Good afternoon at the 17th off September, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today could pass for a sunny autumn day changing by time with rain. At this moment it's sunny, but there are clouds to come. 

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Today was for cleaning my appartment with support from Leviaan, otherwise I wouldn't be capable to get it done at all. I'm glad they help me cleaning each week as that is necessairy. It's good to have a clean house each week and not to let yourself drown in dirt. I would do that if I wouldn't have the right amount off help. Like a lot off psychiatric patients. 

Today was for a relaxed morning with a few cups off fresh brewed coffee. I love coffee. 

This is a picture from previous week, but I used the same mug and coffee spoon today so it could have been taken today. 

I have this mug for several years and I still love to drink from it. I also love to use cat coffee spoons. They come from a cat cafe in Alkmaar my mom has been visiting some time ago. I've had them for quite some time but I'm not wealthy enough to spend a lot off money on mugs and coffeespoons. But this still does. My cupboards are thankfull for me not chocking them with stuff. Let's keep on the positive side with this. I'm rich they say? They are mad I declare. (I know I have a name off being overly rich and spoiled- which I'm defenetely not. I suspect them talking behind my back about being spoiled. But Jealousy has large tentacles sometimes.) 

Aside from help with cleaning, not much happens today, except from the laundry machines doing their work for me. And that's how my weekend usually starts. I have plans to fullfill this upcomming weekend, it mainly contains baking something for de Boed Saturday and also shop flour from a local mill a few streets ahead for next projects. I love wholesome flour for home made 'Kruidkoek.' with self selected spices for it, which is a perfect treat for fall and winter. When it's cold and people have little to look forward to. It's perfect to give them something. But that has to wait untill after my upcomming project for this weekend. I'll tell you all about that when it's on.    

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good evening at the 16th off September, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has been a nice day for pre autumn. There have been clouds but there has been more sunshine than on an average summer day this year. 

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Wednesday Soup was for an excellent and rich Minnestrone containing cannelini beans and lentils. It was an incredible soup which was more vegetables than broth when someone got it served. It was one off my best ideas for this week. Eat more veggies! Beat Corona! (Just like I did)  Become a healthier version off yourself! I believe in it. It was almost a celebration to eat, if you love vegetables as much as I do. It had 

The rest off the Wednesday was for baking chocolate cookies at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, for a gathering off three organisations (Leviaan, the Social Neighbourhood Team and the Salvation Army) who held a meeting at the first floor. Clients where not invited, but they requested me to bake them cookies and I decided on to bake chocolate cookies which where amazing. I had a buisy day yesterday but it was a good day and it was fullfilling to work for de Boed instead off an average day where I do hard to get by. 

Today was for swimming. I took part in Thursday Swimming and decided to swim with the swim group.   

Tuesday was a bad day with mental drains and breakdowns where I had to sit on my place all day, and just have coffee and flip a few old cookbooks on the look for inspiration. 

Something is wrong with my blogger as it doesn't upload everything I wrote today but maybe that will be for tomorrow. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 12th off September, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's cloudy and sunny and somewhat warm and it doesn't rain. Outside there is a jearly market going on a few streets ahead and I can hear them over here. It's just that I don't feel like going due to low energy somehow. 

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What is there to do when you can't visit that one yearly happening this village has? Well, I handed de Boed a cake. 

Coffee flavoured with lots off walnuts and a cream cheese topping for them to serve with coffee. 

I feel motivated to make it with the right amount off coffee next time instead off spilling what would supposed to be in it on the floor. I somehow know it would have been a bit better. I had a big compliment from someone, though. (I'm somewhat off a perfectionist sometimes.) I had someone saying it tasted better than the weddingcake on her mother's wedding while that came from a professional baker. I love such compliments. It came from a care taker. Care takers are a great audience for my foods as they always love it a lot, and I can tell they're honest about it. That's rewarding. 

My painted stones are handed to their new owner. An elderly lady who will give them to her grandson who loves to collect 'happy stones.' I never heard off the term but I found out there are people who paint stones to be happy stones, and then randomly drop them in a public area for someone to find them and them to become happy. I think I didn't do bad with my work. I didn't know it was a thing. It's good to make people happy. 

Life is not easy, but you can lighten up the road for people and yourself by making them happy somehow. That's what I try to do. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 11th off September, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy and rainy outside. It was all autumn gloom as far as this day went. 

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Today was for trying a receipe for coffee walnut cake with a cream cheese topping which I will serve tomorrow at de Boed. I had the brilliant action to spill a lot off coffee on the floor, but hopefully people won't mind and the next time I'm about to make it with the right amount off coffee. So my inner perfectionist somewhat demands. If I do something- I want it to be as good as possible. 

I have the receipe from Rutger van den Broek - Cakes (Link naar Bol.com) (I'm not sponsored)

A cookbook my mom has won in a lottery and I was incredibly glad she wanted to give me it. I'm a fan off Rutger and his receipes and I loved trying this cake. Tomorrow afternoon will be the moment off truth when me and my fellow patients are going to try it at de Boed during coffee. Rainy weather is the perfect circumstance for home made cake and other bakings. 

I somewhat decided life is too short not to try making heavenly desserts and bakings from famous chefs and people who are good at making them- I want to eat that, I'm going to do so and I want to make it- discussion closed. What if I'm about to spend my time in the afterlife, feeling sorry for what I haven't eaten? According to some, it's a good place to be, but you can't eat like we do. That's mainly the only thing that sucks about it. I have to watch my weight, but I wish to still bake and make desserts. If today was my last, or this year would be my last, I would cook and bake stuff in moderation to still enjoy it all. Aside to that, I have an audience here who would love to do that either. 

I have a strange idea: Get all polarbears from the North Pole and safe them before the North Pole is entirely molten and polarbears get extinct. The North Pole is melting due to climate change, but as far as it goes- there is no way back as no nation or institute off real power seems to make a true fist to safe them. As pity as that is, safe polar bears and other wildlife from the Arctic to safe them from getting extinct. I would like to see it diffrent, but I have the feeling it's not going to happen somehow. Put them in zoos all over the world and hopefully the species will survive. I know it might sound stupid to some, and sad to others, but I see no other way to truly safe them. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.     

Good evening at the 10th off September, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was rainy and gloomy but this evening the sun shines like it has never been any diffrent. I hope the weekend won't be too warm. There will be a market in Zaandijk on sunday, a yearly event to celebrate this village's birthdate. I suspect it to become crowded somehow. I'll make it depend on how I feel whether I visit or not. 

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I haven't felt well yesterday. I felt as if I could faint after dinner, while everyone thought I had done a great job by giving de Boed an idea to cook a nice pasta dish. I know it'll be a good idea to do so more often: Not cooking myself, but handing them ideas and receipes as most people loved it and staff said it was such an easy receipe they liked to cook. Pasta Pesto Pollo. Pasta with pesto sauce, chicken and sundried tomatoes. Always a winning team but I probably had issues with the heath yesterday. I do bad during hot weather, the feeling stayed with me all evening and I had to be brought home by a care taker and lay down all evening. I don't feel very well and I made today mainly a stay at home day to recover a bit and only went to de Boed for dinner this evening. I don't know what caused my almost faint. I already had it mildly in the morning at coffee. I hope it's gone for now. I still feel wobbly 

I'm giving away my painted stones and painting on facebook just for someone who might like it. It's not suitable for my own home, so I hope someone will react on it and take them. I love making people happy. They're for free, just for the first who can pick them up. So far I don't have much luck with it. 

Today was for purchasing presents for my brother's birthday. He's a Star Wars and games geek and I purchased some Star Wars merchandise for him. I think he'll appreciate. 

I have the feeling I get more confused each day and sometimes I do hard staying aware but it's still on the mild side. I felt confused during a game whether 12 comes before 11 and I realized a bit late I was putting all numbers in a wrong order when I played with grandma but it didn't truly matter as I somehow won the game. Rummikub is confusing. I had a game off it at de Boed and during one turn they where all confused about what I was actually up to while puzzling the digits togheter and I ended up with getting back a red 11. Instead off losing a few stones. I'm glad I can laugh about myself and maybe it's just that game that gets me confused and makes me do strange things. 

There is dark energy in the air, people are fighting each other and I feel drained and low in energy while at the start off the week I believed I was invincible this week. It's just that life isn't rewarding and it's depressing as it is around here. I wish I had someone adjusting some bright colours instead off it always having to be me to paint things in. Sometimes that's exhausting, and draining, and I try getting on a diet but so far it doesn't work and loosing weight will be too hard for me as far as it seems now. Anti-Psychotics make you gain an incredible lot off weight and I believe my face and my body look too fat at this moment off time. I have a hard head in it that it will work out, though. Life isn't rewarding. I look like a fat pig in my opinion though I try my best with a better haircut and hairdye done by de Boed's hairstylist (A woman who is a hairdresser but does our haircuts as a volunteer job.) and keeping clean better so far. That works, but I don't like how I sagged off to this fat. The hairdresser does her best to give me TV-star hair, A gorgeous cut and I was her guinea pig for highlights. I don't mind helping people with such things and I look better than the average person nowadays, though it's out off fashion to have such hair. (People having little money and average hairdressers being expensive and such, and Corona and natural hair being in fashion.) And it was a bargain to look like that. I appreciate it. 

I wonder what fashion and average people would have looked like if crisises wouldn't hit them so hard. Probably that ragged nineties style wouldn't have been in fashion among the cool kids and I feel pity for the massively increasing numbers off poor people. My hair isn't common nowadays. I do feel a bit weird for being out off style and uneasy for people thinking I'm weird and decadent rich, but I don't tell her. I had incredibly long, undyed brown hair before she cut me. I have the opportunity to still look like a star. Most people don't. My old hair looked almost filthy and mothy and ungroomed compared to this. I look much better now. I could also be gratefull to look like this instead off complaining. 

I have the feeling the middle class is fading and you're either rich, or poor nowadays but that might be just my personal feeling. I'm not rich, but I'm not rock bottom either. I don't want to come off spoiled to truly poor people. I hate people who stare at me spending things out off their envy and jealousy, but I feel with those I make truly sad with it because they don't have it. I have been poor compared to old classmates ten years ago, when money wasn't so much off an issue for most people so I know the feeling when people have more wealth than you. I hate to say it, I'm on governmental wages and sick, and I have a little more on hand than some average people out there. I'm still poor but not broke. I wouldn't like to come off as spoiled to most people nowadays. With the help off bargains, I hope to get by. And I hope not to tempt robbers and thieves by staying below middle class with my spendings. I almost called it average, but average nowadays is poor and the best wealth off this country is almost gone. What a nightmare. I'm almost glad I'm not a normal woman. This doesn't go well for the Netherlands the way it looks nowadays. This country has gotten backward the previous 10 to 13 years and I still see it getting deeper in despair for those who don't have 'it.' in their lives. I feel sorry for them. 

There is bad energy in the air around us. I feel it prickling almost while I sit here. All off it togheter might be the reason why I feel drained and exhausted all the time. Violence and crime, poverty, agression and depression- this area off our country dwells on bad energy. It's hard to see, it's hard to have that in my surrounding but I could -try- when I feel good to brighten things up a little. It's just that my energy and well being is often low and I don't have an influence at all on it so to me it seems. I wish I was a healthy person, but on the other hand, if I was, I would move out off here and leave it. That's my secret wish, a healthy home in a foreign forest with cool temperatures with a dreamy cottage or house on a lakeside. Everyone has their dreams. But I don't have such options. I can't say though, that I'm truly brave and trying to help them instead. I have too bad health to give it my best these days. I have the feeling I bump against a wall when I wish to give it my best and help. This 'bad energy.' is very thick. I can't explain but it's so massive, it hurts me physically. I have to take myself in consideration and take it easy before I set my best foot forwards.

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you all for reading.   

    

   

  

A mandala with green, brown and blue.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's bright and shiny in the Netherlands. It's perfect weather and the sky is as clear as can be. You'd almost suspect the weather to be bad around September, but it's gorgeous. 

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Yesterday I coloured this mandala and it turned out nicely. They decided to seal it and hang it on de Boed, but they made a fold in it. Still it's on the door off a closet and they admired me for doing this. 

Today was for Mexican Paprika soup with cheese and nacho's. I made that for Wednesday Soup and it was one off my better ideas. It's well received by my usuall audience. I'm proud after almost one year I'm still part off the program on Wednesday. Every Wednesday I cook fresh soup for de Boed for their lunch and I got appreciated for that. I'm on the program they hand out to everyone. I can put it on my Curriculum Vitae as a bit off work experience. How cool is that? 

Sometimes I wonder by myself: Am I a good person or am I bad? I do good to people in daily life and I try hard for a lot off things, but I believe I have motives that might not be as noble as people think. Washing my soul clean by doing good and hoping that will be a good ticket to afterlife. (I believe in that.) Despite people still hating on me for causing trouble on the internet some time ago. I feel bad about that but I'm unable with my capabilities to solve that. People are mean there and not likely to truly forgive so it's a finished race in my opinion. To clean my soul from nasty patches, I give it my best in daily life by being a good person to people. If I wouldn't have been a bad person in the recent past, would I still be evil or not as good as I am today? I think that could be true. Am I good, or just bad with good actions and good intentions? People who saw me ignite by making soup or a mandala which I handed out to them for free couldn't have guessed about those motives. If my intentions to be a good person now wouldn't have been so sharp, I'd never do what I do today. Still, it feels good being a good person and receiving compliments for having talents that are off good use in daily life. It's one off the best feelings. I have a big urge to proove myself. There's no doubt about that. I think in the base, I'm not a bad person. Just irrelogic and driven by my urge to be good and true to people. If some wouldn't have been so nasty towards me, or without my own anger from the past, I would have never tried to proove myself as a truly good person to a new audience. Without it I would have been just like most people somewhere in the middle but maybe a bit cranky at times. There's nothing wrong with that, I just wouldn't have been as good. 

It's a whole lot to think about. Mabon, the Pagan period off balancing light and darkness out, is a perfect period to overthink such topics. It's around the 21st off September at the official start off Autumn and I'm already buisy overthinking issues and trying to balance them out. I work pre to dates and I plan ahead with a lot off things but maybe it's a matter that needs time to be worked out in me. And that's why I'm onto it already. I believe I already have done a lot off work into that field this month.

Allright, that's about it - 

Thank you for reading.