Good evening at the 2nd off April, 2020.

Good evening everyone,

Warning: This blog is about my personal mental health. I wouldn't read it if you can't handle that. 

I have been in bed most off the time today. If there was a camera focused on this house, they could film a show named 'well rested.' and it would not be over the top to call it like that.

Aside from sleeping in, I have been preparing cauliflower-prey soup for the upcomming days for lunch time, and a cucumber salad with bean sprouts, roasted peanuts and a hint off coconut, also ment to be eaten at lunch time and as a random snack.

I have to admit- my mental health care staff doesn't like me being in Pj's all day and being in bed all the time. Yesterday I was out off my mind. I felt so weird I don't know where it came from, I got words with my health care takers because off isolating myself from them instead off calling them during a mental crisis. But that's how I handle delusions: I just sit and talk and act with them, untill they pass and vanish. After they're gone, that proces repeats itself, or it stops and I feel at ease again. I like care-takers to talk me out off my delusional state off mind. It vanishes faster if they do that. But sometimes they tell me 'to do what I usually do during a delusion.' and that's burning a lot off white sage incense sticks, against dark magic and dark energies attacking me. That's what bad delusions usually do: they somehow attack. And a ton off good quality white sage incense usually chases them away for a while. It's the only thing that seems to work, actually. I just sit and ask for help from good spirits to chase my delusions away. It's the only thing I can do. anything else drives me usually more mental. It's often a fight between me and the delusions to stay on my couch and just sit instead off following their orders.

After the delusions vanish, and I go to sleep when it happened in the evening, I can wake up with the fears from the evening before still in my body, that goes away when the day evolves and things get started. It's usually gone around 12. If I have my chance, I sleep untill 10 on days off. 

 It's a good thing for me to be around people, as the delusions vanish better when I am. But during this crisis, the coffee moments at 'de Boed.' are closed, and my job is closed so I'm all on myself without real friends or even family to talk to me (There is a reason why I live protected, to protect the world from me, or protect me from the world. That's how I live) I have become friends with fellow clients, but I don't feel like inviting them in my house all the time, since they can react a little unpredictable sometimes. I like to keep my safe distance from them. But we talk, we know each other and we care for each other. 

I have an appointment tomorrow to go out for a little walk with one off them. I suppose I should get creative and make things instead off over-sleeping all the time. If I would move my ass (And my general body) more, I would loose weight, probably because off all the healthy eating I do during a crisis like this. I handle it, I can handle it, but I'm lazy at days when I have barely anything to do.

I don't know where all off that came from, I got tension headaches sometimes, that's probably the reason for this, but then decided to be in bed was pretty comfortable today, so I decided to stay there. Tomorrow I have to get myself ready to go out on the street for a while, I have to get dressed and move around a little. I can do it, I can almost do anything (except for handling a real job and real life out there, but honestly- I'm usually not doing bad)

I don't know why I felt like sharing this information about a delusional proces with you anyway. I probably feel like blowing off some steam because off doing a bit hard these two days. Tomorrow it's friday. I loose track off days. But I promised myself to make applepie this weekend and eat fresh mango in my low-calorie yoghurt for dessert. Luckily- there is food to be made and to enjoy.