Good afternoon everyone,
Today it's bright and shiny in the Netherlands. It's perfect weather and the sky is as clear as can be. You'd almost suspect the weather to be bad around September, but it's gorgeous.
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Yesterday I coloured this mandala and it turned out nicely. They decided to seal it and hang it on de Boed, but they made a fold in it. Still it's on the door off a closet and they admired me for doing this.
Today was for Mexican Paprika soup with cheese and nacho's. I made that for Wednesday Soup and it was one off my better ideas. It's well received by my usuall audience. I'm proud after almost one year I'm still part off the program on Wednesday. Every Wednesday I cook fresh soup for de Boed for their lunch and I got appreciated for that. I'm on the program they hand out to everyone. I can put it on my Curriculum Vitae as a bit off work experience. How cool is that?
Sometimes I wonder by myself: Am I a good person or am I bad? I do good to people in daily life and I try hard for a lot off things, but I believe I have motives that might not be as noble as people think. Washing my soul clean by doing good and hoping that will be a good ticket to afterlife. (I believe in that.) Despite people still hating on me for causing trouble on the internet some time ago. I feel bad about that but I'm unable with my capabilities to solve that. People are mean there and not likely to truly forgive so it's a finished race in my opinion. To clean my soul from nasty patches, I give it my best in daily life by being a good person to people. If I wouldn't have been a bad person in the recent past, would I still be evil or not as good as I am today? I think that could be true. Am I good, or just bad with good actions and good intentions? People who saw me ignite by making soup or a mandala which I handed out to them for free couldn't have guessed about those motives. If my intentions to be a good person now wouldn't have been so sharp, I'd never do what I do today. Still, it feels good being a good person and receiving compliments for having talents that are off good use in daily life. It's one off the best feelings. I have a big urge to proove myself. There's no doubt about that. I think in the base, I'm not a bad person. Just irrelogic and driven by my urge to be good and true to people. If some wouldn't have been so nasty towards me, or without my own anger from the past, I would have never tried to proove myself as a truly good person to a new audience. Without it I would have been just like most people somewhere in the middle but maybe a bit cranky at times. There's nothing wrong with that, I just wouldn't have been as good.
It's a whole lot to think about. Mabon, the Pagan period off balancing light and darkness out, is a perfect period to overthink such topics. It's around the 21st off September at the official start off Autumn and I'm already buisy overthinking issues and trying to balance them out. I work pre to dates and I plan ahead with a lot off things but maybe it's a matter that needs time to be worked out in me. And that's why I'm onto it already. I believe I already have done a lot off work into that field this month.
Allright, that's about it -
Thank you for reading.
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