A little explaination

I have given him my all, that's all I can say about it.

I have given this fight in psychiatric health care my utmost best because he was stuck in my head, and I can't tell you this in A more mild way. It would understate the cause, that would be A waste.

I have lost my mind and my nerves because off mister X. But he doesn't seem to be mutual interested. I have send him letters and post cards with explaination but I doubt he has received them at all.

This is how unfair life can get, I do sob over it, I have had emotional break downs (Despite being A bit in love with A new crush) but he seems to have abandoned me. I think that's unfair. I have broken up with everyone in the Fantasy scene because off to have been broken and mistreated by so many off them over the years. It was much better to have left them than to have wasted my time and to have stayed stuck with them.

I feel mis understood on A lot off levels. And I don't take the role off morron or coward upon myself, I have fought real life battles beyond most people's level off understanding. I doubt most would have taken it as good and brave upon them as I have done. And that is something that deserves to be said.

I'm probably on A diffrent level off emotional understanding than A lot off people. I think if something deserves the award for 'meanest low-life on earth.' Then it's Vana Events as A whole in my case. I doubt this will be understood. But have any off you ever lived in an appartment crowded with violent drug criminals and can say they have left perfectly unharmed after about 6 months? I can. Can any off them say they have lived in A health organisation for mental people without being harmed by other violent inmates and dealt with it quite gracefully, like I did? I loathe Vana Events for ignoring all off this and pretending everything is just fine. I'm glad I have left them and I'm proud I can stick up my nose against them by now. I think that's quite fair after all that has happened. I got so angry previous year, I couldn't stop myself from violently breaking up with the fantasy scene.

Violently, by using words that have been on my mind for ages. People can be fakely nice so they won't harm people, or they can finally speak up what's on their liver and live on freely again. I did the last. I feel relieved for being done with them. It felt as if there has always been something unspoken between us that made things only more uneasy with time. I'm glad I spoke up, and to be honest, most alternative people are on A level off understanding about their self-imagined live and so hypocritical sensitive, they're uneasy to talk with. I can't deal with such idiocy most off the time though I have neatly tried. And tried- and tried, but then I exploded and everything came out. I know I'm better done with them forever, as that feels better for me, and for them aswell. They aren't the ones to respond to me anyway, despite sticking up their noses arrogantly whenever being faced with me. And in the begining, I wasn't as impossible as I am nowadays. Nothing equals nothing. It should equal nothing but then again, I feel hurt. They claim to be overly sensitive, but I'm always the one who ends up being hurt and harmed by them. Not the other way around. It's salt on personal wounds they pretend not to see.

I wonder how A person and A case like mine could have ended up so blown up idiotically anyway. That's not my fault, let me tell you that. It's jealousy from them that has made this so uneasy and impossible. I have given it my best to end it, and to set things right from the beginning on- but it was never heard and ruined over all the time. And I can assure you that is true.

I hope you haven't ended up with A headache after reading this,

But proud to keep you informed-
XXX- Maaike.