Good evening at the 2nd off October, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was lovely fall weather with a sun that wasn't too sharp to bear, a cloud here and there and trees that start to loose their leaves. It looks beautifull outside.

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I had been doing trouble finding the meaning off life some time ago. A voice in my head suggested me to bake more cake, since the meaning off life can be found in fresh, home made cake for a while. I did so today, and for now I feel better than the weeks before. Yesterday I managed to bake a farmer-style cake with nuts I chopped in my foodprocessor. A mix off diffrent kind off nuts which I incorporated in the batter. Today was for sharing it at de Boed during coffee time and it was well received. I could hand some people a second slice and I even had people attending at de Boed especially for my cake when I announced I had cake for them during coffee time. The finely chopped nuts, large and small, (They wheren't chopped evenly.) Gave a nice structure to a good receipe for cake. I have no picture since it didn't came out pretty out off it's mold. Unfortunately. I felt it wouldn't be pretty enough to picture, but cut in slices on pastry plates it was fine enough to be served to the coffee crowd. I love such afternoons. The nuts even gave it a hint off autumn and I'm glad I could stand on my feet long enough to bake. (I still got my foot in walking plaster. But it's healing well.) Only so often it still hurts and I feel I have to take it easy. Most off the time it goes well. 

I love baking farmstyle pound cake. The feeling is golden and almost nostalgic. It tastes like the cakes my father used to bake back when he was still alive. My father loved baking back in the days. He was pretty good at it and he taught me how to do it well. The feeling off a farmer's cake is so nice. It was a good idea to adjust chopped nuts to it. 

Now it's only practicing a bit more with getting them entirely out off the mold. I can forget about Nordic Ware loaf pans if it keeps on coming out with loose bits on top. Baking cake really does give me back the meaning off life for a while. It's not as lasting as raising a kid, or even a cat. But it sure is a nice result off a bit off work. It's such a compliment people look forward to my bakings and come to de Boed for them when I bake. 

I understood if you can't find a relationship or family life, life often has a diffrent purpose for you. That's just faith. And often you can find a lot off meaning into that if you search for it and fullfill it. It's not a bad thing being an old spinster when I have a purpose to make other people happy with my hobby. In my case it's true, and it's probably the best advice I can give to people who do hard finding true love: Find a diffrent purpose and add more meaning to your life. Sometimes we are needed elsewhere than at the table off our spouses. Cake sure does add meaning to my life. Maybe applepie and finding fluffy yellow chicks at a farm in spring do too. Voices are a bit weird sometimes since they have good ideas sometimes when they're good. 

Though today was for an extra Lorazepame emergency medication since I thought a voice wanted to spell me and do bad magic on me. Lorazepame works against that negative energy and shuts out black magic so far. I was in a fight with it this afternoon. I was a bit distant at coffee time since I feel absent minded a lot so I probably wasn't nice company to the people at my table. Despite serving people cake on pastry plates myself. I wasn't doing well and I had the outcome off extra medication down my throat, but the entire afternoon was a good one thanks to my cake. So I enjoyed it evenly without smalltalk. I'm sensitive for atmospheres and the general feeling in a space, and it was a good one this afternoon. 

See, despite it being a crisis, we do good to share if we still can and not be selfish. It can be off help to people and make their day in hard times. And it was crowdy today at afternoon coffee. So mission accomplished for today. 

I'm still battling the medication side effects and being a bit... off minded this evening. Lorazepame works for 12 hours and it's supposed to shut down delusions immediately, make drowsy and calm the mind. It's addictive and I'm on it every night before bed, and I'm allowed one for emergencies. It's not preferable during daytime. Still I needed one today. It's not easy to be on it today. It sits uneasy on me this evening. Despite the dark magic to be gone. Medication is hard on me at this moment. Being absent minded due to it is hard since I'm not fully present in the moment.   

I could do better, but today was a bit brighter than usuall due to my cake. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading.