Good afternoon at the 25th off February, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

This morning was cloudy and grey but at the moment, most greyness has faded and it's sunny and almost bright with here and there a cloud outside. It's still cold and February, though. 

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Today was for trying yoghurt cake, a receipe I have never tried before, in a new mold. It didn't come out perfect, but it tastes nevertless great. I believe I could have dusted it with flour before I started baking. I have never worked with this mold before so I could try again and practice a little more untill I'm satisfied with this. I'm satisfied with the taste, though. I wouldn't do bad serving this tomorrow at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk for their afternoon coffee moment. It will be sliced and served on pastry plates so I think (hope) people won't mind it wasn't picture perfect today. It's topped with orange icing. made from orange juice and icing sugar and the taste to the cake is orange. 

I'm on changing medication. Yesterday was the first try with this new antipsychotic and I have to take it in the morning. I can't sleep in anymore these weeks but as far as I'm concerned, it's almost a good medicine. It's supposed to keep me from getting more fat and hopefully supports with losing weight. I should stop over eating and move my ass around more when it's finally no longer medication that stops me. I have to wait untill the medication change has been settled completely and I feel stable again untill I can move forward with my life. I have finished a course about being mental this winter and it came with all kinds off good information about my disease. It's always handy to know thineself a bit more before going out in the world. I think the course did well for me as I can tell where my problems come from and how it works in the brain on a physicall level. Still I believe it's black magic sometimes that happens to me and I have become victim to some sort off revenge spell and I don't know why. It could be true, it's impossible to proove any off it so it's more handy to know a bit how this disease works in the brain and what medication does to it. It's quite something and it gives me the realisation that I'm a patient with a disorder which can't be helped. That is hard for me to accept but it's good to understand.  

I suffer a lot from it. I usually don't share that it's hard, but it is. I live with an over active mind which is in controll off me most off the time when I'm having delusions. It hurts and it feels shamefull when I snap out off one, only to be caught into one again after I did so. And it repeats. It's constantly on my ass and I do hard with all off it. Still I wish to do good things in life and stay positive minded somehow. Do good for the world around me if only something small. Keeping that takes positive experiences. I'm getting out off depression, however and the previous month was almost a good month for me with shopping stuff, baking new receipes and even visiting the local thursday market. (I love markets.) I haven't done that in a while due to Corona and rather staying in my home all the time instead off doing things. But fresh air is finally here and I seem to take a breath off it. 

I know I have to take it a bit calmly after spending money on new stuff like previous weeks and changing meds, but it was fun. So far, changing meds feels a bit hard but if I make it through this stage, life hopefully is getting better and losing weight will be a bit easier. I'm truly obese and for those mocking me with my looks it's incredibly easy to do so this way. I hope it will work out for me once I'm not on the fattening meds anymore. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.