Good evening at the 7th off September, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today is the last nice day off the year according to most. The last sunny day before the rain and fall season truly hits. 

*

Yesterday was for a day at ARTIS Zoo, (The Amsterdam Zoo) completely paid for by Leviaan. I loved it. The animals where so captivating, the park was beautifull, and the weather was a delight. And for me it was completely free. Usually we don't go on trips like this, it's been mugging for five years by us before they finally agreed. But the day was fabulous, a dream day from a fairytale. Zoo animals are so beautifull and special, They're from another world, worlds we don't get to see every day. Only in nature documentairies. My family loves those. If they don't know what to watch, it's nature documentairies, and I'm for real. It's just that I got to see wildlife for real yesterday. Really nice and special for a common Saturday.

I feel well, I feel good in my skin and I try to do my best in life. Just my plain best on a household level. Nothing too big, nothing too difficult, and I function. It's just that it's a bit spare on money, but I try to owe up for that by doing my best with it. You can say it's a cheap everything cleaner, but it matters if the floor and the toilet are cleaned with it to begin with, or the dishes are done to begin with with cheap dishwash. And you'll see, it cleans just as good. It's just your mindset towards it. We can fight over it, but if it works, it works. I got complimented a lot on my tidy home lately. It's my way to set my mind off off things. It's the most usefull thing we can do nowadays: To clean. I don't withhold power, but mán, does my home smell like lemons? I don't know if I do well with it, but it's a small act off rebellion. Against lazy slouches, against lazy youth, against filthy pigs. I don't know, it's working in my mind. And they almost accuse me off witchcraft instead off seeking the sane and do so themselves. It's that feeling off brushing your teeth every day in the morning and the evening and simply knowing it makes you superior to those lazy slouches, despite lack off education, intelligence, money or style. At least I'm every day clean. I can say I don't accept it when a person is filthy. I'm not just waging a war with the Russians. But I think I do it perfectly. Filthy, sweaty pigs are not my type off people anymore. I think I beat most off 'those.' people when I'm clean on myself and my home. Most off those know it alls don't know how to use a mop and a toothbrush. It's my way to deal with a lot. If you have more than seven reasons to do something, you should do it if everything falls into place with it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

 

 

Good morning at the 3th off September, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is windy, grey and stormy in The Netherlands. Autumnal weather has hit us. 

*

Life ebs and flows, usually it's a bit more eb than flow. I walk around town a lot, to do a bit more physicall excercise. It's not much, but every step is one. But I got issues with my head if I overdo. They say I should take it more easily, not overwork myself from walking. It's a bit silly, but I have to take it and accept. When I take walks around this charming area, I take a lot off pictures and I post them on Facebook. I have a lot 'Spotted during my morning walk.' Pictures from this area. I love it. It's often blooming plants, or the antique houses or a nice sight. Over the river Zaan for example. It's a dreamy fairytale when you live here and you are into that antique style. It's really pretty and fancy. Moving around is better than just sitting in one place they say. 

It's just that I'm not a mental patient over nothing. I got issues if I walk too much. So I'm told to do so every other day instead off every day. Today is not much off a problem, it's all rain and wind outside. So let's stay in and take it more easy this morning. 

The best about photographing a nice surrounding, is that it's free. It doesn't cost any extra except effort. And if you wish to do it nicely, a good eye for photography, and a bit off know- how with camera angles. I got complimented by friends, family and neighbours on my work. 

This was yesterday, for example. I should not act like I'm an entrepeneur on this, I'm just an unemployed hobbyist with little to do and a will to take nice pictures on morning walks. It's better than to do just nothing. Fruit trees spring their apples during this season. It's really lovely. 

They say where there's a will, there's a way. I don't believe in being on your ass all the time when you have a wage. Even if you're chronically sick, you should not play the victim and give life a try. I could not work a job, but it doesn't mean I should sit at home, complaining and smoking myself an accident all the time. Life is too beautifull for that. I woe over not having a job, I'm not completely worthless. That's how I feel. Sick is sick, but some deserve a kick under their ass for being lazy and stupid. I think effort is the new chique. We don't have money, but what's more chique than a little effort for things? A little affordable elegance. To show you are not completely lame and drained empty from being low on money. People who do so have never been chronically sick or truly poor. Just by this economic crisis. If you have always been poor and sick, you are still willing to put effort to life if you have a fighting spirit. Otherwise you're not just as poor as a streetbrick, but also as dumb as a streetbrick in my opinion. 

Most people might hate me over this, lame as mankind can be. But I feel I'm taught up a bit diffrent than them. Being lazy is not chique. Being so easy it looks stupid is neither. I think they can't follow me in this. It's how life works during this crisis, if you want something, you should put effort to it. That's what I think. It's never been easy for me, It's just that during this economical crisis, life still works for me. And it's doable, it's not impossible. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

And a picture off a low calorie dessert to end this weblog with for now, low fat peach yoghurt with fresh sweet strawberries from the yearly market. It was delicious. 

 

Good evening at the 23th off August, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

We're in a cooler period in between warm periods, It's breathable but depressingly grey. 

*

Shabby, clean, a little less giving- buisy with trying to do cheap groceries and the household, I'm trying to handle and fight inflation and my feelings about the war this way. It's for the kitchen honour off a war. But not really. Most Dutch say we're not in an actuall crisis, everything is just darn expensive. Still it works against my good moods. I keep on thinking about all the poor families without food on the table. Very sad. But I can't do anything for them. I need my pennies myself. Sometimes I donate a small amount off money to charity. But not that often. I'm like many a Dutch, sober these days. Honest, I'm not that diffrent from average people in my head. Especially when it has to be more cheap. I'm nothing more or less than most people. Just a simple yet fat girl from the poor part off the country. It's such a discovery how I'm like the rest off them when I have to live cheap. 

What I do to try to keep it togheter- to be a little more clean. I got complimented all the time by care staff how my small flat is more clean and tidy. It's a crisis reaction. I feel so good about it when I cleaned something and it's all fresh and smells like lemons. I'm an average clean jerk nowadays. I think I can ditch people over being ungroomed an unhygienic. It's below my cleanline standard nowadays. It may sound a little bit arrogant, but I'm at that point. Cheap, clean, and a little old fashioned. I'm in line with this country. With crisis, actually. 

Strange enough I feel less wobbly and more 'on my feet.' when I do that. More sober, more grounded. But also more cranky in an ordinairy way. Fighting the crisis and waging this war my way makes me feel moody. It's also this place, it's vulgair and there's always things going on here. But I handle and deal with it as much as I can. Perfect life is for a princess, I feel too common for that. But man, do I feel good about managing it this way? I would feel proud to have handled it like this, even if we lose this entire Ukraine war, and Gaza falls entirely. It may sound egocentric, but kitchen honour during a war is not so bad, it's better than none. To feel usefull, healthy and fed, and not bankrupt. Oh, and it's not in conflict with the law and institutes off power can't fight me over it. So it's not dangerous. It's a good thing nowadays. It's just that they don't see me as very serious with this. I'm not off might, I outshine that, and they mention. It's not really edgy or fashionable, the calliby cat and Brussle sprout honour off a war. But it's better than doing nothing at all and just be stressed. It feels as if I put my tensions to use, and make people happy with it. It's fullfilling. Spoiled princesses live in a palace, I clean dishes and mind my money. But do I feel it's worthit? 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

To end this weblog, a picture off tonight's dessert. Low fat strawberry yoghurt with fresh raspberries on top. I ate the entire package off raspberries with this. Just very nice. 

 

Good morning at the 23th off July, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's warm and muddy in The Netherlands these days. 

*

New items in a series I collect- It's almost as if I discovered fresh hope. Despite it's a bit expensive, but it's the latest news on the market, and it's kinda cool to discover. The cooking bible series appears to have almost 5 new titels to collect. I need more space on my shelve for it. But it's 34,99 euro's each. I know if I wait, some enlower in price. But usually I'm kinda fanatic in collecting them. I love these, it's all the information in the field off cookery you need. Almost all the information known to mankind. It's perfect, it's beautifull, but it's high class nowadays where I eat shabby. I think for now it's not worthit, but I'll wait untill it's enlowered, or untill this crisis has ended. Everyone has their fanatical side, The Cooking Bible series is part off mine. But just, really good grief- five titles without me noticing it, I'm thát big, fat behind. Before getting poor, it's almost been pride to 'have all off the latest editions collected.' On my shelves, as if it's a real edgy, cool thing to do so and to have that. In this country, you could say it is, but I walk around on potatoes, veggies and meat and fruits for dessert, and expensive cookery is such a 'far from here' - show, it's almost insultive to myself to own such pricey books on the subject, but not being capable to work from them. So it's a waste. But maybe I can pass by bookstores and the internet every now and then, where it ends in my basket somehow, and badabim, badaboof- it's on my shelves somehow. I think it will end up like that. I'm not that steady in forbidding myself these, I'm afraid. 

And I wish to test fries, French Fries, to see which cheap brand out there is best for Sunday evening. I'm not going to do so every day, I still have to fit my pants. It's a Sunday evening thing. I should not grow more fat from it, and my blood level should stay as good as it is now, but I'll do so in moderation, to a point where the damage is minimal. So it's not dangerous to try what PicNic in The Netherlands has for cheap fries. Last weeks, it came down to a 6, not really well done with my Airfryer power. I wish to keep out all expensive A-Brands, and try the cheap ones. A-Brands give perfect results, but are we rich? I don't think so. So I'll try cheap fry brands. Usually I eat these with vegetables, so it's still kinda healthy. (And a doll up off Zaan mayonaise... so not completely healthy.) It has to make a festive meal perfect. 

And last thing I woe about- Autumn pies and bakings. Something says I won't be so fanatical with these this year. I happened to bake the stars from heaven in Autumn my way each year. It was beloved by fellow clients and staff. It's not as much as it used to be. Cooking an average meal already takes up a lot off time. So a common farmstyle cake is already much. Sometimes I'm a bit high in my head, like with that banana bundt cake from two weeks ago. It really just had to happen. It's constellations where just too perfect, and it just had to be. But it takes up a lot off energy, so I have to be spare with it. Both costs and energy, almost like owning a company in The Netherlands nowadays. It's a bit doubtfull wheter to bake or not. I think I have done my best to it this year so far. High point really was the Valentine's Potato orange chocolate chip heart cake. But Autumn usually asks for a bit more. It's the pressure home bakers have put on themselves nowadays. Autumn is for perfect bakings. It's just that that's more off a '5 years ago'- thing, and this is crisis Netherlands. As long as faces aren't caked in make-up, you know money is spare for baking. Otherwise I really would like to do a square apple pie, and a pumpkin pie this year. With fresh mashed pumpkin. It takes up energy, but the results are usually great. Maybe it's worthit the spending, and I can get eggs for it for free. You know, these inner dialogues off wheter to do something or not. I think it's best to await and see how much it will cost. It's best not to sell a bear skin before shooting it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.        

Good morning at the 19th off July, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's very early, but it's cloudy and warm in The Netherlands. 

I keep on having this idea that the economic turbulence off the world might take a little longer, and we can still be stuck in it for at least five years. I wish I was reliable and could say something like: 'Please take count off it.' It's not a joke. This crisis is not a joke, and we're not free from it in the short term. We have to be sober, and use our minds with our money and spendings. I think you better do that. The days off splendour and luxury are over for a while. I have shared some tips on this weblog on soberness already. It's what I do: Be sober and use what I already have. It's my way to handle it. A clean and fed body is most important, aside to a clean home. All the other stuff is not necessairy. 

Offcourse we need clothes, but we don't need trouble, so we can do with less. It's that trend from a few years ago, but now for serious matters. I think it ain't so bad. 

Think basics, think health, last tip: Try to eat healthy, since doctors are expensive and unreliable. Keep your body functioning well, by eating veggies and fruits. It's worthit your money. It's what I personally do. I eat healthy to keep out off trouble with my body. And I drink a lot off water. Fresh fruits are less expensive than most desserts nowadays, so I eat them to finish meals. 'She finished her meal with a piece off fruit, and a glass off water.' In a book, you are usually not off high rank when you do so, but for now I don't care. It's either fruit, or low fat fruit yoghurt or quark for my desserts. It's affordable and healthy. To maintain functioning well is important these days. Since doctors and hospitals are unreliable and expensive nowadays, and surgery and medical treatment seems only for the rich. So for the sake off it, to eat healthy, you could give it a try. I'm not going to beg you. 

But yeah, another five years at least for the bad economics and the expensive prices. It might become even worse. Don't think this will be easy. 

I hope to have shared with you what I think. I might be wrong. Don't rely on planetairy transits to think it will end at that time, some things need time. It's what I think will happen. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

   

Good morning at the 15th off June, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

The weather has cooled down a bit, it's less hot than yesterday. I hope I can take it better today. 

*

Some people have no respect for me anymore at all, they keep on pointing out to me as a 'him.' or 'he.' While I'm actually a 'her.' or a 'she.' And it comes from their idea off femininity I don't display. I'm something more fierce. But I think those idiots at Vana Events are so disrespectfull, it deserves a weblog to point that out at you. 

I'm a woman, but inside I feel as strong as a man. The power off a man, but I'm truly feminin. I don't like what they do and catcall me as a 'he.' to make me ugly or stupid. They bully me with it and it's stupid. I rather want them to take on me a bit normal, but usually they treat me like romans would treat a celt without rights. Very scandalous. Respectless, not worthit to listen to. They think they can do anything to me without having to owe up for it or appologize afterward. To stay safe, I left. I think it's a form off respectless violence I can't take. War against my dignity after stating the truth. That's what it is, it's all against my dignity, so they don't have to take me serious and can get away with whatever they want to put me through. It's really horendous and dangerous for me to be there. It hurts. 

Do you think I should keep my mouth shut over it? Well, forget it. This should be stated and Vana should not get away with this abuse. It's a form off unforgivable abuse. And they're not sacred, They should behave respectfull once more. They're too high in their head for propper respect. And they're not dirty off bullying themselves. I think they're not above anything. I think To kick an ass is legid. Outcalling me a 'he.' over not grooming with a lake off make-up they wish to have made money over, like they do, or what they would like to see, makes them stupid. I'm more No Nonsense with my look. Make-up is not my holy grail in being pretty. I wear more common clothes, my face is natural but fine, and I'm not going on a diet, more than I already am. And my hair looks a bit slouchy compared to them. I feel relaxed with it. I don't need to doll up that much for how I like it. But I'm not a 'him.' or a 'he.' That makes them superficial and arrogant. Someone should tell that organisation tut to shut up. I feel better when I'm laid back with looks. I don't like the idea to be forced to wear make-up. Usually I don't wear it at all. It's my preference. No make-up, it would clogg your pores all the time, and causes acne and pimples if you wear it waaay too much. It's more healthy to let skin breathe. It's not my preference to wear it too much. On a daily base, I don't wear it at all. I rather keep my skin clean and healthy. 

But it's so superficial to outcall me over not wearing make-up and be more laid back with how I look. It's as if they want to put confidence for themselves out off that. It's stupid. I feel fine with not dying my hair for 6 months, while they almost force you to do so every week. Really, I haven't dyed ever since February, but it's got a haircut and it's clean. I regulairly wash. It's my choice for it to be like this. I don't like to be outcalled as a 'him.' over it. Or to be offenced any further with it. 

I'm fine with the way I am. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

    

 

      

 

Good evening at the 14th off June, 2025, 2.

 good evening everyone, 

I got all windows open wide, so it can cool down at home after a hot day. 

*

I have no clue how bad the impact off this crisis is, if people suffer a lot, and what will happen if it really continues for 5 next years. It's possible, since the country ia already suffering from 5 years off crisis. I think it might take a little too long for people to accept. I hope the economical crisis will get off, and supermarket prices won't be so expensive anymore. Inflation should be off. But honest, I think it might take a while. Longer than we are willing to take. And maybe emergensy lights are not much off a bad idea. I got some for when they want the energy off during winter. I think the government is going to force us a few winters without energy at night. From 21.00 untill 05.00 AM, no energy. It's going to be hell to pay. Emergency lights on batteries and books for entertainment are a requirement during such winters. I suggest you to buy emergency lights for when you need them. On batteries. 

I think the end off the situation won't be determined by Uranus in Gemini next year. It might end during that period, but I don't expect a miracle during the exact transit, though I expect it to end during that period. The end off the economic crisis might be the other end off the story. 

I got an idea they think off me being buisy in the kitchen or cleaning is already intimidating to them. I think they're horendous. Except if they are really lazy slouches who do nothing all day, then peeling potatoes and baking meat well might allready seem like too much, just like baking tray cake. I think that's a bit weird. Or maybe they're really easily on their guard, thinking I got a bitch attitude for doing so. I think it's strange. Maybe they should do more themselves. Some men are really easy to annoy, thinking we, women, should litterally do nothing and just be pretty. But that's not what I'm made off. I rather do a bit off work. I'm not a mindless doll. Household should not feel intimidating. And women's classic heroistic tasks should not be seen with jealousy. It insists you're a really wee man. If people would only be less jealouse... Or peel those potatoes themselves... but that's my opinion. If only my generation was raised to survive to begin with. But that's how I think it is. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 14th off June, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was muddy, grey and warm in The Netherlands. Really the edge off a swamp. 

*

Today was for baking a tray cake, taste chocolate - cherry, from jar. I haven't been around begging for ingredients this week, I purchased all except the eggs. I got them for free from a rich friend. I made it to honour Father's day. my dad passed away in 2012, and most fellow clients don't have a father anymore. They're old folks. But in honour to father's energy, I felt like baking. It came out perfectly. 

They already think I'm better than HEMA's when it comes to the apple one. I hope they like this one just as good or better.  Maybe people can use a little mood enhancer at Father's day, given it's a bit sensitive. I made this without following the instructions on the back, I rather felt like baking it like a pro instead off dumping everything in all at once. I did so by creaming butter, then eggs one by one, then the cake mix and the milk in stages, ended with the milk. You get more off a volume in cakes if you do so. I hope they will make something out off the way they serve this tomorrow. I will picture it. I hope it's picture worthit. I hope it's not too dense. Or sticky. That's a bit the trick with chocolate cherry tray cake during summer heath. I hope people will like it. 

Edit: 

This is what it looked like on our pastry plates, and they kept complimenting me on it. I love it. it's one off my favourite tastes now. It's delicious. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 13th off June, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has really been a hot day outside in The Netherlands. 

*

Scapegoat... That's what they make me. It's not real. Vana has it in their head to declare me and everything I touch ugly or distastefull. That's how they try to keep their head up high towards their audience. But it's wrecking reality. False information, Fake news, playing the audience- to a point where they don't get it anymore and start to believe that. 

I'm not ugly, but I'm not much off a style guru. I rather want it natural and soft with my looks. I believe in clean over made up. Those filthy slouches are just jealouse off my looks. And they want to make you believe I'm ugly because I can pass without make-up, and I'm actually more clean than they are. What they sell you is lies and fake. 

Just like hating Omnia and saying they can't play music. Omnia being on the black list doesn't mean they can't play good music anymore. It's just Vana's dumb way off keeping their heads up. I rather want you to think for yourself than to follow this stupid propaganda. 

Vana could also finally admit they have always been wrong, and appologize towards me for everything. But by now I know those childish jerks will never do that. They will spread more hate instead. Please, keep a clear mind- And don't follow that nonsense. They haven't formed a wickerbeast in 2017 after my image over nothing. Me being ugly out off nowhere feels like the scam off the day. In the beginning, when I was still around, There was no princess like me according to them. It makes me a little insecure in times where my clothes are a little more cheap. If they shove it up to a cheaper appearance, they are actually mean jerks with no heart to begin with. Please don't believe them. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good afternoon at the 10th off June, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's windy and cloudy in The Netherlands. 

*

How to dine like royalty on a budget, or when food is expensive enough to respect? The answer to that, in my opinion, is minding the dishware and how you prepare and serve it. You could have a boring white plate, and bale over your string beans and Brussle sprouts, or serve it on something nice and enjoy them. It's a trick I got from Martha Stewart, and which I also do myself. Mind the disware, it doesn't has to be the headprice, as long as it looks nice and good enough to be appropriate. It can have colours, patterns, ridges and ceramic art, prints, all seasons on them, but sure, a good looking plate. And minding how you cook is almost personal. And a tip: If you keep them clean and tidy, you can do quite long with dishware and glasses, as long as you don't throw them on the floor on purpose. Or by accident. Who am I to judge?  Make sure your food doesn't look cheap on a plate. 

I also feel like I don't need that much food when it's served pretty and well. The style off serving feels like food for my soul, so my stomach doesn't need to be filled too much anymore. Maybe we get to times where food keeps on being expensive, and respectable enough to be treated like this. We should not think lightly about it. So respectfull and nicely done plates and servings can make it a little better.  Shabby fancy dining, done with eye for presence and respect for foods. I support it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good morning at the 5th off June, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's cold yet clear in The Netherlands. 

*

I often got these ideas: 'After the war I want to share toffees and candies at de Boed.' 'Oh, look, this or this and that looks perfect for a baking after the crisis and the war.' While people think I'm mental over it. Mental care takers think I'm not sane for saying the war will be over in the short term. They're all on their guard and think I'm not right in my head for stating that. While before the war, it was the other way around. I was the only one in the area thinking it would become war, while others thought I was absolutely mental. I still got the idea this Ukraine war will be over in the short term, and thinking off after-war treats is legid. 

Most common people don't know and think I'm cheering too early. I keep on having good spirits and good hope it won't take too long. It's just that they think it's crazy. 

I got a few nice ideas for candies and cake after this war. Nowadays I have to do with box bakings, it's barely from scratch anymore. Not that it's bad, and bakings aren't allowed every weekend anymore by them, so for this period it's not an issue to be a bit cheap with baking. And toffees are too expensive for me to eat myself. Whenever I feel like treating it's one euro a box cream puffs from the market. I heard no one complaining yet. They all like it and it's tasty enough for nowadays. It's good enough. Cream puffs are the cheapest and the best treats I can get for that cheap. When I feel like going to the market on a Saturday, I take two boxes with me for them. One with a flavor, and one plain cream puffs. I don't go every week, but when I feel like it, my fellow clients are lucky. I always got 'serving them nice so I can picture them for Facebook.' as a request, and they're answering to that. 

Latest action off sharing cream puffs: 

But yeah, toffees are a bridge too far nowadays. Just like castles off bundt cakes. Even for Christmas that would be too much during a crisis like this. I can perfectly see myself spoiling them with boxes off chocolates all the time after shopping when this is all done, to a point where they (They already are) complaining I should watch people's sugar intake and 'It's not good for the diabetics among them. Please shut it would you!' Like they do when I would do it freely. It's not a celebration when I would murder diabetics with all that sugar, and I wonder if I can still handle it myself, that much sugar. 

My candies, my cookies and my cakes are on a mild level nowadays. It's not really too much. It's not too bad, but often I only eat one cookie a day with my afternoon coffee, handed at de Boed. It's on an unemployed level. But peace and the end off this crisis would ask for a celebration. I always got such pleasure out off sharing home made cake. I hope I can still feel that. 

Nowadays I feel it with plain cake or an almost free and donated box baking, so that's not really the issue. I hope I can level to a world where it's peace, and it's not much off an issue to be generous anymore. I'm used to crabby soberness nowadays, pretending I live up to Dutchness. Usually that makes me feel tamed down and a bit cranky since I associate it with short mindedness. But nowadays I got my budget on my mind when play pretending with it. It's what Dutch would see as well - behaved what I do. At least it's not vulgair, still I hope we will see better times where I can fill the treat box to de Boed with toffees and nougat every often. And make them happy with generosity again. It's really a good feeling I got from that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 27th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

We're in a heavy rainstorm. It rains and storms against my windows and I got my curtains closed. 

*

Around Easter I was blogging about a sore in my side muscle, I found out after a massage with lavender massage oil, it got all out. We have a beauty specialist at Leviaan, and she massaged me and the sore from the stretched muscle came out. I think it might have been the holy grail in curing my sore. 💖 It's been lavender massage oil and a good back massage that worked. 

I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet. It's really hard to stay on the ground. But life is still fun these days. Today was for dance Bingo at de Boed. I even had Bingo at one point and won a dessert bowl with oranges on it. Really cute. I think it would make a nice sight with a scoop off ice cream in it. Something not too pricey yet good like vanilla from a good brand. (I'm sorry I'm that cheap. You could almost see and feel on my food pictures I'm unemployed.) And then one scoop placed elegant in the centre. The bowl is decorated nicely enough to make it an impression when it's that simple. If I would have money again, I would make it more off a celebration. But I think the war and the crisis are over by then. It's Ascension weekend upcoming weekend, It's almost asking for it. But maybe fruit yoghurt looks good in it, either. It's a cute bowl. 

 

I do eat low fat fruit yoghurt for my health. Dance bingo was really fun, despite my numbers did not had to be danced to. They where all left out off dancing for points, so I had a little luck. I have the luck I have to do that for a job every week. Bingo or music quizzes, and usually I win something. It's really a party every week. 

I listen to 80's pop a lot in my free time. It's so much better than modern music. I love these golden oldies. Even if one day it becomes old junk again I would still hang on to it. I blame my father to it, and it being on the golden oldies radio stations all the time they have on here. But these are older people, and they still love it. I would not know what's on modern stations or in the hit charts, honestly. Usually we stick to 70's 80's 90's stations. And yes, I also listen to that stuff at home. I may be a little weird for someone my own age. But there's not much good music out there nowadays. I might be a bit silly in it. 

At Ascension day, on a Thursday, I will serve home made apple crumble tray cake, and have a morning coffee service, despite it being on a holiday. They asked me for it and I said yes. I don't mind doing my plight on a holiday. I almost feel a little important when doing so. It's almost dutyfull. And not to brag, they love my coffee. I come to almost believe I got The best coffee in town when I'm at coffee service. It's really honourable. The old Leviaan cowboys can't be more gratefull than for me serving coffee on Ascension day, aside to the cake. Otherwise it would just be boring, it's forecasted to become grey and cold. And just a little more harsh than a common day. 

It's going to be my version off unemployed apple tray cake, with more than half off the ingredients donated, in a 1 euro oven dish. I saved points with gorcery shopping some time ago, and then got two Pyrex oven dishes for one euro each. Even my raisins come from a donation, just like the apples. All I have to add is cream butter and milk. In this case it can be real cream butter. By measuring raisins, I do longer with a package. I hope my spirit won't be damaged from all off this freeloading. But life is expensive. So it's my unemployed apple pastry. Served on de Boed's cute pastry plates, with their whipped cream. All I have to do is the work to bake it. That's how I manage my luxury nowadays, or at least my bakings. With lots off donations. It's a bit... cheating. But at least I don't cheat on a man, and critics don't owe up for my groceries, so they have no right to speak. But home made apple pastry enhances hearts. Especially on cold Ascension days. When people don't have a penny too much. I hope the Universe forgives me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.        

Good evening at the 23th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a fresh and changing day in The Netherlands. 

*

I don't know how the world gets by during this economic recession. I don't have a vision to that. It's a bit unclear. I don't know if they're rich or poor. In The Netherlands, it seems to get by well. People live less luxurious and cuttings need to be made, but there's no life threatening danger with most in my opinion. Maybe it's a bit bad doctors do less due to costs. Doctors, lists, hospitals- all a shame due to costs and time it takes to be helped. Other than that, I think this country gets by. Just a little poorer. Just a little less snobby. But is this a crisis? I think most can take it. 

Offcourse the war should stop, preferably as soon as possible. And prices should be acceptable again. But I think they're getting by allright. I actually have no real clue to it. It's not like the masses die from it. We just have to use our minds and common sense. Maybe it's worse than I think. I should not take too much conclusions out off what I see. People die, but they're old and sick. It's not like they die from starvation or cold. They're dressed and they have a roof above their head. That counts for most. It's not slant luxurious, but is that an issue? I just mention they're a little less groomed. They could use a wash, but isn't that a trend movement? I just don't know if it's out off crisis. I wish someone would do research about this era. In the future, when times are normal again. Fashion is more humble, but I think the country gets by. 

I think a girl should be capable to withhold a crisis. It's important. If you're a young adult woman, you should have savings and security. The world is too cruel to let it depend on someone else. Women should start savings, get stability with their finances and start a life where they can keep on living even when things get nasty. A woman, at, say, 25, should be already capable to do so. I'm certain about that. Men are not dependable, and something could happen where you could stand alone. So a buffer is not a bad idea. And ways to stay somewhat independent. Since men are not likely to be a safe option. And the option to say No when something or someone doesn't feel right. Financial independency helps with that. 

It's good to have the capability to still stand on your own two feet when everything goes wrong, and not go through life mindless. That's my opinion. I hope someone has something to it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good evening at the 14th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's windy and sunny outside in The Netherlands. A promise off summer fullfills the air. 

*

Life is getting by, it's not too bad these days. I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet, but when don't I? I don't feel depressed, just a little moody. But at least I'm capable to feel it. It's best to feel and experience your moods. Not to keep them tied up. Psychiatric patients do a little hard with that due to medications. It's really hard to feel our moods most off the time. It's difficult, but these days at least I feel moods. Am cranky, and live them. Feeling moods in my case also comes with a big heart for nostalgia, the surrounding, the old fashioned in Zaandijk and farmstyle life. It's such love and tranquility with this old place. It's love for where I live I feel often. I love it. It's part off me. I belong among this old fashioned stuff. It's really a great feeling. The feeling off love for the surrounding, and belonging somewhere. Actually, it's quite luxurious, not many people I think have this. Usually, this retired feeling is my main feeling. The love for where I live and the old, I try to deal with the crankyness, 

How do they call it? Patriotism, it's dangerous to use the term. Since it's associated and claimed by the extreme right in politics. This enhanced (Enchanted? You'd almost call it that.) feeling off home and belonging is better than love most off the time. It's more safe, either. It's so beautifull and lovely and authentic where I live. It's hard to compare, you can compare it to Hawaii or Venice. It's that touristic and typicall for Dutch. And time by time, I grow to love it more and more. It's so sweet. There's no place like home at the moment to me. It's to swoon over. There's no one my age who has this and who fully understands. I have my own home and I love the place where it's situated. It's more luxurious than winning the lottery. Buying a villa and having to start anew somewhere. That's superficial luxury. But I think this is more meaningfull and real. 

I'm fine with not having kids or a relationship, if life keeps on being this meaningfull. A man can be such a wrong choice, this place has never been a wrong choice. It's the positive off feeling moods. I'm so thankfull for this beauty in my surrounding, and the understanding people I live with. It can pass for a fairytale. It's the surrounding, and it's real life. It's a timeless legend. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 5th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny yet cold in The Netherlands. 

*

It could also be possible, peace will be upon us in July, and the worst case scenario won't come true. The worst case is when we have to shut down the energy in this country, and we have to surrender to Russia as Europe. In 2028. It's really worst case, it could also be peace in July, Then we'll be less doomed. Since it's loss off face if we have to give in to Russia forced. It's a possibility. It's a disaster if I just hope for the best. Lights and traffic lights, aside to the railroad at night- all will be shut down to save the country energy in the future if it continues like this, and by then we still can't afford. It's really hopeless. We can do so with pride, or really lose our dignity as Europe, and countries will look down upon us. Our high position could have never been lower if we lose our dignity to Russia. And they waltz over us. It's worst off the worst case. Our whole status will be ruined by not surrendering in time. It's not how or if we win, but how we lose. With or without our faces still on. 

I've also seen they will shut the lights to big touristic spots, like the Eiffel tower or Brandenburger Tor if they can't afford the energy for it anymore, and they'll be as poor as a rat when that happens. And that is in the darkest off years, in 2027. Short before forced surrendering. Please, if you have any pride left, lose with pride. Or The Wargirl really will be the '20's muse off the decade. This might happen if it lasts too long. It's the downfall off society. We have no choice. We can safe what's left by surrendering in time. 

And the worst off the worst, when everyone in Western Europe is forced to shut their energy from 21.00 untill 05.00 AM for three winters long. To safe energy. It's been all in my visions. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 4th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a cold and cloudy day in Spring in The Netherlands. 

*

I don't use a sixth sense here, but somehow my common sense tells me the situation in the world won't change soon. It's really pulvering teeth while gritting what you have left off them. But don't pinch-point me at it. 

Today was a calm Sunday with little going on, except baking an easy cake. With a cake mix and eggs donated to me. All I had to add was cream butter, a fancy serving plate and milk. Tomorrow, at our Liberation Day, we will have a slice off cake with our afternoon coffee. 

I hope people can appreciate this version, usually it's with added fruits or dried fruits to it, but this year that was a little too pricey. And this is done with donated stuff and devotion. I really took my time preparing it. It wasn't done with everything added all at once, like the instructions might sugest. I did more like a French professional, eggs one by one adjusted to it. And milk at last. I think we got a more airy cake than what you got if you dump everything in your batter bowl all at once. It looks more big. And I know people love these cakes when I lay a little heart in them and bake them that way. But, yeah, no additions other than basic cake ingredients. Even the fancy serving plate comes from a give away shop. It's half a work off charity. A quarter off it is love. I hope people can appreciate. 

I have mild sleeping issues recently, I got up during midnight, or very early. Simply to haunt the internet or my diary. I go back to bed when I get tired, but it's becoming a pattern, and it's hard to break. And that fighting with death at night... I have this issue where I think I'm about to die when I'm in bed. Really troublesome. It never happens, it's just that annoying feeling. I simply, silly wake up the next day. I think my body is still going strong, so I won't die. It's just... really difficult. It's frightfull. 

The life off a home maker is still nice with me. Doing basic chores, making sure the home is nice, Though I don't have a husband. But I feel comfortable and almost safe at home when I do it like that. I can be annoying and flip, but at least I have this place. Be as sick and annoying as I please in the safety off this small care home. Well, at least it's a clean home. Or at least I try to. It's messy, but clean enough and cozy. Perfect for me. While NATO planes fly over, (On the other side off the country, but they do fly there.) and police helicopters seek for scum around this area, this place is clean and comforting. Sometimes it's so important and it's all we need. 💖 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 27th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a warm night tonight. We're ahead to a warm week in The Netherlands. 

*

The protocol has it, orange nailpolish has to be off the day after Kingsday. I removed mine yesterday evening. My nails could be done more tidy, there's both statement pink and orange polish still in the ridges. We had an orange tompouce (The 'ou.' in it being pronounced as the ou in douche, not like mouse.) on a cute plate, but other than that it was a bit on the boring side. But it did not matter to me. 

I just did not feel like it due to my opinion. I haven't even watched the high points off Kings day in the evening news last night. It totally passed me by. It did not matter. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 23th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cold and dark outside in The Netherlands. 

*

The sore was almost off yesterday, but I felt it came back really badly. I almost made the appointment for a weekend at mom's. I have to call off from pain again. It's 01.30 at night, and I got out off bed from a stomach ache, and the sore on my side makes it impossible to sleep on my side. 

He's victimizing me, and it takes too long. It places such a stamp on me and my life and it's a heavy burden while I'm the innocent party in here. He has had that slut for several years, but he outcalls me ugly and scum all the time. He doesn't let me go in it, I'm not granted a second or even a seventh chance with any other man. It's just him and my feelings are not important. It's oppressive and humiliating and I feel so oppressed by Yoram again. I wish he made me free to choose someone else over him, like I was supposed to do all the time. He just doesn't let me while banging that slut. It's all me to blame, and they all call me ugly for no reason nowadays, while at first I was the prettiest girl in the world. I'm always the one to blame, to be kept low, while that gladjakker with his big dick gets away with everything. It's been unfair from the beginning on. I'm NOT the one to blame, It's NOT right. And I wish to continue my life in freedom and with equal rights to anyone. Not these rights to be scampted and dominated all the time by this giant dick off a man. And his prissy yet dominant followers. 

He should let me go, instead off sucking out my blood like a first class parasite. 

And people should realize and accept we are not a set, and it has never been there. People where so convinced we where 'the thing.' But in the end it wasn't, and I never wanted to. It was actually really scarry to be pressed in such a corner. They did not want to see the truth from my side. We are not a thing, and for my mental peace, we are better not since I never could stand the man. He's too stupid for me. Deal with it. They should finally move on and let me go. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good afternoon at the 21st off April, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's fresh, grey and rainy in The Netherlands. 

*

I got my laundry on, it's the second day off Easter, I have been eating well and the food was really yummy, but I haven't stuffed my face on Easter foods. It's not going too bad today. My side still hurts a little, I thought it had increased a little this morning. So taking it easy it is. I can handle it. So far, I'm a little restless. But taking it easy I think goes well, unless when I get messed up in my mind. So it's not easy to determine. Maybe emotionally I handle it too well. Pressing all emotions about it away untill it become delusions. I'm not used to Easter this way, but it's not too bad. Altough the sun isn't out today, so no outside bench hanging with the cat for me. In the end, it might have been as if something has missed this Easter and I'm taking it too easy. (I mean a weekend with mom. Not Easter luxury. But mom's company.) 

In my opinion, one off the summons off luxury is dried fruits. I don't know where that comes from. Just like medieval royalty I think that really shows wealth. Just like spices and nuts. There was a time where in this country, it didn't cost that much. But now we're all robbed and companies take it like criminals, it sure is a sign off wealth again. Just like in the medieval age. Tutti Frutti cake certainly is the head price nowadays. But it would be such a refined Christmas treat. Or something for the winter months starting November. I promised to make Tutti Frutti cake on here some time ago, I still didn't get to it. (That's been years ago.) Maybe if I got it high in my head, I even might purchase fresh Tutti Frutti from the market, and feel like a medieval princess this winter. I know these times are very expensive. I might ditch it when it gets too much. So I should not be pinpointed to it. I can't even afford splurges on Christmas cookies and chocolates, so I should beware with dried fruits in Christmas gifts. But maybe I'll do that for this year's Christmas cake. 

I'm making plans way ahead. Maybe a bit early. And we should see. But it's one way I feel really rich. I found out spices, dried fruits and nuts where for the very fortunate during medieval times. Maybe that feeling off wealth when working with them comes from that place in history. Maybe something in my soul remembers. Strange enough. But I should not sound floaty. Good fortune like that for everyone is something from recent times. Somehow I think fortunate times will come back. And ordinairy people can afford them again. It's a dream to work with these again on a regulair base. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 20th off April, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a lovely Easter day in Spring. Beautifull and nice. 

*

I promised to post a picture off my Easter tulips. Here they are, they're a bit wreched, a bit crooked, but everything goes well if you know how to photograph. 

Easter wasn't too bad. I have been enjoying it outside nearby our koi-carp pond. With the neighbourhood cat to keep me company. Sacha the cat is really my friend. She is a tortoise shell and said to bring luck according to the Japanese. She lives in a home nearby. It wasn't too bad due to the sun and petting Sacha. 

I have been worrying, over-thinking. 'All those small things people aren't concerned with anymore... I still do these. But aren't they stupid for not doing so? why don't they still do these?' 'Why the hell do you think they don't do them anymore?' Something replies back in me. They're too buisy at their job or with their friends, at life. I've had that feeling for a long time. 'Why don't they do so anymore?' But I think people are too buisy, their minds too caught up with other things. But sometimes I feel what I do should also be done, still. But they say I should not over-worry. It's a flaw in me. It's why I'm in psychiatric health. See. Two days off bad medication intake and I start it again. This morning went well, by the way. My failed career at school started by wanting to change the world. And it failed at worrying. I worry about things nobody seem to do anymore. Them lazy slouches probably have a clearer mind. That's why they're no mental patients. 

I constantly think 'oh, someone should do this or that, or it should go with a little more care or diffrent.' I might be a little obnoxious. I can't do it myself to begin with. I think I have too much heart or a diffrent mindset that does not make sense. Something from an era where people still cared. Some place, somewhere, some time, long ago. But that can't be. I'm a bit annoying with it. The opposite off love is not hate, it is indiffrence. I see it constantly happening. That's why things go bad in my opinion. Because they don't care anymore. And the crisis makes it worse. They where not concerned to begin with, and now everything has to go cheap or be skipped due to money. Will the world still be allright after this? I know it will keep on turning, but will it still be allright? And will things withstand? I probably got nothing better to do than to worry about these things. Especially when I'm badly medicated I'm like this. They say I should not be concerned. Since it's bad for my health. 

I can take deep breaths and sneeze again, it's only a pinch point off sore in my side for the moment. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.