Good evening everyone,
Today has been cold, cloudy, grey and with here and there some rain. It's defenetely a bad day in Autumn.
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I'm writing you this while my nailpolish dries. I found out blogging and drying nailpolish works pretty well togheter since typing doesn't harm short nails when they dry. It's a shade I have been using some times this year. The folks at Gortershof are all freezing from high energy prices. Last thing they wish to see is me with a flashy new nailcolour every time. So when feeling the urge to do my nails, I used something that's been seen before. It's a dark green and it's perfect for the holiday season.
Today was for grocery shopping. And then rest a lot. I feel I get tired much easier this season and a lot off things cost a lot off energy to me. So I haven't been doing much but being on the couch all afternoon. Being mentally sick comes with getting tired easily.
This morning, I have been putting on some make-up, which I otherwise never do. I have been watching a few old pictures and video's off me, mentioning I look better when I'm well groomed, so I decided to give it a try this morning. I won't do so again tomorrow since I don't like how foundation feels on my skin, and I feel comfortable enough without it. Zaanish women barely wear make-up, so it's not something to be ashamed off in my surrounding when I feel like not doing it. Though I got complimented this morning by people who said I looked pretty, and I felt more men in the supermarket noticed me than when I would not have worn any. They aren't used to seeing me with make-up. I have been watching beauty video's lately, and overvieuwing myself, but still I don't feel the urge for a daily beauty routine. I have my nails done. I also mentioned that in old photo's and video's about myself, that I wore nailpolish and that it made me look more pulled togheter and nice. I also had my hair dyed prettier. There was a time where I was more vain than what I am nowadays. But today I felt like putting thoughts to action instead off just complaining, and it worked: I could set myself to do beauty. I told you before not grooming let alone do make-up is a mental sickness issue.
Most mentally sick do hard washing and setting themselves to put effort for their looks. Not every woman in mental health does so. There are women who are vain, but most aren't. You know the stereotype off the overly dolled up woman with heavy lipstick and bold eye make-up in mental health? I've seen such a type once or twice. But most off us are not vain and barely do make-up. But today was for make-up, and tomorrow is for nailpolish, though it's stuff I've had pretty long which was not expensive when I bought it. Still, this morning I wanted to look fabulous and I did for a day. I wore grey, taupe-ish eyeshadow, a taupe with a shimmer, and with a darker shade in my crease, and a highlight shade in my inner corner and under my brow bone. And a mascara. The perfect look for a stormy day. I made pictures off myself and felt it was pretty cool instead off looking un-made up like usuall. You can't see the shades well in the pictures off my computer, but you can see there's something there.
I'm so tired, it's almost as if I have grown old when I sit and take a rest after a day. I have been through a lot, but being this tired at 30 is not right. I have been tired before, from medication and from buisyness, but this is really a result off aging, to me it seems. Though my face looks still young and people think I look only 25. My body isn't young looking, but I have a young face. Also without make-up. They always look suprised when I reveal my real age to them, and it's such a compliment to my parents. Despite looking young, I feel tired at the moment. I don't feel how I look, let's put it that way.
I'm putting effort decorating my home for Christmas. I have been shopping some nice items and it looks so cozy and nice in my home and I love it. I love Christmas. It's been a good idea to put effort, though there are a lot off people who don't do so. Simply because they are alone during Christmas and don't see the point in decorating. de Boed has a lot off lonely souls who have dinner there during Christmas. They don't have relatives to go to, and it's lonesome and cruel during holidays for them. I have my mom to go to, I'm lucky and I love Christmas sparkle. But a lot off them are alone and have nothing with Christmas. Aside to that, Christmas lights are an expensive joke this year. I would be a lonesome old soul if my mom wasn't around anymore. I wouldn't know what to do without that. I hate the foresight off being alone at my old age, but that is likely to happen. I have no one aside from mom and my brothers during holidays.
I have been ordering an eyeshadow palette for the holidays this weekend, but I haven't received a confirmation mail yet and that is strange. I know it's been expensive, and I'm low on money, but I purchased it with 20% off, without shipping costs and I have been asking my accountant for some money for the holidays. And she confirmed. - So it won't be as sober as I believed. I really had to go for the most expensive eyeshadow palette in their range. But Hector the ladybug and the voices in my head said it was a good idea. Somehow I couldn't resist and maybe it's a good idea. The green nailpolish on my fingers has dried by now. Maybe Hector can help getting the confirmation mail and the parcel safe here and I have nothing to worry about this week. I love Hector.
I have been dreaming a bit too hard about holiday eyeshadow boxes to resist it, probably. That's why Hector said it was a good idea. It's one off my holiday presents to myself.
I wish for it either to snow during Christmas, or for it not to be as cold as this week. The poor old hearts at Gortershof don't heath their homes this season and that sucks. It's hard to see them being cold each day. I heard them saying no one heaths and it's been freezing last week. I can't do anything for them but feel with them.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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