Good evening at the 24th off June, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright and sunny. Tomorow they forecasted even higher temperatures, which is not to my liking. I hate tropical heath. I´m more a person for cooler temperatures. 

*

I don't feel like it. 

We're stuck in a crisis with prices enhighering, for food, clothes, services, everything. It's an art to behave well- thought out and sober. And I used to manage that quite well. Untill somehow my depression faded off and I decided I wanted to Live. I wish to go out to lunchrooms, and go shoping, and do fun things. I decided to save out on clothes and not wear make-up, since in my depressive period I thought I barely cared about them anymore. I started to care again, but I decided to keep it moderate and just deal with what I've got. I have never been a Barbiedoll or into big fashion, so it's not much off a thing for me. I can handle it. 

But not going anywhere and having to spend a lot off time at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk? That's too much for me. I don't like hanging around there anymore. Since fellow clients are disrupting the spirits that hang there. It's always negative, they fight each other, they are hatefull all the time, break out in agression or are just hard to deal with. It's not to my liking anymore, and I'm not there for my peace anymore. So I decided I need to escape every often to keep my piece off sanity and not get into their business too much, hard as they are at the moment. But that requires money. It requires big bucks to live at the moment, so I need to think a bit better before spending. I hate my fellow clients at the moment. I can't stand being around them and it's impossible to overcome. Not because they hate on me, but because they are too much in their mental needs and mental diseases at the moment. 'They can't help it.' 'You should try to get over with it.' And so on, and care takers tell me that all the time. But too much is too much, somewhere up to here. So I have to puzzle ways to have lunch at other places without having to cross them. I won't share too much details about it, except that it drains me. 

Another jigsaw: Puzzling how to deal with not being depressive anymore, and truly taking action to look and feel good (Finally) and enhighered prices everywhere. I got up to the point where I started to pluck and shave the basics again. I feel like I'm a young woman again, instead off the man some people even used to adress me. (Some assumed I was a fat man with long hair) But now it's hopefully obvious again I'm a woman. I'm glad I invested in care products before, so I can use them. I'm gratefull to be capable to use a facial scrub and a face mask yesterday, and pamper myself for the first time since - A long time.-  After feeling so bad. 

I also felt bad about myself. I felt my face was ugly and I couldn't set myself to basic grooming anymore. Up to a point where I really had to make appointments with care staff about bathing. Simply because I believed 'It had no use.' for me anymore. 

My hair is still long, but it's cut by the hairdresser and I decided to dye it a modern nude tone. So it's cool and fresh and modern. It has no dead ends when it's cut, it's fresh on the front and it's a cool blonde shade. I'm so proud off myself I groom again. Since I believe in being fresh and groomed. It's the best thing in my eyes to have a fresh body and feel comfy and clean in your skin. Despite the lack off make-up or fashionable items. But it's been something from only recent. And  'then.' I felt like making it right again and do something about it. I don't know if I can keep up with it. Or if the depression will come back. 

But you get it: Trying to be as pretty as possible again, requires money. I'm good when it comes to face masks and scrubs, and all those shower products in the stock cabin. But it has no endless life. Maybe I should see for now how it works out, and then re-valuate in quite some time. It's good to be a girl, and it's good not to be out off razors and shampoo these days. If I take it step by step, I think I'm going to be good for a long time with it. (And as long as I don't wish to go too fancy, and keep my stock off items in order.) 

Depressive girl starts to take care off herself, that's the recap off this weblog, and now it would be even better if prices would enlower again to support her in that mission. That's mainly it. 

Somehow I believe in not going overboard during a crisis with my looks. As long as it's clean, it's good enough. As long as the basics are in order, it's fine. And what else can we wish for than being clean during a crisis? We shouldn't take it too harsh and be too hard on ourselves in this. People can say a lot about me, but at least not that I'm not clean or fresh. Compared to a year ago it's better. I used to go out in a skirt without shaving my legs, or dying my hair. But this year I'm a girl again. I feel like a woman and I feel so much better.  This version off myself, this is how I like it. 

Allright, that's about it, 

Thank you for reading.