Good evening everyone,
Today was cold and grey, with here and there a rainshower.
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Today was for baking two perfect banana cakes:
They're made with pistachio's and milk chocolate chips, aside from the cookie spices and the coconut in it. Pistachio's and chocolate chips are a bit off the usuall, and they came whole out off their molds, which hasn't happened for a while. The local newspaper should write an article about it. I love the idea off making people happy with this tomorrow. I also like the idea this will help people cope with the crisis, though we had an increase off 10% on our wages. I have the feeling my work is still appreciated. And I just hope people can make ends fit again. The idea off poor children not being fed well and being hungry makes me cry. I have sobbed a few tears over them this crisis.
I feel terrible this afternoon. It started after I cleaned up the dishes and baking equipment off the banana cakes. I had the luck I had staff coming over at 15.00 PM to make my bed, she didn't have much time, but called another caretaker to stay with me. She guided me to de Boed at 16.00 PM where they looked after me and where I fought this massive inner battle to stay sane. I had the feeling something wanted to jinx me and put a spell on me to destroy my life. Things have been going well for a while, and I have been buisy purchasing Christmas items and decorating my home, but just when I wanted to fullfill my to do list for this, something bit me in the head and gave me a hard time again. I feel so happy and excited preparing for the holidays, doing Sinterklaas and Christmas shopping and I have a few nice gift plans for this year, and my eyeshadow palette came in yesterday, which fullfilled me with joy somehow, but all off this has probably been a bit too much and I can't go Christmas shopping tomorrow, like I planned, to purchase some last items and then take a break from Christmas shopping untill after Sinterklaas.
I can't go tomorrow, and all I've planned with healthcare is a walk to the romantic Koogerpark this Saturday. It's not bad and I'm looking forward to it, but it's not as planned. I got a lot off stuff on stock, but I feel like having to go round wearing a ragged grey cloak with a hood, ragged jeans, my hair unwashed and tangled and with mud on my face with a rattling mug in my hand, begging for a medium egg to be capable to bake some cookies for Sunday afternoon coffee. 'Will bake in trade for an egg.' On a cardboard template in front off me. All I need is only one egg to make jam cookies again. As far as this seems, I'm not capable to go to a shop myself. Allright, I shouldn't put up with a beggar act. I think mental health is weary off me allready and such an act would make them even more on their guard. I could also politely ask if they have an egg, dressed in everyday clothes. I promised someone I would bake for Sunday, and letting them down would feel so lame. (People look forward to my bakings) I used up all my eggs in the banana cakes today.
It's not lack off money that's the problem to this egg-beggar, it's lack off mental health and capability to move around. On the other hand, I could try visiting the expensive shop in the tourist area and see if they have a few eggs for me when I go for my walk with health care this Saturday. We pass it by on Saturday. I will have to take it easy tomorrow. Maybe I could eventually ask de Boed for an egg since eggs are expensive and I only need one for baking for this weekend. There's nothing wrong with asking for a favor if it can help me out this weekend. Or maybe neighbours have one. Isn't a sharing society what politics is after these days? I would have to spend less, consume less, and in return share more if I could be given an egg. I could also see how Saturday goes and if I have enough for breakfast on stock, and see if I would need to go to the small supermarket for more than just eggs. I think it's something not to be concerned about too much these days. The worst thing that can happen is having to let down a fan off my bakings. That would be the worst case scenario. (Well, it concerns me more than what's fine with me since I don't want to let him down.) I think I will visit the supermarket and see what I can find. Especially since I got healthcare with me on Saturday. There's no need to be an egg-beggar. I hope I will feel better on Saturday so I can fullfill all my goals. A walk in the park and baking for Sunday. If my mental disorder doesn't kill me tonight.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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