Good evening everyone,
Today was bright and beautifull, it felt both cold and warm today (And I don't have a fever) and that was a strange feeling. It was both, sunny and windy.
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Today was for a walk. I have been taking a walk with healthcare to a recently discovered treasure: A small park at the fancy tourist area, hidden behind buildings and not visible if you'd pass the street unnoticing. But last week a caretaker and I went walking there by foot, mentioning our surrounding and ended up at that small park. It's lovely. It's romantic, it has ponds and rose bushes and a romantic Zaan bridge and a romantic looking pavilion stated in it. It's perfect and I love being there and just take my time and enjoy that place, where it looks like time stood still somehow. A walk at the park doesn't cost money. It's free to enjoy rose bushes and ponds and romantic looking pavillions stated in public areas. And when we go back we pass by a touristic street with cool shops ment for tourists and tourist agencies to guide people across the windmills and coffee. Which is also a cool thing. Today wasn't such a bad day, despite to be low on money just before the holidays. The park, by the way, smells like chocolate since we pass by the cacao factory when we go there. (Zaanstad is crowded with all kinds off factories) It's the perfect location for a date or a wedding in my opinion. It's almost as if the 1950's have never ended there, and it's stated behind a retirement home. It's perfect for a walk, and it gives my mind so much more space to know that it's there. I love it. I'm planning to take pictures in spring. I think it's going to be perfect for photographs. Strange old casual me and her caretakers can pass such an area when we have time, but hopefully many a bride and groom have also found it. It's perfect for that. It's called Koogerpark. It's fancy and romantic.
I'm dreaming off Christmas make-up boxes the size off a small cabinet, in fancy limited edition packages, costing at least 100 euro's. I'm probably thankfull next year when I can afford that. (I'm not going to spend 100 euro's on such a thing, with drawers and drawers off luxury and at least three shades off lipstick. I barely wear make-up to be honest.) My mind is probably over-acting on having to be sober this month. You know that mindset, where you over idealize items you don't need when you don't have money, and which you are not about to buy anyway when you'd have it. It's probably been that way with the luxurious make-up cabinet. I have never seen such a luxurious box and it's not in the limited editions off any brand I'm into this year, but it's a stupid day-dream I can really loose myself into these days.
I can count myself lucky my new pyjama's have arrived. I really am gratefull I received them and I still have somewhat off Christmas this year. Just like in olden days, people should feel gratefull for such things. Like I do this evening. I feel gratefull I have at least a bit off Christmas. And they're cool pyjama's which are hopefully warm for these cold nights. That's the most important.
I also took another look at everyday items I have been using for ages, feeling more gratefull I have them, like bodywash, boybutter, shampoo and conditioner. I have been using the same for years, and they're not Christmas, but I feel a bit more glad I have it 'on the shelves.' during such a hard time and I can smell nice and be taken care off. I can shower and smell nice, and it sure is a thing to be gratefull for. I have been to the hairdresser recently, it was the cheap Leviaan hairdresser, but I got cut and I can look fine without spending the head price on it.
I don't dye red, auburn, brown or sheer blonde, I have been dying a cool dark blonde shade in my hair and out off protest to many people, I think I keep it at that. It's a shade that doesn't look strange nowadays. More modern young women have it in their hair these days but I still rebel against fashionistas and alternatives when I keep it like that. The world is too full off superficialness. If I can get away with it, I will. I'm not going to buy hairdye for it on purpose, it's expensive and I wish to work with what I still got on the shelves first. But it somehow feels like a colour that is matching me, since I believe in Au Naturel with just a touch off beauty when it comes to my beauty ideal. A natural hair colour that looks like I haven't dyed at all but still makes me look beautifull suits me. I don't want to tone it down to zero, that would be no fun at all. But often I believe in 'less is more.' with most women. Offcourse people will tell me that in this modern day and time people should do whatever they please with their looks, whether I like it or not. And sure, I can enjoy a bold colour in my looks in my clothes and on my nails, but I don't like too much off a good thing on myself most off the time. I have tried blonde, I have tried dark, and now I'm recovering from a depression when it comes to my looks. I hate people who declare I HAVE to dye my hair a certain way to fit into their ideal off beauty, wheter it be blonde, red or black. I prefer to keep that choice in my own hands and not dying at all isn't it either. so this shade it is.
I wear no make-up, my hair is dyed a natural shade and I prefer to look as clean and fresh as possible. Despite everything, I believe in clean and fresh. Still my hair is cut nicely. I blow-dry every often so I do care about that. Despite looking like that, I still feel fine about myself. It has been diffrently in the recent past, but nowadays I can look in the mirror again and feel well about myself again. I felt so low for a while you won't believe it. I was depressed as a doorknob and I can be proud I got over it without doing ridiculous things to my looks, or massively changing the person I am. I can say I have a pretty face again and feel nice and feminin again when I care for it instead off just brushing my hair and then wishing to get away from the mirror as soon as possible. Allright. Sometimes I wear brown eyepencil, a mascara or a natural lipstick. When I feel like it but I'm not some kind off people pleaser who would do anything to fit into the standards off others, men or women. I'm proud off myself I'm vain again sometimes. I have been wearing a make-up look to my mom's birthday previous week, but today I'm not wearing anything at all. I love the freedom to choose whether I do so or not.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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