Good evening at the 14th off August, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's about 30 degrees celcius outside. It's hot. 

*

I don't know if it excists yet, but Vana's sick moral preaching can come to a high point, where people start to gossip I'm a pedophile. Which I'm not. Those moral preachers, ready to beat everyone who isn't like them, settled and succeeded with two children, are actually jealouse off me and the way I make things happen for myself and in the home. 

Actually I'm a bit hopeless. I like blonde, cute, geeky men. I'm sorry, they could accuse me off being a fascist, since you're supposed to be blonde. I'm tolerant, but my personal preference in men isn't. I accept all kinds off people, but for interest, only the cutest and the coolest and the fairest off them all. Natasha Marchall would call me a fascist for choosing blonde men over Faust, but that simply is what it is. I'm not a phedophile, I just think the moral preachers are self righteous assholes, over knitting patterns on winter sweaters. Being single for a lifetime, (I actually can't get the guy) and being a simple geek myself. I'm mentally handicapped and prude. And when it comes to the Fantasy scene, a little shy. It makes it so easy to start a filthy gossip about me. But I would not have it with a child. That's a rumor too much about me. Shame on them who claim that. 

Allright, back to your caves. 

That's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 12th off August, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's a warm summer night, guided by an eclipse. But it's not visible. 

*

I have signs that the Ukraine war will last for a while. It's no science, it can't be backed up by science, but I doubt this will be the year for it's end. I wish it was common sense to claim it's actuall end, but I would look like an ass if that goes wrong. I should not claim it, but I believed it was 2028. 

And no, no change in Dutch government could stop it earlier, it just keeps the country moving more decent than populists. Like what most people actually want. To be honest, I like the current prime minister. He looks young and tolerable. I hope this will last, it would be so bad for the country to change parliament time and time again. I hope it will stick for a while this time. A little peace off mind for the government would do it good. 

I feel not much can be done about crisis in the current time off Saturn in Aries, up untill 2028, and we just have to sit it out. I don't fear it. It is what it is, though people should brush their teeth and look after their appearances again, if we don't want to make a bad figure to the government like this. I have been poor for over 20 years without bad grooming. It's an insult- Be poor, don't groom. But that's my opinion. How do you come to think poverty means we should not groom and look ratchet? I avoided that for years, and nowadays I find it so stupid from other people. I mean, I have been on governmental wages and no income for ages, but ugly? Not off my concern. You can still look neat if you play it smart. It's my poor woman pride that hates people looking insanely ungroomed due to the economy. 

But nevertless, this crisis not something to fear if you can owe up. Not much will change, except prices for everything will increase and it's evil. It's threatening, and maybe that's what they're after. Life threatening to not being capable to owe up for health care and food. I think people already died from it. But I can't see it changing soon. The future for these two years is kinda unfortunate for the main population. I can't paint the picture more bright. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

And I would like to end this weblog with a picture off a small sailboat on the raft, nearby a local historical spot. It was such a lovely picture. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good morning at the 9th off July, 2.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning promises to become sunny. 

*

Recently I purchased the key chain for my youngest brothers' birthday, a capital T, made by the handcraft team at de Boed in Zaandijk. 

I already gift wrapped it, but it's for October. He will also get an octopus mobile, handmade at de Boed. It's a mobile with an octopus on top and fish hanging onto it. It will be pictured, and then I'll also wrap that. Wrapping paper from HEMA's. Party animals, with all kinds off pets with birthday party hats. Shown on the gift is a red cat. The octopus mobile was only 10 euro's. It's cool to be capable to still afford that. I just hope it doesn't do short to him and he likes it. I'm happy I can still afford birthday gifts. To others they may seem impossible these days. Aside to greeting cards. de Boed has them, handmade and 1 euro each only. it's not such a splurge with them. I'm thankfull. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 9th off July, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

Tonight it's mildly warm and clear outside. 

*

This is a bush of hand made flowers from de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. It's brown flowers. Usually flowers only brown when they're death, but I found these where so pretty, and very cool for their kind. de Boed comes up with very unusual and original flowers, but it's so awesome for them to be capable to make these, and I let all off them make into a bush, combined with some 'green.' 7,50 euro's- an amount you used to pay at an average flower shop for such a bush. I think it will end up at mom's birthday. Mom has her birthday at November, but I got these allready. They're made from bended pipe cleaners in all colours off the rainbow. de Boed is very creative and outstanding with these. I also got her a keychain, a capital Epoxy Raisin B. Made at de Boed, community centre for people from Leviaan in Zaandijk. 2,50 euro's a keychain and it has most capitals. 

  

The keychains are very pretty, but soon in October, my brother has his birthday, and after November, my entire family got one. I usually wrap these keychains. But then I have to find new gifts. 😏 They where acceptable for their price. I wrapped with old wrapping paper I had on stock allready all the time. 

I have the sad news that I'm going to save out on mom's box off chocolates for her birthday. Not very fancy, but I found chocolates too expensive. It's these flowers instead. It's not November yet, but translated from Dutch the proverb says: 'I can already see the rainshower hanging.' (Above a box off chocolates.) So I'm saving it out. I hope she can take it well, she is always so fond off her chocolates. Her chocolates where handmade from a real local chocolate shop. So it became impossibly priced these years. It's fake flowers in the shade off chocolate. I hope she can take that. 

de Boed is a perfect soutce for affordable gifts, especially when economics don't work with, and everything is impossibly priced. Our handcrafted gifts are still budget friendly. And I'm proud it's made perfect by the handcraft team. It's such an outcome for gifts and greeting cards. 1 euro a handmade card, 3,75 euro's for my handmade necklaces, and 1,50 euro's  for a bracelet. I picked up on jewelry making again. I found new materials this week, and the possibility to create earrings. 

    

They wheren't scurvey with the materials this time, and they where proud off what I made off it. These butterfly earrings will be 3,50 euro's a pair. They found them extremely pretty and worthit the big price. The materials where so pretty. I work with their materials, but I don't gain any financial profit out off it myself, except being creatively active at a daycare centre. It's a bit sad. I have barely money to eat this week, but my creativity roars due to their new materials. I can live, but thanks to others. It's a bit off comfort in dark days to be capable to be so nicely creative. It's just a pity people don't buy these. It's actually piling a bit up in our shop. I hope we find costumers for my jewelry. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.         

Good evening at the 6th off July, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's moldy, hot and humid... but maybe I'm just overheated after some green tea.

*

I learned a tough lesson from the past: I can't change the world, and I can't change politics. My voice is a waste. I can't speek openly and freely among real life people on here, and little information comes in. We're just in a mental health organisation, which provides us homes and which is supposed to take good care off us, -which could be better.- But I'm not death myself. I'm alive. I eat, because I can cook, and I'm clean because I can wash myself. Fellow clients do harder. They do bad at self-care. Staff should take that upon them better, but they change staff members all the time. And a lot off fellow clients are so weak, they die all the time. It's difficult. Lack off care, smoking, badly fed, unhygienic homes. Self-care and discipline are life safers in here, but mental health clients are often so bad at it. The public sees us as tramps. And look down upon us. It has a bad reputation. Like, the lowest you can have in modern society. 

I'm a young woman, I do basic care, but bare basic. That's due to insights in future guidelines about how this should be done, but most fellow clients don't have those. They die. Or grow slumber. I have an opinion? The world does not care. I'm very vivid in my interests compared to the rest off them. Most off them don't like broad minded interests. They can't compete, it's impossible. I wish for a more broad minded companion, someone to discuss books, foods or other subjects with. Most off them even have never swimmed in the North Sea. If I ask them, they answer a bit whimsical. 'Have you ever swimmed in the North Sea?' And usually it's no, because they are afraid off jellyfish. I come from an area off the county where swimming in the sea is more common. And usually it's not jellyfish that's the issue. But they already see it as somehthing unhinged to have swimmed in the sea. I used to do more beach walks in my youth, also with my family. But I'm too weak nowadays. And the beach is too far off. It's a bit the level what it's on. But us, mental patients, we are terribly weak and we can't handle much. Discussions are out off the picture, simply to keep the air clear, and the moods about me a bit more positive. I'm a coward, but this is Leviaan, not the parliament. People come here to seek rest. They do know I'm very broad minded and widely interested in the world, and that's all they know. 

For cases like this, there is the internet, but I often feel it's useless what I do. Nobody cares, I feel unseen and I make such a fool out off myself on places where people are kept under the thumb. I think it hasn't helped very much, I just got in here, in the mental nursery home. Where I should not lose it. But I can't help it. Sometimes I see the news, think off previous people and think: 'Karma is a Bitch!' Laugh to myself about it, and go on. Some things are better not be taken with a limb off salt. I don't know how it has worked out to those people, but honest, I don't want to be after everyone's ass after what they have done to me. I can't, I won't. I someone dies it's their problem. I probably don't even know about it if it has already happened. But here I am, owed up for, paid for, clean and healthy, and even pretty (Without make-up) according to beauty standards. I can't care about back then, because even my health doesn't allow me to go back to that place. I got mental attacks for over-thinking about it. So, no. It's more calm when I let it be. Better for my health. So, I don't know anything.  Nothing, but that prices for groceries are expensive, and that I still love that one blonde bird on the nest that's not mine. It's such a handsome bird, but they did not allow me to own it. To get close was even impossible. Vana Events kept on shoving me Faust in the face. But honest, even if the cute bird dies, I can't care. I can only care for the close surrounding. Politics are a bit out off my mind. 

Allright, that's about it for now- thank you for reading. 

   

An attempt to get on the show

 

To: Aubridge Coppers and The History Team 

Dear Aubrey, 

Most people in your videos have offspring who signed them up for a resemblance in your history videos about the 21st century, I don't. But I enjoy the show, I have seen your videos in my dreams, I would like to assign work to it. 

I have several food video's and pictures on my facebook and my blog is full off stories for Vintage Belle and The War Era. I think I won't live long enough or be capable to sign up for them in this life, or let anyone else do it for me. So I write you ahead. It's important. I know the cause off the war, and I'm a poor Vintage Belle myself. I would like to be in The Very Best You Can Have, aside to all off the side video's you make about the war. I have numerous off material, fit for it. It would do such justice if you would add silly wee me to it. I'm a big fan already, and I'm proud you do justice to the cause. Finally. 

This century is a race I probably won't outrun. But I'd like to say, I adjusted my two cents to the cause. I would like you to do right to all these wrongs. Please, feel free to search through my Facebook and my blog, and use whatever can be off use. It has such big meaning to me, It has my blessing. 

Yours sincerely, 

Maaike de Vries.  

Good morning at the 19th off April 2026, 2.

 

This is a picture off a bracelet I made recently, it worked out pretty cool. 

And this is what it looks like when they hang your jewelry on a rack in a small store. It's really awesome. 

I also finished this pretty little bracelet, it's for sale at de Boed's shop. All upbring will be for them. 

I just wanted to flaunt a bit with these. My inspiration to make jewelry softly came back. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 2nd off April, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a changing yet dreary day in The Netherlands. 

*

This week, I made this necklace at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, The Netherlands. And it will be for sale in their gift shop. I'm a bit more creative lately. At times, I got really inspired. I also designed tulip postcards. Also for sale in their gift shop 

They found my tulips very pretty. It's available to be send for everyone interested. My grandma is the biggest fan, she purchased the entire set. And the previous jewelry set has been sold. It's getting somewhere, people think I make pretty items. Inspiration is sacred. 

Aside from creativity, (With their materials, let's be honest, I could never afford that myself. And I personally don't profit from it, the upbring is entirely for their small gift shop) I'm a bit down in spirit, a bit more unstable and sensitive. I'm happy creativity flows, so it can breathe a little. But it's not easy. This time is not easy. I'm over-thinking and overly sensitive. It can be a bit hyper in my mind. Life is beautifull, but things are insanely painfull, and sometimes I try to figure out mankind, but it usually hurts and I still don't have a clue. Mankind is cruel. Difficult... I wish for a better climate in it, but it feels impossible. I'm so gratefull for Leviaan. They keep me standing while I would break from it otherwise. Leviaan is the care home organisation I live in. It hurts big time, always having people against me, and the world being so cruel. It feels lonesome. Inspiration feels gratefull. Or so to say, I feel gratefull for inspiration. The card set's name is Zaandijk Beltaine, but I think they won't accept, and I did not make it the official name. Tulips at the month off may, with the sun in Taurus and the moon in Scorpio and the Beltaine energy in the air off floral Zaandijk feels magic. Almost given from the gods. The fairies out and the garden off our place being so beautifull, covered in flowers with the cherry blossoms out. It's god given. It looks magical, and it makes me feel gratefull to be alive. People might think it's a bit out off place, ancient magic and typical Dutch floral beauty, but I think it connects perfectly when it's out in the month when it's supposed to blossom. It's spectaculair. Everything else goes backwards and is impossible nowadays, but the gardens bloom lovely. Nature is inspiring, and gives strength. It doesn't withhold answers, sometimes it's what I overthink myself, what comes to me, and it becomes how I personally see things and how I think about things. I'm a bit phillosophicall. It triggers both and makes me come to interesting conclusions at the same time. It might be a little bit strange, weird little me... Overthinking is difficult. To keep a bit off track off life, I like to keep things simple in life. Simple, yet meaningfull... Everything else is already complicated. It's easily a bit too much with everything going on in my head. And it hurts... litterally. I always have headaches from overthinking. It's why I'm in here. Life is difficult to figure out. I wish I could find a clue. But probably, it's impossible, and that's why I'm in here. Due to an over-active mind. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 25th off March, 2026, 2.

 

Good evening everyone, 

*

I handcrafted these myself, a necklace and a bracelet, from random inspiration, just out off nowhere, just the memory off making jewelry, and the inspiration off the materials they had made me do it. It's been ages since I made jewelry. These are for sale at de Boed's shop. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 25th off March, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was changing, mostly rain and grey. 

*

Somewhere in May, I have an aunt celebrating her birthday, she is off old age. I made them make a capital N key chain for her birthday: 

It's made by de Boed's handcraft team. It's the first letter off her name, and I wrapped it: 

It's done with old wrapping paper, and I'm still not good at wrapping, but it's done with love. I'm about to give this with a bush off pink roses. At least, that's the intention. If I'm not fit enough, I will send it by post. Often I feel unstable, so the trip to go there can be quite irresponsible. Still, I wish to go. I haven't been there in years. I hope she appreciates. 

Lately, I haven't got much to mention. Life goes by, I'm still alive. 

Allright, that's about it for now, thank you for reading! 

Good morning at the 19th off March, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's rainy and cloudy outside tonight. 

*

I did not feel like sleeping, I could not catch sleep anymore, and I giftwrapped my brother's birthday present. The crocodile plushie from two posts ago. 

It's not done tidy, but like I said, I'm not good at it, but still it's fun to giftwrap presents and hand them like that. It's a bit unpersonal to just push stuff in someone's hands and claim it's a birthday gift. I think it's better when they're wrapped. It's just that my brother's birthday is actually in June, so I'm early with this. I wish to adjust a handmade capital keychain from de Boed to it. Though I also think they're not manly, so they might not fit for a man. So it's a matter off doubt about it. And maybe I just let it, since I think my brothers won't be charmed off it. 

This country has elections all the time, how are they about to govern the country to begin with when power is elected again and again all the time? I think you can't work out long term plans when the government does not function, and the people off control always end two years before it's going to happen. In the end, nothing is actually done about problems. It's something that's on my mind. It happens all the time in this country lately. It's always elections, and nothing is done about real problems. And meanwhile the people are stuck with it. It's problematic, but it's not solved. Something to think off. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good morning at the 5th off March, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is a bright morning in spring. 

*

I purchased an Easter gift for my family, and I wrapped it. It's a handmade wooden charm from de Boed, and it's 1,50 euro's only. Coffee service did not take place today, due to lack off staff. Still I fixed them a kettle off coffee and bought their gift. The kettle is for the creativity participation where they handcraft items, that was open. But public coffee time could not take place. 

This is the rabbit charm, it's the back off a rabbit with a tail, and it's green and purple. It's perfect for Easter, next month. 

And this is how I wrapped it, it's kinda messy, but it's cute. It's how I wrap, I'm not good at it, but I still do it this way. It's always straight from the heart. I think the elders bale most from coffee time not taking place. For them it's most difficult, just like for the fellow clients. They always crave those coffee moments. I hope it won't happen again, but there are so many sick people, it's impossible to be certain. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 1st off March, 2026

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning is mild for late winter when it comes to weather. 

*

Yesterday I purchased my oldest brother's birthday present, he's only two years younger than me, and he has his birthday in June. I felt it was a good idea, given it was on a discount, so it was 7 euro's only. Not that I don't value my brother, it's just that during this time and day, I found it acceptable for a birthday gift. I still have birthday wrapping paper on the shelves, so it will be well-ment and straight from the heart. 

It's a fat crocodile dragon plushie. It's very big and stuffy, and I think it's a funny present. Some time ago, I went a bit overboard in my opinion wrapping paper shopping, you could only order four rolls. But now that comes in handy, since I still have it for Mr. crocodile. I'm a bit sober with gifts, a bit frugal in my opinion. But I hope they forgive me that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 16th off February, 2026.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is cold and grey in The Netherlands. 

*

I already set up my Easter Branch, and other Easter decorations, very cute, very deliberate early. I was pretty early with my Easter Branch, it has all kinds off decorations from previous year onto it, and it's in an old vase. 

It's snowing outside at times. It's still February, but we got an early Easter. 

I'm in a phase off over-reactive acting, I'm not myself, I'm hyper-energetic, doing all sorts off things, over-shopping, spending too much money. It's not good for me. I already foresee it's going to go wrong with me one day, and I should take it easy instead. Take it more calmly, simply not over-do things. I'm off minded and I believe I'm delusional. I'm acting weird. I can't sleep well at night, this morning was for 02.00 AM awake, and 05.00 AM showering. It's like that, -Like that. I know more psychiatric patients got this. My head is crowded, too full to read novells or write poetry. I try to cook simple yet healthy receipes to set off my mind, like apple sauce and tomato soup. I do a lot, but it's not much off a set off. It's over-reactive and strange. Like with this, it's hard and close to obsessive. Not preferable. I got a strange tense. I have to take it more easy. Like a stressed chicken. 

I'm already proud I got my Easter decorations on, it's early, but last year I did not do so at all. Out off some sort off grump. Maybe I do feel a bit guilty about that. Luckily the Elders still like what I cook, Often I cook for my friend, the retired zookeeper, he says my food is delicious. The tomato soup got approved off, luckily I'm not so far off I don't know what I'm doing in the kitchen anymore. But cooking every day would be too much to handle. I'm lucky to live in a care home. It's done for me three times a week. And they make delicious foods. Life is tough, but it's manageable. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good morning at the 16th off February, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's freezing cold with snow on the streets. 

*

It's monsters! It's irresistable, fuzzy, cozy, fluffy green and purple HEMA hug-monsters! 

I purchased them as gifts for my brothers, my brothers are only about two or three years younger than me,  about 30 and 31, so it might seem a bit stange to random strangers why I would do this. But we always have been sorta geeky. So it's not a bad thing to do funny, random stuff like this as gifts. I think these are sooo cute. 💖 Simply to give them away is a good idea. They come from HEMA's, and by the end off the week I will attend to my famiy and I will have some nice gifts for them. 

I have been feeling off these weeks, bad in my skin, delusional, bad sleep, I watch my food, but it's mainly normal food. I feel emotional and gloomy, and I'm often moody and a bit emotional. I keep on having delusions about being followed, It's winter and the snow makes me a bit frightned, about not being into reach for delivery services like PicNic for groceries. Fear is a deep emotion in me, we're kinda stuck in here when it snows. I have been up ever since 02.00 AM, I just showered, I could not catch sleep anymore. Worrying sucks. It shows on my skin. I'm growing old.... Time stands still and passes by, nothing moves with. I'm just growing old. I maintain to look young, but I feel older than I am. On the inside, I feel as old as the mountains, while on the outsde, I'm as young as a breeze. I should maintain youth on my face. It's a waste to look too old on my face. I like the idea off myself as an ageless vampire. Somewhere around 26, I stopped ageing and  I still look stunning. It's perfect.. It's not to complain about, you'd mistake me for a 26 year old if you'd see me. I'm proud I maintained such good health, I would like to stay that way, really pricking out eyes off people my age with this stunt. They live so unhealthy... I would be karma to their face if they'd see me, all young and pretty while passing by. It would be perfect. I may sound like a bitch, but I'd think that would be so funny. If I would maintain good sleep, and be certain medication grants me long live and vitality. If you want to know, I do all these things most people don't do volunteerly and usually dislike or hate. Like eating as good as all vegetables and fruits, little snacking, no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, no make-up, no sugar in coffee or tea, no high-processed drinks, those sort off things. It's just that I'm medical obese, but with bloodtest results to be proud off. And I adjusted the gym every once a week to it. I feel proud off living healthy. It's just mental issues, being mental a bit moody and bad in skin. And offcourse, that impossible plus-size. I hope the gym will work against it.                                                                                                                                                             

Allright,   

That's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 10th off February, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was grey and gloomy in general. 

*

Not much off a man in sight... No one really watches.... it's always been the same... But hence, this year my mom will be my Valentine. I purchased a handmade gift from de Boed for her, I haven't visited in a long time, and soon I'm about to visit. 

This cute heart was handmade by the handcraft team at de Boed, a small community centre in The Netherlands, specialized in psychiatric patients. It's small, it was 1,50 euro's only, but it's heartfelt. I think it's one off the best items in it's price class. 

I wrapped it with wrapping paper from my storage room. It's been in there for quite long. And offcourse it's a mess, since I'm bad at wrapping, but it's always done with love. and hence, I did not even have heart- themed or valentine themed wrapping paper. But maybe for a mom, this is suitable. I think mom will like it, (or heart it😉)  De Boed's gift shop is perfect for a small budget. It's Iet Petite's Valentines day. But I got a small, deep brown suspicion it's appreciated. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 4th off February, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's dark and cold outside. 

*

I'm in a period where I'm not doing well. My mental state is pretty lame at the moment, I suspect I'm severe delusional at the moment. It's not really going well. I had to take emergency medication for two times now. I think I'm spied upon in the computer all the time, but what the hell are they looking for in my system? And one off these spies is familiair.... honesty, my docuents are pretty lame, and behind - I can't afford a good windows version for several years, so it's a bit crap they're after when they are after something artistic I've made. Not really sane. It's a bit off a household computer. It's not off importance in my opinion for the far wide world what's on. But the rats in the attic ('Geouwehoer op zolder.' Zoals dat in het Nederlands heet.) better stay away, or something in me is not right. The idea makes me unstable.  I'm a mental patient, I think I have vermin in the computer. It's good enough for a ton off delusions and haunting scenario's my mind makes about it. But what the hell is after sick old me? To be honest, I think it even can't do damage if they're after this old crap. 

Thoughts... Thoughts... I'm over-thinking on it, and on heavy medication for it. More emergency medication since it's not handy to me. It's asking too much off me to handle something does that. I should get a clue on how to keep them out, but it's difficult. They are NOT welcome. 

Either that, or I could use a good amount off help. It's at that state off being. I'm not doing well from it. but I would not expect them to be after me. It looks delusional. How to stay sane despite this? And Who the Hell cares about my documents? I suspect them to be after my documents, but they won't find anything in there. Let me tell them that ahead. Most off it is creative content and old. It's stupid to be after that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 29th off January, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cold and cloudy outside. 

*

I'm Hekate's apprentice, She knew what to do with me, Love and motherhood godesses are a diffrent kind. I'm not like most women, I'm diffrent, I have been following a dark path and got many scars. I'm not much off a love goddess. I would call upon Venus, and it feels like I have to get to know it a bit better. It's not like it's easy with me. 

When it's Valentine's day, I rather would work in the kitchen to set my mind off off things, and make world's best creamy mustard soup, quark taarten or perfect cookies, and not feel it that much. When you work, you do not feel it so much. It's not a big deal to work a kitchen for 28 people, create magic with food or enchant the crowd at fantasy events, but to have a boyfriend? Oh, help- That's not my department. I'm stupid when it comes to that. I'm NOT easy. 

It's always been my wish to bake my love a batch off Valentine's cookies. I have been over-posting an image off home made love cookies around some time, but it never came to it. 'De liefde van de man gaat door de maag.' Like they say, Or at least the lonely hearts club at de Boed has a treat. I'm desperately stupid when it comes to seduction. Not that I'm unatractive- I have rumors on my ass that I'm too ugly for love, but let's be honest, it just never worked a certain way. Pluto in Capricorn era made me work my ass off for a certain standard off wealth. I still don't look like a Venus' follower. I barely do make-up, I'm wretched and sarcastic. Recently Hekate found a way to show me she was my protection godess, with dreams and insights. I rather believe in natural beauty, and keeping your skin healthy and your face naturally pretty. But it's not the standards. I'm a magician rather than a lover. I feel so strange sometimes when it comes to love. I'm not a talent for it. But it ain't so bad, I did not waste my life. I dedicated it to working on myself, exploring my talents and developing a set off skills that came in very handy. It's NOT wasted on self-pity, doubt and sadness. I'm just not fit as a lover. I believe in things we can controll rather than love. -MEN, forget about it,- but the world is saved!  Something along those lines. It's not too bad being a spinster, truly, I can live. I would not enlower myself for lust or love, and I don't take bad sides or standards for an answer. I respect myself enough for that. It's fun being still single as a pagan, we do what people should do instead off mocking. But yes, Hekate knows what to do with me, Venus is a diffrent story. I still don't feel completely at ease when calling upon her. I just don't know what to serve the Lonely Heartsclub this year. Last year it was Mr. Ed's potato cake. Delicious for what it was. But sugar bakings are not allowed anymore. And we don't do soup for lunch anymore. It's a bit dry this year. It's a bit baling. Something delicious to heal our lonely hearts. Most people at de Boed don't have someone in their lives. But a treat would make it less sour. This year they don't even have valentine's cookies from store with our coffee. It's just fruit they allow. It's the health and sugar policy. Maybe I should adapt to it, since baking has become expensive, as forbidden as love between a jew and a muslim at de Boed, and looked upon ungratefull. It's like Forbidden Love. It's impossible to make it happen. 

But I'm thinking about what to do that day instead off being sour. How to keep my head up without a treat. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 28th off January, 2026.

 Good evening everyone, 

*

I will hereby confirm I will attend at the Faun concert at the Amsterdam Forest upcoming 24th off July, Yes, I will be there. At Faun. It looked too tempting, and sometimes I got voices off Niel Mitra and Oliver Sa Tyr inviting me personally there. I obeyed, so I ordered a ticket, and I will be there. I was doing the dishes at de Boed, like always, and it was as if Niel Mitra popped up to invite me personally to the concert, and then, the next day at dinner in my own home, Oliver Sa Tyr asked me to come. It started talking to me, so I purchased a ticket. Yes, I will go somewhere for the first time in such a long time. 

A question, what would you do if you got your heart broken by a captain from a ship, and you so would not know what to do with yourself afterwards? Given things have already been on since school, but by then no one was allowed to know. It's a memory from some time ago, I started talking to him on Facebook, but he rejected. While I found myself pretty brave for confessing. It's been painfull, and I'm so stupid in getting over with things. I overtalked it with mental health care staff. It worked to get rid off painfull edges. I could have picked one off my friends, that would have made me much easier, but I found that guy a bit more interesting and sexy. But I'm stupid for the way I have done it. I have been overthinking him a lot, overthinking, like, I think we got more in common than you realise, but I never had the chance to open up about who I really am. It's been a phillosophicall matter over a love matter almost, just, discussing subjects, politics, style, music, why are you not religious? And you are sooo handsome, why aren't we a thing? But that's for not being honest  about being pagan at school. Things got so complicated, but seem so impossible now. He pops up in my mind sometimes, and sometimes I think I have a 'green man.' with his image after me, seeing him in other people. It's lightly annoying but it follows me while it got shut down. Open up and talk about myself has never been possible. I got delusional about the matter, it's annoying. But that's what I do- when things go wrong, it keeps on spinning in my mind. And I'm an overthinker. I don't really know his personality, it just seems pretty lame by now. I have been hiding myself ever since forever at school, and started to open up and transform into a better person during the years afterward. I just soo wish I could tell him. But I think I might get accused of stalking when I try again. 'I'm not desperate, but you are on my mind. I think I got a soft spot for you, you are inspiring.' It's more personal and important than just a flirt. The Green Man doesn't make it easy. 

Today I got a bit air from the subject, and I started to paint tulips at participation, instead off hazes off waterpaint, trying to get to a certain point. And my tulips will be sold on cards, at de Boed's shop. I got a total hit with it. Maybe from talking about it with care staff, and a cleared mind about the past. I got a breakthrough, and miracles did happen as we speak. I'm going to be printed on postcards. My past does not hurt so much anymore. I got air, and I draw flowers. Zaandijk Beltaine. Spring in Zaandijk lends itself perfectly for Beltaine with all it's beautifull flowers. Dutch tulips, daffodils and blossoms are perfect for it. I got a small park, being in total bloom during the may month, when the sun is in Taurus and the full moon is in Scorpio, and it was inspiring for this art project, it was almost as if there was magic in the air here. If it's a set, It's name should be 'Zaandijk Beltaine.' But I think I should tame it a little bit down for the common audience. So it's better off as 'Tulips.' I felt like a little Zaandijk Benzaiten (The Japanese godess off beauty, inspiration and art.) When creating them. There was totally magic in the air when painting them. They will be printed and sold for 1 euro's each in our shop. 'Get usefull!' 'Word zinnig!' Well, today I totally was. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good morning at the 21st off January, 2026.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's dark and cold outside. 

*

I had visions about fashion Gothic being the total It-style off the 30's. Why can't it be? Wasn't it to be found one off the prettiest styles off recently? Why can't we, Fantasy alternatives, ever be totally It? It has been like this since ages. We are totally peeved and looked down upon by the fashion industry, but some time ago the trend was totally fashion Gothic. I adored it. I would love that to come back, I'm always hiding I'm alternative to the audience, I finally could come out for it when everyone started wearing Dr. Martens in public. It was so cool. So beautifull. Even I dared to be more out in the open. There's a hole in my heart, and a stone in my stomach it's not more widely accepted. But the whole fashion loving town was taking part off it, when Versace and Chanel started to make work off it. I think I finally would have gotten away with it with my old peers at school. It always has been forbidden for me to be a public alternative by them. I don't see them anymore, but you can probably imagine. It's like I'm secretly a werewolf or so, they where not allowed to know. Nowadays I'm far more public with it, on Facebook, but we broke all contact. They're kinda short minded people. But deep inside I hope fashion Gothic made them think it a bit diffrently, or maybe they started following a fashion trend, something as simple as that. It's not a feeling or a philosophy with them. 

It's such a stone in my heart, coming to think it can never be accepted by the main crowd. I don't look alternative here, but hey, we're at a mental institute with old people with mental issues, and it's not appropriate. I look dull and boring on a daily base. I had a time where I tried to look like a Wolf Witch Warrior, and showing you're pagan can be done in many ways. I'm still pagan, still a witch. But secretly. This place is old fashioned, conservative and Christian. And it makes me look like a shabby old tramp not to get in trouble with them, there's also something against looking too expensive. To people from the past, it might seem a bit aso even to look like this. But it's my way to adapt to the surrounding. I'm always in situations where it's not appropriate to be a heathen in public. This country still has rules about that. Nowadays I do my utmost best to be off taste to old people. At leat they're nice to me. But you get it: I better don't be over the top. But it's not too bad since they have good taste in music. I love listening to their music. After breaking up with Vana Events, it did not feel too bad. But it's a stone in my heart. I'm a witch on Facebook, but not in their face, I would get in trouble with it and they would hate me for it. 

My kind off spirituality has never been publicly accepted, not as much as some time ago when it was everywhere, and it started to be a little more accepted, but sometimes this country almost do it for it, and it's stuck up again against pagans like me. I'm lucky to have my mom to discuss things with, and I read books about subjects. But still, despite the fight for equality and justice, we're still seen as obscene by the establishment. I hate it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.