Good evening at the 6th off July, 2020.

Good evening everyone,


It´s been rainy in the Netherlands these days. rainy, windy, gloomy, you´d think we´re living in autumn instead off in the middle off summer.

Despite it being cranky weather, I feel allright, alltough, I do my best to keep on feeling right and the secret is: To feel usefull in life and lend a helping hand to others. To feel somewhat responsible for people and cook food every often and help serving coffee and make myself off use at de Boed and at my job means a lot to me. I decided to look at it that way in my (Messy) home: Try to feel responsible and put effort in taking care off it, to make it feel more like it´s actually your home.

I mentioned I still have to get used to my current appartment. I have moved houses for about 5 times in 5 years and despite this house being nicely put togheter in decorations and furniture, I still have to get used to living here. It´s my second year living here. To start to take care off it and make it truly mine (in feeling.) has started today by getting old cardboard out to the container, and get the thrash out. I didn´t depend on the people who take care off me to make up that idea, though I had some help with it. Usually I leave it to the hands off those who take care off me what there is about to do when it comes to home making. That way, this doesn´t actually feel like it´s completely my own home. To take responsibility and do more off that myself will hopefully help.

Most off the time, I´m doing very hard taking initiative and get up and move my weight around the house. I don´t know where that comes from. I can´t explain, but it feels like a massive block I can´t put aside. I can do a lot, but when it comes to that, it´s impossible to get over with that (It feels like a pressure) and set myself to it by myself. I can´t explain why. Though I love to have my house clean.

It´s been scientificly proven people like me don´t do well when it comes to keeping their household all neatly done. I´m sorry folks, I´m not tidy when it comes to house cleaning and I do need help when it comes to that, otherwise this would be a pig house. And I hate being compared to pigs.

So to say, I´m going to try to make little changes to that. To feel responsible for what happens in your house improves how you take on to it. Small changes and steps that are possible to handle for me over big changes at once, as we all know by now -that doesn´t work for people.

I haven´t felt responsible for places in the past, but that was mainly because I had to be carefull and live by other people´s rules. I somehow hardly felt like putting effort into anything because I felt afraid, or lived by others who where in charge off everything. I don´t do well in such circumstances. I have gained a contra indication for group living, since I act impossible and am not willing to work with in such cases. I´m glad I have that, it´s best for me not to live with housemates who are stupid and hard to deal with themselves. I feel better now I have a small single person appartment in a safe surrounding. To have started a mindset which actually feels like it works for me, can improve everything and make me feel much better.

Allright, that´s about it for this weblog.

Thank you for reading.