Good evening at the 31st off December, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's already dark outside, and the fireworks are cracking like crazy. It's New Year's Eve in the Netherlands. 

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Today wasn't spend in New Year's Eve best clothes. I have been a bit off crisis yeaterday, so it's unwashed and slobby old clothes. No sparkling eyeshadow like other New Year's eves- I'm the perfect slouch. 

Maybe I should treat it like it doesn't matter. This is psychiatric health care, there's a day after tomorrow. It's just a lame day like many, and tomorrow will be bliss for being washed and fed apropriate again. 

The good side: I got alcohol free white wine my mother gave me, and music TV. Perfect way to spend New Year's Eve. And the slouch should be gratefull she's got no party to go. It's just safe in. I feel like watching the fireworks at midnight from behind the window. I live on the first floor, it's a good sight. After all, it ain't so bad. It's cozy, and I had coffee at de Boed just a moment ago. It's where I got the idea for music TV from, simply for this evening. It almost felt like a party at de Boed with everyone there and the music on an entertainment show. And between you and me, I'm not the worst tramp there, so being a bit filthy did not matter. 

I hope prices won't become traumatic this year. In a vision I had, I saw them becoming traumatically high in ordinairy supermarkets. I have to take a deep breath and deal with it. But honestly, I can feel it in a painfull way. Poverty can be felt and is a trauma one can have for life. I mutter over the upcoming year a lot. Wondering how to come round next year if it stays this way. With a lot off luck and god's blessing I suppose then. I don't know how elsewise. My younger brothers have their birthday in June and October, but I purchased a gift and wrapping paper for them already, before it could get any more expensive to do so. It's barely doable for me. Just the art off thinking ahead helped me out. I'm proud I even have wrapping paper for it this year. It's not the most brilliant gifts, but they better accept. 

I'm glad I still got my home. I'm Schizophrenic and I'm still granted my care home. It's the smallest flat one can get, but everything is present. I got food, warmth and electricity and that's what I mean with a god's blessing. I'm not rich, I have to mind what I spend, but I'm granted the luxury off psychiatric health care, and clean, washed clothes on my body. And I was told I can stay here. Being mental has become my biggest blessing almost. Instead off a burden. It's why I'm in here to begin with. It's the word 'crisis.' that makes it diffrent. I'm not baling anymore I'm granted all this. 

Tomorrow I'll start the year with a period cure, to start up menstruation, so I'll start the year good. I'm getting all the symptoms, including female mood swings from it. I'm lucky I've been hoarding period cloth in the storage room. And that's how we start 2025, very much aware off my woman hood. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.