Good evening at the 9th off June, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright and sunny, and there is a hot and sunny weekend ahead to us. With my pale skin and my obesity, I´m not looking forward to it. 

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This evening I'm baling a bit. My budget is at a point where I can't afford to donate, give or bake for other people anymore. Without getting in trouble myself. I have to safe it up, and then be sober and see if I can make it through. It's not to my liking. The crisis takes away a lot from me this way. No more spontaneous gifts, no new cookbooks anymore, sober with clothes, no baking, no baking supplies, no laundry wash or softner for the give away shop, just saving it up so I can safe my own ass this time. Those extra's that made life fun for me are gone. I have been capable to have lunch out at lunchrooms and restaurants a few times, and shop small items. But those big fun things like new cookbooks or luxurious Sunday bakings? Not for me anymore. And baking on it's own has become theft off my own wallet. Not doable anymore. Just too bad.  

I like to be an every day superhero. But not being capable to donate, it's harder for me to perform that act. 

I still make soup every wednesday but that's on de Boed's costs. It's probably the only superhero act off kindness I can still perform on a regulair base. Preparing soup for everyone's lunch every once a week. And I help doing the dishes after dinner time. Or I sweep the floor for them. We have chores at de Boed after dinner. I like to be a superhero for free and dry and store the kitchenware every often (Not every day) during the week. They love me for doing that. They think I work fast and they are gratefull for me taking it on me so easily. I like organizing the cupboards along. And it still gives me that superhero feeling. I'm fat and unemployed. I probably need it for my self-esteem to be a superhero every now and then. 

But still, no donations kinda hurts. My wallet hurts from this crisis. Let's be glad I haven't truly been beaten by a villain, but it's still kinda bad. The last weeks I have been sharing bakings, multipack boxes off good brand laundry wash, a box off expensive ice cream and I have been sending several postcards. I have been capable to purchase a few small 'In between' gifts, and a cool birthday gift for my brother. (His birthday will be at the 19th.) I have been doing anything to fight the crisis, also for other people with lower budgets than me. But there is a certain border up to where it's capable. It's become too much to keep up with what I have been trying. 

I have to realize I have to live on governmental wages myself, and these increasement off prices just makes my actions impossible this way. I'm not capable to get more money each week. I have to get by with what I got. It's doable, but just for myself and thinking on the terms off just  one Christmas gift each for my two brothers this year if I start hoarding them for cheap. Just collecting that one book to my cookbook series that came out recently (And that's it for now with them) and then saving the rest up untill the products from my stock are up and purchasing the multipacks on a discount like that. I can still donate one item from a package in the give away closet down the hall, but that's going to be about it with my acts off charity. As far as I can see it, the biggest luxury in my life is off. And this is how I'm going to do it: I think I just have to accept it for now. Accept I'm going to wear last year's clothes, and not purchasing gifts for everyone and a box off chocolates along for christmas. 

I have been thinking, what did ordinairy women do during the 1930's? To fullfill their lives? Taking care off their family, sewing, handcraft, reading, knitting, crotcheting, cross stitching, baking appeltaart, but those typicall, classical feminin things are impossible for me at the moment. It's no use trying to put inspiration from that. Emancipated and modern as I am

I do hard with it, paying a higher price for a smaller portion in a restaurant. Not because I'm a gluton, but because I wish there to be enough food for people. These times are sucking me out. I even have been saving money on hairdye and a haircut. I wear it in a natural shade. It's better than during my depressive periods, but nowadays I dye every 6 months and wear it in an ordinairy braid in my neck to save money. I still wear nailpolish, but I barely wear make-up on my face. I hate these days, but still I come round. I manage to get by despite it's with beeping and creaking, (Thanks to de Boed for supplying my meals each day) 

I wear simple clothes. It's either been in my closet for a while, or it's simple and cheap. Those two do combine well. But it's not the kind off clothes I prefer to wear. Though it's comfy to wear. At least I'm comfortable. And I have been purchasing nice colours. I still like my cheap ass shirts. 

I have been investing in notebooks, however. I like to journal each day about life to empty my head. I have been thinking I needed those fun notebooks, so I deciced they where worthit. Don't get me wrong, I have been painting my toenails a vibrant orange this morning. I still live in a small flat with nice furniture and I have clothes to wear and foods to eat. But the biggest extra's off life are off. 

I foresee us to still have to live with the crisis for four to five winters, and the economy off the Netherlands and the European Union even to become lower. Growth marks of f -1 % and down are even possible. (Somehow I foresee -0,9% for the next quarter off a year for the Netherlands) As we know by now, I'm not an over-acting trouble shooter but a realist. This is what is going to happen. The economy is going to get worse and I suspect the inflation to become dangerous for society, as far as it hasn't already become. I have been burning incense and a tealight on my altair to wish for the war in Ukraine to stop earlier on. This is going to become ink black if it continues like this, I'm sorry to say. It needs to stop as one hell off soon as possible, and I'm not going to dim my words. Since this IS too bad for everyone. 

I got hay fever complaints. It's code red for symptoms. I have it in a very mild form, but it's enough for a runny nose this evening and sneezing all the time. 

I'm not looking forward to a good weekend this weekend. I'm sorry to say. Heath, hay fever and a head full off worries about the crisis. And that's my Friday evening. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.