Good afternoon at the 24th off September, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

This morning started cloudy, but now it's sunny. It's cold outside though. The weather has changed for the cold season. 

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I'm doing a bit hard with the term 'meaning.' I find it hard to give meaning to my life and it's emptiness these years make me a bit depressed. Maybe I'm not looking around good enough. I live a good standard to a point where it's comfortable. But I'm not short on anything, I just find life meaningless most off the time. I can't travel far or go to fun places or even the beach for an autumn beachwalk with my feet in the water- which makes it a bit hard and empty. I'm still stuck with my foot in walking plaster. I can't stand on my feet for too long, though it doesn't hurt untill I mention at some point I have been standing on it a bit long, and it starts to hurt a little. Just a little. Still, bein stuck around the house isn't fun but that foot isn't my main issue. Life just seems empty at this moment. 

I'm slowly getting used to medication changes, though it's hard. I still feel uneasy with it but I can't reach out to the psychic health office since they don't answer the phone. I should try again on Monday but I have tried three days in a row previous week and no one answered. That's no professional service. 

I mention I'm more sensitive for crowdedness and I feel I overwork myself far more easily with this change off medication. Overprickled. And it happens very easy so I have to be very carefull with myself. I go to bed very early and usually I sleep untill short before my alarm at 8.00 AM. (Each morning, also on Sundays. Medication has to take place each day at 9.00 AM.) I'm that tired each night and I take Lorazepame on an earlier time, which means I have to sleep early to make use off it's benefits. I have to say I feel better rested each day for sleeping that long. But it's a bit early I go to bed. (Also in weekends. Medication has no scheldue and I have to take it each day.) In the beginning, medication change felt harder on me since it really made my head hurt and uneasy. It's still uneasy, but it's clearing up a bit.  

I won't get myself on a vacation if I have to live like this, and downtown is even too hard when I'm this easily overprickled. I should be glad life goes by slow and easy, but it's also incredibly boring. I just believe I have no choice but taking it easy. 

A positive thing, is that I started to care again about being groomed since I lowered Pallyperidone. I can bring up the energy to take care off myself again and care for skin cream and brushing my teeth again. I order products for that online, since I can't go shopping for it. It's good for me to pamper myself again, especially since the cold season has started. I still don't wear make-up, only every so often and it's barely. But at least I don't feel like a slunge anymore since I have adapted a beauty ritual each morning and evening. They say about that that my future self will be gratefull about that. Take good care off yourself, your future self will be gratefull for it. I finally feel like I do a good job about it. (I used to do hard with it and it's a trait that comes with mental health to slack when it comes to self-care. I start to think it's been due to medication I did so.) I personally think it's important to take good care off yourself, groom yourself and stay fresh. I hated it when I slacked. It's something that didn't suit me. 

I still have to shower with help, but I can pick my own clothes and walk to the dresser to put on my favourite scent. It doesn't depend on caretakers anymore to get my clothes since I can walk around again with walking plaster. It's just that it has to stay dry and it feels filthy and sweaty after a week. I have to wear a plastic bag around it when I shower. I have to deal with it for three more weeks. It's been only one week with walking plaster, it feels like months. 

And so life goes by boring and empty. I can't go anywhere soon and it's hard to find meaning in daily life around me. I still have to deal with medication changes and my foot in walking plaster. Hopefully I will find meaning again. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.