Good evening everyone,
Today was sunny and warm for a September day. Though you can feel the air is more humid and dense and it differs from August. It's warm, but it's close to autumn.
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I feel less tired and wasted than yesterday. I've been at de Boed and had morning coffee with them. I did some grocery shopping and had lunch at the touristic side off this village, near the bridge to de Zaanse Schans. I enjoyed being out in the sun and watching tourists passing by, and having great sandwiches. After lunch I went home and had some rest, then went to the good-bye off a caretaker who is going to work in Portugal the next year. I didn't have the chance to share MonChou cake and they told me to hand it tomorrow since they allready had treats from the good-bye. So tomorrow it is. The rest off the day went by calm, and I even had the chance to help doing the dishes this evening after our sober dinner. (Potatoes, vegetables and meat) So tomorrow is for sharing MonChou cake at de Boed, a small community centre in Zaandijk, the Netherlands.
Often I don't do the dishes but the caretakers who worked this evening asked me quite forcefully so I agreed. (They're overrulling) Despite that, I feel less drained this evening than usuall. But it's still a large step on a small path to lower Palliperidone. I feel a bit more negative in my head than usuall. More fears and more negative thoughts. If one thing, Medication can make you feel high and that works to stay positive. The negativity and the fears creep up again now I'm lowering in big steps. I hope I can take it. On the other side, I feel less drained and a bit more energetic this evening. I do hard sleeping in, though. But that's not news. I have a habbit off sleeping bad. I hope it doesn't go back to the level off previous winter, where bad sleep was a serious issue. Still, it's only day 2 off medication enlowering and I have to take it easy for my wellbeing.
Sometimes it sucks being poor and sick. I just hope christmas this year will be nice but I doubt about it with all people getting in trouble over paychecks for gas and the supermarket prices being so high. I would like to have a nice christmas this year, but with all those high prices there isn't much to celebrate I think. I just think it sucks for the government to come up with a plan starting January. We need it earlier on to survive. I don't know the source off the upside down flags (Farmers hang the Dutch flag upside down as a statement against the government.) from the farmer protest actions, but I would almost hang it myself as a symbol against the government. Two streets ahead in the poor area off Zaandijk, I saw two off them being out at two houses. People are sick off this government. There are a lot off people who are sick off the government nowadays. The upside down flag is a widespread statement against it. I just don't know if it works, and my mom who has been in the millitairy (She's been a sailor in the navy.) hates the idea off an upside down flag as she told us it stands for something when you serve. Mom has been the first female sailor in the world in 1982. It's something to be proud off. Though she just hates the right-winged government. She is left-winged in her political vieuws.
I have always been somewhat off a rebel and if I wouldn't suspect the upside down flag to be linked to extreme right politics, I would have somehow agreed with it's statement. You hear a lot off millitairy people to hate the upside down flag. Still it's widely hang out at street lights and people who personally have nothing to do with farming hang it as a statement. I'm glad we live in a free country where you can protest against the government when it's needed.
That's still a protected right. We still got that right. Let's hope we keep it that way.
All I can do at the moment is feel with the people who downright suffer from groceries being so expensive and gas prices being through the roof. I can't save them, but I feel with it a lot since I know what it's like to be poor all the time and a lot off people go through that. (I never have been rich, from 16 on I have known poverty and not being capable to do what the others do.) Money has been an issue in my life as long as I can remember. I'm thankfull I have an accountant who keeps track off my income and I don't have to pay gas prices. I live in a care home and the organisation where I live does that for me. I'm afraid people's christmasses or Sinterklaas will be in danger the next half a year. I hate the idea.
And I decided to watch my central heating this year and not turn it on too high in winter. We don't want to support Putin in his war machine. So a little more sober with warmth and to symphatize with those who really can't turn on the heath, isn't a too bad idea. As far as that goes- it's a warm September so I'm lucky with it. Maybe I'll turn on the heath moderately in December not to freeze, I'm a human being after all, but I won't turn it on at full warmth mode. There has been a time in my youth where mom was poor after dad died and we already had to live with just 19 degrees celsius at daytime, and 16 at night. I know what it's like to be cold in your own home and sleep under a pile off blankets with sweaters on in winter. I was 20 / 21 at that time and it was hard. I have known poverty for a while early in the days. I'm 30 now and again we can't be warm in winter. My family goes by well, They still don't turn on the heath very high in their home. Due to re-marriage my mom has been saved. She could turn on the heathing if she wanted to, but she's still saving energy and the government probably likes that. they advertise about keeping the central heathing low this winter and showering less. I don't shower every day so I hope it's forgiven I still shower a regulair time instead off short. And I can't say I'm used to cold homes since I moved out to protected living a long time ago where I can turn on the heath to my liking. Still, to sympathize with Ukraine I can do it. I live on myself, but I can't say I fell on a soft pillow. I live in a small home with little space and bad foods where I have to live. At first I had more luxury before I lived here, but that didn't last and now I have to deal with a poor lifestyle just like most average people today.
Today there was no need to put on central heathing at all. It was warm outside and I rather need a fan instead off central heathing. Maybe october will be warmer than usuall too, Still I hate the idea off the holidays and children's presents being in danger over gas and food prices. I foresee people hanging on to the traditional and old fashioned styles during this christmas. Styles they are familiair with and probably provided by their moms. This is a year where the classics are on a pedestal. To soften edges, people probably wish to see that. It's what they're familliair with and that feels safe. It's no time and space for artistic renewal this year. There is no money for that simply said. I foresee the old fashioned christmas angels and even the Dickens period being favourite on christmas cards. I have to buy new christmas cards this year. I have the feeling I'm going to look for affordable cards with a more modern twist. Suitable for this year? I don't think so. Food and styles are hanging to beloved classics this year. I wish to stick out my head so I'm probably to be found daring and a bit stupid by some. As long as I don't spend too much money on it, I hope people won't hate on it too much. Maybe I should go for something with a cute drawing on it that's not too flashy. Something innocent and timeless looking. People are likely to throw away christmas cards anyway. So if it's not too decadent, I'd probably get away with it. (Even I prefer to play safe with christmas cards this year.) It's only September and I'm already worrying about christmas cards. I should keep the average vieuw in mind this period and not do something too daring, still something fun. I'll just see what I can get at Kruidvat's for a bottom euro. Let's keep it at that. Let's see if I can get myself to the shops anyway this year given my medication changes. (Let's not pretend to die all the time to begin with... that's not fun to read on a blog) I think I'm going to picture one off my cards and upload it on here. To send a virtual christmas card to all off my readers.
Christmas is probably going to be one hell off a period for those who can't afford this year. My thoughts are with you.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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