Good evening everyone,
Today was the perfect example off why this country is actually still somewhat off a swamp. It was rainy and thunderstorming all the time while it was pretty warm (Almost summer temperatures) outside. It was a strange kind off weather today. It was the perfect day to be a frog. Unfortunately, I'm not a frog.
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I have been inside de Boed most off the time, or I did house chores like folding my laundry and doing dishes and wash up my kitchen. I have been baking banana cupcakes for de Boed yesterday and I made them a lot. (Banana cupcakes are made from a basic banana cake receipe I use a lot, but then baked as cupcakes which means in small portions on 180 degree celsius in the oven for 15 minutes.)
So, up to the main subject to this blog: what has been leaking? My doctor has been seeing me wednesday and she told me it could be something from out off my skin as it didn't look like something nasty from my skull or what I feared most, a tumor. It wasn't something dangerous according to her but I still felt a bit anxious and weary about it. She told me she would contact my mental healthcare staff about that. The good news is that I'm not about to die soon. I forgot what the strange patch on my forehead could be according to her. I had that patch for quite some time, but after the leakages it seems to be gone. It sounds a bit stupid as I write this. I was truly concerned about myself. The doctor couldn't take my concern away, however. I don't know how this will end. I'll probably have contact with my mental health care staff about this. I don't know if I need a second opinion or something to calm my nerves.
I dyed my hair a warm shade off brown one weekend ago, and somehow I don't know if I did well on that. My muse for beauty is spontaneousity and youth. I wish to look pure and unmade somehow. I feel well with that, I was a natural blonde without make-up but with gorgeous skin and eyebrows. With dying my hair I felt the urge to start wearing more make-up. I feel a bit held back in my actions and being myself when it comes to it and when I look at myself in the mirror. Is this what I want to be? I don't look ugly with how I made myself look by it. But I prefer pureness and the shine off a good heart over being made up. It's after all what's more important in life. Nerves make people do weird things. I have been hoarding darker shades off haircolour in the period when I still wore that a lot. I decided on buying some recently to dye my blonde locks warm brown with a red shine (golden brown) and wear that some time to get out off darker hairdye. The result, according to care takers and people in general, is stunning. But I doubt. I look like a brown haired bombshell these days. There isn't any good man for me in sight, but I look gorgeous. I don't feel myself being myself, however. Being yourself is what this era and the mindset off people is all about nowadays and I agree. I had to find out by dying my hair darker what it means to me. I almost feel fake and that's not my style. Why should I put up with this? I believe I'm going to wait untill this unnatural haircolour fades and then go back to something which feels more natural to me, and more close to myself.
Allright, that's about it for now,
Thank you for reading.
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