Good evening everyone,
Today was the perfect sunny fall day with sunshine and pretty autumn lights.
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Yesterday was for preparing perfect vegetable soup, and the entire pot was empty. I made four litres off soup, but de Boed is usually crowdy when I make soup, and all off them wanted to be there again when I peformed my act and have a bowl or two off it. They really wanted a bowl off my 'return off the Soupqueen.' soup. (I got nicknamed 'The Soupqueen'.) It makes me proud I have been keeping up with it for two years now. I could perfectly manage to stand on my feet while preparing the soup. After a while they made me sit down because they thought I was on my feet for too long, but my foot didn't hurt at all. I believe the Soupqueen really has returned this week, for more fresh comforting soup for my loving crowd. It's such a compliment to be that appreciated each week.
I got the advice from a caretaker to ignore the news. I really got upset with all the news about the war and the economy these months and it's a real life event. It's not something just in my mind and it stresses me out to think off it. Stress is killing for mental patients. It's about subjects I'm sensitive about: war, and poverty. Poverty has been a trauma off mine I was almost over with, and now entire Europe has to deal with it. Including me. Groceries where expensive this week and I'm on governmental wages since I'm permanently mentally sick. My wages are increasing in November, due to the national plan to safe people from getting bankrupt.
It's just that this is drama and pain over old wounds and even more wounds on top off it. When I was young I wasn't already allowed to live in a warm home because off the energy bill, and now it repeats itself. Still it somewhat feels as if I have been prepared for this situation my entire life. I'm not rolling in the deep like most people. I haven't been a rich teen in my youth since I could never manage to find a job, still I saved money with the little income I had. I remember classmates showing off what they bought on their weekly shopping trips, about cars they owned or vacations they had been on, wearing tons off expensive clothes and make-up. And then there was ordinairy poor old me who had only one pair off boots, an old Eastpack instead off a fancy handbag and no phone at all. I barely wore make-up back in the days because that was too expensive. I still don't wear foundation on a daily base and I used to be more fat than they where. Because the entire school was superficial, I got called a 'pot.' ('Lesbian.') by some. I also used to wear cheap glasses. I know what it's like when other people have more than you do and when that hurts. Out off rebellion, I prefered comfy sweaters and easy going clothes over what they wore. Which even insisted more off me being a lesbian. Untill after traineeship at the government I got considered ugly by most.
I try to avoid being a show off with what I still do have to people who are doing even worse than me. Nowadays I still don't wear expensive clothes or big brands, I do have a lot compared to the average person here, but compared to people from back in the days it's still not much. But this is a workers city build on the blood and sweat off ordinairy people, with a heart off gold. It's not much off the glamour off the city I went to school and the village I used to live. Most people here are poor, have health problems but they lend you a hand when you need them. And probably do very hard with the groceries and the energy bills.
To avoid sticking out their eyes, I try not to look too expensive when it comes to appearance. I own a wardrobe full off clothes perfect for a repeat this year, I don't wear make-up on a daily base, my hair is undyed and I do my own manicures with nailpolish that's still 'on the shelves.' Every often I wear a mascara and a nude lipstick when I feel like it, but that's mainly about it these days. I simply can't set myself to more. I do try to be clean and washed, and I decided to wear a rich skincream against winterface this year and a nice lipbalm. Still that's about it and I only pluck my browbone and make sure my chin is shaved off unwanted hairs. I own one scent that's my favourite which I wear all the time, but that's it when it comes to scents. Still, people think I come off as a whole lot off something.
I've learned about beauty it sometimes depends on where you are and who you ask how they see you. I still own more than what I show off to people but I'm fine with that since I slack at beauty, but I also don't want to give the impression off a painted doll who thinks she is more than them. That would be inappropriate for this place. Still, despite it all, They say I have 'such a nice face.' which says something about my natural beauty in their eyes. But I'm lucky with that. The norm for female patients is little to no make-up. I have a major depression about my looks and I slack with it, and now I don't I simply refuse to wear make-up every day. So it's no big deal for me. I got a bit outside the book with nailpolish this evening. But I still had it in my drawer, so it hasn't been a recent investment. I think I can get away with it, since they polish their nails at de Boed, too. (They have a basket with nailpolish with shared bottles off nailpolish which is applied by a caretaker if they have time for it. It's something most off them are gratefull for. ) Going round with nailpolish isn't over the top luxury, despite it to be my own. I hope to look nice and pretty on an acceptable level. Which is moderate when you go to de Boed. (I only go to de Boed these days, or grocery shopping with the shopping van. I don't go anywhere else with what I've got) No make-up has become something I'm very comfortable with ever since I stopped wearing it daily.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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