Good evening everyone,
Today was cold outside yet sunny. It was a nice day for late autumn.
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I shouldn't forget to put on vests and sweaters this season. Sometimes I'm a bit thoughtless and go out in my usuall longsleeve without anything over it. I'm often cold when I'm at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk when I'm about to do my business. I forget to think about warmer clothes these days. It's a good thing to remember before things get any worse. 😓 Most off the time I get myself dressed on automatic pilot and go for my longsleeve t-shirt instead off thinking too much about it.
Today for Wednesday Soup was for an excellent creamy mushroom soup. I got complimented all the time during lunch time and got compared to a famous hotel (Van der Valk) with what it had become. It was an excellent soup, even for my doing it stood out above the rest in my opinion. Creamy Mushroom is one to repeat.
One off my key secrets for succes is to dress plain and simple when I'm about to make soup. It's almost a superstition but I hang on to it: A plain longsleeve, a simple pair off jeans and my go to walking shoes. Allright, my socks are bold and a bit outstanding, but other than that, no make-up and jewelry allowed to myself that morning most off the time. I take care off my face with skincare, though. No make-up and simple clothes are a good thing since you can't smear anything on something fancy and your face won't be ruined with what you are doing when you peel garlic and adjust strong flavoured onions to your pot. And tasting soup and broth is no problem when you wear a plain t-shirt you wear most off the time. Many a spoiled princess would stick up their nose for me like that. But I can cook my audience a famous hotel worthit soup and that's what makes it worthit for me. I had to wear plastic kitchen gloves for hygiene and a mouth mask due to corona numbers increasing. So it's best not to look overly made up on mornings like that. It adjusts to the big succes off Wednesday Soup each week. And I'm not loved any less by most because off it.
Thursday I allow myself a little more class by dressing a bit better and allowing myself earrings each week. I haven't probably told you, but I'm someone who's feeling for dressing up can vary strongly each day. Most off the time I don't wear make-up and feel perfect by it. But I have the need to dress nice. Sometimes I feel angry at myself for slacking on that point, but I have found a point again where I wish to be groomed. It's an issue most mental people have, but back to the point: Dressing plain and simple helps improving the Wednesday Soup. There's no need to look like a moviestar when you're buisy in a large kitchen.
I have issues in my head a lot. Most off the time I feel cramps and sores without any pointable reason to it. I even had a mental attack this afternoon. I haven't had these drains where I feel attacked by someone far away from me in months. I was at panic by it and I burned up three incense sticks to chase the problem away. It slipped away during dinner this evening but the feeling off something nasty being on me is still there. Mental attacks are awfull. They're delusions but a bit more anxious making and overwhelming compared to the usuall stuff. I had the fear Vana finally found out what happened to their car in 2018 and a leading woman among them was after me with black magic, trying to punish me for it. I can't just point at people and say 'You're using black magic and you're a nasty vulture.' (It would be a relief to call her that and clear off my mind. But I wouldn't be helped with it)
Not that I would like to have anything to do with them again after everything I went through when still wanting to be on their good side. I just have the idea being away from them works better for me, but it's an anxious feeling, them trying to somehow punish me for chasing away their stupid car from the parking lot. I haven't had any respond to what I posted online about it, and they're stupid as heck when it comes to that. I believe they have no clue what happened and are too lazy and 'Van gisteren.' to find out. In my mind, Vana is 'van gisteren.' when it comes to a lot off things and not up to date about this. (It means they're not up to date enough to know.)
People ignoring you all the time also means you can go your way undisturbed. People having a vague mind also means you are a few steps ahead to them most off the time. If you have a clear mind yourself. As long as they don't care, I can go my way and get away with it. That's what it comes down to. Aside to this, I mainly wish to stay out off their business and really go my own way from now on. Attacks don't help that ambition. I already feel good about it and I love life despite all off this, so it's been a good thing to step off their train.
I have my period again. I wish it would finally truly break through and bleed like it should since it's keeping itself a bit back. Vana Events and being on my period (almost) is not a good combination. Calling that important Madame a stupid vulture adjusts to the matter. It would feel so good to tell her the truth, however. They call me a whore and a slut all the time after all and I believe I don't have to feel guilty to begin with about anything. She's only as important as to what they give her credit for. Outside the Vana Events hype, she's just an arrogant, snobby weirdo. Nothing more than that and I leave it at that. When people suggest you not to take things serious and be suspicious about the world, start with them first. They might be your next problem if you don't.
(If you hang on to them more, they start to gain a certain amount off power over you when they alienate you from the world outside. This is also how sects work. By no longer questioning them and what they do, you start to feed their power, which is not healthy when you get at a point when you are no longer allowed to question them by them and have to see them as the centre off your world. Breaking free from them will be utmost painfull once you have reached that point so you won't and give them even more power and capability to restrictions. I have seen this in Vana and it's not to my liking. It makes me even question if Vana is a danger for our modern day society in that way since they are becoming more and more populair among people and promote egotripping to a certain point.)
It's good to think free.
With my mind free, my hands smelling like garlic and my period being on it's way
I think it's better to stop for this evening.
Allright, that's about it-
Thank you all for reading.
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