Good evening everyone,
Today was cold and gloomy. The weather has definetely changed to the cold season. Tomorrow will be autumn and the weather decided that's allright with them.
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Despite my personal advice for people not to be let themselves feel down by the war in Ukraine and it's consequences, I feel negative and down myself but not because off Putin. I feel so negative due to my broken ankle, and it's so freezingly cold at night at once, and I'm on a medication change. I've looked it up again and this medication is not known for depression to be a side effect. It must be my broken ankle. I wish I felt better on the inside. It's so dark and depressing at the moment and I just wish I had a spark to re-live myself again. I could be positive over my mom to have visited, for the government to help us through the crisis, and over to have acces to Netflix and owning a smart TV which allows me to watch Netflix on it. I also received a parcel with nice luxurious skin cream (And other beauty products) which is a necessity during the cold months, but it's hard to see the light despite all off the above. I feel cranky and negative at this moment. It's not usuall for me to feel so negative. Usually I keep on seeing the positive in my life, despite it can be really bad. It's probably my broken ankle. When energy bill compensation from the government is here, I will turn on the central heathing again and allow myself warmth in the house. This night I've slept under an extra blanket.
Usually I'm an 'The glass isn't as half as empty as it seems.' person. Not a 'The glass is half full.' - thinker since I tend to be realistic when I'm not delusional. It's just that it seems so dark and cold these weeks. Despite mom to have visited. Even the memory off us having a great afternoon in my home with coffee, a pastry and lunch watching 'prinsjesdag.' on TV couldn't cheer me up. Maybe it's dark magic which causes me to be this negative. Often they do that to teach me a lesson. I might have been too optimistic about people not to be let down by the war in Ukraine. I truly suspect them to cause that on me. Since they hate me and do so often when I try something good.
And then there are people who always feel like this. So dark, cranky and negative. I'm glad I'm not one off them. I suspect this to be temporary and fade once I feel better. It's probably also the feeling off not being capable to go somewhere with a broken ankle and medication change these weeks. I'm bound to home again. I'm usually bound to this place. That's not a bad thing since it's a good home and I made it cozy. But now I'm forced to stay here due to issues beyond my might which happen to me. It's so depressing. Maybe I will get over with it once I'm off off that walking plaster. The weather circumstances are somewhat overruling me these weeks. I feel I'm a bit unprepared for them and that also feeds the crank. Tonight and tomorrow night will be stone cold according to the forecasts. I just hope The Netherlands is rich enough to compensate everything that will befall us during the war in Ukraine. For a longer period off time, but what I've seen on TV hopefully works. Maybe a warm home will do good against my crankyness. They start with it in November.
Later:
I have been to the medication office and talked it over with a care-taker. She said it's allright not to feel allright sometimes, and that that happens and that it passes. She also adviced me to put on central heathing again for my mental well-being sake and that it could be the change off weather I'm sensitive for. (I am sensitive for change in the weather and temperatures.) So my central heathing is on again this night. I'm not very politically correct with it, but at least the house is warm tonight. I should take her advice. Sometimes it's allright not to feel allright and sometimes that just happens.
Allright, that's about it-
Thank you for reading.
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