Good evening everyone,
It's been a rainy and cold day with sunshine at the end. Finally. It's the end off the major lock down in the Netherlands. It's the end off the dark tunnel, resulting in sunshine hopefully. The upcomming days it will become summer all at once according to predictions and weather forecasts. Good grief, what a period. I decided I didn't want to end up depressed because off the crisis at the beginning. I didn't want to get myself down by it. Somehow I feel a bit sober and dark at this very end somehow. I believe I didn't do actually bad during the crisis year round. But I slipped over the last edge and now I feel down somehow.
Today was a day off pick-me-ups. Life feels like it has been holding me back somehow and I need things to get me over with that. I had the urge to bake chocolate cookies this morning and I did so. My mental health care nurse tells me to do things more instead off me holding myself back and dwell in unhappyness.
It's a matter off being low on money, being held back by restrictions off the crisis. myself, (I'm a tyke when it comes to being strict to myself.) The distance in the old part off tourist focused Zaandijk to shopping and fun areas, my lack off walking myself there, the bus that only goes by once in an hour and my idea somewhere that de Boed is good for my mental health somehow so I get myself there all the time at the coffee table with all the tension from other people who are there for their mental health. I doubt that more and more by the day but there is little else to go if you live in Zaandijk. It's somewhat depressing to walk around every day. Sometimes I feel the need to go walking outside and it's beautifull, but it's the same every day if I would walk it every day. That is kinda boring and there is no nature around here either, I couldn't take a walk in a park or a forest if I wanted to. Life is dull.
I'm someone who likes to be inside a lot. I prefer comfy inside areas over going out because the inside is nice and safe and to my personal liking. I'm focused on decorating the small space I live in to my liking and keeping it on a level off pureness and somehow simplicity yet elegance that's to my personal inner peace and liking. On one hand, Sometimes peacefull pure serenity is boring as hell. On the other hand, I like to keep my own atmosphere inside and it feels nice most off the time though so inside I feel safe and all protected against the world outside. Just like on the terrain off Gortershof where we're all kept safe from the world outside. The feeling off peace is nice, it's just that sometimes I wish I had more to do without threathening my personal sanity as I can wreck that if I get myself a rank higher in life. Nothing is impossible nowadays. But to get myself in trouble somehow is not a good idea.
To get myself over with that idea, I started baking again, it helped me this morning and it was a good idea to try out a new receipe for chocolate cookies with my baking skills. People need to be challenged in their skills to feel happy. No matter if it's something small you do.
The entire Boed enjoyed them with their coffee this afternoon. Baking is something I haven't done a few weeks because off being fed up with de Boed's management for dinners during the weekend. I felt a bit powerless about it somehow. But I started a banana cake this week and that was an utmost succes. I felt stimulated to do more baking because off it. I need my Ikigai to feel good in life, appearently. I'm doing hard uploading a picture off the result to that baking. But that is about to come if you follow my blog.
Allright, that's about it for now. Thank you for reading.
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