Good evening at the 28th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a dreary day which ended sunny. 

*

I've prepared our Ascension day Tray cake with half my ingredients donated. It looks very delicious. If I do say so myself. It's almost tempting. 

If you bake it more professional instead off following instructions on the package, you can get more airy cake and more amount off cake out off a box. And offcourse not using the cardboard mold they include, but your own if it's bigger. It's unemployed cake at it's finest, but it looks so temptingly good, it's promising. I hope it will blow away the worse dreary Ascension day blues for me and my fellow clients tomorrow. 

de Boed starts providing evening meals again. A good care cooking company started to do buisness with them. they're better than my potatoes, veggies and meat. Really good quality for affordable pricing, so I will start to eat there again soon. It's like the Universe has mercy for me with those meals for that price. And it reliefs me off dishwashing. It's really dreamy meals. Are we, unlucky mental patients, lucky for once? I do think so. I can't picture those meals, I think it's not fine with them. It's really three star restaurant quality they serve. Almost unbelievable. But then you should see it. It's really a miracle. They will start after vocation time. When all care takers are back. 

Allright, that's about it for now. 

Thank you for reading. 

 Edit: This is how my applecrumble traycake got served, I took pictures: 

Good evening at the 27th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

We're in a heavy rainstorm. It rains and storms against my windows and I got my curtains closed. 

*

Around Easter I was blogging about a sore in my side muscle, I found out after a massage with lavender massage oil, it got all out. We have a beauty specialist at Leviaan, and she massaged me and the sore from the stretched muscle came out. I think it might have been the holy grail in curing my sore. 💖 It's been lavender massage oil and a good back massage that worked. 

I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet. It's really hard to stay on the ground. But life is still fun these days. Today was for dance Bingo at de Boed. I even had Bingo at one point and won a dessert bowl with oranges on it. Really cute. I think it would make a nice sight with a scoop off ice cream in it. Something not too pricey yet good like vanilla from a good brand. (I'm sorry I'm that cheap. You could almost see and feel on my food pictures I'm unemployed.) And then one scoop placed elegant in the centre. The bowl is decorated nicely enough to make it an impression when it's that simple. If I would have money again, I would make it more off a celebration. But I think the war and the crisis are over by then. It's Ascension weekend upcoming weekend, It's almost asking for it. But maybe fruit yoghurt looks good in it, either. It's a cute bowl. 

 

I do eat low fat fruit yoghurt for my health. Dance bingo was really fun, despite my numbers did not had to be danced to. They where all left out off dancing for points, so I had a little luck. I have the luck I have to do that for a job every week. Bingo or music quizzes, and usually I win something. It's really a party every week. 

I listen to 80's pop a lot in my free time. It's so much better than modern music. I love these golden oldies. Even if one day it becomes old junk again I would still hang on to it. I blame my father to it, and it being on the golden oldies radio stations all the time they have on here. But these are older people, and they still love it. I would not know what's on modern stations or in the hit charts, honestly. Usually we stick to 70's 80's 90's stations. And yes, I also listen to that stuff at home. I may be a little weird for someone my own age. But there's not much good music out there nowadays. I might be a bit silly in it. 

At Ascension day, on a Thursday, I will serve home made apple crumble tray cake, and have a morning coffee service, despite it being on a holiday. They asked me for it and I said yes. I don't mind doing my plight on a holiday. I almost feel a little important when doing so. It's almost dutyfull. And not to brag, they love my coffee. I come to almost believe I got The best coffee in town when I'm at coffee service. It's really honourable. The old Leviaan cowboys can't be more gratefull than for me serving coffee on Ascension day, aside to the cake. Otherwise it would just be boring, it's forecasted to become grey and cold. And just a little more harsh than a common day. 

It's going to be my version off unemployed apple tray cake, with more than half off the ingredients donated, in a 1 euro oven dish. I saved points with gorcery shopping some time ago, and then got two Pyrex oven dishes for one euro each. Even my raisins come from a donation, just like the apples. All I have to add is cream butter and milk. In this case it can be real cream butter. By measuring raisins, I do longer with a package. I hope my spirit won't be damaged from all off this freeloading. But life is expensive. So it's my unemployed apple pastry. Served on de Boed's cute pastry plates, with their whipped cream. All I have to do is the work to bake it. That's how I manage my luxury nowadays, or at least my bakings. With lots off donations. It's a bit... cheating. But at least I don't cheat on a man, and critics don't owe up for my groceries, so they have no right to speak. But home made apple pastry enhances hearts. Especially on cold Ascension days. When people don't have a penny too much. I hope the Universe forgives me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.        

Good evening at the 23th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a fresh and changing day in The Netherlands. 

*

I don't know how the world gets by during this economic recession. I don't have a vision to that. It's a bit unclear. I don't know if they're rich or poor. In The Netherlands, it seems to get by well. People live less luxurious and cuttings need to be made, but there's no life threatening danger with most in my opinion. Maybe it's a bit bad doctors do less due to costs. Doctors, lists, hospitals- all a shame due to costs and time it takes to be helped. Other than that, I think this country gets by. Just a little poorer. Just a little less snobby. But is this a crisis? I think most can take it. 

Offcourse the war should stop, preferably as soon as possible. And prices should be acceptable again. But I think they're getting by allright. I actually have no real clue to it. It's not like the masses die from it. We just have to use our minds and common sense. Maybe it's worse than I think. I should not take too much conclusions out off what I see. People die, but they're old and sick. It's not like they die from starvation or cold. They're dressed and they have a roof above their head. That counts for most. It's not slant luxurious, but is that an issue? I just mention they're a little less groomed. They could use a wash, but isn't that a trend movement? I just don't know if it's out off crisis. I wish someone would do research about this era. In the future, when times are normal again. Fashion is more humble, but I think the country gets by. 

I think a girl should be capable to withhold a crisis. It's important. If you're a young adult woman, you should have savings and security. The world is too cruel to let it depend on someone else. Women should start savings, get stability with their finances and start a life where they can keep on living even when things get nasty. A woman, at, say, 25, should be already capable to do so. I'm certain about that. Men are not dependable, and something could happen where you could stand alone. So a buffer is not a bad idea. And ways to stay somewhat independent. Since men are not likely to be a safe option. And the option to say No when something or someone doesn't feel right. Financial independency helps with that. 

It's good to have the capability to still stand on your own two feet when everything goes wrong, and not go through life mindless. That's my opinion. I hope someone has something to it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good evening at the 18th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a cloudy and cold day in The Netherlands. 

*

It's Ed the dragonslayer, the coolest man from the entire pagan scene, and I believe my feelings for him where a mistake. It's been a mistake. 'I'm sorry, it's wrong.' And a bit shallow, and normie-based the way I felt it. 'I think it's best not to...' At least nothing happened. I kept my purity, and my pride, and no one can claim they have done stuff with me for real. It has not happened. There's no evidence, no where ever. It's all gossip and stupidity if someone claims so. Not a single soul has the rights and the true evidence for an accident. It has NOT taken place. It's more likely I saw UFO's 14 years ago than that someone there has messed with me. Gossip is just stupid. 

It's my goal to keep on looking everybody here in the eye, and knowing I'm innocent. That's my true story. I can't break the heart off our elders, care takers and fellow clients. My purity is almost a trade mark. Anyone who claims diffrent is actually a pathetic pervert. I'm so much better than them. If we would set true, honest standards, I would be far above them. And that's the truth. 

'You can claim things, you can act mafioso, but there are eyes... eyes off the divine to watch you.' 'If you have things, done certain things, talked certain things, they are there to see.' Maybe the audience takes crap, the divine doesn't. And I'm certain they respect me. with a fairness that might now seem strange to you. But it's not. I believe in Karma. Having to remove the forum after my prediction came out is pure Karma for example. 

It's another day in another world for you and me, and then we'll see. Did I make myself clear? 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

 

Good evening at the 14th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's windy and sunny outside in The Netherlands. A promise off summer fullfills the air. 

*

Life is getting by, it's not too bad these days. I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet, but when don't I? I don't feel depressed, just a little moody. But at least I'm capable to feel it. It's best to feel and experience your moods. Not to keep them tied up. Psychiatric patients do a little hard with that due to medications. It's really hard to feel our moods most off the time. It's difficult, but these days at least I feel moods. Am cranky, and live them. Feeling moods in my case also comes with a big heart for nostalgia, the surrounding, the old fashioned in Zaandijk and farmstyle life. It's such love and tranquility with this old place. It's love for where I live I feel often. I love it. It's part off me. I belong among this old fashioned stuff. It's really a great feeling. The feeling off love for the surrounding, and belonging somewhere. Actually, it's quite luxurious, not many people I think have this. Usually, this retired feeling is my main feeling. The love for where I live and the old, I try to deal with the crankyness, 

How do they call it? Patriotism, it's dangerous to use the term. Since it's associated and claimed by the extreme right in politics. This enhanced (Enchanted? You'd almost call it that.) feeling off home and belonging is better than love most off the time. It's more safe, either. It's so beautifull and lovely and authentic where I live. It's hard to compare, you can compare it to Hawaii or Venice. It's that touristic and typicall for Dutch. And time by time, I grow to love it more and more. It's so sweet. There's no place like home at the moment to me. It's to swoon over. There's no one my age who has this and who fully understands. I have my own home and I love the place where it's situated. It's more luxurious than winning the lottery. Buying a villa and having to start anew somewhere. That's superficial luxury. But I think this is more meaningfull and real. 

I'm fine with not having kids or a relationship, if life keeps on being this meaningfull. A man can be such a wrong choice, this place has never been a wrong choice. It's the positive off feeling moods. I'm so thankfull for this beauty in my surrounding, and the understanding people I live with. It can pass for a fairytale. It's the surrounding, and it's real life. It's a timeless legend. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 9th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's a sunny and warm day outside in The Netherlands. 

*

Really, do I get it right? The day Mark banned me, was the day they all resentlessly banned me, started to spit on me, and slutshame me. It was really ruthless, unforgiving and too sharp to fully get. I never understood. At least, not what I was supposed to be. I believed mankind and morals to be a bit softer than what they portray. It sucks, and it hurts and hell has frozen my heart. It's not what I intened, but they are too difficult, and too stupid. 

And I was a bit stupid, for not understanding. Thinking things could be talked and done over. Untill it was right. But it's so unforgiving and cruel, it's murder for the mind. I did not understand how cruel these bitches where back then. I never fully undersrtood untill recent, I always thought it could be made truly right somehow. 

But it's so cruel and unforgiving, and it doesn't look like Vana at all. But it sure was Vana that did so. Vana has hurted me a murderous amount. And what do they know? I stand alone against them. It's so many people. I can't solve it. And it's so cruel. I became so sick over it, delusional, heartbroken, misunderstood, slutshamed, left outside alone, and made bigger and worse than I am. I lost my face big time over it. It was terrible. It felt like too much, I lost this game, and I could have lost my life over it. Given what happened in those desperate delusions, where I run alone from home moonstruck. I did not get support from anyone, they all abandoned me. 

No one helped me out, they all told me to shut up for Castlefest sake. It was cruel, unfair, and cowardly from the rest. But they all blindly followed Vana. It hurts so badly to have been treated so cruel. It looks so nice, but it's all ice, snow and venom underneath in them. I could not handle it back then. I finally start to understand what it contained, and how big it is and was. I never felt that. I never felt it that right. I always flew somewhat above it. my heart wasn't in it. I did not understand. I could not understand why or how. It's been too mean. I have been right to leave. It can't be solved. The unworldliness off this pain is what stands out. I'm not like them. they are cruel people with no heart. They are the cruelest people with a shallow smile and an empty heart. They are not what they pretend to be. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 5th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny yet cold in The Netherlands. 

*

It could also be possible, peace will be upon us in July, and the worst case scenario won't come true. The worst case is when we have to shut down the energy in this country, and we have to surrender to Russia as Europe. In 2028. It's really worst case, it could also be peace in July, Then we'll be less doomed. Since it's loss off face if we have to give in to Russia forced. It's a possibility. It's a disaster if I just hope for the best. Lights and traffic lights, aside to the railroad at night- all will be shut down to save the country energy in the future if it continues like this, and by then we still can't afford. It's really hopeless. We can do so with pride, or really lose our dignity as Europe, and countries will look down upon us. Our high position could have never been lower if we lose our dignity to Russia. And they waltz over us. It's worst off the worst case. Our whole status will be ruined by not surrendering in time. It's not how or if we win, but how we lose. With or without our faces still on. 

I've also seen they will shut the lights to big touristic spots, like the Eiffel tower or Brandenburger Tor if they can't afford the energy for it anymore, and they'll be as poor as a rat when that happens. And that is in the darkest off years, in 2027. Short before forced surrendering. Please, if you have any pride left, lose with pride. Or The Wargirl really will be the '20's muse off the decade. This might happen if it lasts too long. It's the downfall off society. We have no choice. We can safe what's left by surrendering in time. 

And the worst off the worst, when everyone in Western Europe is forced to shut their energy from 21.00 untill 05.00 AM for three winters long. To safe energy. It's been all in my visions. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 4th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a cold and cloudy day in Spring in The Netherlands. 

*

I don't use a sixth sense here, but somehow my common sense tells me the situation in the world won't change soon. It's really pulvering teeth while gritting what you have left off them. But don't pinch-point me at it. 

Today was a calm Sunday with little going on, except baking an easy cake. With a cake mix and eggs donated to me. All I had to add was cream butter, a fancy serving plate and milk. Tomorrow, at our Liberation Day, we will have a slice off cake with our afternoon coffee. 

I hope people can appreciate this version, usually it's with added fruits or dried fruits to it, but this year that was a little too pricey. And this is done with donated stuff and devotion. I really took my time preparing it. It wasn't done with everything added all at once, like the instructions might sugest. I did more like a French professional, eggs one by one adjusted to it. And milk at last. I think we got a more airy cake than what you got if you dump everything in your batter bowl all at once. It looks more big. And I know people love these cakes when I lay a little heart in them and bake them that way. But, yeah, no additions other than basic cake ingredients. Even the fancy serving plate comes from a give away shop. It's half a work off charity. A quarter off it is love. I hope people can appreciate. 

I have mild sleeping issues recently, I got up during midnight, or very early. Simply to haunt the internet or my diary. I go back to bed when I get tired, but it's becoming a pattern, and it's hard to break. And that fighting with death at night... I have this issue where I think I'm about to die when I'm in bed. Really troublesome. It never happens, it's just that annoying feeling. I simply, silly wake up the next day. I think my body is still going strong, so I won't die. It's just... really difficult. It's frightfull. 

The life off a home maker is still nice with me. Doing basic chores, making sure the home is nice, Though I don't have a husband. But I feel comfortable and almost safe at home when I do it like that. I can be annoying and flip, but at least I have this place. Be as sick and annoying as I please in the safety off this small care home. Well, at least it's a clean home. Or at least I try to. It's messy, but clean enough and cozy. Perfect for me. While NATO planes fly over, (On the other side off the country, but they do fly there.) and police helicopters seek for scum around this area, this place is clean and comforting. Sometimes it's so important and it's all we need. 💖 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.