Good evening everyone,
Today was a beautifull day in autumn. Sunny periods changed cloudy ones, but this afternoon the sun shone pretty bright despite it being cold.
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Today was for baking two banana cakes. I can't seem to upload the pictures on here, but they came out quite well out off the mold. I felt somewhat off a rush while baking them this morning. Almost a psychotic rush and that's why I managed to even do the dishes after baking. I had fun while doing so, though. Baking them for afternoon coffee tomorrow was a good idea. I don't know if all ladybugs or animaniacs on the other side off the screen believe me when I say I baked. After all, picture or it didn't happen. But this time they have to believe me on my word. I adjusted nuts, coconut and cookiespices to the cake batter. It's quite luxurious cake for tomorrow and I can be proud off it.
I happen to have a bit off a cold. Runny nose, sore throat, shivers down my body. It's fading away today, but it was there and it was annoying. Luckily I'm having a strong immune system. Though I'm still not good. The cold central heating at night makes me freeze when I'm in bed. It's no miracle I caught a cold. Luckily there is hot showers, warm tea and vitamin C pills, and I hope my ladybug guardian angel will help me with this. I also got a burn on my left arm from the oven when inserting cakes. It's quite a patch. It's so cold at night in my flat. I have to get used to it. Everyone probably has their central heating low these days and feels cold at night due to the energy crisis.
I had an energy rush this morning when making cakes. It's not promising something good to be in hypermode and I don't know if that was due to medication changes. I know I haven't felt like that in a long time, though. It made me feel like superwoman, but it's also been quite dangerous when thinking off it. On the other hand, it's been better than wasting my morning and doing nothing all the time. I probably got fed up with the crisis and that's why I have been using all these expensive ingredients. Sometimes schizophrenic people have care delusions where they start to do extaordinairy luxurious things or perform much better in self-care than what they did, or buy luxurious products for themselves. It's a rush which whispers in this strong sense off doing so and acting out on it is something we often regret later on due to all the money that was spend due to that unthoughtfull act. I have been heaping things up, and now it came out alltogheter in the kitchen though I had fun. Care delusions don't have anything to do with spoiled ness, and they are not ment as a lame excuse for splurges. I don't know the correct term for it and I don't even know the correct term for it in Dutch, all I know is that it's there and I can have trouble with it sometimes. Usually I slack in self-care, but now I changed medication, it erupted a bit in the kitchen. This crisis is not going to be helpfull with that. On one hand, I prefer to keep it moderate not to spend too much money so I can make it through. On the other hand there's delusions pulling my jacket to buy items. That happened before. Delusions make me buy items when I hang in them too much. Often it's not really dangerous, but sometimes I think I am a character from the past and start acting out on them in a beauty routine or a shopping spree. I don't roleplay thoughtfully, it's all delusional when I do so which makes it dangerous. I had a period where I thought I had previous lives in the Roman Empire, which made me dress and make-up in that style and even wear tiara's in public. I believe I didn't look too strange since I kept it all modern and cool. I just looked inspired. I also had one where I dyed my hair a few shades blonder, to match another delusion. I have fun when being delusional, nevertless. But it's not a good thing.
Now I have been dulling myself down by not dying my hair and not wearing make-up most off the time, I feel it's probably down the corner off the street again. I had a few delusions about being a Victorian or Edwardian in my previous lives, which require no make-up but which are more thoughtfull about the hair. Today was for jumping a bit out off my common routine since I picked a nice shirt for myself this morning. I still had it in my closet so I haven't spend money on it, but people asked all the time if it was new and I got complimented on it a lot. People loved it. Usually in winter I go for the same old longsleeves which the public can probably dream me in. There was no thought behind wearing something nice today, just that my usuall longsleeves where all in the laundry. But maybe looking a bit better or more original than usuall these days, triggered something in me but I hope not.
Somehow I hope it will all work out tomorrow and my strong feeling off making luxurious banana cakes was adjust. I think I will bale a bit next week in the supermarket for having to re-store my stock and purchasing nuts to re-fill my baking stock. Other than that I believe I did a good job despite it all.
Maybe I don't do a good job holding myself back when not being delusional. I have the feeling having to play it cheap and a bit boring the upcomming period not to offend most people, might be hard for me. I have a starsign who prefers it original, loud and luxurious most off the time. Classy with an original twist- that's me.
People in the streets off the city looking so cheap is NOT to my liking. I can be chique on a minimum wage, but not everyone can. (That sounds mean.) People looking ratchet and poor these days is a shame. Not to them, but to what's going on in the world. I don't like the streetvieuw to have altered this way. It came off as a nightmare to me.
At de Boed, not much has changed when it comes to fashion. Most people wear dark clothes which look fine. No make-up, and natural hair for most women. But their clothes look fine despite them not having much. I think the people in the streets are not used to being poor, unlike us who still make something out off it. de Boed looks still good in their clothes and don't look cheap or shabby at all. They're mainly mental, middle aged people with a low income. But still, vain enough on themselves. Common people can learn from us.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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