep our dignity despite being poor. That's my opinion. 

I'm not a fashionista and I have never been, but I think I look better than the gross majority out there nowadays. Clean is a must. I don't care if they keep me for old fashioned, at least I can pass. I have never been a make-up princess from the past, but at least my face is clean and my clothes are tidy enough. And my hands are clean and groomed. That's how we do it during a war. I hope this ungrooming phenomenon among young people is a war phenomenon, and not something that will be continued. Offcourse I feel with those who can't afford a clean outlook, they have no choice. but those who choose to, should re-think themselves. Utmost basics in cleanliness should even be taught at schools in a time where people are hopelessly filthy. It has to do with health and hygiene. It's a basic in health care. But I'm preaching like an ass, so I should beware. 

I think I better end this weblog with a picture off my last night's dessert: 

Low- fat forest fruit yoghurt with fresh raspberries on top. It was delicious. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 8th off December, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's stormy and dark outside at night, it's even so nasty, internet fails sometimes. 

*

Yesterday, I decorated a christmas tree at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, at the second floor. It's kinda simple, and the tree was almost good for thrash when they found it last year. But offcourse, it's an organisation that has learned to flip it's pennies- so the tree was saved, and this year, bulbes and pine tree cones where bought for it. Last year, they borrowed mine for it. But decorating was still fun 

I got complimented on how well I did this. It's affordably cheap, and I know it's going to be liked by everyone who sees it. My own Christmas tree looks like this: 

It's been 5 euro's only for a tree. Done with previous year's decorations and a straw pot. It's cute for what it is. It's nothing too expensive for days like this. but still it does well for the home ambience. My interior decoration for Christmas is kinda kept sober this year. Moderation, since I think that's appropriate. And it's a real tree. It has a loot and it needs water every often. I should respect that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading!  

Good morning at the 25th off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's cloudy and grey in The Netherlands, and it's cold. 

*

I wrapped a gift for my stepdad 

His Birthday will be at the last day off December, and I thought a small gift would be nice, though I'm not likely to be there, so short after Christmas. I might ask my mom to give it to him at his birthday. 

It's an epoxy keychain, capital H for his first name. We make these at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. With Epoxy raisin and molds. We add decorations to it, and they make cute gifts. de Boed's handmade gifts make perfect gifts in expensive times. They're not expensive with their prices, and items can be cute. 

He's not likely to see it on here, I posted a picture off the wrapped gift on my facebook, making people guess. 

Last picture, A picture off my dessert last night: 

Low fat strawberry yoghurt, with a pile off fresh raspberries. Really delicious. Despite food being expensive, I decided to still eat healthy foods to keep my body in good health. So Yes, fresh raspberries. And they're delicious. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 21st off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is still dark with mild rain outside in The Netherlands. I expect a cold, grey and dreary day. 

*

My mom thinks I'm innocent and totally not dangerous for posting pictures off food and made tables. I'm perfectly allowed to do so from her home. She thinks nobody is actually interested, so it can't do harm to picture made tables and what we eat there, or what I eat here. I always think made tables and cute dining ware are so nice to put on a picture. It's usually internet worthy. It shows we're not dining at the end off civilization when we make a table and serve food on it neatly with the ware as decoration. It's really cute. 

And mom is with me. She thinks it's so innocent what I do, she let me. Our fancy pastry plates at my parental home come from grandma. I think it doesn't matter if you got your tableware for free, a bit old, second hand or cheap. As long as it looks a certain way. It makes such a lovely impression, it's always the right tone. And I believe everyone can do it. It's not fun if it's expensive. And it's how we show Moscow and the world we still eat, despite everything.  

Expensive looks can be faked, you won't believe how far you can come with an eye for the right details, an ordinairy priced shop like ACTION'S, and a certain will to roll with it. You might even start to look better than the old fashioned rich. I think it's how Europe keeps a face during this war. I took part in it. At least, the part off Europe that wants to look clean and groomed despite it's crisis. We started to do things fancy old fashioned, and a bit plain. It doesn't has to be expensive or overkill to look good enough. It's how we keep a face. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good morning at the 18th off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's rainy and dark outside in The Netherlands, but what do you think? It's Autumn and it's almost 6 AM. 

*

De Boed has some cute, handmade cards. They're only one euro each, and they're worthit their money during this crisis. I think this year will be for handmade Christmas cards. They used to be made by an elder fellow client who passed away this year. Her well made cards are perfect as greetings and wishes. Compared to bookstores, these are more affordable and more heartfelt. I think they're perfect for this Christmas. I got some holiday stamps from previous years, donated by mom. It helps to cut the costs on Christmas cards. But they should still be totally part off the holiday tradition. In my opinion, they always belonged there. I cut out on who to send them to, so I need 5 only this year. It's not much that will be spend to it. And it's worthit. During this expensive season, I think I do well to it. I might post pictures off them, each are special handmade, in this weblog later on. Maybe you'll like it. and that's the power off this weblog: The receiver doesn't see it ahead, but the reading fans do. 

Edit: I went out to purchase some, but my critical eye found them too bad off quality, and not made by the elder fellow client. What they had was junk, so I refused. I think it will come down to purchasing a set this year. I hope that won't be a problem. I found what de Boed had too stupid. 

I always got this feeling I'm about to die early, that's due to medication headaches. It's really difficult. When I'm this difficult in my skin, I'm absolutely not open for a relationship, I'm simply too sick from mental issues. I see things too trouble. So I have to give no for an answer to everyone. I think it can't be solved, so I won't like to give false hopes to people. It's too hard, too uneasy, and I got psychotic on love, so I can't handle it. No is for our both safety. It feels better to be single with such a troubled head. I'm at a point where I believe most world religions would forgive me to have stayed single my entire life for being sick. Given I'm still a virgin. I think they would hold a hand above my head for it. I'm sorry, I just can't be married or a mom. 

I'm still delusional, I still got aches, I'm still tired very easily. 

Last picture off this blogpost: 

I went out walking in a forest this weekend, a good hike in the Castricum dunes. I ended with Chocolate milk and lunch in Johanna's hof, the local dune restaurant. I needed to get my mind clear. It was really a good thing to stretch my leggs. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

  

Good morning at the 2nd off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cloudy and dark outside, the sky is still invisible. 

*

Yesterday I had great dessert, I had a bowl off skinny forest fruit yoghurt topped with rubies. 😉 

It's actually pomegranate seeds, but they look like rubbies if you make them decorations for desserts. It was pretty good, actually. It's my idea off luxury: eating fresh fruits and vegetables during this time, and to keep my health good with it. It was on a discount, so it wasn't as pricey as rubbies. 😋 I'm proud to still eat dessert on my small income. Low fat fruit yoghurt, sometimes topped with fruits. It's a good idea, actually. And it's not expensive, except for the fruit topping. But for good health, I think it's worthit. 

Life goes by this Autumn. I'm fighting ghosts from the past. It trigges delusions and psychosis. Just too bad. I talk about it with care takers. It's fighting the past. It's impossible, since only the now takes place here and now. We should live in the now. But the past can be such an echoput. Especially for us, mental types. We constantly got overhwelmed by situations from the past, and they trigger. I feel like being kept prison in Azkaban, where dementors keep you caught on bad memories. It's no suprise to me prisoners lost their mind there. It's also the ambience, it's constantly negativity, as if it's actually crowded with dementors, in Zaandijk at Gortershof, invisible for muggles. It also rains a lot here and the sky is so grey. 

What I do to fight it: Ambience and foods. A little more cozyness, well-cooked meals and music. Music from the past. I'm a homebody with a soft witch style in my home. I like it, despite others might think it's a bit weird, shabby chique and old fashioned. But it's my personal thing. It's how witches keep the negativity off dementors out. I hope people don't dismay me for it, I like to show some off it on my internet. It can't keep me from still being a bit negative and moody from time to time. Appearently, the classic British way is not the answer for everything. I still feel the moodyness. Though it's helpfull and more fun than Dutch in my opinion. 'You're fighting ballroomclouds.' But sometimes, the ballroomclouds are so strong, especially during these years. And chocolate is also not the answer for everything. It just softens sharp edges. (Usually I eat it moderately, but I had voices in my head making me order it. It was good, but it's no solution to darkness) 

Care takers think I'm crazy for refering to myself 'Like Ginny Weasley.' at times, but I like to think myself as country oriented and cheap but still fancy, like her. Having to do witch chores and try to keep my head up despite it all. If I refer to Harry Potter, they don't like. If you don't get the reference, you might think I'm crazy for it. But I feel like a poor county witch daughter when doing it this way. Maybe I should make them read Harry Potter, or stop it. It's just that it doesn't matter, it makes me do house chores and try to keep it cozy and in order despite it all. Everything that misses, is mince pies for Christmas, 😉 but that makes me more poor and restricted than Ginny. Still, seeing her mildly as a role model works to straighten my back. 

I hope for a miracle to happen for my bad mood, it's a bit difficult. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

     

Good morning at the 3th off September, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is windy, grey and stormy in The Netherlands. Autumnal weather has hit us. 

*

Life ebs and flows, usually it's a bit more eb than flow. I walk around town a lot, to do a bit more physicall excercise. It's not much, but every step is one. But I got issues with my head if I overdo. They say I should take it more easily, not overwork myself from walking. It's a bit silly, but I have to take it and accept. When I take walks around this charming area, I take a lot off pictures and I post them on Facebook. I have a lot 'Spotted during my morning walk.' Pictures from this area. I love it. It's often blooming plants, or the antique houses or a nice sight. Over the river Zaan for example. It's a dreamy fairytale when you live here and you are into that antique style. It's really pretty and fancy. Moving around is better than just sitting in one place they say. 

It's just that I'm not a mental patient over nothing. I got issues if I walk too much. So I'm told to do so every other day instead off every day. Today is not much off a problem, it's all rain and wind outside. So let's stay in and take it more easy this morning. 

The best about photographing a nice surrounding, is that it's free. It doesn't cost any extra except effort. And if you wish to do it nicely, a good eye for photography, and a bit off know- how with camera angles. I got complimented by friends, family and neighbours on my work. 

This was yesterday, for example. I should not act like I'm an entrepeneur on this, I'm just an unemployed hobbyist with little to do and a will to take nice pictures on morning walks. It's better than to do just nothing. Fruit trees spring their apples during this season. It's really lovely. 

They say where there's a will, there's a way. I don't believe in being on your ass all the time when you have a wage. Even if you're chronically sick, you should not play the victim and give life a try. I could not work a job, but it doesn't mean I should sit at home, complaining and smoking myself an accident all the time. Life is too beautifull for that. I woe over not having a job, I'm not completely worthless. That's how I feel. Sick is sick, but some deserve a kick under their ass for being lazy and stupid. I think effort is the new chique. We don't have money, but what's more chique than a little effort for things? A little affordable elegance. To show you are not completely lame and drained empty from being low on money. People who do so have never been chronically sick or truly poor. Just by this economic crisis. If you have always been poor and sick, you are still willing to put effort to life if you have a fighting spirit. Otherwise you're not just as poor as a streetbrick, but also as dumb as a streetbrick in my opinion. 

Most people might hate me over this, lame as mankind can be. But I feel I'm taught up a bit diffrent than them. Being lazy is not chique. Being so easy it looks stupid is neither. I think they can't follow me in this. It's how life works during this crisis, if you want something, you should put effort to it. That's what I think. It's never been easy for me, It's just that during this economical crisis, life still works for me. And it's doable, it's not impossible. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

And a picture off a low calorie dessert to end this weblog with for now, low fat peach yoghurt with fresh sweet strawberries from the yearly market. It was delicious. 

 

Good morning at the 23th off July, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's warm and muddy in The Netherlands these days. 

*

New items in a series I collect- It's almost as if I discovered fresh hope. Despite it's a bit expensive, but it's the latest news on the market, and it's kinda cool to discover. The cooking bible series appears to have almost 5 new titels to collect. I need more space on my shelve for it. But it's 34,99 euro's each. I know if I wait, some enlower in price. But usually I'm kinda fanatic in collecting them. I love these, it's all the information in the field off cookery you need. Almost all the information known to mankind. It's perfect, it's beautifull, but it's high class nowadays where I eat shabby. I think for now it's not worthit, but I'll wait untill it's enlowered, or untill this crisis has ended. Everyone has their fanatical side, The Cooking Bible series is part off mine. But just, really good grief- five titles without me noticing it, I'm thát big, fat behind. Before getting poor, it's almost been pride to 'have all off the latest editions collected.' On my shelves, as if it's a real edgy, cool thing to do so and to have that. In this country, you could say it is, but I walk around on potatoes, veggies and meat and fruits for dessert, and expensive cookery is such a 'far from here' - show, it's almost insultive to myself to own such pricey books on the subject, but not being capable to work from them. So it's a waste. But maybe I can pass by bookstores and the internet every now and then, where it ends in my basket somehow, and badabim, badaboof- it's on my shelves somehow. I think it will end up like that. I'm not that steady in forbidding myself these, I'm afraid. 

And I wish to test fries, French Fries, to see which cheap brand out there is best for Sunday evening. I'm not going to do so every day, I still have to fit my pants. It's a Sunday evening thing. I should not grow more fat from it, and my blood level should stay as good as it is now, but I'll do so in moderation, to a point where the damage is minimal. So it's not dangerous to try what PicNic in The Netherlands has for cheap fries. Last weeks, it came down to a 6, not really well done with my Airfryer power. I wish to keep out all expensive A-Brands, and try the cheap ones. A-Brands give perfect results, but are we rich? I don't think so. So I'll try cheap fry brands. Usually I eat these with vegetables, so it's still kinda healthy. (And a doll up off Zaan mayonaise... so not completely healthy.) It has to make a festive meal perfect. 

And last thing I woe about- Autumn pies and bakings. Something says I won't be so fanatical with these this year. I happened to bake the stars from heaven in Autumn my way each year. It was beloved by fellow clients and staff. It's not as much as it used to be. Cooking an average meal already takes up a lot off time. So a common farmstyle cake is already much. Sometimes I'm a bit high in my head, like with that banana bundt cake from two weeks ago. It really just had to happen. It's constellations where just too perfect, and it just had to be. But it takes up a lot off energy, so I have to be spare with it. Both costs and energy, almost like owning a company in The Netherlands nowadays. It's a bit doubtfull wheter to bake or not. I think I have done my best to it this year so far. High point really was the Valentine's Potato orange chocolate chip heart cake. But Autumn usually asks for a bit more. It's the pressure home bakers have put on themselves nowadays. Autumn is for perfect bakings. It's just that that's more off a '5 years ago'- thing, and this is crisis Netherlands. As long as faces aren't caked in make-up, you know money is spare for baking. Otherwise I really would like to do a square apple pie, and a pumpkin pie this year. With fresh mashed pumpkin. It takes up energy, but the results are usually great. Maybe it's worthit the spending, and I can get eggs for it for free. You know, these inner dialogues off wheter to do something or not. I think it's best to await and see how much it will cost. It's best not to sell a bear skin before shooting it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.        

Examples off Shabby chique dining

 

Good morning everyone,

 if you wonder how Shabby Chique dining can look, well, like this: 

It's just boiled potatoes with fresh carrots and peas, and a normal piece off meat, but it's done on a nice place. So it also serves the eye. 

Fried potatoes, chicken and brocoli, same story. Very normal foods, but served on a nice dish. It makes a diffrence. 

And this is cauliflower with potatoes and a slice off meat, also served on a nice plate. Just sided with water, but I could not feel more decadent than when served on a nice plate.

It enhances the feelings you have during dinner time. It looks good, and you'll feel less cheap when you have these, and it's expensive and looks cheap. Nice dishware is the key! 

I hope you got something onto it, 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.