Good evening at the 15th off March, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was pretty, sunny and warm spring weather. It's just been perfect for coffee in the sun. 

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I had bad news from the results from my bloodtest. Warning, this will be a medical blog. 

The prolactine (A hormone which helps women produce mother's milk.) is way up the ceiling in my blood. It's that high I'm going to hear from the hospital about it. The mental health office contacted General Practice about it, but they send me through to the hospital. It explains the wobbly feeling I have. Prolactine is something pregnant women with babies or people on mental health medicine produce. I don't know why they put stuff in it that causes that, but it's every effin time the same old song. This time I seem to do well on this medicine. I'm not depressed, I'm as stable as possible, and I don't feel too absent when it comes to it- That's not true, I'm still pretty much absent and a bit on my own and distant, but that's me, my trauma and my reaction to the surrounding. Not the medication. 

The result is something to bale about. I feel worried and threatened and it makes me act weird. I'm out off controll on this situation. Say, 90% off medication has this effect. It's NOT funny when you're mental and in big need off these meds. I think most side effects on mental medication are not funny. We need them, but the pharmaceutic industry seems a bit retarded when it comes to side effects. I'm going to hear from the hospital about it. 

I wish I had a teddybear off a man to cuddle up to each night, and to hug and kiss me through this rough period. But I don't have a man. And like we know, that's no option at this moment. Still I wish I had someone to hold on to and hold hands with. I feel so scared. I know what I wish for, but I can't get it. Being really wealthy means being capable to be with the one you love during rough times. 

This Wednesday Soup day I made de Boed creamy celeriac soup with bacon stripes. And it was very tasty and very much appreciated. I put in a lot off herbs from the pantry, and garlic, and leek and onions. Aside to Boursin Cuisine and cooking cream. I finished with a splash off lemon juice after I pureed and then added the fried bacon stripes. People loved it. It's been made with beef broth. We where out off chicken broth. Even the most picky eaters liked it. 

I'm a bit out off control, which also makes me unstable somehow. In the worst case I have to switch medication- again. I'm not looking forward to that. It's been hard to get on these and I feel mentally as stable as possible with it. It's not funny. I hope you wish me luck with it. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.