Good evening everyone,
Today was a sunny yet cold winter's day. The sun was out and put sparkles over the swimming pool through the windows off the local pool this afternoon. It was a pretty sight.
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Yesterday I tried Wednesday Soup making again. Which means a large pot off fresh soup for the lunch off de Boed, a small community centre in Zaandijk, the Netherlands. I prepared classic Dutch vegetable soup. Though I prepare mine with chicken broth and lots off fresh herbs instead off beef broth. I think chicken and herbs tastes better. But I have the luck de Boed provides that. Oregano, Thyme, Basil, Dragon, Sage, and offcourse a leaf off Laurel to pruttle along when preparing it. My hands smelled like garlic and onion after preparing it, but it was fun, people enjoyed their soup, and for me it was perfect to relief my own stress since cooking is what I like to do best. I have quit quite long with Wednesday Soup. I just didn't feel the energy for it the previous half a year. My soup contained meatballs and alphabet vermicelli. Classic Dutch Vegetable soup contains ordinairy vermicelli, but my twist requires letter-shaped vermicelli to make it fun. I have quite my own touch in a classic receipe. But it tastes perfect.
Soup is perfect to set my mind off off things, and relief my own tension and make days better at de Boed. My soup was missed on Wednesdays and Thursdays.
I can't cook with so many ingredients during this crisis, since for me on a governmental wage, that's too expensive. But de Boed provides the ingredients, so I can perform my hobby there. And they allow me in their kitchen and do so, since I'm that good at it. It's been a while, and the feeling off doing something that good is addictive. Buddha is probably right, by helping others you make yourself feel better. At least for me it works that way. I don't know about other people. I think they could use that heart enhancer during these times. Next week I'm onto it again, since it was fun and I felt good at energy. I can't do soup when my energy is low, when I'm unstable and feel too wobbly on my feet from psychosis and depression. But I think they are lucky these weeks. It's just that I told de Boed not to pin me on it since I can fall back and then I have to quit my soupkitchen again when that's the case.
This morning was for swimming a few lapses again and work my muscles and heart for my personal well-being. I don't seem to slim down from it, I'm still obese. But it's fun and I love to swim each week. But I do so every once a week. Maybe that's too little to see true result from it. But it also works to relief tension and work a way through thoughts. My thoughts can be so stuck at points and things, it's torture. It's hard to deal with. To swim and to cook with lots off ingredients work for me. My mind is pretty stressed due to the Ukraine war and the crisis. And everything being so expensive and most people being too poor. It's incredibly hard for me. I also keep on thinking: I have never met Mr. Right, but what if we go to war with Russia as a NATO and he will die fighting for it when they call people to action to fight there. Then I have never met him and will never meet him in a lifetime. It's a hard thought and I'm stuck on it. What if I miss my chance for true love due to that? I have been single my entire life and it simply never happened. But what if I will remain single due to that war?
Psychiatric health says I think too much through. I have no relationship and it's not something to seriously take count off since I don't have a relationship to begin with. Still I'm doing hard on it. Maybe it's the reason to have remained single in this entire lifetime. Simply to be spared such a loss. Most off the time I think it's my mental health and my fat ass, and my difficult attitude. but what if it's something bigger? Something serious like that? It could be. It could be... and it's difficult. It's not realistic and people might say I should seek a better excuse for to have remained single my entire life.
Maybe I have met Mister Right and it simply was not ment to be due to the upcoming crisis and war, and a mental disease and living in a care home. I deserve it, but circumstances... such heavy burdens.... such difficult circumstances! I hope I'm not right for my soulmate to have to fight in Ukraine for NATO business. That would make everything even more sad and dramatic than it already is. Maybe I'm just unlucky and simply pathetic in the eyes off the world to have remained single my entire life. That's just how life can be.
The stress is even painfull. I feel it in cramps and headaches in my head. As if something scratches my brain. These times are painfull and it's nasty for psychiatric patients. I can't deal with it very well. My head hurts from stress. I believe I have the luck they won't call upon me when they are going to fight, due to my mental health. They can't use a Schizophrenic in the army. I would probably be a burden to them. Aside to that, I have terrible physical condition. Naw, I'm not off use for a real battle. Just let me make soup in the kitchen, and that's my two cents for this wartime.
High generals and defense ministers all warn a real war is possible for the NATO and the EU. They see it as a real life threat. It's been in the news several times, and it's enough to get me stressed and mad. It takes something from my mental condition. I think I'd better be glad not to have kids during these hard days. I can see the future, but I can't see the end off this war. It's enough to get me. Though I know there will be an end to this war. But it's not favorable for the situation in the world and in the Netherlands to be like this.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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