Good afternoon at the 7th off August, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is cloudy and rainy and your average Dutch summer weather. It's allright there to have been no forest fires in this country this year, and it's a good thing for it not to have been hot in general. But that's most that there can be said about it.

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This morning I went out to the pastry counter to HEMA's and got an order off three scrumptious cakes for my small birthday party on sunday. I have had my birthday the 5th off August. This year at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk and I made them two quark tarts and they sung for me and it was a nice small party this year for everyone attempting there. 

This morning I have Hector the Ladybug asking me to write a blog since he has been missing them. He wants me to write today since he reads them. Maybe I do have a fan somewhat looking like Hector the Ladybug but I'm not certain off it- I never got responses on this weblog. But who knows he does. Hector is some sort off a mythical guardian angel ladybug who comments on things in my head every often. 

Aside to cakes I bought myself some nice clothes in shops for larger sized women. I felt a bit insecure in Zaandam city centre about how I looked. I have gained a lot off weight and I slack in make-up and grooming. I usually don't care too much about it, but today it hit me somehow. Maybe since I started to pay attention to men again. I don't know where it came from, but I have a 'type.' off man that catches my eye sometimes. I don't know what to do with myself when I see a man like that since he's so handsome and sweet looking. I think I don't fit at all with it and it's hard. I had a long time before where I didn't care much about men and even believed I was not straight anymore. I had that mayor crush on a man in Leiden but that was mainly in my head and it was far away and safe. This moment off time and space sometimes I have men catching my eyes in real life. I have to dust off myself an awfull lot and overcome a lot off problems before we can even get to the point off 'A man in sight.' it's not fair.  

 I bought nice clothes and got an order from the pastry counter, had an ice coffee on my way and decided to take place on a bridge with benches, and then went for lunch to a place where they serve breads and drinks hile it started to rain. Then went on my way home on the bus. I have the feeling tomorrow will be a good day since I have a lot off cake and other foods for my family. 

What am I to do? It always seems the kind off man I fall for sees me when I'm at my worse. They never show up when I'm dressed nice with a hint off make-up. That happens quite a lot and I don't think I'm charming that way. I fall in the category 'obese.' and I still feel somewhat depressed this time and day. Why did my brain came up with the brilliant idea to 'Like a certain type.' and take note off it again? I feel awfull about myself when I start to mention things and care again. My type is blonde and lean and handsome and cute. A modern elf somehow. I don't just like any guy, I'm picky in my taste. He doesn't even has long hair since guys like that where such a turn down and behave like pigs nowadays. My standards are high. 

My type is cute and reserved, though he seems so nice and handsome and cute but I have the feeling it's not for me since I'm such a drama. It's a cold and rainy summer, and I bet I don't have a man with christmas knowing me. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. I hope Hector the Ladybug is pleased with this.