Good evening at the 27th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

We're in a heavy rainstorm. It rains and storms against my windows and I got my curtains closed. 

*

Around Easter I was blogging about a sore in my side muscle, I found out after a massage with lavender massage oil, it got all out. We have a beauty specialist at Leviaan, and she massaged me and the sore from the stretched muscle came out. I think it might have been the holy grail in curing my sore. 💖 It's been lavender massage oil and a good back massage that worked. 

I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet. It's really hard to stay on the ground. But life is still fun these days. Today was for dance Bingo at de Boed. I even had Bingo at one point and won a dessert bowl with oranges on it. Really cute. I think it would make a nice sight with a scoop off ice cream in it. Something not too pricey yet good like vanilla from a good brand. (I'm sorry I'm that cheap. You could almost see and feel on my food pictures I'm unemployed.) And then one scoop placed elegant in the centre. The bowl is decorated nicely enough to make it an impression when it's that simple. If I would have money again, I would make it more off a celebration. But I think the war and the crisis are over by then. It's Ascension weekend upcoming weekend, It's almost asking for it. But maybe fruit yoghurt looks good in it, either. It's a cute bowl. 

 

I do eat low fat fruit yoghurt for my health. Dance bingo was really fun, despite my numbers did not had to be danced to. They where all left out off dancing for points, so I had a little luck. I have the luck I have to do that for a job every week. Bingo or music quizzes, and usually I win something. It's really a party every week. 

I listen to 80's pop a lot in my free time. It's so much better than modern music. I love these golden oldies. Even if one day it becomes old junk again I would still hang on to it. I blame my father to it, and it being on the golden oldies radio stations all the time they have on here. But these are older people, and they still love it. I would not know what's on modern stations or in the hit charts, honestly. Usually we stick to 70's 80's 90's stations. And yes, I also listen to that stuff at home. I may be a little weird for someone my own age. But there's not much good music out there nowadays. I might be a bit silly in it. 

At Ascension day, on a Thursday, I will serve home made apple crumble tray cake, and have a morning coffee service, despite it being on a holiday. They asked me for it and I said yes. I don't mind doing my plight on a holiday. I almost feel a little important when doing so. It's almost dutyfull. And not to brag, they love my coffee. I come to almost believe I got The best coffee in town when I'm at coffee service. It's really honourable. The old Leviaan cowboys can't be more gratefull than for me serving coffee on Ascension day, aside to the cake. Otherwise it would just be boring, it's forecasted to become grey and cold. And just a little more harsh than a common day. 

It's going to be my version off unemployed apple tray cake, with more than half off the ingredients donated, in a 1 euro oven dish. I saved points with gorcery shopping some time ago, and then got two Pyrex oven dishes for one euro each. Even my raisins come from a donation, just like the apples. All I have to add is cream butter and milk. In this case it can be real cream butter. By measuring raisins, I do longer with a package. I hope my spirit won't be damaged from all off this freeloading. But life is expensive. So it's my unemployed apple pastry. Served on de Boed's cute pastry plates, with their whipped cream. All I have to do is the work to bake it. That's how I manage my luxury nowadays, or at least my bakings. With lots off donations. It's a bit... cheating. But at least I don't cheat on a man, and critics don't owe up for my groceries, so they have no right to speak. But home made apple pastry enhances hearts. Especially on cold Ascension days. When people don't have a penny too much. I hope the Universe forgives me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.        

Good evening at the 25th off August, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy, warm and dense in the Netherlands. 

*

I feel kinda bad. The historical delusions are getting worse, just like talking to myself and the lack to adapt to others. Usually I can conceal my short temper and be polite, but I feel my shell is thin and it's out more than usuall, also to stupid care takers. (Some work on my nerves. I can't seem to keep my calmth with them anymore.) So, little tolerance from me for people. I hope they can take it. 

Today, all the usefull I have done was to vacuum and mop my appartment floor. And prepare dinner. I'm not really sober when writing you this. I have been creative with yellow zuchinni soup this weekend, however. That's been dinner for Friday and Saturday. It was pretty good. Just like my sweet bell pepper soup some time ago. Strange how this crisis makes me creative with puree soups. If I invent a third one, I'm about to share the receipes. 

Yellow zuchinnis are kinda cool. It's something completely diffrent from the usuall green one. I eat zuchinni soup with French bread during weekends when I'm low on money, since zuchinnis are kinda cheap and the soup is tasty. But it's usually the ordinairy green ones. Some times combined with broccoli. To vary with it, is kinda cool in my mind. Next time I might try a basic receipe for carrot soup, and see if it let itself vary with either. My soups are not vegan, or vegetarian even, since they require beef broth from cubes. So it's not vegan-friendly. But I find beef broth the most tasty one. 

I also invented a more home style receipe for classic Dutch vegetable soup, with nutmeg soup balls. I think it's pretty good. My Boed version was too expensive with all those herbs and the alphabet vermicelli. 

    (A bowl off home style vegetable soup. The beef broth is kinda dark in my version.) 

What's a woman to do during stressfull times than to perfection her soup receipes, and try to keep the home clean? 😉 We're ahead off hot temperatures this week, so I have to clean the toilet ahead to fight becteria. And care staff can help me clean the kitchen since I can't manage that myself this week due to delusions. I hope I can clean that stupid toilet anyway despite delusions and feeling so incredibly bad. 

I think the Russians think I'm a laugh, and my former friends don't care about me being a good home maker trying to keep the home clean, and myself, and making something out off it. I also do it to feel better than former friends who are kinda filthy when it comes to hygiene. It makes me feel somewhat better than them. I don't have much ahead to them, but home cleaning and cooking skills! 

And honest, a lot off planets in Earth signs require home work to move forward. Home work, cooking, traditional lady-like stuff. Usually most other things are doomed to fail when Jupiter hits Taurus for example, and the economy doesn't work with. I have Jupiter in an Earth sign on my birth chart. I think to do home work is the best method to move forward and make all that Earth on mine work for me. Uranus in Taurus and Pluto in Capricorn kinda asked for it either. If you wish to make something out off it, be a well-organized lady! Most other things seem to fail. These days, when everything seems to go wrong, I get a lot off balance from good home work. I'm still a slunge, and I need to ask health care all the time to help me, but a peacefull home is sooooo important! Especially these days. I'm not all steady at it, especially when being delusional. But when it's done, I feel soooo much better, in my small spot on planet Earth, where I managed to make a small home work for myself. And that's more progress than the economy most off these times. 

Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned when it comes to that. Most people my age and younger don't seem to adapt to the idea. They don't feel the sastisfaction off a clean floor, nice furniture or a pot off fresh Zuchinni soup on Friday. But mind them, given the current economy and the home market, I doubt they ever will. Still, I hope they will become like that and get it one day. Again, what's a woman to do but to perfection her home skills during war-time? 😉 Maybe I'm too wee, or too naive, or too conservative- all off those things I don't want to be. But I don't have a job, and I have time on my hands. And it feels better to do this, than to do nothing at all these days. Though I'm not steady in it, and I need help all the time. 

Home work- a well-kept women's war secret. For rough times, and it works. Especially for poor, country sided women like me. If it works, it works. I hope they don't have to dust this off off the shelves for a long time after this. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 15th off May, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Tonight it's raining cats and dogs in the Netherlands. 

*

Something about me... 

Since this is de Zaanstreek, and women are ratchet and poor factory worker women, make-up here means just mascara and lipstick if you can afford. I learned to adapt to it. It's not much at all, but they think it's much. It's the current trend in real life. Little amounts off make-up. But why do we talk make-up? 

Maybe those decadent fantasy event dinosaurs still plaster their pimples with too much make-up. I think something went a bit crooked for me arount the time that began. Make-up is not the key to real beauty. At least to me it isn't. I'm content with natural and groomed to basic tidy on a very low level. I love Zaanstad for having that perfectly normal for most. Most women here don't wear make-up. Down to earth as they are, it often shows a pure heart and I found that sooo beautifull. And I have this Buddhistic proverb: 'No amount off make-up can mask an ugly heart.' My make-up on a daily base went off after school, it felt like a relief and I don't like the feeling off foundation anyway. I think people project a lot off negativity on me when they blame me for that massive make-up trend in the Fantasy world. (Sincerely, they NEVER see me or talk to me.) I have a diffrent opinion on most things than they assume. It's more close to true Pagan most off the time. At least what it was in my youth. 

This is how I go by in daily life. I know I got fashion hair, shoulder length 90's cut that's totally 'It' nowadays, and dyed a cool blonde shade. But I wear comfortable glasses and no make-up. For my hair I have the luck Leviaan has a hairdresser who can cut people like this for 7,50 euro's only. It's such statement hair. 

I dyed this evening, so it looks freshly cool blonde. And I try, yes, I try to pluck my eyebrows. But I can't promise since it's a mental patient thing to be a bit ungroomed. (I prefer them naturally plucked to just tidy) But this is me. It's the first picture on here I show off myself. Taken tonight after dying. Just the way I am. I have the luck I get away with everything nowadays. The eyebrows, the easy statement hair, no make-up- The plain clothes I have been wearing a lot, it's all crisis-fashion. This picture shows my plain white Pyjama shirt. And I'm wearing it with tartaned red Christmas pyjama pants which are three years old. I look shabby and vulgair, but that's these days and it's cheap. But I got away with it due to it being crisis-fashion. Mind my glasses, they're from 2020 and they're about 4 years old. As far as that goes, the audience better be glad I got cut, dyed and brushed my teeth and take it or leave it. This is just me these days. And I still love myself and accept myself for all that I am, and for who I am. I'm not a bad person due to crisis fashion. 

It's not a miracle for me not to have a man, though. I can think off prettier styles. But I want this style these years. Men are not my main concern these days. Really, aside from being as poor as the streetbricks, we also look as cheap as the streetbricks during this era. But I can't think off myself as bad with it. 

And from the point where I came from, depression over my looks and being ungroomed, this is an improvement. Sad as it may sound. But as long as I maintain. If I don't maintain, it's useless. I think this weblog is getting a bit boring at this point, so I end it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.     

      

 

  

Good evening at the 13th off April, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a sunny and warm day in the Netherlands. To a point where the weather was agreeable and nice. 

*

The repair cafe fixed my Soup Bible with duct tape. 

I'm capable to work from it again, but it isn't what you would call 'nice repaired.' It's not broken anymore, but it's kinda a lump way off repairing. And I have to do it with this. I don't have money for a new one. But it's fine with me. This book has battle scars after such a long service in my Wednesday Soup kitchen. I ended my Soup Kitchen, Since I don't lunch at de Boed anymore. The Soup Bible is fixed with duct tape and has my name written on it's cover so they could see it was mine. Aren't those battle scars? I gave my Soup fans a good time eating all off my soups. What a journey, with one year off a break. But my soups where that missed, I decided to pick up on it again, untill de Boed decided to quit it's meals. It's no longer picking a soup each week, neither this or my own thought out receipes. It's all done. I somehow feel it. All that work, all that experience... .I never had a job in my entire life, but I had a Soup Kitchen every week. 

I think I'm going to miss it. I liked it. And paople loved it. 

I can hear my oldest younger brother mock about how it's repaired with duct tape, and it looking cheap ass. (My brother thinks I'm cheap.) But it's a book with a story. I think that's what matters. What an experience, what a volunteer job! I need a moment for this. Maybe a lot off time to process it. It's been a lot. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 12th off March, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today the weather is dreary, cloudy and rainy. 

*

Tomorrow, my fellow clients are lucky I had brown bananas left, and everything else for banana cake except for nuts and eggs. They where lucky I purchased that yesterday when grocery shopping, and they're lucky they came out off their baking mold even. 

 

It's my common receipe for banana cake. And it's something I barely do anymore. They where lucky I even had coconut chives on stock for it. Just like flour, baking powder, baking soda and so on. People might get a little jealouse if they know what I still got. I still even got icing sugar on the shelves. It's not enough to make it through the entire crisis, I'm afraid. But for now? We're lucky with these, though I must say I'm out off cookie spices for now. It's said, tomorrow will be dreary too. It's a perfect mood enhancer for with our coffee. Thursday will finally be a good day when it comes to weather. But the besognes off a baking miss require to be capable to serve a good mood enhancer when it's nasty weather. So for now, usually, they're not that lucky anymore. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 5th off March, 2024, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

There's no news about the weather so far- it's still dark outside. 

*

Question: Are you greedy? 

I know about some rumours about my incredible greed. But to be honest, I think I'm not much diffrent than most common people. I can hold myself back during this crisis, not hoarding in one new item after the other and doing with what I got so far to save out on money. And it's not like when commercialism comes out with a brand new item, I desperately need it in my life or I'm about to die. Or one new expensive item after the other simply because 'I need to, and I can.' That's spoiled behaviour. I grant myself cool new items and luxury sometimes, but I think I'm down to earth enough to say I'm not spoiled. During this crisis, it's less than it used to be, but that counts for most people I assume. I think we all need to use our common senses when we need to grid our teeth. Or when we're simply not that rich. 

Another thing is, I purchase, but I don't replace and throw away so easily. Also, especially during these times I keep on conserving items. I don't see the need off replacing tools off every day use so easily when we're content with them. To be honest, if we're sober we can use good stuff and items for a long time. It doesn't need to be replaced with the latest fashion change. I have been collecting items that can withstand change off fashion and which don't go out off style so easily. I think I can use them for times to come. 

I think I'm greedy when I'm wealthy enough for it. Other than that, I conserve a lot. I like to use my common sense with it. So I'm not desperately greedy. But sometimes I like to putchase cool new items. If that's good enough for an answer. 😉 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 17th off February, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's somewhat cold and cloudy today. 

*

My good deed off the day, I'm sorry, I could not resist, was to purchase two boxes off cream puffs. One plain and one with custard inside covered with chocolate, and share them at de Boed during coffee time.  

I was at the local market this morning and I could not resist to purchase these. 1 euro a box. But when going home I was like: 'I can't eat all off these myself, that would be too much for me. What to do with them? Hmmm, share at de Boed.' And it was a good idea. Care staff served them on a rectangular plate and in my eyes, it looked as plenty and fancy as the dessert department off a wok restaurant. I think I really made fellow clients glad with it this afternoon. I'm sensitive for how food is served and on what kind off plate. (I love fancy kitchenware.) I can't stand the crisis to have made nice kitchenware so damn expensive. But I still can get away with what I got 'on the shelves.' It's not state off the art new, but this is a crisis and I think it's still fine. 

People don't realize they can easily do with their ktichenware for several years. Instead off folowing the next hype. But maybe I have no right to speak. I was into purchasing nice stuff all the time back in the days when it was still affordable. Nowadays I'm more spare with what I got but it still works for me. Maybe I should go with that vibe. Not the 'I love kitchenware, let's hoard.' vibe, that's so 2018. But with the 'It's a crisis and let's be sober.' vibe, which does it nowadays. And de Boed still has it's pain and simple kitchenware after years, which is boring and sober but which still does it for them. If they're lucky, the food speaks for itself and it doesn't need it any more fancy. But that is if all off us are lucky. But it's not a restaurant, and usually I have to accept 'It is what it is.' and it's on the boring side. It's my personal challenge to practice more gratitude. Though it's still hard a lot off times with them.   

I can't share the idea too much off sharing. We live in a crisis, and the way things are is murdurous. If we share what we can, I think this is a bit more doable than when we would live it selfish. Even if it's just a pastry with coffee in my case today. I wish more people would be less selfish. But it's a hard discipline for some so it seems, and as far as that goes, I mention they make the main opinion among others. I don't know what this country would look like if that was not the case. Maybe I'm too optimistic about mankind. And selfish is just the way it is. I'm sorry to say. I have the idea the main religions would not neet to excist, waiting for the messiah to come or come back to enlight us, if we would do it all ourselves with planet earth. What if we would truly become enlightned and start to lend each other a hand and share? What if we would become so good the messiah, or Jesus for that matter, would be proud off us if he would come back? Somehow I think the messiah story is not true and they make us run like a donkey after a carrot tied to a bike for it. 

Still I believe mankind could do better than what they do nowadays. It's just in ourselves. And sometimes even I lose hope with that idea if I look at the world surrounding us. I feel such depression, such negativity in the air. In my heart. When I look around and feel. These times are so hard and negative, I think I learned to know mankind a bit better than I did in my naive youth. Still I don't approve off their selfishness. But that's my opinion. And maybe I'm too much off a justice seeker with it and it makes me annoying among others. I display how I think, I act, but I never shove it under their nose. I don't want to start a discussion with, say, an agressive, selfish gorilla off a man with little understanding or his dolled up wife on how I think. I think that simply would not work. I've learned mankind is not pleased when you discuss the matter. It's kinda hard. If I'm lucky, some, say, some people are open for it. But most are not. I wish they where. I must say, mankind is hard to deal with. 

Still, I think we would do good, especially nowadays, to share a bit more among each other. I wish mankind was more easy. Especially during these times. But maybe I'm the hard one. I'm not perfect either. Nobody is perfect. I just wish people would see it more my way. It would make life easier. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

   

Good evening at the 13th off February, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

This morning it has been sunny, and nice weather for a few walks around the neighbourhood. 

*

Any plans for tomorrow? It's going to be Valentine's day.... 

Well, tomorrow is for working in the kitchen. I'm about to prepare quark tart on a friend's request. She purchased the packages, so she provided de Boed a pastry on Thursday. After that I'm going to make mustard soup and after that I'm at de Boed's cooking club. It's buisy with preparing food. The day after that? I think we'll have lemon quark tart with our coffee, and because my friend provided it, there will be tiny white chocolate hearts on it. But I'm going to use a pet peeve: Let's not be too optimistic. The 15th I think they'll publish the growth marks for the economy for the last quarter off a year off 2023, and I think they'll publish the growth marks for the entire year. I suppose they'll be in the negative. But it's going to be a good day for me personal. Thursday is for swimming and a left over mustard soup if de Boed has anything left. 

I can be such a downer to the romantic when I come with that growth mark story. I haven't seen how expensive valentine's gifts and chocolate is this year, but I don't expect anything positive from it. I personal am simply too buisy for valentine's day. I'm not Catwoman waiting for Batman. (Man, I dwell in that couple recently... They're just too sexy.) But let's keep it at it that I'm glad there are tiny white chocolate hearts on the quark tart on Thursday, and that entire thing (Two lemon quark tarts.) will be me and my friend's act off kindness to de Boed and all it's lonely souls. 

I'm considering reading Batman just for the Batman x Catwoman romance. Hence, I even painted my nails black for this week. I'm buisy as a bee and there's no romance for me- that's my answer for this year. Looking romantic? Let's be positive I will shower for tomorrow and wash my hair since there's kitchen work to be done. 

I haven't planned anything special tomorrow. But let's keep Buddha's wisdom in mind: The only special occasion in life, is life itself. So maybe some other day will be romantic for me. Should I keep hope after 31 years off no Valentine? I don't want to sound naive, but maybe, one day in the future but obviously not now. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good afternoon at the 2nd off February, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's cold, cloudy and dreary. 

*

I've read a paranormal magazine which says the Ukraine war will bleed out due to lack off money, people and resources on both sides. It's cheating to share other people's prophecies with you. It's what all prophecies from ParaVisie, a paranormal magazine in the Netherlands, say about the Russia-Ukraine war. That will happen for an end. I haven't seen that scenario lately, it must have been somewhere at the back off my mind, but I couldn't see it all too clear. Allright, I didn't. 

It's not like you can start to make big future plans already, since the economic crisis might take a bit longer for most. And in my opinion, we have to wait untill we have money again before we set the horses on big plans again. Better safe than sorry on everything in my opinion. 

Sometimes all you need is the green, green grass off home. That's why I decided to get to see my family this weekend. I'm at my parental home. It's cozy and nice here. I purchased a cool book at a local bookshop, which has to do with mindfullness and cats, and I would like to inform you all about once I finished it. It's a promise for people who are into such subjects. Buddha, Eastern philosophy, Cats, Ashrams... perfect. 

Translated it's title means 'The monk who loved cats.' (I can't find it's original title.) And it's by Corrado Debiasi, it's often named among authors off my liking like Charlie Mackesy, Hemin Sunim and Hiro Arikawa. It looked like perfection in the window off the bookshop. I was lucky to have the copy from the window, since they where already almost out off it. I could not resist and it's a perfect novell to fill next week evenings with. Or maybe next weekend. I will inform you about it once I finished it. It's truly promising. 

I feel so wobbly and bad tempered at the moment, maybe Buddha has an answer. Like he had on the most difficult struggles with my intense, maddening emotions. I think it's not in this novell, but maybe I can find something, a proverb, a wisdom, that works for me. What to do when you're angry from fear and it's overflowing you like lava? Almost fluid, like warm blood. I'm too familiair with that emotion. If I was a dragon, I would probably burst into fire. It's getting the best off me. Maybe I should start reading my new book when I'm in a more peacefull state off mind. Buddha is too sacred for an angry outburst. (Buddha helps with them. I have these, but Buddhism knew a way to get me over with Vana Events. Maybe it also knows a way to get me over with war and wartime.) 

Don't get me wrong, I would be an angry beast, suffering from old pain and being violent probably if Buddha would not have found me. Short tempered and idiotic, but I prefer wisdom and sanity. Though I'm doing hard with these times. 

I have a request for Dutch publishers, I'm looking for 'The way off Nagomi.' By Ken Mogi, translated in Dutch. Nagomi seems to be a Japanese wisdom off peace, and they have it in English and German, but I can't find a Dutch copy off it. I have read Ikigai from his hand, and simply knowing he has more work which I can't find in my language yet, is not preferable. I would love to see it translated in Dutch, sold at a near bookstore. I would be so thankfull for that. I would love to read it, and fullfill my mind-calming journey through Eastern philosophies and wisdoms. 

Maybe Buddha has found me again. Sending me inspiration in the form off that novell in the window off the bookstore. During a time where I'm doing hard with my fear and anger. But Buddha wishes to save my soul with love and send me that book on my path. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.     

  

 

Good evening at the 1st off February, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a sunny yet cold winter's day. The sun was out and put sparkles over the swimming pool through the windows off the local pool this afternoon. It was a pretty sight. 

*

Yesterday I tried Wednesday Soup making again. Which means a large pot off fresh soup for the lunch off de Boed, a small community centre in Zaandijk, the Netherlands. I prepared classic Dutch vegetable soup. Though I prepare mine with chicken broth and lots off fresh herbs instead off beef broth. I think chicken and herbs tastes better. But I have the luck de Boed provides that. Oregano, Thyme, Basil, Dragon, Sage, and offcourse a leaf off Laurel to pruttle along when preparing it. My hands smelled like garlic and onion after preparing it, but it was fun, people enjoyed their soup, and for me it was perfect to relief my own stress since cooking is what I like to do best. I have quit quite long with Wednesday Soup. I just didn't feel the energy for it the previous half a year. My soup contained meatballs and alphabet vermicelli. Classic Dutch Vegetable soup contains ordinairy vermicelli, but my twist requires letter-shaped vermicelli to make it fun. I have quite my own touch in a classic receipe. But it tastes perfect. 

Soup is perfect to set my mind off off things, and relief my own tension and make days better at de Boed. My soup was missed on Wednesdays and Thursdays. 

I can't cook with so many ingredients during this crisis, since for me on a governmental wage, that's too expensive. But de Boed provides the ingredients, so I can perform my hobby there. And they allow me in their kitchen and do so, since I'm that good at it. It's been a while, and the feeling off doing something that good is addictive. Buddha is probably right, by helping others you make yourself feel better. At least for me it works that way. I don't know about other people.  I think they could use that heart enhancer during these times. Next week I'm onto it again, since it was fun and I felt good at energy. I can't do soup when my energy is low, when I'm unstable and feel too wobbly on my feet from psychosis and depression. But I think they are lucky these weeks. It's just that I told de Boed not to pin me on it since I can fall back and then I have to quit my soupkitchen again when that's the case. 

This morning was for swimming a few lapses again and work my muscles and heart for my personal well-being. I don't seem to slim down from it, I'm still obese. But it's fun and I love to swim each week. But I do so every once a week. Maybe that's too little to see true result from it. But it also works to relief tension and work a way through thoughts. My thoughts can be so stuck at points and things, it's torture. It's hard to deal with. To swim and to cook with lots off ingredients work for me. My mind is pretty stressed due to the Ukraine war and the crisis. And everything being so expensive and most people being too poor. It's incredibly hard for me. I also keep on thinking: I have never met Mr. Right, but what if we go to war with Russia as a NATO and he will die fighting for it when they call people to action to fight there. Then I have never met him and will never meet him in a lifetime. It's a hard thought and I'm stuck on it. What if I miss my chance for true love due to that? I have been single my entire life and it simply never happened. But what if I will remain single due to that war? 

Psychiatric health says I think too much through. I have no relationship and it's not something to seriously take count off since I don't have a relationship to begin with. Still I'm doing hard on it. Maybe it's the reason to have remained single in this entire lifetime. Simply to be spared such a loss. Most off the time I think it's my mental health and my fat ass, and my difficult attitude. but what if it's something bigger? Something serious like that? It could be. It could be... and it's difficult. It's not realistic and people might say I should seek a better excuse for to have remained single my entire life. 

Maybe I have met Mister Right and it simply was not ment to be due to the upcoming crisis and war, and a mental disease and living in a care home. I deserve it, but circumstances... such heavy burdens.... such difficult circumstances! I hope I'm not right for my soulmate to have to fight in Ukraine for NATO business. That would make everything even more sad and dramatic than it already is. Maybe I'm just unlucky and simply pathetic in the eyes off the world to have remained single my entire life. That's just how life can be. 

The stress is even painfull. I feel it in cramps and headaches in my head. As if something scratches my brain. These times are painfull and it's nasty for psychiatric patients. I can't deal with it very well. My head hurts from stress. I believe I have the luck they won't call upon me when they are going to fight, due to my mental health. They can't use a Schizophrenic in the army. I would probably be a burden to them. Aside to that, I have terrible physical condition. Naw, I'm not off use for a real battle. Just let me make soup in the kitchen, and that's my two cents for this wartime. 

High generals and defense ministers all warn a real war is possible for the NATO and the EU. They see it as a real life threat. It's been in the news several times, and it's enough to get me stressed and mad. It takes something from my mental condition. I think I'd better be glad not to have kids during these hard days. I can see the future, but I can't see the end off this war. It's enough to get me. Though I know there will be an end to this war. But it's not favorable for the situation in the world and in the Netherlands to be like this. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

 

Good evening at the 23th off December, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold and cloudy in the Netherlands, with little rain. 

*

Sometimes economy marks are degrading. The Dutch Economy has shrunk this last quarter off a year with 0,3% and it doesn't look positive for the next year. But sometimes progress isn't just economy. Sometimes progress and growing goes with millimeters, where it was first centimeters, or meters. 

The progres off a day can consist a shower, a good night off sleep, a good meal, a small gift to someone or yourself- those things. A clean toilet, a clean kitchen, those sort off things. The Dutch economy doesn't see it back in it's growth marks when you have mopped the floor, but to you it can be progress. I'm speaking in terms off someone who has always been poor and who is a psychiatric patient. The AEX index can be low, and almost all companies except the war driven ones can be at minus in the index part off the newspaper, (I have seen that) but progress should not always be measured in such marks. But in personal steps, the consequences for the surrounding and the amount off wealth you do gain from something. To purchase a small bush off flowers to decorate the table is progress. It looks wealthy to have it on your table, and you become happy from it, And you purchased something which helps the economy, even though it's just a small thing.  

To get out off bed and make a cup off coffee for yourself is progress if you look in the eyes off the mental. To have coffee is wealth nowadays. To cure from the flu or Corona is progress. To let your hair cut is progress. The economy marks are off little importance, as long as this country still makes progress somehow. Personal progress is much more important. To put on a clean t-shirt when you have made stains on it is progress. 

To understand to put your needs first and see them as progress every time you take a step helps to relativate the bad economy. I have tried to do so ever since January this year. Ever since I understood the Dutch economy has shrunk. 

Offcourse we do need the money that comes from the wealth you gain from economic growth. And the progress that does come from economic growth. But as far as this goes, we should be happy we still have everything we need to do what we need to do. And taking steps in what we need to do is true progress from the eyes off a psychiatric patient. Who does hard in that. That's true progress. I hope you can live with that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

     

Good evening at the 5th off December, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's cold and cloudy weather, I hope most kids can say Sinterklaas has been lucky to have arrived not frozen stiff on his horse for their present evening. 

*

De Boed's Sinterklaas party was not that boring at all, they have done their best to make something out off it for us. They had two fellow clients who love to do so dressed as Sinterklaas and Black Pete. They had kruidnoten and chocolate letters for us, and they deserve bonus points the chocolate letters where picked well and not just a cheap random milk letter, but duo S (From 'Sinterklaas.') Milk and white both in a fancy duo letter. They really made something cool out off it. They had it for all clients. They had hot chocolate with whipped cream, and small chocolate kruidnoten for us on the tables. It was quite crowded. People who usually don't visit, came especially for Sinterklaas today. They did an intervieuw with Sinterklaas, and though the humor was a bit lame, he performed well as Sinterklaas and it's a chapeau for the person who played Sinterklaas. 

At home, I felt like eating the letter and I ate it entirely. I felt I had enough chocolate for today, but I have been almost hoarding Sinterklaas chocolate on a discount at the supermarket yesterday. So I have been donating two bags to the give away closet this afternoon. To have eaten all off that myself would have been too much. But now I gave some Sinterklaas treats to a stranger today. I really don't know who picks the stuff from the give away closet. But that's it's power: both giving and taking can be done entirely anonymously, especially when the hallway is empty. Though I know some people saw me donating a few times. One time I directly handed something to a fellow client immediately, so about that one I know. But usually it's for strangers. And on the other hand, my problem with getting rid off chocolates was solved that way. And the bottle off Vanilla Pumpkin showercream probably has been received well. 

I never take from the give away closet myself. There's never something in it I would like to have. Usually people seem to dump old books and DVD's in it. There are good titles among it, but I do hard concentrating, so I don't read or watch much. And I'm good in items I need. I have a storage room filled with everything to survive the next months. I don't need anything. In an impulse, last donation for today, I have been donating Robijn Zwitsal laundry wash and softner. One bottle off each down the hallway. Because I felt fed up with price increasement and felt like 'I could do that.' for someone. (Robijn is a very expensive brand. Most people who live here love it, but can't afford or can't afford anymore.) It's an act off rebellion against price increasement so you could see it. I had to protect myself against donating more. Since I know I have to pass some time with the boxes myself. 

I decided to donate a Christmas gift each Sunday these weeks, one on Christmas eve, and one on Christmas day itself. And then only when I need something myself again and I can miss it. That way, it's a little more sober, but probably more acceptable. Since every day is something from before the crisis. And I'm not a millionaire either. Sunday makes it a bit more special. I hope the donations will get to reliable people. Not one person for four to five gifts since that's a bit unfair in my eyes. But simply one for each finder. 

I have the feeling I won't be so generous again after prices have truly enlowered, and the world is back to normal again and I feel people could easily purchase it themselves again, also on a low budget. I believe that time will come, long or short term, and my generousity is no longer this much needed. That counts for those Christmas gifts. Every day items from multipacks still will be donated out off charity. Or should I continue? 

For those truly poor, it sure is a good thing to have such a thing on hand. If I was old, very poor and dependant, I would love someone who regulairly donated shower gel and laundry wash. Those people also don't have access to the internet. So they can't purchase on massive discounts themselves. I believe they think I won the lottery or something when they see my donated items. I know the prices in stores, I also know it comes from a good and well ment heart. It's small effort to me, and I truly believe I do well in the eyes off the higher being. It also has a truly spiritual side to donate to me. Maybe I'm earning my place in heaven by it. Or my angel wings. I don't know, but it surely feels good to help others this way. Karma is a good thing. And the world and this country especially, can use this kind off positivity. The Netherlands is dwelling in cranky negativity lately. I just hope it will be received well, by several people. Not just one profiteer who takes them all. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

     

Good morning at the 2nd off December, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is a cold and cloudy day in the Netherlands. 

December has started, I already unwrapped box 1 and 2 from my Essence adventcalendar. I must say, the gifts are quite good. 

*

December is for the holidays. I had planned to save out on it, but I failed and I went wild on holiday shower stuff and make-up from expensive, cruelty free and green brands. I can't resist. 😔 It's my weakness. The whole year, I'm kinda sober. I even saved out on winter clothes and I usually am sober with my money. Especially during this crisis. But holiday cosmetics? Just too good. I love myself some. A whole lot off it, actually. I believe I have to take it sober again for the rest off the year, but this year I have been playing Santa Claus for myself. But the magic off holiday scents and make-up from my favourite brands is enough to make me seriously splurge on it. Allright, I'm no saint after all. I'm just a girl with a holiday cosmetics tic. But I decided to let myself since I am just a girl who 'needs it every often.' to do so. I think I should not be so harsh on myself and let that part off myself get the hand again when it's January and things go depressingly back to normal these days.  

Today it's Saturday. I have also been re-filling some stock items (Also shower stuff), and that means luck for the people who take from the give away closet. Today there will arrive a multipack off showergel, and yesterday was for two tubes off toothpaste in the morning for them. A box off body butter arrived in the evening. I didn't feel like going out to the hall late in the evening in PJ's, my hair all messy since I was in bed already when the parcel arrived. (The mail delivery guy saw me like that. But it could be worse.) I decided to wait untill today. If the shower gel has arrived this afternoon, the person who finds this donation has both a shower gel and a body butter for today. The rest off it goes into my storage room. 

I also have been donating some small gifts Yves Rocher sends with their parcels. Small bottles off limited edition shower gel and two make-up bags. (I kept one make-up bag myself.) Their shower gel doesn't do well for my skin, but maybe someone else likes it. haha, I give away small gifts for the holidays this season. Their make-up and perfumes I like to keep for myself, though. 

Lately I have also been donating a (Medium sized bottle off) perfume which I found more suitable for elder ladies, and a mascara I had left. Maybe someone catches a man due to it. Fluttering their eyelashes and smelling like some olden days goddess. I also have been donating toilet paper and festive handsoap these days. It's always good to give. 

And then my 5th off December gift: A bottle off Vanilla Pumpkin showergel from The Body shop. It's by accident. I thought I ordered two off them, but I turned out to have received three. I could keep the third myself easily, but it will be a Sinterklaas donation to the give away closet. The person who finds it is extremely lucky. These bottles sell for 7 euro's each. (But it's the holidays and I allowed it to myself.) Maybe I should decorate it with a festive ribbon, but down to earth as people here are, they could see it as waste to put something on it that makes it a real present. I have already been using the Vanilla Pumpkin handcream, it's divine. 💃 I also already have been spraying on Yves Rocher holiday scent. I smell like I'm allready 'in the mood.' for Christmas. But so to say, the person to find that showergel the 5th, is one lucky Sinterklaas bird. Sinterklaas excists that day for them. 

Usually, real life Christmas is a bit dissapointing when you work towards it like this. It's usually very boring just to sit in the house, stuff yourself with decadent food, and watch TV- As if there's anything special going to happen. But that's most people's Christmas. Collecting the cosmetics ahead to Christmas is waaay more fun. Or if I would visit my family, gift shopping is fun. Not the boring day itself. It's a bit off a downer. That's why I decided to make myself usefull and bake de Boed's Christmas cakes. My family will visit me at third Christmas day this year. So they take count off it and they accept. 

Sometimes I wish I had a nice guy to lay aside to in bed. Not even having sex, but waking up togheter and cuddle in the morning. That one special man to fullfill my days with. But I'm a crazy old spinster with a work-Christmas ahead. Other people are lucky I'm single this year. I'm lucky for not having inlaws to purchase presents to, so I could splurge on Christmas make-up. But will Christmas be fun? Mwah. It's lonesome. I wish I was hard headed enough to stick to my point off being a lucky old spinster. But it's cold outside and there's lonesome holidays ahead. I don't know why I feel it more this year than I did previous editions off Christmas. Sometimes it's not easy being me... 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 27th off November, 2023.

Good evening everyone, 

Cold, rainy winds are blowing around the home. It's depressing and dark outside for the biggest part off the day. 

*

During this crisis, I decided 'Let's play a game, a vintage game.' with myself. I decided to keep it cheap and vintage these days, but utmost taken care off as far as I'm capable these days. It's not spic and span, far from, but it's a little more groomed in my home. I didn't decide to dress like a vintage home maker, (House wife is not the term. I'm nobody's wife, but I still feel very homey and comfortable in my own small home.) But to kill some time with myself and the -otherwise stressing- crisis, I decided to keep myself buisy with things. 

Today I decided to bake two plain cakes for de Boed's afternoon coffee moment tomorrow after grocery shopping, but I decided to put my heart in it and do it well, and clean the kitchen as good as possible afterwards. I borrowed a bowl from de Boed again for this, which required quite a lot off batter, and I worked with a baking mold I got from a fellow client, and a mixer I got from my mom. The eggs where quite expensive, but I had purchased a small box only with just the amount for these cakes. Instead off cream butter, which would have been completely a home maker's pride, I baked with cheap margarine. It's not authentic, it's not above all, but these times require solutions and ways I otherwise would not use. (Due to money.) 

Fellow clients seem to donate items for cupcakes / muffins a lot. A baking tin and cupcake papers. I should make use off it, but it's for 'once.' 'Who knows, once, maybe after this crisis.' They seem to understand, but I feel almost guilty not using their items. They're requesting muffins / cupcakes so it seems, but I can't help them to that soon. It's for 'Once, after this crisis is over. I'm sorry, though.' Still they are so nice to donate. I'm still glad they understand. 

Still, it's allright to have baked these and have this with our Bingo-afternoon coffee. Tuesday is bingo afternoon at de Boed, a small community centre in Zaandijk. I hope people have nothing to complain over, and finish these entirely. A bigger reward than their enjoyment simply isn't for me. 

Better than this small home maker's joy there won't be tomorrow for them. 60's home maker's pride. And it's from a box. In a land before time, I would not let myself get away with it this way, but the box had to be finished, it's rainy weather all week, times are depressing, but now there's at least cake for me and my fellow clients during bingo time. And cheap and vintage are in fashion these times. Last week, the women at de Boed felt like fancy vintage ladies with their raisin cake, and it had one request for a birthday the upcoming month. I even seem to do business with it. (Which means I'm good. The trick with these raisin cakes is to stuff them well.) Vintage style does something to them. Maybe because they are all from an elder generation with their youth during the days I roleplay. In this area, 60's, 70's and 80's vintage never goes out off style. I dwell in it, I love it. It's the style from the common people that does it best here. Zaanstad is build with the hands off factory workers. 

Maybe I should not over-act on plain cakes. Who knows what kind off fool I think myself later on, after the crisis is over. It's just plain cake, after all. I could see it that way, I could roleplay as a 60's home maker and make it my pride to have these for my fellow clients tomorrow. And see it in a more mild light. It's just a little imagnation to solve the problem off it being old fashioned and cheap. And I think my fellow clients still will love it tomorrow with their afternoon coffee. 

We're all gritting our teeth this entire Sinterklaas period. I hope people won't go too harsh on our cakes. (Like, being jealouse or not even granting us these.) I think we deserve them. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good afternoon at the 22th off October, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's cold outside with here and there a small hint off sun. But it's still cold. 

*

Today we had a little insecurity with de Boed being open or not, due to lack off staff. But they found someone who wanted to work today, so we have luck and there will be cake this afternoon with our coffee. Otherwise it had to wait untill tomorrow, but I think in this time and day such a cake is a bit too special for a plain old Monday. No matter how much it should be cheered up during a cold crisis autumn. So for this afternoon, on a cold autumn crisis Sunday, there will be a scrumptious banana cake. 

I had even more off a downer, the give away shop was closed for fellow clients this week. Due to lack off staff. So the laundry softner give away has to wait untill they fixed that. Luckily laundry softner doesn't spoil. I was afraid I had to dust off some old Buddha wisdom: 'The only special occasion in life, is life itself.' And I had to accept the way it worked out this week. But with the cake we have luck, and the laundry softner will be solved next week, once there will be staff for the give away shop again. In their defence, the give away shop is run by clients who can feel it's too much sometimes. So I think I should not be too harsh on them. And it doesn't actually matter when I actually make people happy with laundry softner, this week or next week, as long as it takes place. 

When you're permanently sick, that Buddhistic wisdom 'The only special occasion in life, is life itself.' Is truly one off the best, since it takes count off circumstances where we can be doing bad and not celebrate something on the day itself. Buddha forgives when we do so later on. I love Buddha for it. Buddha has mercy for us. Sometimes things in the world work out like that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

 

 

Good evening at the 30th off September, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's cloudy and the evening and the mornings are fresh, but during daytime it's warm. 

*

This morning I baked a fresh bitterkoekjes cake. (Bitterkoekjes are traditional Dutch cookies, they're like Italian Amaretti, but more dense.) Because I had to finish ingredients I had on stock in my cupboard. (Including Bitterkoekjes.) Otherwise I would not have purchased the eggs and cream butter for this, since that's expensive these days. But I had so much on stock, not to purchase eggs and butter would have been a waste. 

The receipe comes from  the book 'Cakes' by Rutger van den Broek. I feel I haven't made anything from him in months, or even a year. 

Tomorrow it's getting even more luxurious at de Boed, a small community centre in Zaandijk, the Netherlands, because I have a nice new cake plate, decorated with black inked flowers, and the cake came out perfectly even. I don't buy kitchenware so often anymore, but one morning I felt I could not resist, and this ended up with me outside the store (After paying for it, ofcourse.) Actually it's too expensive in my opinion, but I just could not resist that day. Now I can kinda flaunt with it during Sunday afternoon coffee time. 

I haven't baked like this from scratch in months. Usually it's waaaaaay too expensive these days, but today was fine with me for now. I'm going to share it with my fellow clients at de Boed's Sunday afternoon coffee. They haven't seen it like this for a while.  Really, I could ask 5 euro's a slice nowadays if I was a coffee shop or a restaurant. But I'm not going to do so. It will be donated with pride and love, and fellow clients can have it for free if they like. Their appreciation is my reward. This, displayed at the coffee trolley or table, all nice and pretty, people being capable to take a slice off it, is also a reward for my pride in myself. It's sooo incredibly good it came out even. 

I can't bake every week anymore, so if people expect that from me: I have to dissapoint you. It's only spare and really only once in a while. Other than that it can't take place. I hope people tomorrow will enjoy.

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 7th off September, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Tonight my curtains are closed, which means I can´t see the weather outside for now. 

*

There is something I wish to share with you, it's been on my mind for quite some time. 

Muslims call it Sadaqua, It's part off Christian religion and Buddhists swear by it and say it has huge impact on your next lives. I mean charity. The art off donating goods, food and money to those who do less and share in your wealth. 

It's just that I haven't found only one pagan god or godess who rules charity. Donating items, to get human beings closer to the gods, is not part off western pagan religion and it lacks it. Especially in times like this. I feel close to god when donating items to the give away closet down the hall, But to say I donate for the holy father out off the name off the lord goes too far and is not what I seek for when trying to describe the holy feeling I get when sharing items with gratefull people who appreciate. Their gratefullness is my biggest reward, and it's truly a divine feeling I got from it. It's just that there is no god or godess who hits the nail on the head and claims it as theirs. Just like the feeling off compassion for the other. Whatever you do is returned three times back to you, but it's no feeling off compassion for a soul that's descripted. Compassion is the kind off chivalry you feel for someone when they do less in your eyes, but you wish to lend them a hand. Or the feeling to let someone go who has done wrong to you. For something that didn't matter at all to you. 

I think pagans are a bit selfish. I talk about the modern folks who say 'seize the day.' And live happily for themselves without looking after the other. It's a Christian habbit and I appologize if I offend someone with it, but it's been the Christians who came with that idea in western Europe. 

In christianity and all monotheistic religions, they await the return off the messiah to relief us from doom and our sins. Because they believe we can't do it ourselves and mankind is selfish to begin with. We can't help ourselves according to them. 

But what if they are wrong? What if mankind can take it upon them to free themselves from hatred and greed, and start truly practicing the good values and don't need Jezus Christ or the messiah anymore? Most off the time I have low faith in mankind either. Just another murder, just another war, just another act out off selfishness in the headlines off the news. Is there truly no hope for mankind? You'd start to believe they are all death rotten evil on the inside. But what if... 

What if there is still only a spark off hope,  and mankind can become a good society where everyone fullfills their part and accepts one another (To begin with) And start practicing good deeds and acts off kindness and works hard alltogheter to improve the world? 

Today I donated a toothbrush in the package from Colgate and a tube off Prodent cool mint toothpaste to the give away closet down the hall. My act off kindness today was donating a fresh breath and a groomed mouth to someone. Sometimes it's that simple, to do good. I have to be honest with you that I purchase these items in multipacks with huge discounts on the internet, and that I can miss a package or two sometimes. Not everyone has that luxury. But somehow I believe it's not hard, if you can afford, to step over your pride and your ego, and donate to poor people. 

These times are so selfish and egocentric, it's disgusting. And it's looked down upon to do something against it and do something at all for the other. To be honest, like with everything in my life, I follow my own path since I believe to give and donate is utmost good. The give away closet usually looks a bit empty. But I can barely turn my back and re-watch and my donations are gone. Lately I had two pumps off Dettol hand soap for the poor people off my small appartment flat. I got back to my home, and half an hour later when passing by they where gone. People can use my gifts. But somehow I would like to see there where more like me who could or who simply would donate. Maybe they should promote the whole idea off the give away closet to people. I like to believe the people who live in this building are too poor to donate something themselves, not selfish. Maybe they don't have the capacity to be able to miss something like I do with my huge stock in the storage room. (I should try to finish items first before purchasing something new. That's going to be the goal for the next half a year.) But still, if I receive a multipack off goods, I donate a package down the hall for those who can use it. 

I do so with shampoo, conditioner, showergel, bodybutter, toothpaste, laundry wash and softner, toothbrushes, and so on. I believe lately I made someone very happy with a shower foam. I have been doing so for quite some time. I do so for the grace off god and the gods and buddha. That almighty feeling I have inside when putting something in there. And the feeling I made people happy with it. It's good to give. 

It's just that pagans should have a god where this belongs with. To donate, to give, and to share. And examples (Tales and legends) off people who got rewarded for gifts. In my opinion, some things should be stated in as many religions as possible. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good morning at the 15th off July, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today the weather was sunny, muddy and cloudy. It's been the perfect weather to proof the Netherlands is a river swamp somehow. It's been raining a few drops here and there. 

*

I'm going through a rough period off time in my life. With a few hardships. There have been nasty things going on at de Boed, and in my personal life, a few people died. Not really close to me, but close enough to feel it. 

Sometimes I feel the crisis can be over just tomorrow, and the other day I feel we are all going to die and the world will end somehow. It's all a possibility, it's all true intuition during this war with Russia and I don't want to cause panic, or share too much details about this war in public, since that can better be kept secret at this point off the war. Still I foresee the next year will be another year off war and crisis. So keep that in mind, and try to prepare and still make the best out off it the way you probably can. 

I'm so gratefull for life and for karma, that I can live, eat, wash, and even drink alcohol free white wine without too much trouble these days. I have big luck with it. Despite the price for it is a life in psychiatric health care, in a small village in a small home. Under normal circumstances, you wouldn't envy me at all. I hope you can still see that clear, and not bewoe me for being mental but still having my own home to live during these spare times. 

I hope the normal circumstances will come back soon. I have the smell off my own thought out banana cake or a banana bread in my nose. It's too expensive to prepare one these days. I haven't made one with fresh cookie spices and nuts in a while. It's just way too much. Still I feel as if I can smell one. Maybe I miss it to make them. A girl in psychiatric health doesn't need a boyfriend, but her own thought out receipe for banana cake always saves the day. No matter how boring it seems to become. I feel like a superhero without being capable to perform an attack. The Kremlin took away that capability, and now we are without banana cake. I don't know when it will come back. I do know my food processor and cake molds seem a bit empty nowadays. Last week I prepared summer cake with sprinkles, and health care says people are short on nothing ('Ze komen hier niks te kort hoor, Maaike. Dus het is niet erg als je een keer niet bakt.') despite not being capable to bake, but still - it's nasty and it's a win for Russia. 

I have the feeling, in my life the biggest luxury is off. I'm not capable to bake expensive goods, or purchase new winter clothes or the latest cookbooks. But still- alcohol free beverages during the weekend. I can't shop for too much this year. Though my basics in life seem pretty granted. Even if the European Union takes off the gas ceiling. I'm lucky with that. Still I have to do with last year's clothes. they're still perfect for this winter and I have the feeling there's nothing wrong with re-wearing them. It can even safe out off the environment and keep me from over-spending at all. During a normal year, it would have been quite respectable. Now it's a necessity, but maybe there's also something good in it. I think I will re-wear them even the year after that, as far as I foresee 2024 is also going to be a nasty crisis year. I think the environment will be even more gratefull towards me if I can make that come true. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good evening at the 7th off July, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

The weather today is bright, hot summer weather. It's a clear sky with sunshine and a mild wind outside. Still due to the sun, it's not preferable to go outside for me today. 

*

I have been skipping a weekend at my family twice because I didn't have the money to travel there. You can't spend what you don't have, it's as simple as that. And I have been fullfilling a few duties these weekends. This weekend I can't attend there because it's way too hot outside. It's uneasy for me to travel a long distance and stay somewhere else this weekend. 

I have been using my mind and baked a summer cake for Sunday instead. Tomorrow it's going to be too hot to bake. So this morning, when everything was still cool, I have been setting my mind off off things and have been baking a cake from a package which said 'summer cake.' Simply to try the taste. I'm going to finish it off Sunday morning by preparing it's topping, and decorate it with some green, white and yellow coconut sprinkles from my pantry. (That's my own adjustment.) I have been preparing it a bit more professional than the instruction on the back off the package. Adjusting one egg at a time for example, instead off adjusting them all at once. It became more fluffy that way. It's a simple cake, but made with care and love. Like all my bakings. I think people at de Boed will be glad for it since our Sundays are always boring with little to do. 

I haven't been capable to bake for a while. Most ingredients are way too expensive for me during this crisis. Eggs and cream butter are through the roof, not to speak off flour. Which has increased probably most due to the war in Ukraine. So, setting my mind off by baking was something pretty rare for this period off time. I don't know if that's the reason for little blogging. Sometimes I don't know what else to share but the pride off a home made baking on this weblog. At least that's been the case previous year. This year I don't do it so often. But this Sunday I'm going to share a picture with you. 

Baking is also a way for me to release agression and tense. I'm creating something good with it that way. I hate how the crisis has made everything so expensive. 

The crisis hits hard on us. Somehow I hope most people do their best not to be selfish and share in a healthy way what they got with people who do less. 

Somehow I would like the millionairs and the rich people from Castricum and it's surrounding to share more with poor people during the crisis. I have seen cars that are almost unbelievable during a crisis at the Soomerwegh. But people from Noord-Kennemerland seem to care little to nothing about people who do less than them, always selfish and arrogant about what they got compared to the other. During a crisis, I think that's not the way to be, to be honest. They hold a celebration over the back off poor people. That's how the elite seems there. Ignorant, insanely rich, and extremely right-winged in politics. As if the world couldn't cripple more under such behaviour. I wish they would have the heart to do something instead off what I've seen. 

I hope people at home, wherever they live, still keep their heads held up high during this crisis, no matter how harsh, and lend a hand where they can to soften the suffering from their peers. Previous week we had a birthday at de Boed. The woman who had it couldn't afford two quark tarts, (She asked me to make them) so I donated the second one to her for free. I see that as decent behaviour. Her money could owe up to most ingredients, so I didn't do it for completely free. But I decided to pay the rest off the costs for two off them and still help her celebrate her birthday. It's evil how much preparing a quark tart costs these days. They used to be as cheap as the streetbricks. Perfectly affordable for those who had little money. Nowadays it's too much to prepare them every often, as much as I'd like to for de Boed. And only for serious celebrations since the crisis and the war broke out. 

After staying at home for two weeks, my money got re-filled, and if the weather works with, I can go to Castricum to visit my mom next week. It's about time, I haven't been there since Mother's day. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.   

Things that make me happy

 

Good evening everyone, 

I feel like sharing those fun and nice things that give my life fullfillment and make me love my life, despite being in mental health and missing out on the regulair things as an adult (A career and a family). Maybe you put inspiration out off it to do something fun yourself. Who knows. I'm so fed up with all the negativity in life and the massive dip the world is in at the moment. We need more positivity! 

1. 80's hits 

2. Donating bakings to the local community centre 

3. Doing the laundry and having clean clothes 

4. A clean bed 

5. Lame Bert & Ernie humor 

6. Donating laundry wash to the give away shop / performing acts off charity (Especially when received gratefully) 

7. The elder generation and making them happy / imagining myself in their era and loving it. (I'm born in the wrong era. I would have loved to have lived through the end off the 20th century. ) 

8. Sharing drink or coffee pictures on Facebook, thinking I share a drink with my vieuwers, or sharing a picture off my morning tea and wishing them a good morning.  

9. Sending postcards to family 

10. Bargains 

11. Fun prints on fabrics 

12. Realizing I cope well with the crisis and believing I will make it through 

13. Giving presents and gifts to others 

14. Visiting old cities and having coffee and shopping in city centres 

15. Markets 

16. Blooming flowers 

17. Streets covered with flowers on the sides 

18. Christmas 

19. My mom 

20. Sunbathing on moderate warm days 

21. Coffee 

22. My house plants 

23. Buddha and Buddhism 

24. The colours Pink, red, yellow and orange (The more vibrant the better) 

25. Nailpolish 

26. Cats 

27. Accepting myself and my flaws, realizing I'm just the way I am and still loving myself despite it all. I love that about myself. 

28. Doing good for others 

29. My brother Tim 

30. My brother Rick 

31. Well tasting fries (It's almost an art to make them perfect. A snackbar or restaurant who has them perfect, and perfect to taste deserves an award nowadays) Salt & crispy, just like they're supposed to. 

32. The interior to my small home 

33. Being fresh when I have showered and washed myself 

34. Not taking things and people too serious. Seeing them with a sense off humor works for me. 

35. My humor. Some loathe it. But I personally love it and I can laugh out loud about myself. Oh woe to those who take themselves too seriously. 

36. Reaching for that little extra. An extra performance, an extra act, being and doing a bit better than what an average human would do. (Because they don't care or are lazy.) People are often a bit slacking at points where I simply do it. I love that about myself. Just taking the extra mile makes me proud off myself. 

37. Acting modest and not egocentric. If you wish to be an every day superhero, it's best not to act out off a big ego. People might think you have it high in your head. Just do it, and still be modest and kind to the world. I love how it works out. People appreciate me though they don't think I'm selfish or a brag out. Act down to earth, and they will love you even more if you help.  

38. Sarah Brightman 

39. The cooking bible series 

40. Toblerone 

41. People who are an Aries off zodiac sign 

42. When I have plenty to give & share with people, for example food, and I don't have to measure out so everyone 'at least has a bite.' I want them all to have a good portion off whatever it is I'm sharing 

43. Ladybugs randomly showing up to me, signing good fortune and wishes coming true to me (To me they do that every often) 

44. The internet and being on the computer. But everything in moderation. It's a great invention and it's very handy, but I'm not an addict and it's used to my advance. 

45. Being fortunate enough to have fun with small amounts off money, and doing things I like with it. I'm capable to buy and give without having to be extremely sober with it. 

46. Writing in my diary / on my weblog about my day. Lately my diary has my preference. I have been realizing I'm not Napoleon, or someone else off importance. I haven't occupied France. Who the hell cares what I'm doing? It's not read. So my diary is my personal preference to journal at the moment. 

47. Sweet, alcohol free white wine with fizz. (Bubbles) sided with my favourite nut mix on a Saturday evening 

48. Not caring about what the world thinks off me most off the time. 

49. Swimming 

50. Putting new, freshly bought items to use. Like wearing them, eating them, writing in them, and so on. 

It's pretty much. I haven't thought I would come this far. I decide to end at 50. But my life is fun, meaningfull and I love it. Despite being in a psychiatric care home. To me it doesn't matter how far off I am, as long as it's still fun. 

I hope you enjoyed this list! 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.