Good evening at the 22th off February, 2020

Good evening everyone.

I have tried to post this blog a few moments ago, but it dissappeared before I could do so. I will try to re-create it, but I believe it can't reach the potential off the one I tried to make before.

I shared the dried prune semolina (gedroogde pruimen- griesmeel) pudding with people who came for dinner at de Boed today, and most people liked it. I usually love being appreciated for things like this. I haven't made the pear tarte tatin, but maybe I should make it tomorrow during storm-day, to get my mind off off things.

I feel a bit restless due to that storm and I have a hard time sleeping when it's all windy outside.
Tomorrow, there will be a classified storm passing this country. I hope it won't inflict too much damage as it passes by.

Is there anything else but storms and desserts for me to mention today? (A dessert storm?) Well, not much to be said, but about me sticking to healthier choices these days, and what works with that is that I'm no longer on my period but capable to physically resist the call off chocolate easter cookies.

It's like being physically drained to sweet foods high in sugar when I'm onto that. Now it's all done, I feel more addicted to mandarins. Mandarins are my this seasons addiction and they taste very good and are a perfect replacement for foods high in sugar. Despite there being rumors about fruits being high on sugar and actually being unhealthy for your body, but I guess mandarins are more healthy than candies and chocolates.

It's a hard fight, wishing to loose weight, and loving to eat. Loving to eat usually wins the fight. I can see myself wishing to try every easter sweat or chocolate out there available at the local supermarket this year. I was getting on that road these weeks,  but comming to think off it, it's better not to.

To overcome food is impossible. I'm still capable to prepare perfect foods highly liked by other people, even if I'm completely delusional. It's something I get more creative in when I'm like that, but it's still possible for me to squeeze some honey through a bami dish and make it a perfect tasting dish, while the thought behind it was pretty weird. I think it's called creativity over being crazy if you can take on it that way.

But where's the sense in that? If I'm delusional, I can't take on my household, tell friends from enemies, or keep my mouth shut about things I consider the truth on this weblog, but I can prepare perfect foods and enjoy food. My sense off mind and foods are often very close to each other.

This makes it impossible for me to overcome obesity as far as this goed.

(The first try off this blog was a downright rant, I believe I captured it's essentials in this blog post for now.)

That's about it, thank you for reading.

Good afternoon at the 21st off February, 2020

Good afternoon, everyone.

This sunday there will be another huge storm passing by the Netherlands with a name, a classified storm named Ellen. It's the third storm in about three weeks, and they always happen on sunday- mainly keeping the entire country stuck in their house. I believe these kind off days are excellent days for baking and preparing other (comfort) foods. Yesterday was for baking a fruit cake which was highly appreciated at 'de Boed.' community centre. But yesterday wasn't an official storm- day.

It's stuffed with dried prunes and some pale raisins, and a teaspoon off clear honey. It was very good. And gone within no time during the 'de Boed' coffee moment yesterday. Today I made a dessert for their dinner time tomorrow. It's stiffening / getting solid in my fridge at the moment. I have been tasting some off it, and I'm pretty content with how it turned out. dried prunes could count as winter-food. They actually taste better than how I thought they would taste. Some consider them old fashioned but it's not a bad taste. They turn an average cake quite moist if you include them.

But as how I found out: sometimes the good things in life can be a little old fashioned. Strange how that has become a thing in my life. Some modern stuff is awfull in my opinion, while classic stuff is often just awesome to me, and I would declare it 'timeless.' sometimes, as that deserves it.   

**

These storms every week make me a little weary, I feel a little troubled by it. Sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep, and the wind makes me a little restless. At home I feel less at ease than in public at the moment. I should keep it togheter at home. I wouldn't like to become delusional these days because off the storms. I already have a habbit off sleeping bad when something is bothering me. I don't like to panic about storms.
I think I should better get used to it instead off letting it drive me crazy.
Today is a windy prelude to sunday if the forecasts are correct on that.

I believe tomorrow I will set myself to baking the puff pastry pear tarte tatin with star anise. It's something I would like to have a second time and probably also share at 'de Boed.' to hopefully cheer up their grey saturday. If I do things like that, I feel less troubled most off the time. Aside to donating that prune semolina pudding I have been making today.
I believe they will appreciate all off it. And I feel glad I don't have to eat most off it alone as that would fatten me too much, despite loving to cook.

Allright, I cut it off before it gets too wordy for people to read.

Thank you for reading!               

A storm named Dennis, part 2.

Good afternoon everyone,

Today, the Netherlands is still in the middle off a storm. I had planned to visit a very sick friend and my parents today, but this type off weather doesn´t seem to lend itself for that. It´s rainy, heavy windy and if there wasn´t a community centre around the corner, I would have been stuck and bored inside my house all day.

I made today a day for a large pot off green tea, and eating the sweet treats I was about to take to that sick friend today. My sweet tooth are still an issue. I heard someone at work once say: ´with mentall people it´s either about food, or about weird things.´ These are the main subjects we´re often on about and it´s true. Food is a big subject for people who are suffering from mental issues. And very much appreciated by us. The other subjects are often weird stuff.   

 I have taken a vitamin pill yesterday evening to fight the depression, and somehow I slightly feel better. A high intake off all kinds off vitamins and minerals do well for my mood. after a while I could sleep yesterday, and I think I woke up a little more stable this morning, but let´s not cheer to early for that. So in a matter off fact, I´m actually fine today. Dennis hasn´t taken the best off me so far.   I guess the country will survive. Despite all damage the wind probably might do to fences and other garden stuff.

This could be a boring weblog if I would stretch it out. I don´t know if people are waiting for that.
it´s a storm out there and other than that, nothing strange is going on. despite for me still being in pyjama´s. But it´s a sunday so that could do as usuall aswell. 

Allright, that´s about it for today. 

A storm named Dennis.

Good evening / night everyone.

A little talk about my day, and yesterday.

It's about 00.36 A.M in the Netherlands, and it's- windy and stormy outside. I'm unstable because off that. I have A hard time these days with my mental health. I feel A bit nervous because off these storms that have been around lately.

Most good ideas off today contained food, and ideas about what to prepare and what to eat, as soon as I can get my hands on the ingredients. My period is over, yet the drive to eat is big. (The worst part is gone though. I'm no longer in the mood to eat a whole package off cookies or entire bars off chocolate.) I guess it comes with feeling unstable, but at least I feel more motivated to do things these days.

A little walk to the supermarket, which was pretty far away yesterday, and to get my copy off their free monthly receipe magazine, and next stop to the nearest flowershop and bought myself some pretty flowers. That was on Valentines day. I didn't have A valentine, (I have done something fun with someone at work earlier this week, but that's still to find out what I think off him, and I'm not sure whetheter I'm ready for love or even a flirt like that. It was something fun though.)

Well, I didn't have an official valentine, sometimes people have to buy themselves gifts to cheer up their day. It was such nice weather for a walk, especially if you compare it to the current circumstances. It's as if an entire tree could be blown away by this type off wind.

Today was a day for comfy clothes and messy hair. I could only set myself to put some laundry in the laundry dryer. I have been just sitting on my couch and had fights with voices, and felt a bit down the entire day. But the food served at 'de Boed.' community centre was perfect this evening. red cabbage, oven baked potatoes and a fresh schnitzel straight from the butcher, with some curry (kerrie) sauce freshly made by them. It's not always like that at 'de Boed.' it depends on who is cooking there. We had luck today. I enjoyed my food, and had fun talks and a little cup off coffee after dinner, it gave a little silver lining to this laid back day.

come to speak off it- I'm thinking off having a dinner party one off these weeks, simply for the fun off cooking and the fun off having guests over to serve my food to and entertain them a bit. I couldn't set myself to clean my filthy bathroom today, but to cook my guests a good dinner is probably not that much off an issue. I feel like taking more long walks through the city every often, to stretch my leggs and to stay fit instead off getting more fat. But those are all plans for when 'Dennis.' is over, and decides to lay down.     

Good evening at the 10th off February, 2020

Good evening everyone.

Today was for grocery shopping, having my nails done at 'de Boed.' during their beauty hour (And spending a lot off time there today, from 09.00 A.M on.) and a power nap afterward.

I forgot my wallet during grocery shopping, so I had to go back to the supermarket to pay everything. Luckily, the supermarket was easy on me today. They kept everything behind for me and let me return after almost an hour to pay for it. I can be this stupid a lot, I have murphy's law on my side a lot, no matter how serious I wish to look / come off to people sometimes. It's not a crime to be silly sometimes, but during the car trip home to get my wallet, I could hear my dad complaining to me in my mind. while the people in the van where actually pretty kind about it. (childhood trauma, when I got onto something stupid, my parents would always rub that in and judge me quite hard compared to the people I went grocery shopping with this afternoon.)

I'm on my period this week, so my diet got a bit lost these weeks. Seriously, I just can't stick to my diet when I'm onto that. Luckily I found chocolate milk which tastes good, with 0% fat in it. It's perfect all year long, and it cheers up my mood to drink it. I just found out that it's pretty high on sugar. -something- has to be bad about good tasting stuff. 

And.... I made it into a magazine. I made a dessert published in there some time ago, and now they published the picture I made off it and posted online. They asked me if I was okay with publishing it into their magazine, (A weekly published woman's magazine called 'vriendin.') and I was fine with it. I found out in the supermarket I got into this week's edition off it.   If I keep going on with making desserts, who knows I could become famous because off it. (I think that's merrely dreaming. but who knows.) I'm proud off myself. I'm not in there with a picture, but my first name and something I said about that dessert (What it was made off) are published along the picture. It's this picture:

That's about it for this monday. Sometimes the world isn't so bad, after all. 

Good afternoon at the 9th off February 2020

Good afternoon everyone,

The cullinairy winter season is almost over. It runs from september to half january (Officially december, but january if you stretch it) and it consists off a lot off rich flavours which are traditionally served only during that period off the year, like- apples, pears, rich spices like cinnamon, clove and star anise, rich and heavy oven dishes, pumpkin, wild meat, spiced cookies (dutch speculaas) and so on.

I love to work with these, I love to bake a lot, and this year was a good year to work with apples and pears in particulair. Or at least I made it a perfect apple and pear year. I have made A few pies, an apple bundt cake with several spices, a few jars off applesauce with several spices, and the best thing was to share what I made with people.
The only thing I haven't made so far is stuffed apple or pear from the oven. (It's supposed to be stuffed with nuts, A hint off vanilla and caramel and offcourse the spices.) While it's still cold outside, I think I might get away with serving stuffed apple for dessert at a final home made dinner with people. But after the cold period, the winter season has come to an end and I think it's usually such A pitty. To work with certain ingredients while they are in season is often the best. I have A few pictures off some off the things I made this winter.

I even  had a spring roll with some fresh apples aside for lunch.
It was good alltogheter. 

One off the best breakfasts in  winterseason:
oatmeal with apples and cinnamon. 

So to say, it was A perfect year for apples and pears.

After the winterseason, there will be the spring season which also consists easter. I think it's something wonerfull to serve white aspargus during that season. My family usually has an aspargus dinner (Around Pentecost, we're not christian, but it's merely for the sake off A good dinner togheter) with aspargus soup as the starting dish and aspargus with egg, ham, potatoes and diffrent sauces as the main dish. The dessert is usually ice cream off some sort, and often I seem to 'sense.' when they're at it, or maybe they're onto that yearly treat at the moment when I visit them, but it's always when I'm near and it's one off the best things each year. Aspargus are very expensive, so usually it's only once a year we eat them.

Comming to think off it, other traditional spring dishes often consist fresh green vegetables, lemon, other citrus flavours and more light tasting ingredients than winter. I should try to cook 'in season.' around spring this year, and see what's actually in season during spring and summer, since I don't have much off A clue. It could be fun to share A great spring dinner with some fellow clients and care-takers while I'm at that task. I think I won't serve them aspargus, as that is above my budget, but something delicious yet 'spring-ish.' would always be a good idea. Maybe I should serve the easter rabbit. But I have no clue on how to prepare rabbit either.😅But that's not going to happen, I feel too much pity with cute little rabbits to cook them) To cook in season for spring can be fun to blog about, and to show pictures off. I think I might do that for a while on here.   

 

To stick to my truth

Simply to stick to yourself, and to what you find is important matters most.

Even when it means to swim against the stream and following your own inner path. Sometimes it takes sacrifices. But in the end, these usually give more air. I feel like I have done the best I could do in most situations, even though some things I did where hard, and impossible to understand for other people. I have no respect for people who think they can judge without knowing what has actually happened, but are rude to bully me with what I've done without knowing. I feel that it's my right to frown down upon them and think they are the bad side. I'm no attention whore, even though I got that stigma from some others who do much more just for the sake off attention than I have ever done. (I'm not sorry for stating this.)

I feel best outside the storm, instead off being part off it. Sometimes, you have to be headstrong to break through all off that, and keep on standing on your own feet, but maybe that's said A little too much. I have A habbit off getting angry fast, and acting out off that anger. That might seem like attention whoring, or over- acting. But most off it is death serious, and I feel heavily offended when people say it's all fake. How dare you judging my emotions? My emotions are mine and you can't decide for me what's true. I feel offended by people scapegoating me because off that. My path isn't without injuries. But sometimes I rather take those than to stick with being truly fake, and talk people to their mouth. As long as I state the same opinion as they do, it's not over-acting. It doesn't mean their vieuw is utmost true.

Because off all off this, I rather stay true to myself and stay away from them. Their drama is forced upon me, and it isn't the truth. My cry for justice hasn't been replied but answered with childish behaviour. And I simply have the right to walk away when it has been too much to take, and it has been enough. They're not my kind off people, and I feel better when I'm not among them.   

Tension headaches

Good evening everyone.


I have been buisy this week. I'm usually buisy. This wednesday I felt A strange kind off cramp in my head, and due to being diagnosed with schizophrenia, I thought it was something bad. I went to sleep because it started in the evening and there was nothing else I could do, but I woke up at thursday with the same issues. On reccomending off A care taker I decided to call General Practice, I made an appointment for friday but by that time I felt like I was about to die. Meanwhile I perfectly went to work, the gym at friday morning and went out for dinner at 'de Boed.' on thursday. I had that certain cramp, and issues with my speech. Sometimes I can't get the words right out off my mouth and say odd words. And my sight has worsened, after having new glasses for only two years.

General Practice arrived at friday afternoon and did some practices with me to see how bad I was. Most off these practices where done without trouble, and I told her everything. The way I described it she told me it was tension headache (Spannings Hoofdpijn). Nothing deadly, luckily. but you can catch up on it by over-thinking, over-worrying and by being very buisy. It sounds weird, but despite not having A real job, I'm always buisy with things and hardly take rest and good time for myself. Up and onward, and even more over the top. But that's not A good idea for now. I have been reccommended to keep the muscle which causes tension cramp warm, and do some physical moves with my head to keep it  flexible. And to stop worrying. That's probably the hardest part. I'm also supposed to let my eyes being tested. The loss off words could also be due to this headache. And simply being overworked. I defenetly have to take some me-time each week from now on.