Good evening at the 6th off June, 2020.

Good evening everyone,

It's getting better. I'm not quite there yet, but it's getting alright with me these days. I feel like I'm mentally improving, finally. Rest, a lot off healthy tea, a safe surrounding and the idea off litterally not having to have to do anything but just - live.- works to get a peace off mind I usually don't have.

It's a week off rain in the Netherlands. It's a blessing since we had a lot off drought these weeks. It makes me feel gloomy, though. Aside from being on my period. This week has something moody, despite trying to make something good out off it, I still feel cranky, but I suppose it will fade away some time. I'm in a strange kind off mood where on one hand I feel nasty, and on an other hand I feel like it's allright with me and everything's shiny and soft and cozy and the hormonal bad mood will go away soon. It's a bit- confusing.

aside to that, 'de Boed.' is open for evening meals again, so I don't have to eat alone during dinner time. It's a good thing to have people surrounding me again, despite me sitting all gloomy by myself at a table in the back. It's one off those things that are contradictory these days. I enjoy company on one hand, but I'm too moody to fully enjoy it and take part in conversations on the other hand. And I'm still a bit floaty from reading a lot these days. I suppose I will get over it. Maybe I should talk about it with someone. Hopefully that will give air.

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Another kind off bad thing, is that I ordered a cookbook on luxury home made cookies but it's delivery is delayed all the time. I hope to make some treats out off it for 'de Boed.' Coffee time when everything is back to normal again and I'm permitted to use their kitchen. Hopefully I'm not too optimistic when I say the virus isn't over too soon. I'm afraid I have to wait quite some time untill I can use my kitchen skills at 'de Boed.' again. I tell myself:  This will fade, this will fade, - and then again, I feel moody about it.

The best thing in life is tea at the moment. It's something to hold on to, to hold in my hands when I need something in my hands, to drink tea is comforting. It's even better when it's rainy outside.

The second best thing is to cook foods and still loose weight. I have lost about 5 killograms these weeks and it's still getting better. From 180 to about 174.7 killograms. I suppose it's because off my interest in fresh vegetables and receipes with them. Aside to simply eating smaller portions off food during dinner time. I'm glad I'm loosing weight. To eat vegetables and fruit and to eat more off them actually works. 

I wonder if I will ever get back to a normal weight, and when that's going to happen. If that happens, I can finally say I have dealt with a bad period off time which has started about 9 years ago. Though I suppose it's not fully over yet. 

Allright, this is my blog for this evening.

Thank you for reading.