Good evening at the 5th off February, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a bright yet fresh day in winter. 

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It's a bit annoying. I feel I'm doing hard with mankind. It's not really personal. But mankind can be so selfish and ignorant, and mean. And there's a lot going on in the world - I feel like losing faith in mankind. It's really difficult. It's an icy cold vieuw I often have. Like the ice waters off the North Pole. And it's unclear water. It's cold and turbid, it's such a nasty and lonesome feeling. The light in the tunnel is my friends from this community centre. Small talks and coffees. I need their company, but it doesn't help to have lost faith. Mankind is cruel and cold. It's been a proces to have lost it. And then those prices and the feeling off growing poorer and poorer every day. Being capable to do less with what I've got. I still come round. I have enough money to live. But it's getting harder. And I think birthday treats are getting ridiculous. People pay me to prepare their birthday cakes, but I've seen the prices. It's getting annoying. I got my birthday at the 5th off August, it's not soon yet, they could have hang out the flag off peace by then, but I don't see it happen. And it's no vision. More sort off common sense. I have to overthink deeply about it. But really, I think I better don't end up with empty hands that day. 

And mankind is selfish. They don't care about others, just about themselves. They're always weary. I better keep it shut, or they'll think I'm after them or their money. Selfish has been the norm for a while. Even from before the crisis. Selfish was what most people did, what was almost a dream idyle and what everyone wanted and did. Nowadays it's even more scorching. I better keep it shut in real life about it. Or they'll look at me quite stingy. I've learned to keep my idea off sharing more in, since it felt a bit unfair. It grew too crooked, and I felt I better would tame it down. Hard as that conclusion was. But the feeling off unfairness and doing short on myself itched more. So I decided to shut it a bit. I better don't be Santa Claus anymore for these people. Giving felt so nice. But it's not as rewarding anymore as it was. One man keeps on being nasty to mental patients, while his girlfriend always picks the nice stuff from the give away closet I donate. It's a bit unfair towards myself to keep on feeding such people. For example. It grew a bit crooked, and I decided I better keep most items myself. I'm not a billionaire, I can use it just as good. 

Mankind is hard to deal with these days. And those profiteers never donate anything back. You'd say they might be poor, but I've seen diffrent. I came to think off them as mean profiteers. I better get over with it. And then again, I can use it better myself. And it's only one example off an awfull mankind. 

And I'm a bit blocked on my vintage 'home maker.' mentallity. Keeping the place perfectly clean, doing the kitchen and so on. I feel like slacking it due to my issues I have with mankind. It's really a thing. Is it still worthit? The place has to be clean, dishes have to be washed, toilets have to be cleaned, it's just that it's piling up a bit and I'm not perfect for vintage home maker. I just do my best for those basics, but the spirit is really gone. I better don't let it go wasted. Maybe it went out the door with my crush on Edo the dragonslayer. Play pretending to be his wife really got me doing it. It's difficult without it. I'm a slack with bad taste without the right spirit. Tomorrow is for coffee service again, at least that's still fun. My coffee brightens moods, and tastes great without intending to brag. It's simply true. But I don't daydream about serving the dragonslayer a fresh cup off coffee anymore, or kiss him with my bright red lipstick on. It's a bit dry without butterflies. 

Mankind sucks, I'm getting sober from my infatuation, and the home is getting messy. Really, it's difficult losing faith. Maybe I should give myself some time, and then see if I get over with it. 

Allright, that's about it for now, - 

Thank you for reading.