Stone cold

 

Good evening everyone. 

If you could make up a world, what standards and what values would you like the inhabitants to have?

I'm worried, I believe that what was once prcious to me has rotated 90 degrees and has changed to a mentality I take my hands off. I feel it's not right to show up there anymore if you are plus size, an outcast or simply truly diffrent from the rest and that it has become the kind off rat race I'm not into, and I would never drag myself through that. It's a shame the fantasy world has become like that. 

In a land before time, all people where accepted completely no matter how weird they where, or how ugly 'real life.' assumed they where. That's all gone now. 

It has become superficial and it grows even more superficial each day and I'm not into it. I loathe that kind off mentallity. They can shove it in their ass. I feel allright, I'm not crying. I feel annoyed but it's rather something that makes me think: 

'Just when you think Vana Events and it's followers can't sink any lower, they prove me wrong and hit rock bottom again.' 

And they anoy me even more with their infantile behaviour which doesn't even hurt anymore since I expect nothing but morron behaviour from them. It's not me, it's them. It's the main reason why I refuse to show up at their events anymore and decided to focus on soft and friendly real life instead, Real life gives so much more fullfillment now than that group off superficial retards ever has done. It's one off my well-kept secrets that I do well in real life and don't need the appreciation off fake people like them, or 'the internet.' Whatever shady and ignorant that might mean nowadays. 

Allright, that's about it. 

Thank you for reading.  

 

To be pricked or not to be pricked

 

Good afternoon everyone, 

Warning: Medical news. It might gross some people out. 

Thursday morning I had an appointment with a specialist from General Practice, or probably from SALT (The countries biggest organisation for bloodtests.) (She didn't tell) It just turned out I'm impossible to prick, and my veins on both side are too hard for her to be found despite her professionality in bloodtests. 

It's something to be weary about. I'm not at panic, but it's not a handy thing to be so hard to be tapped blood from for serious medical tests. My guts are behaving well, though this morning I had cramps due to having a lot off unhealthy yet very delicious foods yesterday. I don't want to blame my mother for that, it's just that I came over to her and she decided on to order Turkish for dinner and it came with plenty off roasted meat, garlic sauce, fries and a too delicious kebab rice. I never eat like that and I couldn't help but shoving in a lot. We had some Ben & Jerry's ice cream for dessert, so you can guess the condition to my guts this morning. It's only once in a while I eat like that. Mainly I live sober and probably as healthy as I can get. I think everything will be allright once I got home, and it's passed and I'm on my usuall lifestyle again where I think I need to mock over every small cup off fresh coffee I drink. (I've had about five today only, but I prefer to blame myself as mom probably thinks she spoils me this weekend.) I think in general, the medical condition to my guts is not so bad, as long as I don't force things too much. But isn't that something natural? If you overly force things in your body, it's going to get damaged. On the other hand, I can't resist a feast like yesterday evening with my family. I'm glad I took part, despite to have had to pay a price this morning. It's sometimes impossible to weigh in mind what matters most at such a situation. 

The next step in this annoying thing with my veins going on, is that I have to go to a location where SALT pricks blood, or even worse: to the hospital if things don't do at their blood test location. Mom told me she has this issue with her veins aswell, so it's running a bit in the family. Luckily, she could be helped at a SALT location.   

***

I believe de Boed misses my baking this weekend, but I just needed a break from the usuall. Visiting my family is often a fun thing to do these days. I have been shopping a bit in their town for post cards (I'm a bit old fashioned, I send post cards to people sometimes instead off just using the internet.) and things from the drugstore. The bookstore in Castricum (where my family lives) has gorgeous post cards, inspired by art from a variety off museums which are just stunning compared to standard franchise book store post cards. Post stamps are ridiculously expensive and they become more expensive each year, but I still buy them as, well, you need them to send your postcards. It's fun to pick just the right one for someone where you think they will highly appreciate the image and the message. I love that.

Tomorrow I will go home to Zaandam, I have an urge to go out more and do more fun things than just being in at home or go to work all the time, or just going to de Boed. It probably takes a bit more than a coffee around the corner to get some fresh air in my mind these days. I probably need a bit off a vacation. Or a few fun trips if that isn't possible. Just -something- to take more breaks from everyday life to keep me going every day.  

Allright, that's about it.   

Thank you for reading. 

  

Medical news

 Good afternoon everyone, 

My guts are healthy again. I got set off Mebeverine, but I haven't heard the last off it. (Warning: Medical blog.) 

Previous week, the General Practice doctor assistant came to visit to collect some off my blood to test it to see if my blood levels where okay. I suppose they could have been lame previous week. It's just that the doctor's assistent failed to prick me and tap off some blood since my veins on two sides (Both left and right arm) are too deep to prick. She got back without what she needed. I think now I'm doing better, my levels simply can't be bad. But she said she will return after to have discussed with the doctor what she's about to do next, and probably let SALT (The country's largest organisation for blood tests) make me donate some blood. I also requested the psychiatric health care bloodtest for this year. So I have two bloodtests ahead, and I hate those. I have to do one at least every year for the psychiatrist to see if I have levels that can inflict medication, or my health. But now I probably have to do two. Off one off which seems a bit useless since the problem is solved. I should tell them about that. Maybe it influences what they are going to do and it might save me from a useless test.

Allright, that's about it for this weblog. 

Thank you for reading. I stopped telling 'I hope you enjoyed it.', since that seems a bit too harsh to me personally for a subject like this. But maybe you did enjoy the story and that's not a bad thing.   

A few lemon-taste based baked goods.

 

Good afternoon everyone, 

I took the idea off wishing to finish my net off lemons. I had to order them to fullfill an amount off items to get delivered what I basically needed that weekend. I had been snooping around on pinterest, and ordered some ricotta cheese with them. I had some inspiration for Italian ricotta cake. It turned out beautifully perfect and I donated most off it (Minus a slice, simply to taste some off it) to de Boed yesterday. 

 Receipe for Italian Ricotta cake (My receipe) 

It was perfect. It tastes sunny, It tasted Italian and it's a perfect pick me up on any day. It was all gone during one coffee moment, and people kept complimenting me on it. 

Yesterday I created a self-thought out cake receipe, somewhat whispered in by voices. They have good ideas sometimes worthit listening to. Sometimes that kind off creativity seems heaven sent, while other times it's as iff the devil himself forces me to create things. This voice was kinda scary, but helpfull. (I made it in a delusional state, and that's, crazy enough, the best way for me to be creative as the result off both heaven and hell give me the best results. To be honest, I fear none off both. Neither hell or heaven can frighten me.) 

This tiny bundt cake is part off a big amount  off raisin - citrus cake I created yesterday evening in my food processor. I bought myself one this july and it works perfect. I haven't made a picture off the large version off this cake, unfortunately- and I have the idea they are already working their way out off it by now at de Boed. I'm glad I have a community centre on hand near by to donate stuff to. And I'm glad all off my bakings are appreciated most off the time. I wish to share my receipe with you. 

Raisin citrus cake: 

Ingredients: 

- 200 grams off unsalted butter 

- 200 grams off light brown caster sugar 

- a teaspon off vanillin sugar 

- 200 grams off all purpose flower and 2 tablespoons more if the batter is too moist. 

- 4 medium size eggs

- a bit off half fat milk. 

- a teaspoon off salt 

- a teaspoon off baking powder 

- a teaspoon off baking soda 

- a teaspoon off nutmeg 

- a teaspoon off kardemom 

- juice from one lemon 

Citrus raisins: 

- about 400 grams off white raisins 

- juice from one lemon 

-juice and zest from one orange 

- a squeeze off honey. 

1. one day ahead, well your raisins in a bowl with fresh lemon and orange juice combined, a squeeze off honey and adjust the zest off one orange. Set aside in the fridge. The next day you will mention most off the juices are soaked in by your raisins. They taste pretty well this way, but it's just step one. 

2. In a bowl, whisk the all purpose flour with baking powder, baking soda and salt. Set aside. 

3. Grease in your cake molds and preheat your oven to 165 degree celsius. 

4. Cream the butter combined with the caster sugar, the vanillin sugar, the kardemom, the nutmeg, and the lemon juice. Mix untill nice and smooth. I adjusted a little bit off milk to help my food processor mixing all off this. But if your butter is soft enough, it's not necessairy. 

5. Adjust the 4 eggs. one at a time is preferrable, but I did two at a time and it wasn't a bad idea. 

6. Adjust the flour mix in two steps, finish the batter by adding the raisins. Look if you think it's too moist. adjust more flour if that is the case. 

7. put in a cake mold, and if there is too much, you can put it in smaller, more funny cake molds like I did yesterday evening. 

8. Bake untill golden, (when a sharp item like a knife comes out dry after inserting it and takin it out, it's good.) which took me about 55 minutes, but it depends on your oven. Smaller cake molds take less time, about 30 to 40 minutes. 

I allowed myself to eat the small bund cake to taste if it was all good and well made. I have to say it tastes a bit better after one night in the fridge. The next day it's even better. 

allright, that's about this for this blog. 

I thank you for reading.    

A day for lemons

Good afternoon everyone, 

I wasn't allowed to go to work today. Everyone found it was a better idea for me to stay in and eat as little as possible, and simply to stay near my toilet, just in case things come up. 

I decided on to make myself usefull. I made a tray off lemon brownies and did an attempt to make lemon glaze. The brownies (Or blondies? as these are blonde) look perfect, my lemon glaze tastes perfect but doesn't look picture perfect and that's a pitty. My camera requests to charge the battery, so I'm afraid they won't be shown on here. I hope the old folks at de Boed will enjoy it. I will be in big trouble if I eat any off it, but I felt like I couldn't do nothing today.

I haven't had Mebeverine yesterday evening. I somehow feel a bit better, but I know I shouldn't cheer too early. I should be on my guard and have no coffee at the coffee moment, but just stick to healthy tea. Nothing bad about fresh tea, I drink that during night time before bed. it's just that I enjoy coffee with sweet treats during coffee time, but now I have to refuse that. It feels bad. What if I'm never allowed coffee and sweetness anymore? I barely have anything else in life to enjoy. I won't cry over it, my health needs to be in the first place. But it's something to bale over. I feel like I already live like a nun, no alcohol, no men, no gambling, no drugs- just a sober and helpfull life to others. I'm fine with it, but can I have at least... coffee with sweetness with it? It's something even real nuns are allowed to have. Any religion around the world, no matter how strict, will allow you coffee with a brownie every now and then and tell you it doesn't matter to god. (Or at least that's what I think. I'm not very religious to be honest.) Or maybe I shouldn't have coffee too much, and then allow myself a bit off coffee sometimes to make it bearable. It's been the pharmaceutic industry that has caused this upon me. Right? My guts wouldn't be so weak without that mental medication. I don't see why people would laugh about this as it's cruel and painfull. If life gives you lemons- cook with them. I should better keep my head held high and laugh about it as far as possible. It's probably a good thing I'm not capable to eat anything as much as I like anymore. I'm pretty fat and maybe this can make me loose weight. I shouldn't be upset. Allright, it's time for donating that tray off fresh lemon blondies to de Boed. 

Thank you for reading.   

   

Another issue mentionable to my doctor

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's after-summer weather. Rain and sun exchange each other, and I'm already in an autumny mood. Yesterday evening I felt like practicing make-up and I did a dark purple lip with shiny pink eyeshadow with a hint off cinnamon in my eye crease, and finished it with a hint off black mascara, and I made my nails a bit off a purple-ish grey as if to represent storm clouds. I'm not a make-up person. Most off the time I don't wear it. But every once a year I feel like doing typicall autumn make-up on myself as I think off that to be the most pretty make-up. I adapted the look to today. Including that very dark purple lip to the supermarket, I just felt like wearing that. 

I decided on to put on something nice looking (a shirt with a floral print.) to complete this romantic autumn look. People constantly tell me how my hair looks fabulous since it has grown very long. (I don't do much with my hair, and maybe that's my secret: I don't use poisonous products or damaging irons. I just dye every often with a natural yet pretty shade off hair colour and I wash, conditioner and brush regulairly. I put it in a bun at night and sometimes I use a pretty expensive hair oil. But that's about it.) Last time I had a haircut was in december. I love how people think it's pretty. Sometimes it's the first thing I hear in the morning 'Maaike, your hair looks so pretty today. Good morning by the way.'  

Warning: from this point on it's detailed and medical, it might gross some people out and it's not suitable for everyone.  

I may look like a princess today, but I still feel somewhat terrible. I feel wobbly from diarrhea attacks this weekend, and I still have them every now and then. General Practice is going to make an appointment to make me test my blood to see if it has something to do with levels off anything in my blood. I felt like putting on some effort to myself to make me feel a bit better today. But what if a guy would have thought I looked pretty enough to make an approach to? If they could only see how I felt... it's just that I don't want that to keep me from feeling pretty every often, and I already don't do make-up every day. Well, luckily enough no one asked for my phone number. It's just that the driver to our van was having more attention for me than usuall, and he is no option, and two guys at de Boed commented on my make-up (But they are taken.  They where just 'oh, are you wearing make-up?') I think I can look like this more often if I feel like it.    

I don't know where the diarrhea attacks come from. I haven't eaten something strange, except for plum cake and I can assure you I defenetely haven't been over-eating on it this weekend. So I doubt that may be the cause. It could be, it's better not to exclude any cause soon. 

After grocery shopping, I went to de Boed to have a bit off coffee and some social talk. It's just that I felt tired and weak to my bones and I know it's due to have lost liquid and minerals this entire weekend. It's a rumor one off the anti-psychotic medication I take for my mind causes gut issues. I hope I don't have to be set off off this medication as it's a bit off a last blade off straw to me, and I hope I don't have to be set on to something worse than this. (All anti-psychotic medication is just terrible and has monstrous side-effects.) But as far as I can see, the way it drains my gut, I think I barely have a choice since Mebeverine wasn't much off use this weekend. Maybe it's two medications (The Mebeverine and the Invega- the one which causes the trouble) fighting each other over which one is in control over my gut, and I don't like the idea off that. So, somehow I do have an idea where it comes from after all. I don't know if I will go to my job tomorrow, I think I better should go and give it my best this week. Maybe I allow myself to bake something this evening and share it with my co-workers and my boss tomorrow. I think that's a perfect idea. 

allright, that's about it for now. I hope you enjoyed reading.              

Turned out I have no Corona

Good evening everyone,  

This morning, around 09.30, I got called by the Corona test service and I have been told I have no Corona. I'm relieved. I had to stay in for around 3 hard days over to may or not to may have Corona. It was boring and a bit hard to stay in while I wanted to go outside and do things instead. 

Well, at least that's one source off death I can skip off my list. I'll stay alive for a while. 

Today was for helping de Boed to roast drumsticks. There where drumsticks for dinner (aside to boiled potatoes and some vegetable mix consistent out off peas, corn and small slices off paprika) and I instructed them on how to roast them in the oven, and how to get them to have a crunchy skin, as that is a perfect way on to make it taste good. As they intended to roast it badly in a way which might have (and for sure would have with some people trying to fry it) caused it being undercooked. My help got appreciated as the chicken was roasted perfectly and tasted just as good when it got served. 

I'm glad I'm allowed outside and to walk around freely since today. It would have been disastrous if I turned out to have Corona. Tomorrow will be just like most mondays and hopefully I will have a usefull rest off the week. 

Allright, that's it for today, 

Thank you all for reading.