Good evening at the 23th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a fresh and changing day in The Netherlands. 

*

I don't know how the world gets by during this economic recession. I don't have a vision to that. It's a bit unclear. I don't know if they're rich or poor. In The Netherlands, it seems to get by well. People live less luxurious and cuttings need to be made, but there's no life threatening danger with most in my opinion. Maybe it's a bit bad doctors do less due to costs. Doctors, lists, hospitals- all a shame due to costs and time it takes to be helped. Other than that, I think this country gets by. Just a little poorer. Just a little less snobby. But is this a crisis? I think most can take it. 

Offcourse the war should stop, preferably as soon as possible. And prices should be acceptable again. But I think they're getting by allright. I actually have no real clue to it. It's not like the masses die from it. We just have to use our minds and common sense. Maybe it's worse than I think. I should not take too much conclusions out off what I see. People die, but they're old and sick. It's not like they die from starvation or cold. They're dressed and they have a roof above their head. That counts for most. It's not slant luxurious, but is that an issue? I just mention they're a little less groomed. They could use a wash, but isn't that a trend movement? I just don't know if it's out off crisis. I wish someone would do research about this era. In the future, when times are normal again. Fashion is more humble, but I think the country gets by. 

I think a girl should be capable to withhold a crisis. It's important. If you're a young adult woman, you should have savings and security. The world is too cruel to let it depend on someone else. Women should start savings, get stability with their finances and start a life where they can keep on living even when things get nasty. A woman, at, say, 25, should be already capable to do so. I'm certain about that. Men are not dependable, and something could happen where you could stand alone. So a buffer is not a bad idea. And ways to stay somewhat independent. Since men are not likely to be a safe option. And the option to say No when something or someone doesn't feel right. Financial independency helps with that. 

It's good to have the capability to still stand on your own two feet when everything goes wrong, and not go through life mindless. That's my opinion. I hope someone has something to it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good evening at the 14th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's windy and sunny outside in The Netherlands. A promise off summer fullfills the air. 

*

Life is getting by, it's not too bad these days. I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet, but when don't I? I don't feel depressed, just a little moody. But at least I'm capable to feel it. It's best to feel and experience your moods. Not to keep them tied up. Psychiatric patients do a little hard with that due to medications. It's really hard to feel our moods most off the time. It's difficult, but these days at least I feel moods. Am cranky, and live them. Feeling moods in my case also comes with a big heart for nostalgia, the surrounding, the old fashioned in Zaandijk and farmstyle life. It's such love and tranquility with this old place. It's love for where I live I feel often. I love it. It's part off me. I belong among this old fashioned stuff. It's really a great feeling. The feeling off love for the surrounding, and belonging somewhere. Actually, it's quite luxurious, not many people I think have this. Usually, this retired feeling is my main feeling. The love for where I live and the old, I try to deal with the crankyness, 

How do they call it? Patriotism, it's dangerous to use the term. Since it's associated and claimed by the extreme right in politics. This enhanced (Enchanted? You'd almost call it that.) feeling off home and belonging is better than love most off the time. It's more safe, either. It's so beautifull and lovely and authentic where I live. It's hard to compare, you can compare it to Hawaii or Venice. It's that touristic and typicall for Dutch. And time by time, I grow to love it more and more. It's so sweet. There's no place like home at the moment to me. It's to swoon over. There's no one my age who has this and who fully understands. I have my own home and I love the place where it's situated. It's more luxurious than winning the lottery. Buying a villa and having to start anew somewhere. That's superficial luxury. But I think this is more meaningfull and real. 

I'm fine with not having kids or a relationship, if life keeps on being this meaningfull. A man can be such a wrong choice, this place has never been a wrong choice. It's the positive off feeling moods. I'm so thankfull for this beauty in my surrounding, and the understanding people I live with. It can pass for a fairytale. It's the surrounding, and it's real life. It's a timeless legend. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Kerst 2024.

 Goedenavond iedereen, 

Ik wens jullie allemaal een fijne kerst. Dat is wel het minste wat ik kan doen, dus prettige kerstdagen. 

De dag verliep niet slecht, ik had best een goede kerstdag met een goede sfeer bij mijn familie thuis. Authentiek, sfeervol en er is moeite voor gedaan. Je voelt het aan alles. Dit is heel prettig. 

De man van mijn moeder is zich echt aan het uitsloven in de keuken, dus het eten is erg lekker. 

Hij heeft bijvoorbeeld deze tulband voor onze koffie gemaakt met kerst. Bestoven met poedersuiker was hij erg lekker. En ze hebben allebei hun best gedaan op het kerstdiner. Het eten en de sfeer zijn gewoon te goed tijdens deze Antico- kerst. Dus van mij geen gezeur. Ik ben gewoon tevreden vandaag, dus ja, vrede op aarde, genieten van zelfgemaakt eten, en de top-sfeer als ze hier hun hart in de kerstsfeer leggen. 

Bedankt voor het lezen! 

Good morning at the 23th off October, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's still too dark outside to see the weather. 

*

I'm writing this weblog while my nails dry. I painted them 'but first Toffee.' by Essence. 

I'm taking over a lot off coffee shifts this week. My colleague is on a vacation, and I took more than half her shifts. It's quite a lot, given that usually I only work one shift a week, officially. But last month I took over from a sick colleague, which made two a week, and this week it's four a week. It's quite a lot. I can't work, officially, and these coffee shifts are tiring and I'm not that stable as a person, but my nice side wanted to cover up for my colleagues. So I helped them out for now. The lady who got sick returned, so I got free Fridays again. (She broke her wrist. I took over for a bit longer than a month for her.) I decided I purchased a cute hat from all that working. I purchased a straw hat on the internet. I think it's a cute and funny item for Summer. I don't earn that much. It's a bit more than 10 euro's a month for serving coffee for my regulair shifts. All the take overs are still counted- and I already purchased that hat. Maybe I should think like a common work person: You can only buy when you earned it. Not when you see it. I paid it from my payment account, but I believe I earned it back. The hat was on a discount. Including shipping costs, it's what I granted myself for these shifts. It's just a volunteer fee off 1 euro an hour. It's the participation and the working that counts. It's just that it almost feels like a regulair job with all those take over shifts. But it's allright for this moment. It's just that I can't work that on a steady base. So it's just a simple volunteer job for me. 

I think Ukraine is going to lose the war with Russia, and it will leave the West with loss off face. As far as this looks, it's as if Russia is going to win. But then I'm using my common sense and logic. They're too strong for Ukraine to beat. As far as I can see. It's the logic off the day to simply live by if the war develops itself like this. I think we won't come to their rescue. It's tragic, but it's what I feel will happen. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 14th off May, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny and warm in the Netherlands. 

*

Today was for Statement Baking. My beloved and famous receipe for Banana cake, prepared in the Heritage Bundt mold by Nordic Ware, the ordinairy size: 

It came out perfect tonight. It will be handed to de Boed on Thursday for music afternoon. I'm so proud I came round with the groceries for this. It's been a massive amount, but I could do it. Just perfect how it turned out! It's ment as a statement for peace, against war in Ukraine. I think the Nordic Ware Heritage Bundt is perfect for that statement. It's just dusted with icing sugar. 

And I found The Very Best off The Dubliners for less than 8 euro's. It's perfect music for tonight. My home is filled with cheer. Irish pub folk, the best off the best, and it's perfect for tonight. It's sooo good, it's almost too good. I can't help but thinking that. 

Perfect Banana cake, and perfect music. I don't know, somehow, somewhere, the life off an old spinster is still good. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 22nd off April, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was somewhat cold, but the evening is sunny changing with clouds. 

*

Sometimes, dreams still come true. Despite little money, despite little possibilities, sometimes we can make small things come true if we attempt them ourselves. An example? The squared bundt mold by Nordic Ware! I purchased it. 💖 It's been expensive, but priceless. 

I have this small ambition to bake items in excentric shapes. I think this fits the idea perfectly, but now to work with it... 

I hope nobody will come after me for purchasing such expensive items. I still seem to can. Due to savings throughout my lifetime. And I don't do other crazy things with money. So I can afford things like this. Other people visit festivals or smoke, I do these kind off things. Aside to cookbooks and this, I have no other hobbies. Still I realize very well it's luxury in these times to practice a hobby. I think I'm very lucky with it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 21st off February, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

This evening it's raining heavily, care takers arrive soakingly wet at our homes after being out. 

*

Today was for seeing the psychiatrist for my yearly mandatory visit. Usually they visit at home and I tell them how I'm doing. Today I had to go to the location. After that, I went to the weekly market in Wormerveer. Usually, I don't attend there due to Wednesday soup making. Which was missed by fellow clients, but what could I do? I had that appointment there and then.  I passed by Edo's working office. It's quite an impressive office and I was glad I had felt the need to put on 'grocery shopping make-up.' today. Mascara and a nude lipstick. Simply for 'the neat.'  I didn't feel so insecure as I would have done without it. I didn't run into him, he had probably business elsewhere to do. It's already hard being a psychiatric patient and being fat and looking handicapped. Make-up made me feel like I could bat my eyes to him and made him at least see me. But that's a 'what if.' story I can't confirm today. So, I found out where my small crush works. I suppose I can't lay a finger on him under my circumstances. But still, the thrill off it... (Edo is not his real name, but a nickname I made up for this weblog.) 

The market was fun. I love daily life week markets. Not just the fantasy or comic themed ones, but the every day markets where you can find the good foods and household items. I haven't purchased as much a I would have done without the crisis. Not much at all. I felt it was appropriate to wear my small amount off make-up, and there where no slungy trouble makers at the market. My care taker at the psychiatric health office complimented me on my lipstick. She said it looked good on me. I have been wearing it for over 4 years every week to the supermarket. So I suppose I picked a right one for it. I made a round about the square and the shops siding it, then put on lipstick again, since it was Wormerveer and Edo works there and he could see me. I think I did not do bad on it. People liked my simple yet groomed look. By the way, the psychiatrist knows about 'High sensitive.' people, and he said I was. Someone who knows what it means in psychiatry! I have been discussing my nerves about the crisis and people looking shabby out on the street and me feeling such pity with them. And my concernes about the world, and being spiritual and the danger to 'float' with it. The psychiatrist called me high sensitive, not mad. And he agreed on some off my subjects. It's a pity he's a replacement for someone, and he will stop working there in March. I think it's finally someone who understands. Not some high-educated bookworker. Psychiatric health craves such good people. It's a miss they will lose him. 

I think I'm not much fun in the evening for a man, when I'm all exhausted in bed. Tired as a streetbrick from to have been buisy. These weeks that happened every day. It's 'psychiatric patient things' to be exhausted easily and to prefer to be in bed and rest early over sitting in the living room, let alone something fun to do. But I have to chose myself over a man. My health and well-being goes first. And this is still a massive crisis. I can't live on governmental wage in the outside world. I can't live in the outside world anyway. I'm not stable enough and too sensitive for that. Though the psychiatrist called me stable and saw no issues for a psychiatrist in me today. It's improvement. I wish they would keep him. But offcourse he's just too perfect. He said I do well. But still, it's a matter off a calm sorrounding and enough rest, a simple life and a strict and easy routine. I simply would not dare to lay that in the hands off an average man. Health care is safe for me and I'm fine with it. And this life gives meaning. It's something people crave: Meaning. It's better than a bad relationship in my opinion. People assume I'm a loser for not having someone and having no kids. But I don't feel that way. Life isn't so bad in here if you're not drawn to modern luxury like most people and know how to give purpose to it. Then it's even adventurous and romantic. Especially given the surrounding. It's better than a book. A vintage classic that should be a bestseller in my case. I can live with it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.                

Good afternoon at the 12th off February, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's dreary, cold and cloudy in Zaandijk today. 

*

I would like to answer a personal matter today on this weblog. Do I have a childwish? So to say, does something in me long to have children? It's something most common women would murder over according to them, and it's a hormonal matter. 

But as far as I can feel, I'm 31, and I feel perfectly at peace not to have them at all. It's fine with me. I feel way too relaxed to be a mom-to-be-zilla. And I have never met Mister Right. I think we can end that question here. It's as simple as pooping on the toilet: It's no. 

I know there are rumors about it, maybe I'm acting the way I do because I desperately, overwhelmingly wish to have a child. But that's never been the case. I'm a bit off a justice seeker, and I'm an internet hero. My mission for infinity and beyond is way more important. I'm content with life as long as I can be a local superhero. As far as it goes, I'd rather don't want to have a kid since my circumstances are too bad to have one. 

Some people think they know how I think, and what makes me act the way I do. But they don't and they never have. I let most men go because off bad circumstances, I haven't went after one recently. Life is good without children, I'm fine. 😉 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 4th off November, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's cold and windy outside. Leaves are finally colouring and falling off the trees. They where on the late side this autumn. 

*

Sometimes I got it a bit high in my head. Sometimes I'm taking it a bit too high or too far, just like this morning when I used the ingredients I purchased for the apple-crumble tray cake I prepared. It's expensive for common folks, but for a crazy old spinster, it's still possible if I don't purchase it all at once. 

It has tiny 'Kruidnoten.' adjusted by me as a little extra to the basic receipe according to the package. It's perfect autumn comfort baking. I was on it early in the morning, since I couldn't catch sleep anymore. (Around 07.00) It's almost decadent these days to bake like that. Still I could not resist to purchase all flavours off this tray cake series and give each off them a try this winter. Well, I have no child coming up, so I saved out on a bugaboo. No, I'm serious, it has it's pro's to be an old spinster. This will be served tomorrow afternoon at the coffee moment at de Boed. 

I don't know for how long I can still bake. I just hope untill the last off my days, despite the crisis and everything becoming murderously expensive. When even spreading becomes too expensive. But for this weekend, It's good. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 2nd off November, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's windy and cold, with here and there a rainshower. There is a storm predicted for today with an alarm code. 

*

I think I will be a bit frightned today due to the storm, but we have de Boed near where we can shelter when it's passing. It's not allright with me. I remember a storm we had in July, and that one was pretty scary. I hope this one will pass more mildly, but it's still something to be afraid off. 

I have been up from 05.00 AM on. I have this issue where I can't sleep anymore at a very early hour each morning. But it's not a bad thing since I do house chores like cleaning the bathroom or the kitchen at that time off the day. I have a more hygienic home, and a mind set off off things. And I'm glad I live on myself and don't annoy people with it at 05.00 AM. A man would probably not allow me to. I don't go intentionally out at 05.00 AM to do chores and clean, but when I can't sleep anymore, I do that to set off my mind in the morning. I love my home when it's this clean. And care staff compliments me on it a lot. Finally it's getting somewhere with me in psychiatric health. I also got complimented on how I look more hygienic. I have the urge to be more clean recently. I can't explain you where it comes from, but it helps so far. Not only clean, but pretty most off the time. I have my own style with it. reds, (Burgundy and bright reds) blacks, long golden blonde hair, dark nailpolish, cool beige coloured shoes (Boots!) and cool but fancy accessoires, it's dark chique at it's best. I love the trend. It's a Leo asking advice from a Scorpio on what to wear. It's a fancy November style these days. I'm a Leo with Scorpio as my moon sign, so it's not blasphemy to put it like that. I look sexy as hell with it. I have the feeling I can get any man on the terrain I set my mind on with this style, but I keep them at distance since that's not what I want. 

It's dark, seductive, sexy and chique. I want to be pretty these days. Pretty, mature and sexy. I have the feeling I'm somewhat off a heartbreaker these days. It's not my intention, but that's what a woman gets when her looks become vampy. It's like I wish to look like a vamp these days. I feel like a sexy rockstar with this on. A rockdiva. That's what I am these days. It's cool. But it's not overly Gothic. It's wearable and dark. Goths are wimps, rockdivas like me are power-women. And it doesn't lend on commercialism. It's not merchandise I wear, which doesn't make me an alternative geek. This is purely ment as a woman to take count with. A rebel, a bitch, an angel, sweet as an apple but not naive. Beauty with a mind off it's own. Stupid is something diffrent. That's what I crave for, and it's something completely diffrent than an ungroomed granny ghost. I'm both, a bitch and a sweetheart, and this reflects those two combined. It's what a man thinks he wants, but leaves him with a strong headache if he doesn't do it right. I got my jive back when it comes to looks. I feel like I'm out off depression when it comes to that. A beauty that kicks ass. That's my style off preference. 

I love Autumn since it allows people to add a certain kind off rock to their outfits. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good afternoon at the 12th off September, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is sweaty and cloudy. The heath off previous heathwave is still present in the buildings and outside it's perfect swamp weather. Cloudy, here and there a raincloud but moderately warm. 

*

Today I kinda broke my decision to safe out on wrapping paper. I had nothing to do on a boring tuesday morning where the coffee tasted like too much (Not out off guilt, but the damp and warm weather made it taste a little less good than usual) and I thought to myself: 'Don't be such a partypooper this year, it's only 0,79 cents a roll for Sinterklaas wrapping paper at Action's.' 

So I went to Action's, bought two off them and then had lunch at the lunchroom there. It's the only thing I'm planning to do for the holidays. Except for christmas cards. I also ordered the boxes off laundry wash and softner online with massive discount. So I'm Sinterklaas ready when it arrives. In September already. 

Without the massive discount, (115 to 30, kinda comes in handy) I would never be capable to do it either. I'm not a rich woman, just someone who loves to be on the front row for a dime. Like the proverb translates 'Voor een kwartje op de eerste rang.' I have always done so, long before the crisis was here. I don't know if I still get away with that these days. But an eye for bargains comes in handy. I suppose they won't notice. 

However, the holiday spirit is to give. And to be togheter, but I think I wish to be togheter with my family this year. A selfish spirit during Christmas and the Yuletide should not be. Humans don't just live for themselves. I don't believe in that. 

If this world would share more, it would be easier for the poor people to overcome the crisis. That's my opinion. 

I wasn't a complete grinch and I had a good morning due to small holiday shopping. (Action's thinks like me. If you plan four months ahead, at least you can be sure you have it on stock.) 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 24th off June, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright and sunny. Tomorow they forecasted even higher temperatures, which is not to my liking. I hate tropical heath. I´m more a person for cooler temperatures. 

*

I don't feel like it. 

We're stuck in a crisis with prices enhighering, for food, clothes, services, everything. It's an art to behave well- thought out and sober. And I used to manage that quite well. Untill somehow my depression faded off and I decided I wanted to Live. I wish to go out to lunchrooms, and go shoping, and do fun things. I decided to save out on clothes and not wear make-up, since in my depressive period I thought I barely cared about them anymore. I started to care again, but I decided to keep it moderate and just deal with what I've got. I have never been a Barbiedoll or into big fashion, so it's not much off a thing for me. I can handle it. 

But not going anywhere and having to spend a lot off time at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk? That's too much for me. I don't like hanging around there anymore. Since fellow clients are disrupting the spirits that hang there. It's always negative, they fight each other, they are hatefull all the time, break out in agression or are just hard to deal with. It's not to my liking anymore, and I'm not there for my peace anymore. So I decided I need to escape every often to keep my piece off sanity and not get into their business too much, hard as they are at the moment. But that requires money. It requires big bucks to live at the moment, so I need to think a bit better before spending. I hate my fellow clients at the moment. I can't stand being around them and it's impossible to overcome. Not because they hate on me, but because they are too much in their mental needs and mental diseases at the moment. 'They can't help it.' 'You should try to get over with it.' And so on, and care takers tell me that all the time. But too much is too much, somewhere up to here. So I have to puzzle ways to have lunch at other places without having to cross them. I won't share too much details about it, except that it drains me. 

Another jigsaw: Puzzling how to deal with not being depressive anymore, and truly taking action to look and feel good (Finally) and enhighered prices everywhere. I got up to the point where I started to pluck and shave the basics again. I feel like I'm a young woman again, instead off the man some people even used to adress me. (Some assumed I was a fat man with long hair) But now it's hopefully obvious again I'm a woman. I'm glad I invested in care products before, so I can use them. I'm gratefull to be capable to use a facial scrub and a face mask yesterday, and pamper myself for the first time since - A long time.-  After feeling so bad. 

I also felt bad about myself. I felt my face was ugly and I couldn't set myself to basic grooming anymore. Up to a point where I really had to make appointments with care staff about bathing. Simply because I believed 'It had no use.' for me anymore. 

My hair is still long, but it's cut by the hairdresser and I decided to dye it a modern nude tone. So it's cool and fresh and modern. It has no dead ends when it's cut, it's fresh on the front and it's a cool blonde shade. I'm so proud off myself I groom again. Since I believe in being fresh and groomed. It's the best thing in my eyes to have a fresh body and feel comfy and clean in your skin. Despite the lack off make-up or fashionable items. But it's been something from only recent. And  'then.' I felt like making it right again and do something about it. I don't know if I can keep up with it. Or if the depression will come back. 

But you get it: Trying to be as pretty as possible again, requires money. I'm good when it comes to face masks and scrubs, and all those shower products in the stock cabin. But it has no endless life. Maybe I should see for now how it works out, and then re-valuate in quite some time. It's good to be a girl, and it's good not to be out off razors and shampoo these days. If I take it step by step, I think I'm going to be good for a long time with it. (And as long as I don't wish to go too fancy, and keep my stock off items in order.) 

Depressive girl starts to take care off herself, that's the recap off this weblog, and now it would be even better if prices would enlower again to support her in that mission. That's mainly it. 

Somehow I believe in not going overboard during a crisis with my looks. As long as it's clean, it's good enough. As long as the basics are in order, it's fine. And what else can we wish for than being clean during a crisis? We shouldn't take it too harsh and be too hard on ourselves in this. People can say a lot about me, but at least not that I'm not clean or fresh. Compared to a year ago it's better. I used to go out in a skirt without shaving my legs, or dying my hair. But this year I'm a girl again. I feel like a woman and I feel so much better.  This version off myself, this is how I like it. 

Allright, that's about it, 

Thank you for reading.  

Things that make me happy

 

Good evening everyone, 

I feel like sharing those fun and nice things that give my life fullfillment and make me love my life, despite being in mental health and missing out on the regulair things as an adult (A career and a family). Maybe you put inspiration out off it to do something fun yourself. Who knows. I'm so fed up with all the negativity in life and the massive dip the world is in at the moment. We need more positivity! 

1. 80's hits 

2. Donating bakings to the local community centre 

3. Doing the laundry and having clean clothes 

4. A clean bed 

5. Lame Bert & Ernie humor 

6. Donating laundry wash to the give away shop / performing acts off charity (Especially when received gratefully) 

7. The elder generation and making them happy / imagining myself in their era and loving it. (I'm born in the wrong era. I would have loved to have lived through the end off the 20th century. ) 

8. Sharing drink or coffee pictures on Facebook, thinking I share a drink with my vieuwers, or sharing a picture off my morning tea and wishing them a good morning.  

9. Sending postcards to family 

10. Bargains 

11. Fun prints on fabrics 

12. Realizing I cope well with the crisis and believing I will make it through 

13. Giving presents and gifts to others 

14. Visiting old cities and having coffee and shopping in city centres 

15. Markets 

16. Blooming flowers 

17. Streets covered with flowers on the sides 

18. Christmas 

19. My mom 

20. Sunbathing on moderate warm days 

21. Coffee 

22. My house plants 

23. Buddha and Buddhism 

24. The colours Pink, red, yellow and orange (The more vibrant the better) 

25. Nailpolish 

26. Cats 

27. Accepting myself and my flaws, realizing I'm just the way I am and still loving myself despite it all. I love that about myself. 

28. Doing good for others 

29. My brother Tim 

30. My brother Rick 

31. Well tasting fries (It's almost an art to make them perfect. A snackbar or restaurant who has them perfect, and perfect to taste deserves an award nowadays) Salt & crispy, just like they're supposed to. 

32. The interior to my small home 

33. Being fresh when I have showered and washed myself 

34. Not taking things and people too serious. Seeing them with a sense off humor works for me. 

35. My humor. Some loathe it. But I personally love it and I can laugh out loud about myself. Oh woe to those who take themselves too seriously. 

36. Reaching for that little extra. An extra performance, an extra act, being and doing a bit better than what an average human would do. (Because they don't care or are lazy.) People are often a bit slacking at points where I simply do it. I love that about myself. Just taking the extra mile makes me proud off myself. 

37. Acting modest and not egocentric. If you wish to be an every day superhero, it's best not to act out off a big ego. People might think you have it high in your head. Just do it, and still be modest and kind to the world. I love how it works out. People appreciate me though they don't think I'm selfish or a brag out. Act down to earth, and they will love you even more if you help.  

38. Sarah Brightman 

39. The cooking bible series 

40. Toblerone 

41. People who are an Aries off zodiac sign 

42. When I have plenty to give & share with people, for example food, and I don't have to measure out so everyone 'at least has a bite.' I want them all to have a good portion off whatever it is I'm sharing 

43. Ladybugs randomly showing up to me, signing good fortune and wishes coming true to me (To me they do that every often) 

44. The internet and being on the computer. But everything in moderation. It's a great invention and it's very handy, but I'm not an addict and it's used to my advance. 

45. Being fortunate enough to have fun with small amounts off money, and doing things I like with it. I'm capable to buy and give without having to be extremely sober with it. 

46. Writing in my diary / on my weblog about my day. Lately my diary has my preference. I have been realizing I'm not Napoleon, or someone else off importance. I haven't occupied France. Who the hell cares what I'm doing? It's not read. So my diary is my personal preference to journal at the moment. 

47. Sweet, alcohol free white wine with fizz. (Bubbles) sided with my favourite nut mix on a Saturday evening 

48. Not caring about what the world thinks off me most off the time. 

49. Swimming 

50. Putting new, freshly bought items to use. Like wearing them, eating them, writing in them, and so on. 

It's pretty much. I haven't thought I would come this far. I decide to end at 50. But my life is fun, meaningfull and I love it. Despite being in a psychiatric care home. To me it doesn't matter how far off I am, as long as it's still fun. 

I hope you enjoyed this list! 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 10th off May, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is grey and cold outside, and there's a promise off rain in the air. Farmers in the Netherlands have been complaining that this year's soil is too wet. 

*

How have I been doing? 

I'm not doing bad. The previous weeks where actually pretty good. The weather was good for a few days, and I have been to the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, to the Vermeer exhibition. I have been quite enjoying myself. I had a care taker from Leviaan with me. I have been seeing VOC-art and I loved being in the museum. It's been a magical day. I had a good King's day, with good foods. And a few other good days this entire period ever since the end off April. I don't know what it is, but sun in Taurus has been doing good to me this year. I have been enjoyig the Gortershof garden and all the beautifull flowers that where out this spring. I love flowers and surrounding myself with them. The soil hasn't been too wet for pretty flowers and the cherryblossoms at the Gortershof garden. The garden has been gorgeous this year. 

This period has also been a good period to give away stuff. Whenever I purchase a multipack off stuff, I always donate one package to the give away closet in the hall, ment for people who can use it. But previous week, I have been donating an entire box off laundry softner to the give away shop, situated at de Boed. I made sure it's been a softner without a strong smell, so everyone could use it. It's been appreciated. (I have been purchasing that package on a massive discount, otherwise it would have also been impossible for me)  

I have been making cake with cherries for the 5th off May celebration in the Netherlands. It was off perfect taste. And de Boed had one left for the Saturday after. I love it when they dress up a trolley with a plastic tarp which looked crotcheted with a white old fashioned crotchet pattern, and gorgeous, the coffee and tea equipment situated on top and then my cake (With the ridges) on one off my pretty glass plates with see-through ornaments on top as the show stopper it truly was that day. 

It's been vintage coffeeing for free for the mental. It's not possible to do it every week anymore, but the sight off that, and all the compliments for my cherry (From a can, not fresh) cake made my day. It's been decadent, chique almost vintage and classy, and my fellow clients didn't have to pay a dime for enjoying coffee with cake that saturday. There was a time when I had a baking for them almost every week, and in between weekends if I felt like it and I had time. But this massive economic crisis has made that impossible for me. I only still bake at occasions. 

Sunday has been for having coffee with an acquaintance, who I have been knowing for quite long. I invited her for coffee on Sunday. It's been a good weekend. Despite Sunday afternoon has been all rain. 

de Boed has a few broken vans. They had trouble transporting people to the location previous week. Let's keep it at that. And my Wednesday Soup has been cancelled a few times in a row. Other than that, I had little trouble with Mercury retrograding in Taurus. There has been no reason to think the superstition in the air from a few weeks ago would have been something bad for me. 

So I am doing allright, despite everything. I have been seeing my mental nurse this week, since I have been feeling a bit wobbly when it comes to mental stuff. But maybe it's due to being surrounded by a beautifull flower garden in May, everything lands on it's four leggs. And little damage was caused these weeks. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

  

Good evening at the 23th off April, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

This morning was cold and cloudy, but this evening it's clogging with rainshowers in Zaandijk, a small touristic village in the Netherlands. 

*

I've been thinking about something: I'm pretty lucky in life when it comes to basic wealth, I'm far from rich, on the poor side, actually, but I'm not bankrupt and I'm taken care off. I have to do it sober with clothes but I'm not doing bad given the standards off nowadays Netherlands. 

But what if a teenager overflowing with hormones arrives at school after summer, without fashionable clothes to show off, or without new clothes at all for middle or high school? I bet that happens, and I feel pity with them. Teens have a habit off wishing to look as perfect and dolled up as possible, but what if mom and dad are to say 'We have no money for it this year.' ? I feel with those who befall that. You're 3-0 behind if your parents are poor due to the crisis when you have to go to school, or when you are poor yourself. I also feel with the kids who don't get birthday presents from their parents, or holiday presents. I have been crying previous december over it. I'm so glad a kid is not off my concern. I can sit here in cheap clothes, no one to care about but silly old me during a crisis. I'm proud I never gave in to that kind off desire. No accidents for me, mister! I have to deal with this shit (Being a mental patient and living in a crisis) myself, and no one else. I don't even have a pet to take care off. (I would love to own a cat, but not in this small flat.)

In the short term, all I have to do is get over with a cough, a menstrual period, and dishes on the counter top. In the mid-long term I have to watch my spending tomorrow at grocery shopping, re-fill the emergency fund with cash and I'm thinking off re-wearing last year's winter shoes instead off buying new ones. (I'm not a teen having to go to school. I can look shabby.) and in the long term, it's just dealing with the crisis. (I expect this can befall us quite some time) 

If I over-spend by being unweary, (Splurging on three new shirts... but it turned out allright) it's not the end off the world. If I would have mouths to feed, I would not be capable to survive. 

Some people simply just do it, having babies and new pets. But I can't do it. The responsibility, the money, the freedom you have to give up... Don't get me wrong. If I would live under the right circumstances, I would have loved to have four children. I'm not kidding you - four.- But it's not possible and I've learned to deal with it. And every day off this crisis, as it darkens and everything is getting even more and more expensive, I grow more gratefull off myself. You can't 'Just do it.' and not take responsibility. That's not how life works in my opinion. AND I'm a mental patient. And unfertile. Nature and the world have already decided for me before I have even been given the choice to have a child. I'm fine, thank you. 

It's fine being an old spinster on my own. I have dragged no one under my responsibillity in despair. I deserve an award for it. I'm ending it with 'In the Ghetto.' By Elvis Presley 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good evening at the 5th off March, 2023.

Good evening everyone, 

The sky was all cloudy and dreary. It's been cold and I'm thankfull for the invention off sweaters today. 

*

What to fill this weblog up with? Probably the same stuff I fill 'em up with all the time! 

What have I done today? 

 

I started off the late morning with fresh coffee, with a splash off milk and a cookie I had left from a neighbour visit yesterday. Yesterday I had a neighbour visiting me, we had coffee with these scrumptuous peanut cookies covered in milk chocolate, and I had one left for myself for today. Coffee with a sweet treat, or at least a cookie, is part off classic Dutch culture. We know how to visit people for coffee, and having them over for a cup off coffee. It's habit that you chat along about life when you do so. It's merely something from the older generation, (You know, these young ones don't take their time for it often.) but since my neighbour is in her 70's, she's common with it and I'm surrounded by elderly people. I do well in having coffee with them at times. I think coffee with neighbours is a good thing. It was a cozy visit, and she's about to invite me to her place the next time. Elderly people like her are awesome. 

Today was for doing dishes and cleaning out my kitchen after coffee. I have been hoarding fancy lemonade glasses. I have been storing them in my cupboard. They are suitable to have wine without alcohol in it, too, and if I was allowed to do alcohol, these sort off drinks like whiskey would have suited them well too. It's perfect for an apperitif at my birthday. Despite me having my birthday in August. I purchased them a bit early on. But it's been a good purchase for that price. Good quality for cheap, I love it. 

My kitchen is glad with me. I have been leaving those lemonade glasses for a while on the counter. I have been lazy with them, but today finally felt like removing their stickers and storing them. I even have been cleaning my coffee maker. I have been in an uplifiting mood this entire weekend. 

I wish to end this weblog with good music, a timeless piece from Booker T. & The M.G's - Green Onions. 

It's the perfect classic to overcome a dreary Sunday evening with. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

 

Good evening at the 9th off February, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been cold and grey outside today. The previous days have been more sunny. 

*

Today I decided I wanted to repair my closet. It's been broken for several years but I have been slacking in repairing the stupid (Cheap ass) thing. Untill today. today I had a clear vieuw in mind where I needed the clothing rack that has been on the floor for so much time. I went to the thriftshop, but they didn't have the part that was broken. I had to take a long walk to the do-it-yourself store pretty far off. The bus is having a strike the entire week so I had to go on foot. I paid pretty much for the parts. Luckily I have been arranging an emergency fund for broken parts. Every time when I had 1 or 2 euro's left, I put it in a saving tin so when something is broken, or when I need to buy things like poststamps or screws, it can be done with that money. (I'm smart with money.) 

It was pretty much off a walk. From my home to Gamma's near the viaduct. Or maybe I'm just in bad condition for being lazy all the time. Fortunately, Gamma's had everything and I think it's quite handy to have one on walking distance. It's less fortunate for it to be pricey. But that's where the emergency fund comes in handy. (Lesson in here folks: Be sure to have some money left in case something in your home decides to break.) Despite the rack to be on the floor for so much time, today I had the windfall on my mind to do something about it. And the screws I bought are probably fit to repair a broken knob on my TV closet aswell. My home isn't rich and I don't have the money for new stuff, but at least it's not broken anymore after I repaired my furniture. 

I need the clothing rack to store my sweaters. I decided to re-wear them next year. Especially when prices keep on being this ridiculously high, I'm going to need to wear them again next year instead off buying new. But they take up some space on my shelves. I had that vieuw pretty clear on my mind today. So I had to move my ass to save it up next year. (Lesson in here: It's a crisis out there, so safe up your clothes this year so you can wear 'em again next year.)  

Aside to buying equipment from the do-it-yourself store, today was for sharing home made cookies with de Boed. Yesterday I felt fed up and almost agressive. But instead off speaking my mind to the person I held those feelings for and calling him a faggot, I decided on cookie baking. 

  

Buddha saved me this time. I had the feeling as a new learning Buddhist, hungry for eastern wisdom, I better don't perform out on acts off violence or bullying. Not even when delusional anger hits me. So I made these to leave the subject off my anger alone and keep myself from spilling karma points. AND the audience to de Boed's music afternoon loved them. They kept on complimenting me on them. So it's win-win. Instead off spoiling karma, I probably gained it. I love Buddha. I didn't make a complete fool out off myself yesterday and I did something good. Buddhism saved my soul, and many other things yesterday. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 8th off January, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy and grey, but with here and there shy sunny interfalls. Sun breaking through the clouds and lighting this mild winter day. 

*

Yesterday, I threw No-Spend-Month out off the window and went visiting the city off Alkmaar, my favourite city in Noord-Holland. Really, Zaanstad can't tip it. I went there by train early in the morning, and had coffee in a cafetaria, purchased the dessert bible in a bookshop, among a postcard for my cousin, and then went over the market, passing a cooking supply shop, (And purchasing pink cupcake papers with ladybugs on it.) and then went back, purchasing some nice buns from a bakery for breakfast for the next morning. I didn't make it a long visit but it was good to be back in The old city where I spend most off my time when I was at school, a long time ago. I miss Alkmaar. I hadn't been visiting for a while, and going there gave me such positive energy, and the dessert bible is just love at first read. I can draw a lot off inspiration from it, for a Sunday dessert for de Boed every now and then. I could do this because my mom gave me money some time ago. Otherwise it would have been entirely impossible. I love visiting old romantic cities and have coffee with a pastry there, scooping around looking for fun items. I couldn't help myself. I haven't kept to No-Spend-Month, but I needed an escape from here yesterday. Just something to get over with the daily boredness and gloom. 

I traded the boredness for spring vibes, early as it is. It's only winter, but I feel them bubbling in my heart and I feel joyous, and full off life and wishing to enjoy life. Despite the crisis, the war, and the trouble ahead to us. I have been sending my cousin the postcard, and my mom a card with a squirel on it today. I found a few postcards on a shelve, and some poststamps I forgot about. (I love sending postcards to people.)  The rest off the time, I'm trying to be sober again and spend little money, despite those spring vibes in early winter. Today I gave air to it by wearing a white and pink sweater, bright and lovely as it is. Instead off simple clothes, but keeping the rest off my clothes quite simple. And it's just love I feel for what I could do with those ladybug cupcake papers. The cooking shop was just one big dream for a hobbycook. All sorts off bundt molds, (Also a lot off Nordic Ware) lines and lines off tart pans, machinery and equipment for cooking, kitchenware to make your table extra chique and romantic, it was just perfect. Just like the bookshop. I had some money on hand, but I couldn't shop 'till I drop, so I picked the items I purchased mindfully, as far as that goes. I love markets, so I took a walk over the Saturday market, looking for buns for breakfast, but there was no bakery stand. Probably off for holiday vacation, but what is a market without a bakery stand? So I purchased breakfast at a bakery. Not bad either. 

It was a perfect day, and there is so much greatness in the dessert bible. I just love it. Just like the forecasts, the beginning off this year seems very positive to me. It's a period off spring vibes, good purchases and fun things to do, instead off piling yourself up inside. Much better than previous year. I know we should be weary, I know it's a crisis and a war, but I just wanted to go out and have fun. Which I barely do. Do things that make your heart beat faster- That's my advice for this year. I listned to it. 

And now I'm trying to go back to sobriety, Springvibes can also come cheap. 😉  

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 15th off November, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright and beautifull, it felt both cold and warm today (And I don't have a fever) and that was a strange feeling. It was both, sunny and windy. 

*

Today was for a walk. I have been taking a walk with healthcare to a recently discovered treasure: A small park at the fancy tourist area, hidden behind buildings and not visible if you'd pass the street unnoticing. But last week a caretaker and I went walking there by foot, mentioning our surrounding and ended up at that small park. It's lovely. It's romantic, it has ponds and rose bushes and a romantic Zaan bridge and a romantic looking pavilion stated in it. It's perfect and I love being there and just take my time and enjoy that place, where it looks like time stood still somehow. A walk at the park doesn't cost money. It's free to enjoy rose bushes and ponds and romantic looking pavillions stated in public areas. And when we go back we pass by a touristic street with cool shops ment for tourists and tourist agencies to guide people across the windmills and coffee. Which is also a cool thing. Today wasn't such a bad day, despite to be low on money just before the holidays. The park, by the way, smells like chocolate since we pass by the cacao factory when we go there. (Zaanstad is crowded with all kinds off factories) It's the perfect location for a date or a wedding in my opinion. It's almost as if the 1950's have never ended there, and it's stated behind a retirement home. It's perfect for a walk, and it gives my mind so much more space to know that it's there. I love it. I'm planning to take pictures in spring. I think it's going to be perfect for photographs. Strange old casual me and her caretakers can pass such an area when we have time, but hopefully many a bride and groom have also found it. It's perfect for that. It's called Koogerpark. It's fancy and romantic. 

I'm dreaming off Christmas make-up boxes the size off a small cabinet, in fancy limited edition packages, costing at least 100 euro's. I'm probably thankfull next year when I can afford that. (I'm not going to spend 100 euro's on such a thing, with drawers and drawers off luxury and at least three shades off lipstick. I barely wear make-up to be honest.) My mind is probably over-acting on having to be sober this month. You know that mindset, where you over idealize items you don't need when you don't have money, and which you are not about to buy anyway when you'd have it. It's probably been that way with the luxurious make-up cabinet. I have never seen such a luxurious box and it's not in the limited editions off any brand I'm into this year, but it's a stupid day-dream I can really loose myself into these days. 

I can count myself lucky my new pyjama's have arrived. I really am gratefull I received them and I still have somewhat off Christmas this year. Just like in olden days, people should feel gratefull for such things. Like I do this evening. I feel gratefull I have at least a bit off Christmas. And they're cool pyjama's which are hopefully warm for these cold nights. That's the most important. 

I also took another look at everyday items I have been using for ages, feeling more gratefull I have them, like bodywash, boybutter, shampoo and conditioner. I have been using the same for years, and they're not Christmas, but I feel a bit more glad I have it 'on the shelves.' during such a hard time and I can smell nice and be taken care off. I can shower and smell nice, and it sure is a thing to be gratefull for. I have been to the hairdresser recently, it was the cheap Leviaan hairdresser, but I got cut and I can look fine without spending the head price on it. 

I don't dye red, auburn, brown or sheer blonde, I have been dying a cool dark blonde shade in my hair and out off protest to many people, I think I keep it at that. It's a shade that doesn't look strange nowadays. More modern young women have it in their hair these days but I still rebel against fashionistas and alternatives when I keep it like that. The world is too full off superficialness. If I can get away with it, I will. I'm not going to buy hairdye for it on purpose, it's expensive and I wish to work with what I still got on the shelves first. But it somehow feels like a colour that is matching me, since I believe in Au Naturel with just a touch off beauty when it comes to my beauty ideal. A natural hair colour that looks like I haven't dyed at all but still makes me look beautifull suits me. I don't want to tone it down to zero, that would be no fun at all. But often I believe in 'less is more.' with most women. Offcourse people will tell me that in this modern day and time people should do whatever they please with their looks, whether I like it or not. And sure, I can enjoy a bold colour in my looks in my clothes and on my nails, but I don't like too much off a good thing on myself most off the time. I have tried blonde, I have tried dark, and now I'm recovering from a depression when it comes to my looks. I hate people who declare I HAVE to dye my hair a certain way to fit into their ideal off beauty, wheter it be blonde, red or black. I prefer to keep that choice in my own hands and not dying at all isn't it either. so this shade it is. 

I wear no make-up, my hair is dyed a natural shade and I prefer to look as clean and fresh as possible. Despite everything, I believe in clean and fresh. Still my hair is cut nicely. I blow-dry every often so I do care about that. Despite looking like that, I still feel fine about myself. It has been diffrently in the recent past, but nowadays I can look in the mirror again and feel well  about myself again. I felt so low for a while you won't believe it. I was depressed as a doorknob and I can be proud I got over it without doing ridiculous things to my looks, or massively changing the person I am. I can say I have a pretty face again and feel nice and feminin again when I care for it instead off just brushing my hair and then wishing to get away from the mirror as soon as possible. Allright. Sometimes I wear brown eyepencil, a mascara or a natural lipstick. When I feel like it but I'm not some kind off people pleaser who would do anything to fit into the standards off others, men or women. I'm proud off myself I'm vain again sometimes. I have been wearing a make-up look to my mom's birthday previous week, but today I'm not wearing anything at all. I love the freedom to choose whether I do so or not. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 17th off July, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today is a hot and bright day in the Netherlands. It's not to my liking. 

*

Today is for having a day off and being inside my home all the time. It's too hot for something else anyway and I didn't feel like going to de Boed today. I prefered the atmosphere off my own home. 

I wanted to purchase some items for my home at a webshop, but checked and found out my bankcard is still blocked. So no decorative items for me today. It's one off the best things I can do on a day like this: Go shopping online. I love items that make my home as nice and cozy as can be. But unfortunately, still a blocked bank card. 

Last night I did the dishes. It's better to do so for me when it's not overly hot outside. I slept well. I would have gone for breakfast at a local restaurant this morning, but they where closed when I checked. So I had to go back home and make my own breakfast. Luckily I had eggs on stock. 

A good thing about today is that I don't feel tired. Often I'm so tired all the time, but it's probably due to drinking a lot off water and peeing out all kinds off toxics that I don't feel exhausted today. Or maybe it's because I haven't done much and I've slept well this night. One way or another, I feel well. 

 Sleep is important, and so is rest at the right time. I'm going to hate the upcoming heathwave if I don't keep calm. I already feel worried about it. Summer heath is not my thing. I wish I could feel like having more energy often. It's hard for mental people to feel energetic on a daily base since mental problems require a lot off our energy. But I'm very lucky today. Despite not being capable to pay for my goods online. And tonight being for 'Zaans geluk voor gevorderden.' Cauliflower with potatoes and meat on Sunday. Just too bad, still I feel well today and I don't like something being in the way off keeping on being positive for now. Sometimes It's not to be explained where that feeling off luck comes from today, at this moment. White magic, probably. It's such a positive feeling, it feels like good magic and that makes me believe I still have friends out there. Despite it all. 💖

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.