Good evening everyone,
Today was cold, cloudy, windy with here and there some rain. Cold winds blow among the Netherlands. It's a good day to stay inside and make yourself and those among you applepie with cinnamon and raisins. But that isn't what I have done today. I decided on to get away from de Boed and spend this Pentecost weekend with my family and visit them. We're not religious so we don't celebrate it, but it's a holiday in this country and I simply wanted to be with them this weekend. It's important to see your family every often.
my head is still leaking. I haven't had any issues ever since I got here with my family, but somehow I suspect as soon as I am back home at Gortershof in Zaandijk, I will start leaking on the inside again. under my skin it feels as if big drops and lots off fluid is leaking somehow. It's a nasty feeling- especially at night when you want to sleep. I don't know if it's blood or another body liquid and I have never heard off something alike in other people. Something nasty is wrong, and General Practice can't lay a hand on it. They told me to see my mental health care staff more, because they think they can help me and it feels so frustrating to feel powerless in my own skin about this. I wish there was a true diagnosis to help me off the leakages for real. I'm afraid I don't trust it, and I'm not content with what GP does about it. I'm afraid they'll lay this aside as too unimportant. Like a lot off cases nowadays or 'let her mental staff handle this.' What am I to do about it? I worry.
I feel relief to have escaped Gortershof for a while. I feel like I can breathe in fresh air here and feel less on my last leggs when it comes to it. Protected living in a demanding surrounding is stressfull. I'm glad with a weekend off.
I helped my mom preparing classic Dutch vegetable soup with some additions from my hand. We made a perfect pot off soup today. During my quarantine (I was tested negative. I don't have Corona) I wasn't allowed to prepare Wednesday Soup at de Boed this wednesday but still I had the possibility to make it. We'll have our soup tomorrow. Soup making is fun and I think my overhelming off my audience with some stories about it will continue. *sarcastically* Who knows I might bore them. I'm fully aware that I have not much audience but I don't care about that. I like to write and publish anyway.
What if someone is about to find this one day in the far away future and wants to make a movie about my life? It's an interesting story. A girl in her 20's falls in psychiatric health care after a rough period, struggles, and then dedicates her life to cooking for fellow patients in psychiatric health care where she lives a scary and heavy life. It's not a bad plot, (It's not finished yet either.) but maybe I'm not the right person to write you my own life as I write wordy. Aside to that I can't share too much details as fellow patients and staff would not like me to. I doubt they'll let this entire weblog excist if they ever find it. But I don't want to get more in trouble by leaving details about them out. They are not knowing about it. I have been writing for a while, though. I never tell most people I have this. I doubt I ever have to. At least life is not boring for me, but is it truly good for me? I doubt that too. Life can't be good for you if you live it like me. I like to believe it's for my mental health, but I don't believe protected living, with demanding people and annoying fellow patients like I do does truly well. I believe a normal surrounding with people I love would be better but I can't manage to get myself at that point. I try to make the best out off life every day as good as I can, though.
Allright, that's about it for now.
Thank you for reading.
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