Good morning at the 16th off July, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's cloudy, windy and stormy in the Netherlands. 

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I feel sink pissed. For my own safety and your sense off mind I'm going to drink a coffee and try if that helps. But I have a hard head in it. I feel so incredibly angry. I'm hiding that tense, since I will get in trouble when it shows to people. But I feel so angry, so mad, so agressive even. I'm leaping up against the walls and it's not even 8.00 AM in the morning here. Before someone tells me 'Maybe you haven't had coffee.' I'm going to get myself a few cups. 

But it's not a feeling from this morning, this angry and fed up feeling. My starsign at the 5th off August is descripted as an agressive one who should be set off that agression by doing sports, according to astrologist Gary Goldschneider in 'The secret language off Birthdays.' I respect Gary Goldschneider and his work in astrology, but usually I didn't feel the agression the way he describes it. But these weeks... (He also says I tend to over-eating. Which is true.) Usually I could lay it aside and think for me it didn't count. But for these days, it fully counts. I'm agressive and I have to find a way to get rid off it. I never have been a sportswoman. That just doesn't do it for me. I swim every week and I walk the streets these days, thinking off myself as a whole lot off something, since walking the streets is a free way to get excercise. And if I believe the step counter on my phone, it burns calories fast and I'm content with that. So I do moderate excercise and that's about it. But maybe I should take it a step higher and try something more intense, or walk bigger parts and really break a sweat to get rid off all that tension. But somehow I have the idea walking isn't enough. (And I'm not willing to get to a more intense way off excercising) 

Life hasn't been easy these days for me. It's been incident after incident so it seems. Things are leaping up while I try to be there for my surrounding as much as I can. I haven't been yelling or fighting at someone so far, and I would like to keep it that way. I'm a psychiatric patient who's in sight off the organisations already, so I can't use a record about agression (Actually, I'm trying to do my best each day instead off making trouble. I know they have filed that about me.) The first step in this case is probably going to talk about it. I have to tell them I've had it up to here somehow and I feel this angry. (I had a coffee, and it mildly worked. I feel a bit better, but it's not a miracle medicine against this anger.)  The Netherlands is a country off communication, rules, discussion and even more polite ways off trying to get rid off unwanted feelings, even to a point where it gets out off my nose. (And the tension and the agression starts again.) But no one wants a fight with me, I'm 6 foot tall and 180 kilo's heavy. And I believe in the reasonable way to get things done. so let's give that a try first.

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.