Good evening at the 21st off February, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

This evening it's raining heavily, care takers arrive soakingly wet at our homes after being out. 

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Today was for seeing the psychiatrist for my yearly mandatory visit. Usually they visit at home and I tell them how I'm doing. Today I had to go to the location. After that, I went to the weekly market in Wormerveer. Usually, I don't attend there due to Wednesday soup making. Which was missed by fellow clients, but what could I do? I had that appointment there and then.  I passed by Edo's working office. It's quite an impressive office and I was glad I had felt the need to put on 'grocery shopping make-up.' today. Mascara and a nude lipstick. Simply for 'the neat.'  I didn't feel so insecure as I would have done without it. I didn't run into him, he had probably business elsewhere to do. It's already hard being a psychiatric patient and being fat and looking handicapped. Make-up made me feel like I could bat my eyes to him and made him at least see me. But that's a 'what if.' story I can't confirm today. So, I found out where my small crush works. I suppose I can't lay a finger on him under my circumstances. But still, the thrill off it... (Edo is not his real name, but a nickname I made up for this weblog.) 

The market was fun. I love daily life week markets. Not just the fantasy or comic themed ones, but the every day markets where you can find the good foods and household items. I haven't purchased as much a I would have done without the crisis. Not much at all. I felt it was appropriate to wear my small amount off make-up, and there where no slungy trouble makers at the market. My care taker at the psychiatric health office complimented me on my lipstick. She said it looked good on me. I have been wearing it for over 4 years every week to the supermarket. So I suppose I picked a right one for it. I made a round about the square and the shops siding it, then put on lipstick again, since it was Wormerveer and Edo works there and he could see me. I think I did not do bad on it. People liked my simple yet groomed look. By the way, the psychiatrist knows about 'High sensitive.' people, and he said I was. Someone who knows what it means in psychiatry! I have been discussing my nerves about the crisis and people looking shabby out on the street and me feeling such pity with them. And my concernes about the world, and being spiritual and the danger to 'float' with it. The psychiatrist called me high sensitive, not mad. And he agreed on some off my subjects. It's a pity he's a replacement for someone, and he will stop working there in March. I think it's finally someone who understands. Not some high-educated bookworker. Psychiatric health craves such good people. It's a miss they will lose him. 

I think I'm not much fun in the evening for a man, when I'm all exhausted in bed. Tired as a streetbrick from to have been buisy. These weeks that happened every day. It's 'psychiatric patient things' to be exhausted easily and to prefer to be in bed and rest early over sitting in the living room, let alone something fun to do. But I have to chose myself over a man. My health and well-being goes first. And this is still a massive crisis. I can't live on governmental wage in the outside world. I can't live in the outside world anyway. I'm not stable enough and too sensitive for that. Though the psychiatrist called me stable and saw no issues for a psychiatrist in me today. It's improvement. I wish they would keep him. But offcourse he's just too perfect. He said I do well. But still, it's a matter off a calm sorrounding and enough rest, a simple life and a strict and easy routine. I simply would not dare to lay that in the hands off an average man. Health care is safe for me and I'm fine with it. And this life gives meaning. It's something people crave: Meaning. It's better than a bad relationship in my opinion. People assume I'm a loser for not having someone and having no kids. But I don't feel that way. Life isn't so bad in here if you're not drawn to modern luxury like most people and know how to give purpose to it. Then it's even adventurous and romantic. Especially given the surrounding. It's better than a book. A vintage classic that should be a bestseller in my case. I can live with it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.