Good afternoon everyone,
I think the country can squeeze it's hands togheter for still standing after the major storms this weekend. It's still rainy, depressing, and grey outside. It's a dark wintermonth. It's also very windy these days. It's downright terrible.
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I got over my resistance this afternoon and decided to try baking peanutbutter cookies. I must admit- they're tasty and the receipe worked out quite well in my hands.
Forks are cookiestamps for poor people. haha. The receipe required to flatten them with a fork, it came to my mind fancy cookie stamps would work out better for it but they are pretty expensive- so a fork it was. I tasted three, one from every tray and I made 48, otherwise there would have been 51 off these. I have to try it a few times more for the best baking time. It's an easy receipe and the dough is not sticky. It comes from the cookie bible (de koekjesbijbel) by my baking hero Rutger van den Broek. I doubted de Boed would like them but I'm almost certain even the biggest (old fashioned thinking) food sceptic can appreciate these. (I got over my doubt either. I'm not a big food sceptic, but I had my overthinkings on peanutbutter as a flavour for cookies.) I have no shame handing them almost 50 off these as I'm almost certain they'll get out off them.
It's a good thing trying new receipes every often. It gave me a good feeling today. Trying new receipes- I love it.
Aside from bakings I'm doing pretty hard these months but I don't want to share too much details. I'm in mourning over a lot off things and taking it on with care staff more. Bakings keep me cheered up and I think it's hard not sharing too much on this weblog as I'm used to it but I think a little protection from gossip can't do bad for -sensitive becomming- me. My main care taker said I needed more appointments with a psychologist as she heard me yesterday after I spoke to her. I felt as if I was talking through some sort off a dark grey mist to her. Almost not aware off what I was doing. If I would have been at my full awareness, I probably would have never set myself to speaking so open hearted but it started after breaking down in tears at dinner last night. I don't completely know what I'm doing but I'm probably getting onto the main problem, hopefully. Finally. Trauma isn't our responsibility, but seeking help for it and our way off coping with it is. It's hard. Life is getting by in tears at this moment. Every evening I'm sad and I cried more than I have ever done in my life. Baking and talking help me somewhat out.
I don't know who I reach out to with these weblogs. Just secret services? At first this blog started as revenge and a way to fight something. But nowadays I hope I can reach people with the same fate as me and it's for myself because I like writing them. Maybe I can reach out to that soul just as much in pain as me and hopefully make them believe they are not alone. Maybe it can work inspiring if they don't find me annoying. Mental health and psychiatry are worldwide bigger problems than what most people realize. I have no clue if it does that, or if it's just kicking Vana's ass like I intended it to at first. There are more purposes to this than one. If something has more than one goal, I think it's best to just do it and not hold back in fear as that does good to no one. Today is for storm, tomorrow will be for sharing peanutbutter cookies with people and who knows what will come after that, but I have good hopes for life and I would like to inspire people with it somehow. Have no shame about yourselves, get out off the shadows off life and start doing fun things and love life despite being mental.
Allright, that's about it-
Thank you for reading.
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