Good evening at the 30th off January, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a beautifull and cold day in the Netherlands. A beautifull first day off the year off the Snake. 

*

This morning I had a bloodtest, I had such headache this Monday I almost demanded one. To see my blood values and see if something is wrong. It was hell on earth. Luckily the bloodtest went smooth. Usually I'm hard to prick. I have deep vains. I'm a bit hazy these days. A bit vague. I dive deep in delusional states off minds, usually ones where I fight with Vana again. All those things I haven't said but which I should have. I just did not have the heart. And Vana is obnoxious. They play the victim and the bitten dog, but they are cowards. Something not to take too heartly what they say. They are untrustworthy and the sentiment is wrong. I think they just don't get it. Or they have an agenda when they do. 'Cause what they do is wrong and I can't lay my finger on it. It has been this confusing for 14 years now. They're kinda suspicious. I think they just want to earn big money over backs. They're not in it for the right feeling. And cowards as they have always been, they ditched me and left me the cold shoulder. While forgetting to tell their audience the truth. I'm not guilty, they are. 

They are going to enhigher taxes during this massive crisis, to make ends meet. The government will increase prices on top off inflation. I feel so worried about the poor people who can't feed their children due to it already, A government who abandons it's people already, you'd wonder what they need those taxes for, they do nothing for it. 

I got a brilliant idea for Pokémon game names, Pokémon Salt & Pepper. All the other stuff was too pricey during crisis. And then let them fight in spice and herb gyms. I just think Nintendo won't agree. The oregano badge, the garlic badge, the lemongrass badge- The cinnamon badge- But no, nothing off that. I wonder if Pokémon still sells to begin with. It seems so expensive for ordinairy kids. A few years ago when I was still making jewelry, I liked to make things that looked like Pokémon badges at the Upcycling shop, and at the mental hospital when I was taken in back then. It was fun. But I'm not that creative anymore. A badge clasp and glueing beads and ornaments to it untill it looked like a Pokémon badge. It was fun. I designed those myself, and they where not official, but it was fun. I just don't do so anymore. I lost my creativity and my will to do handcrafts and games. I'm a bit boring at the moment. But see, I have had that mental block for a few years now. I lost reason and shape, I can barely read my works on mindfullness and Japanese wisdoms by my favourite authors from these years. It's said to be a side effect off being mental. Very difficult. I don't feel so creative anymore. It's as if I'm covered under a thick layer off dust. As thick as snow. Very hard to deal with. Maybe my apetite in reading eastern philosophy comes back after the war. It's really hard to think peace when we're at war. When everything is more sensitive in the world. It goes in harder with this going on. I have such beautifull, wise books. It's just very difficult to even want to read them these days. 

I think the war won't be on forever. It will be peace again, and I think it's going to be in the short term. Just a foresight, an insight, whatever. Magic. I hope my spirit will regain it's inspiration by then. Inspiration is a fragile thing sometimes. Dangerous in the hands off a mad man, beautifull in the hands off artists. Just, who knows? Maybe life itself is good enough for now. And god simply doesn't grant me more than this. Something to think off. Life ain't so bad. Well I never worry, now that is a lie- (Red Hot Chilli Peppers- Under the Bridge.)     

I hope I will regain inspiration again one day. And get creative again. It's as if it's under a deep sleep, covered in snow thick dust. Sometimes I just have to deal with it, it's the prison I'm in as a mental patient. Maybe it will brighten one day. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

  

 

Good morning at the 22nd off January, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's the death off night, but it's promising to become as cold and misty as yeaterday. It's almost haunted outside. 

*

I can't sleep. There's something in the air. Today will be for tidying my kitchen. There's not much else to do. It's not the greatest foresight one can have, but the result should be good. Clean kitchen, space for more cooking. And the great feeling off a clean surface. It's still messed up from dinner last night. It's messy still. I can't immediately clean after dinner, I need the moening after to do so. Usually I'm too tired at night after eating. I'm not a brilliant home maker. But I do my utmost best at the moment. It's usually with a little help. And it's important enough to notice on here. I got a lovely home, it's nicely furnitured and decorated, so I like to keep it clean and groomed. I'm far from perfect at it, but maintaining this is bliss. I swear, your own home is bliss. 

Faun will attempt The Netherlands this September, and since I'm the big Super Diva everyone is waiting to see there, I better deny getting there on this weblog. I won't be there. The last time was a disaster, it's where my missery with Vana started. So to avoid situations and nasty people, I better don't show up there and keep my ass out off trouble. Faun was something from a previous life. I won't be there. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 21th off January, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was mist over the North-Holland meadows, it's been icy cold and misty. It looked haunted everywhere today. 

*

Someone, someone should have this talk with her. For god sake, Natasha Marchal, are you going to weep this out in bed all the damn time, or are you gonna get up and show the world what you're worth? Someone should kick your delicate ass back to sanity. And tell you not to hang on to Mark too much. Get a clue, bitch. We, women, are not ment to cry our entire life over heartbreak. They call it emancipation. You need a fire person to get you a clue about that. 'Tha lady is in bed all the time, and oh woe if you make her cry...' That just doesn't do it. You need to continue with life. Go on with life, live life. Life is both too long and short to waste it. Get yourself a lambourghini, a younger lover and a trip to the south off France. Call it a midlife crisis. And kick ass to all those morons. I can't stand you to begin with, and I can't stand your attitude towards this. Get up, BITCH, and fight it. Instead off this stupid nonsense. No one is getting any better due to it. That's my advice about it. Get tons off projects, set offs, glamour, you need to reach for the edge off glory- not this patheticness. Be the role model for once they see in you, for the sake off it. Not an over-aged dragon off a slut with a broken heart. Get up and start to kick some ass again. 

Today was for going over to my mom to give her a small gift, the latest chocolate from the chocolate shop in a handmade box. It was a perfect gift, and a sweet visit. We need to share gifts. It's a Dubaï chocolate the shop owner invented, with pistachio in it. Perfect for my mom to try, since she loves the chocolates from that shop. It's important to give gifts and share some happiness with people we love. It's important during these dark days. They brought me home by car. The meadows on the road really looked haunted. Spooky, as if we could drift off to another time if we continued throughout it, a time and age where everything was more easy yet more difficult in the old fashioned North-Holland countryside. Very intriguing. But I'm home now, I'm washed and I'm doing my laundry. It's important during this crisis to have comfy sweaters and clean underwear. It's kinda private, but it's important to wash those regulairly in my case. With the finest laundry wash and softner in the country, washed and dried to cleanliness. My ass is gratefull for it. I won't settle for less than the opportunity to clean my underwear perfectly. I think I'm going to replace these after the war is done. It's that much off a nightmare becoming. It almost belongs in a museum. 'But look at what the war did to our guts. If this kinda laundry doing can't get the stains perfectly out.' It can be saved in the archive as an example off filthy war-underwear. That's with perfect laundry wash. Especially in these times. 'Ja, daar moet je wel Robijn tegen aan gooien.' And even then it's forecalling the gods for it to work. So far, clean is sooo nice, it's a necessity. And it's a luxury to put on clean underwear all the time. I can reccomend it. It always feels nice. 

So, yeah, a good day. Coffee visit and clean laundry. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

  

 

 

Good evening at the 7th off January, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today is real slumberness, all rain and greyness outside. 

*

This afternoon was for annoying fellow clients at de Boed for winning the Bingo quiz all the time. We play bingo with quiz elements at de Boed every two weeks on Tuesday, and other weeks we sing and do music quiz. It's really fun playing games on Tuesday and stick them all their eyes out with my basic common intelligence. But it's enough to leave them far behind, and win prices. I often pick chocolate for a price. 

Next week is an open office day for public at de Boed, and I'm going to sing. I'm going to sing a few songs for the audience. They think my voice is really good for singing. And They have the perfect sound boxes and microphones for it. It's something to feel a bit nervous about, but also to look out for. A performance in public. But I think it will work out well, and singing is real fun. I think people should sing more often. To empty their heart and their mind. Sing your heart out! And my mom will come to the open office day, so she will see me singing. It's really cool. 

'The temptation, the lust, the attraction- It sounds like you're really into it for the 'Real Thing.' with that man.'  You know, that ever lasting real thing where it's just about physicall attraction, you don't really talk, and nothing else matters? Perfect for a sane marriage! Well, I don't think so. Just lust and the physicall can be nice, but it's not reliable. No matter what Mustang he actually is. He is just 'gazing, gazing, gazing.' And then it probably fades. That would be healthy. Not following the butterflies all head over heels. That would be dumb. Sometimes I think about a fresh box off strawberries and a valentine's card if I would know where, who and how. Even a strict vegan man would appreciate those as romantic. But I don't even know that. If he's vegan, and where those strawberries are supposed to go, and the receptionist to his job would hold them behind to eat them herself. 'Thank you, dear. That is utmost sweet. I'll make sure he gets them...' *Omnomnomnomnom.* And honest, I should not see a man who could be a young grandpa as a mustang. That's unhealthy. And really, a box off fresh strawberries in February? It's not easy to have lost my mind in 2023 over the dragonslayer. Edo the dragonslayer, real cute mustang and the best off the best. But a waste off my time. 

Yesterday I said I think it will be peace in 2028, now I'm doubting if it's  2026 again. It's either one off those. It's in the short term, but it's not easy. I hope you can get by. Got your bills paid, and food on the table. I hope most off you can cook a meal. It's important these days to know how to cook the basics. It's difficult. This year won't be for relief. Not because it's what I want, but because I got insights about that. It's very cruel, but people have to take it. It will become all better in the short term. But it's gritting our teeth for now. We can better be brave with it. I don't know how stupid I am if I'm not right. I also think it's a bit stupid telling the Rolling Stones will get a number one hit with Angie again, and it will become the massive number one hit off this era. But it also comes from an insight. Yes, the Stones will be numer one again. If you wish to listen to it for cheap, go after it today. Tomorrow you will pay the head price for their albums. 

It's all dark and hailing outside. It's enough to wish to lay in bed. It will be weeks and weeks off winter in the Netherlands, with little to do. And it's forecasted to become real winter weather. I became fan off Wham's Club Tropicana, due to a New Year's Eve show on Dutch TV where it was performed really well. It's always fun to discover a good oldie. And re-discover, if they got on TV really impressive. Those 80's hits really lend themselves well for that, still. To tell you a secret: A lot off ladies in their 60's here still got a crush on George Michael, despite him being gay and death. In their youth, he was really their stud. I think they never got over with it deep inside. And yes, their music picks me up this year, like A-ha's Take on Me did so a few years ago. A good oldie from the 80's or 70's always does it with me. It does so ever since I was 16. It's been my parent's music and it's with me, either. My parents spend whole days listening to it. And I loved it better than my own youth's hits. What is mature youth to listen to in 40 years when music nowadays stays this bad? We don't have much idols or big sensations ourselves. We're not leaving them anything good this way. It's not something to be proud off. I just hope they understand how deep this crisis was. 

Something good to end this weblog with, before I make heads burst:

Maybe I will make heart-shaped potato cake, with chocolate chips and orange for de Boed's valentine's day. With potato mash. Something from a cookbook from the potato company, except that it's in an ordinairy mold in their receipe, I'm going to try a heart. I think mister Ed does not like the idea off potato cake, but I'm going to pretend I baked it for him. It's with real sugar, so it's supposed to become sweet and tasty. It's just that I'm about to mash potatoes for it. Instead off buying expensive potatoes for it, like the receipe book intends. Cute mustangs might think me weird. De Boed loves a new try out for a baking with their valentine's coffee. I'm going to try to make it for this year's valentine's day. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

Good morning at the 6th off January, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's dark and stormy outside tonight. 

*

There's something I don't like to keep from you, my Christmas 2024 cake: 

It's been a true masterpiece that came out perfectly off it's Wilton Christmas tree mold. It's been a work off love and charity. With money that was donated to me by friends who love my baking, and eggs from a rich friend who often comes by and has her own chickens. Fresh as can be. I got a lot off baking friends since they all love to eat it. It's the quark cake with dried prunes and golden raisins, and this one had hazelnuts in it. And yes, most came from donated money. This cake has become so pricey, it's a Christmas thing for me nowadays, just like my fresh banana cake. It's always the perfect stunt when it comes out perfectly off it's mold. I just decorated it with icing sugar. 

Some people had three slices off this, they thought it was that perfectly good. And I allowed them, since I'm generous with these. I don't like it when something is left. It's my biggest pride when it all got finished. And the plates are returned empty. 

Maybe these just being for Christmas gives them something special, and it makes my audience even more gratefull it's not plain raisin cake, to be honest I became sort off bored making these. But maybe I was about to develop new receipes. - It's just not possible anymore due to finances. But these are winning teams, always good for satisfied eaters, so these are the Christmas cakes for now, in beautifull molds. Since they deserve that. It's a bit pricey to develop something new when it can fail at the moment. That would be too much off a bad thing due to costs. So the trusted receipes it is. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading! 

Good evening at the 5th off January, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Rain and storm is bashing the windows. It's been snow this morning in Zaandijk, the Netherlands. And the rooftops and the gras was covered in a thin layer off snow. It vanished throughout the morning. 

*

This weekend wasn't so bad for an ordinairy, civilized weekend. It's been a walk across the neighbourhood, preparing custard pudding, picturing the local chocolate shop, and harvesting likes with it on the Zaan images facebook, having coffee and good conversations with fellow clients, 

And this morning for tea with my pal from Humanitas, having a real good talk with her, lending her a book, and then to have coffee at de Boed. And a good talk with a care taker. It's important to talk, and have great conversations with people- and to enjoy good company, and be nice with visitors is as ancient as the wold. Having tea with a treat with them, and being friendly with them. I wish I had more friends for tea-visits. I'm just not that good with people. 

I have a picture off the local chocolate shop in the tourist street: 

It's perfect for pick- me- ups and gifts, it's just that they're about to retire this summer. My mom loved all gifts that came from this shop. It's decadent, fancy and run by an old hippie who decorated it old fashioned and frumpy, but that's part off it's perfect sweetness. I haven't been in yesterday, I just have been picturing it's outside. I really should go for a visit soon, it's perfect for coffee and chocolates. 

My care taker said I was kinda edgy and cool by not throwing away items too soon, and keep on using and wearing it. I said I kept my items longer and had no money for much new, but she said I was cool with that. It's a big trend and it ain't so bad for me to do so. That's sort off a pick up, since I'm saving on items and be sober with what I got by conserving all off it. It's not bad for a Dutch woman to do so, a lot off people are known for conserving their old items for decades in this country. It's kind off the national habbit among most older people. Cheap as they try to be with it, and it works for them. I have declared myself a crisis goddess, so I do so too with my items. If Dutch are poor, they keep on using the same items for a long time. We're a sober people to begin with. And I give them their right, it's better for the environment, and why not if things last a lifetime? And sure, it's more cheap. There's nothing wrong with that. If you keep the overvieuw fresh and modern, and keep things fresh, whole and clean, then sure. 

And I decided that my current crush is a waste off youth. I'm wasting my time, energy and youth on him. I wish to keep these things in my own hands. But crushes are a bit harsh to get rid off if the emotion is too much. I'm not really good with getting rid off it. Or getting my mind truly off. I don't wish to be wasted on someone who doesn't know about it. It's a lot off energy. But I'm a mental patient. If I'm so stuck I can walk around quite a while with this. It's sweet, but it's also energy consuming. I think they would not expect this one from me if they would see it. Or merely, If they would see it... oh, woe! But really, men... silly men... what am I to do with them? I better bake appeltaart. I found a baking mix for only 66 cents a package. Too good to resist. Almost as if the devil himself plays with it. I'm glad to have found it. Instead off making them flip flip flip over my crush. It's not wrong or illegal, it's not against appropriate matters off being. It's even perfectly straight. There's just an age gap, but I don't care. I have become 32 years old, after all. But it's against 'their.' rules. And 'they.'would look odd at me for it. I think I waste time and energy on it. It's just like with peekering, it's often on in an annoying way. I'm not good with these emotions. 

I think I should look for something fun to do this week. I'm getting a bit annoying due to hormonal pills this week. I don't feel like doing the household. But rather be in bed or do small fun things. And let the hormones have their way for a while. At least I'm not in the way off someone living. I'm not responisble for care. Just my own. I should receive a medal for that, but that's my opinion. 

Allright that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 4th off January, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold, wet and dreary. For tomorrow they've forecasted snow. 

*

I had this insight about the upcoming planetairy transits, Neptune and Saturn moving to Aries, and Uranus moving to Gemini. And honest: It's just planetairy transits, and nothing will miraculously happen due to that involving the Ukraine War. Aries is the war-sign, but I think we're (Western Europe) are not going to fight it out. I'm sincerely about that, I think it won't happen and that's for real. I think peace will take place in 2028. And it has nothing to do with us fighting. I simply don't know what causes it. It's just that that's the year I've gotten about this through visions. 

And we better hope that that would be the year. I had visions about trends in society when it will not, and it's all poverty and propaganda we're about to deal with if it doesn't take place during that time period. We better pray it will be over in such a short term. We better do. 

I hope for festivity if we triumph. But I've foreseen the period off peace will go by in dark somberness, people having to get used to it, and things still being very expensive. It's not festive from here to Maddison Square Gardens. So I think peace won't come after victory. It's in slumberness and drearyness it's going to take place. It's because we have no money for that. No money for peace parties. They're not keen on spending money on it, and that's all I've seen. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 2nd off January, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's cold, cloudy and grey like the other ones these weeks. It's just that I can't see the weather yet, it's just what I feel is going to happen. 

*

It's around 04.00 AM, This morning will be for coffee service. I'm in my living room, when I feel like it, I go back to bed. 

I have been thinking. Maybe my facebook and weblog will be such thick cult later on, for it being absolutely boring, and nothing happening on there except the plain, dry and daily. It's a certain wisdom on it's own for youth to follow that. Especially youth who don't have much off an interesting life themselves. It's so sickly boring and dull, they can relate to it. It's not as jealouse making as I hoped it was. That's a bit sick. But ordinairy stuff still doesn't get people too jealouse. It's just a plain idyle, and meanwhile it's not threathening, it's so stupid it's funny. 

I thought I was making people jealouse, with coffee, food and chocolates and cookies with my coffee. Since it's that much off a crisis. It's just that no one mentions. So I think it's actually the opposit. Maybe it's too dry to generate jealousy. Who, except for a real desperate, gets jealouse at cauliflower? I know, a lot off people wish they had it. But I think it doesn't sicken them with sharp, poisonous jealousy. 

Naw, I think that doesn't truly hit it. I'm not jealouse making, I think I'm so dry and boring that it's cult-like funny. But you should be into that cult before enjoying it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good afternoon at the 1st off January, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's windy and stormy in the Netherlands. 

*

First off all, I wish you all a Happy New Year, and something on hands to keep your minds buisy, since we need distraction every often that's not illegal. 

This morning I showered and washed, Finally got myself clean. I smell like lavender and body butter. I think I killed no one by not looking fancy during New Year's Eve. It was more the feeling that got me out off bed this morning to clean myself. It's better than feeling filthy. 

The fireworks where really beautifull yesterday. So incredibly pretty. They can't afford their health insurance, but they do pay an awfull lot for fireworks. The least I can do is watching it and enjoying it in awe. And they made me. So it worked. 

I learned the truth: The grocery van was mainly cut due to finances, not because 'it's our own responsibility.' Actually it's a bit off a bitchy reason to tell us to seek it out ourselves. I think the manager is such a bitch for cutting it. And ditching us with such a story. We should have common acces to groceries, not just an app on the internet.  

The Leviaan manager should use her mind. If she's gonna cut things to hell, I'm gonna make it known on this weblog. It's not acceptable what's happening. And the public should know. It's my freedom off speech and it's a form off legal protest. She has to keep it acceptable, or I'm going to make her pay for it and kick her ass. No groceries is NOT acceptable. She should not think she can shove me up with everything. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.